West Side Stage...Confusion Stage

We are proud to announce yet another generous act from the community. On Friday November 2, 2007 the Lee's Summit West Theatrical Department, West Side Stage, is dedicating a performance to my daughter. The Comedy of Errors will be this Friday at Lee's Summit West High School. The performance will begin at 7:30. Everyone is invited and I encourage all to attend.

Thank you to Mr.Martin and all the kids who voted to donate the nights performance to Kaylee. We are honored and touched by your thoughtful generosity. I can't explain the warm feeling I got when Mr.Martin said all the kids wanted to honor one of their own. We thank you.

I have to admit that I've been overwhelmed and a bit slow lately. My thank you cards are delayed again. I also must confess that the kindness has made me somewhat confused. I appreciate everything, but foreign to the receiving part. It's a stage or phase I'm told, but I don't know how to react to the kindness being tossed from every direction.

Sometimes I feel like a failure if I accept the giving. I'm asking people to donate their blood (Thank You Again for taking that huge needle!), drive to our benefits (Sorry about gas prices), and buy our t-shirts (Hope that large was a true large). Everything has been put together by kind people, but If I accept cards with money and benefits what does that say about me. Does it make me a failure? Do people say that poor Kaylee Quijas? Do we fall in the indigent category?

We are not indigent and we are not begging. We are just an average family who has hit some tough times. We have been out of whack but are climbing back. Every one's generosity is greatly appreciated and has helped us tremendously. I guarantee everyone reading that I will pay it forward to that next family that needs help.

This blog will be one that I will regret in the morning. But I want everyone to know that my slow response to emails and phone calls has been due to my confusion over this embarrassing issue. I want to protect my family and I want all of us to hold our head high. I want no regrets after we get through this. Please forgive me If I've put our problems on you. Thank You!

Surreal...

I've been sitting here for the longest time trying to come up with a title of a blog. I googled Kaylee Quijas and found my daughter on a site, one I haven't heard of. It was a video I submitted to youtube. Well, I pushed play and there she was. Surreal.

I wonder how Kay views herself when she googles, if she googles. I think it is so surreal watching my child. She would pass on the exposure if it meant she was cured. But if it was only that easy. Kaylee looks good

Thanks Again...

To everyone that came out to the blood drive, Thank You. We received 71 bags of blood and it was a complete success. I enjoyed seeing everyone and those that I missed I apologize.

It was so nice sitting with Bailee Woods and her family. Bailee is battling leukemia and she is also from Lee's Summit. Bailee is 15, the same age as my little girl. After it was all over we sat and talked family to family. We have so much in common, I feel blessed we have them. Our two girls have so much in common that having each other is a gift. I wouldn't wish cancer on anyone but to have that person Kaylee can talk to is priceless.

Our life is connected to Children's Mercy and so is the Woods'. We know the same nurses and doctors. We know the food, the protocol, and the routine. I compare our relationship to walking through the woods at night without a flash light. Doing by yourself is scary, but knowing you have someone else in those woods is comforting. I'm not sure if that makes much sense but its my comparison. We are just waiting for day light so we know exactly where we are going.

Once again, Thank You. Our fight started over four months ago. We did some rough math and figured Kay has used somewhere between 16-32 bags of blood. Sixteen weeks and 1-2 bags of blood a week = 32 bags. So you can see how important 71 bags of life can be to a family like ours. Keep in mind that your time and donation can save a life. We know because we live it.

If anyone needs any info on blood drives, or if you need to talk to me feel free to email me at michael@inadtv.com .

Where was I before?...

I'm having problems with God. I feel so guilty begging God to spare my child from this pain & suffering. He is so busy and gets so many solicitations that I'm not sure I'll get heard. Crazy? I know it but I can't help my feelings.

Why wasn't I worried about prayer before? All of a sudden I'm pleading, begging, and shouting for mercy. Where was I before? I pray but I so want god to hear me. Is he busy today? Will he get my message? Does he know how much I love my little girl? He lost his beloved son, why would he make me go through the same?

I start my prayers the same. God, I need a favor. Maybe some of you out there might say I'm starting the prayer out wrong but I just want him to know what a great creation he made when he produced Kaylee. I'm a proud parent, but I honestly feel Kay is special. She is such a kind and caring person. I've never seen any ill will actions ever. I'm so proud that I am her father.

I have a favor to ask. If anyone has the direct line or has a personal connection to God please pass on the following message. There is an awesome child located in Lee's Summit, MO who desperately needs help. We want strength, faith, and courage during these trying times. We are being tested and our fuel runs low at times. If we could get some back up reserves and a little healing we would greatly appreciate it. Thank you.

Tied...

We dodged a bullet today. Kaylee's platelets were too low so they sent us home. We get to relax for a week and then we check back in next week. We are so happy. I wanted Kaylee to get a rest. We are tied at the hands but it's a knot I won't try to untie. I want a rest. Selfish maybe. But if you saw the damage this dose of chemo does, you'd feel the same way.

I had to take a break from writing this last week. I was writing all night and it was effecting my mornings. I love to write but I would start and couldn't stop. Problem. But I guess there are worst things I could be doing. I enjoy my hobbies. I should video tape my nights. I break apart video screens and come up with different applications for them. I'm up all night some days coming up with new stuff. I think I would title it "How to stay sane when diagnosed with Cancer" It wouldn't be entirely true. I didn't get cancer but it feels like it sometimes.

I'm glad Kaylee got sick at home. I'm glad Kay doesn't have a family or a job right know. It would be devastation if she was raising her family. Devastation might be a strong word but it would be harder. I get the satisfaction of nursing my child back to health. I don't think there's any comparison to a parent making you feel good. A mothers touch or a fathers protection is priceless. So again I have to find good in all of this. Goodnight and have a great day tomorrow.

Until Tomorrow…

I can't tell you where we go from here. Hopefully it's complete health and back to a normal routine. Kaylee has several more admissions and two years of treatment. I wanted to share our day and our journey with everyone but more importantly I want Kaylee to know what we went through. I'm certain she will not forget it but I wanted to document the Behind the Scenes aspect. She knows dad for being dad, and not the scared parent, the hurt man, or the confused being. So thank you for taking in a snap shot of our lives and our battle.

I cannot begin to tell you the shock, disbelief, or hurt that comes with the words CANCER. Throw in CHILD and CANCER and you melt. Maybe someone will read my story and realize that they are not alone. I felt alone and I felt like I was blazing trails no others had before. But that isn't the case. There have been others before me and unfortunately there will be others after me.

Keep your faith in whatever you find faith in. Realize there is help & hope and be healthy. I had to see a doctor for sleep depravation, depression, and anxiety. So seek help if needed and talk. If writing a blog gets you through it then do it. I am not shy to say that I had to try several different avenues but writing was just right. The fog sets in but starts to disappear shortly after. There is no manuscript on how to react or cope. But realize that there are countless others who have battled and are willing to help.

Lets Do It Again...

Hello. How are you? I'm doing good, thank you. We are at our four month mark. It has been four months and that is good. We admit into the hospital tomorrow. It's for the ugly chemo. I believe we will be there for 4-5 days.

This stuff we are taking is very strong and has the potential to make you very sick. We know first hand. It tore our daughter to pieces last week. She has been feeling good so it almost makes you sick that we have to be the ones driving her to her appointment with sickness. I guess someone has to take her. But I wish it wasn't me. I want to bypass Children's Mercy and head to the Great Wolf Lodge. Wishful thinking.

We have this weekend to deal with and then she has two more stays and we move into maintenance. That is a less frequent treatment program. We monitor the cancer to see if it reoccurs. I pray she gets it out of her system. That's the worst fear for me. Having a flair up and starting this all over. It's out of our hands and I can't worry about future what ifs.

I'm happy to be hanging with the family. We do everything together and it is fun. Smelling the rose's is good. My priorities have changed. I wish the best for me in all aspects of life but some are less important now then four months ago. Is that bad? I don't think so because I'm having my eyes opened to what matters. God, health, family, friends and livelihood have a certain harmony. I appreciate the whole list but find some more important.

Who cares. I hope our visit turns out good and I look forward seeing everyone Saturday at Gail's Harley. I will be there most of the day but might switch shifts so Tammie can come. Please remember to include Kay in your prayers.

I Am Dad

I'm writing a book. My blog. It is titled "one-20" one hundred 20 days, one hundred 20 chapters. It is a copy of my blog in hard copy. Maybe I'll find a market. Any suggestions?

I will write books, I will draw pictures, I will sing songs. I'll make sure my daughter is taken care of. I am Dad.

Hey There...

Hello Family, Friends, and Neighbors. It's me and I'm back. I stopped with the computer, phone, and appearances the last few days. I spent the entire weekend with my family. It was relaxing and beautiful. Friday we went to Kansas, Heritage Park, for a baseball tournament. We played at 7 or 8 PM, I can't remember. But Kay went and watched. We had an awesome family weekend. Bubba won the MVP Award at the Friday game and we left with a win and a metal. Saturday was baseball at Mid-America Park and our play wasn't the same as the night before. We lost, but Kay traveled again. It was a hike to the fields. We took a ride back to the car on a golf cart. It was a far walk and the dust, wind, and walk made Kaylee tired. She won't admit it but the ride was a pleasant one. Kay riding between two fat guys in a cart never felt sooo right.

I can't tell you the change in Kaylee. Once that chemo wore off it was like night and day. We were bedridden on Thursday, and cheering on Friday. Freaky. I felt so much love for my family this weekend. It's strange. I say strange because it's moments and situations like these that make you appreciate the battle we're fighting. I can't say that I would be so full of love if it wasn't for the cancer. I look at my family and myself and love everything about us. I love our story, our journey, and our strength. We are fighting daily and coming together so strong that I'm proud of Kaylee, Tammie, and Christian. I'm proud of me. I used to look at my kids and feel sympathy for them because they had me as a dad.

I go for dreams and take chances that most individuals wouldn't or couldn't. I believe I can do anything. Scary but true. I sometimes wonder what the kids think of me. I've always had a business going. I hustle and make our living. I don't travel to work at the same hours as those other parents. We've sacrificed vacations or simple outings because I couldn't afford it. I've made decisions at times on the philosophy that we might have to live our life a few years like most people won't, so that we can spend the rest of our life like most people can't.

I'm finding the blessings inside. My kids come up with inventions or ideas that most others wouldn't. That comes directly from me. I've rubbed off on them. They have their own little creations and endeavors. I am an influence. I've helped shape those kids. They think they can do anything. It's that dream. So I think I'm lucky to have my entrepreneurship spirit. My talents are a blessing. So what can you do? I am who I am, I have a story like so many others and I'm coming to grips with me.

My family is so important. I can't really tell you the last time we had such a great weekend. Our pre-cancer days were the same. If we went out of town I always had one who didn't want to be there. We would fight. Things would always get pissy. But things are different. We actually enjoy our time together. All of us, the teenager thing is gone, the grippy little brother thing is gone, and the fighting parents are gone. The thing that isn't gone is our family. So until someone tells me otherwise I'm going to enjoy the time I get with my family, I'm going to smell the day differently, and I'm going to count my blessings and I encourage you to do the same. You never know what tomorrow holds for you.

Dolce & Gabbana

So I haven't written a blog in days and now I'm knocking out two in minutes. A quick story. I went shopping for perfume today. Kaylee wanted Dolce & Gabbana, Light Blue. So I went to Macy's and found the Fragrance Department. I was picking out my purchase and had a moment. I was getting perfume for a child that wants to feel good. She could have worked me for a new phone, ipod, or computer but she wanted perfume. She wants to smell good. She wants to look good. And she wants to feel better. What a moment.

I never want any of you to feel it. I'm sorry, I want no one to go to Macy's and purchase their fifteen year old daughter, who is battling cancer, a bottle of Light Blue. It was special but avoid it, believe me!

So back to the story and back to a blog I wrote some time ago. I'm going to the cashier with my deluxe box that carries perfume, lotion, shower gel, and an on-the-go bottle. Little bitty bottle. I give the box to the cashier and start crying. Crying, again! In public. The lady takes my box and noticing my teared up eyes, asks "who's the present for?" I tell her and she says "I feel your pain, my twenty one year old son passed away three years ago from Cystic Fibrosis."

I wiped my tears and we had a moment. Then I walked out thinking what that mother told me on the cancer floor at Children's Mercy Hospital. "No matter how bad your story is, someone has a worse one."

My prayers are with you.

Test Results Are Back...

Our beloved dog has cancer. He was operated on two weeks ago and the test results from the tumor are cancerous. Aggressive was the word the doctor used. I found out Saturday, we told Christian on Sunday. I'm not sure of the time. We wanted to wait until baseball was over to drop the news on Christian, he was positive and optimistic about our dogs future. We hope the doctor got the tumor and it doesn't reappear.

I couldn't believe it when they told me. But I wasn't completely surprised. Since getting floored with news of my daughter nothing surprises me. I feel terrible but what do you do? I'm concerned about Christian and his ability to deal with his sister and his dog. Tough. We'll wait and see whats to become of our dog.

But can you believe it? Two cancer discussions in one household. An incredibly bad household if you want to dodge bad news. Besides the bad news our weekend was spectacular, I'll keep you posted on Garths condition.

A Dime A Dozen...

When I started writing this I had no idea what a blog was. I started writing in word and it evolved into a blog. I have have several different sites that run my blog. I look and see if anyone reads it occasionally, well more then occasionally. I have big numbers some days and low the next. But people read my blog.

Brad Gaddy called me on Friday and said "How's Kaylee? Is she home from the hospital?" I felt so honored. This friend from years past knows my child. He hasn't seen me in years but he knows my daughter. He hasn't met her or should I say he hasn't met her in person. He knows her from the blog. I've accomplished my goal. I want everyone to know her, she is so likable, pretty, intelligent, witty, interesting. I love her and you would too because she has such a sweet soul.

But when people call or write and ask "hows Kay?" it makes me feel so good. I've realized as you probably have too, that I opened our door to you. I want you to see what we are going through. Will I educate some, offend others, and make others say why? Of course. But I am for a reason. I want people to know that family and health are important. What are we if you don't have family. What becomes of us if we don't have health?

I was with a friend tonight who owns a restaurant. He has always been very wealthy. He is younger than me and always had big money. Well, his money is gone and he is going through a divorce and his new girlfriend left him. He is depressed. I looked at him tonight and told him it is OK, and he will make it. He is at a low. I grabbed him and told him that I'm not minimizing his situation but he has four healthy kids, a soon to be ex-wife who is the mother of his children who is healthy, and a girl friend who is a dime a dozen. Be happy. If money or a girlfriend is your demise then you're doing good. Both are easily replaced. One mans problems and another are just that, problems. Just because we were slapped with the cancer jab doesn't make anyone else's problems less. I just pray we get to the point that our problems are as simple as a divorce, cash, and a no good girlfriend!

Anything and Everything…

I'm trying to find interest in something. But I can't. I had this blog that occupied me and my moments but it is slowly fading. I want to jump into business, a book, a picture, poetry, a film, etc. but I have no flavor. It reminds me of my younger years when I wanted to conquer the world and had no idea where to begin. I am sick. I hope that this is on schedule with other cancer lives because it is out of the ordinary for me. I don't want to do anything but want to do everything. My mind is vacant. I want to be this part of the equation where everyone says that "Michael Quijas really pulled it together." But I'm not sure if that's the case. I can barely sleep at night. My child's health is on the line. My livelihood is on the line. My family is on the line.

Again, I write and spill my guts but I have to. I grew up with all girls and maybe that's the reason. I'm not sure. Today is a manic day.

Drift Wood or Anchor?

I've figured it out. Kaylee is looking at me different. She is looking at me as if she wants me to figure it out. This has gone on too long. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. I'm with her, this stuff sucks. She feels terrible. I'm sure its the chemo. We'll figure it out, but it might be on the professionals time table. I'm not sure what I could do differently to help out. Be strong of course, but besides good prayer, I'm lost. I wish it was something like raise a $1,000,000 in thirty days, get to point B from point A, or figure out how TV's display a picture, anything besides disease.

All those can easily be figured out, but I can't solve Leukemia in a day or week. So until I figure out the equation, I'm going to hang close to Kay and give what I can, when I can and enjoy my days and make Kaylees days enjoyable as well. Its my mission to be an anchor not a piece of drift wood. I'm sorry for being bitter and unsure of our mission. I'm back.

A Roast...

I thank everyone for attending Kaylee's Benefit on Friday. We are tired. Kay broke down tonight saying she doesn't want to go on with the treatment, the cure, or any procedures. I feel for her. I told her that I'm tired too.

I can't explain the feelings. I realized Saturday how out of place I was. I went to my reunion and I didn't fit in. I wasn't up to the elbow rubbing or the memories. My thoughts were of home and my reflections were of my past. If you knew me then you know I had lots of flaws. It doesn't matter because I grew up but it made me think of my child and her memory.

I have nerve to compare myself to Kaylee and her pain or her measurement of tiredness. Please excuse me if I make up words as I go along, but I am tired guys. Normally you would have things to look forward to but I feel empty. To see your child cry because she hurts it makes you sick. I once looked forward to the day because I would conquer this or that but I feel we are looking forward to a day that seems so far away.

I get dressed, I go to my office but I'm scared. I'm going to the office for some destination but I do no good. I'm the leader and the vision but can't muster up any of the vibrant characteristics that got me out of Rosedale,KS and where I am today. I can't think of anything but health, bills, and what ifs. I agreed with Kaylee when she said she was tired. I'm tired.

Everyone has their two-cents. I listen when they say "You have to be strong" and "its in God's hands" but it is difficult. To focus on anything but our sickness is hard. I'm bitter too. I'm never bitter. I've never looked at my situation, when I was a child, or as I grew older and said poor me. But I'm mad today.

I run TV's in restaurants and need content to put on those TV's. I made a plead to the advertising community for help with content. I wasn't going to charge anything I just wanted fresh content so I could be at ease with the service and product while I battled with my daughter. No one replied. Not any of the agencies or TV channels I've done work for. But I get an email from the ad club soliciting money for a roasting of some advertising guru. A joke. You can't throw me some free commercials so I can sit with my kiddo at a hospital. You guys suck.

I'm bitter. I will be so filthy rich and giving because of this, it will be my drive. If I owned a big ad agency I'd listen to a guy with a sick child. I would. I'm a guy with a little ad network and I'd listen today.What's your story? That's me. But maybe I'll get real big and successful and I'll solicit funds so we can roast some ad freak over dinner and fake conversation and fancy drinks. Hell with some little guy, we'll rent out an auditorium and laugh all night long about some guy who entered the ad world some thirty years ago and poke fun all night. If that's being successful then shoot me now. Hell, maybe that guy deserves a roasting and I'm mad today and will be happy tomorrow.

Forgive me Kaylee for letting this disease dictate my emotions, my thoughts, and my attitude towards others. It will be behind us soon and we'll laugh... I might even throw a roast for you.

Tell me about Kaylee...

Kaylee was released from the hospital on late Saturday evening. They got home early Sunday. Kaylee was dangerously low on potassium. I guess really low potassium levels can lead to major organ failure. I'm getting this second hand, and haven't done research on the importance of this word potassium. Hell I might be spelling it wrong.

Kaylee was also having a bloody nose that wouldn't stop. Kay is anemic. Bloody anything can be bad. So she is home and checks back in next week. We are taking a new pill for the potassium. It is the biggest pill I've ever seen. It scares Kay, big pills, because she has problems swallowing enormous pills.


Kaylee was depressed yesterday. She said she is tired. She is tired of everything. Tammie explained that she has only a short period of intense treatment left. We have 57 days left of this tortuous round of chemo. Her little hand is hurt and swollen from an IV they placed in her left hand. We normally don't recieve IV's because we have a port implanted in Kays chest. It makes it easier to access veins and administer medicine. Our port is a single port, we needed fluids combined with the single port so the doctor placed an IV in her hand. It hurt and swelled her little hand.


My insomnia is coming back, but I'm going to turn the lights off and try to sleep. Goodnight.

We Decide Our Worth...

What is the worth of my family? What is the worth of your family? Priceless, the answer to both questions. But what does your family really amount too? I had a father tell me that a child was rejected for a bone marrow transplant at Children's Mercy Hospital because they had exhausted their insurance annual spending limit. The family was traveling across the country for the transplant. A hospital had accepted them.

They were denied the procedure. A procedure that would save their child and they were denied...????? Someone can dictate the course, the life, and health of a child- a family. Scary.

So if your insurance is better then mine or your bank account is heavier should that be the deciding factor on who gets treated and who doesn't? My insurance has a capp on it. I'm so confused and ignorant about insurance that it scares me and I haven't educated myself. What if someone didn't have insurance. We lucked out, because I went months without insurance. I assumed we would be fine, just off of past experience. We never had a broken leg, or a hospital stay. We would be fine. Well something told me not to gamble the health and well being of my family off past experiences so I got insurance. In April 2007, and on June 21, 2007 we got punched in the eye with Leukemia. Lucky.

I have always lucked out. I just want to keep being lucky. So I can tell you that my family is worth any and every bit of a Rockefeller , a Gates, or a Getty. That comes straight from the appraiser, the captain, and the guy who determines my family worth. Co-pays, capps, or coverage isn't going to mark down the the value of my first days of school, anticipated birthdays, and family dinners around the table. So please understand I will write books, draw pictures, or sing songs if I have to raise a dollar or two, my kids will not do without! I'm Dad.

What Would You Do?

Click on the arrow to play, and listen to my message, it means the world to me. I have Voice Over Actors who would normally get our message across, but I had to do this one. Please forward a link to anyone you know who might donate blood. I guaranteed atleast 70 donors, I don't think that is too hard, but I need help. Go to http://www.esavealifenow.org/ and use sponsor code:gailsharley I appreciate any and all help. Thank you - MQ

One Million Dollars...

Hello friends. It's been awhile. My week has been hectic. We had a benefit for Kaylee on Friday, and my high school reunion on Saturday. My lack of sleep finally caught up with me too. So I've had a busy week and a relaxing crash the last few days.

My Thank You list is so long, but I'll start with Raoul's Velvet Room and the ZEROS. If it wasn't for them there would have been no party. My family, friends, and classmates that were in for the reunion.


I'm tired. I've been catching up on sleep. The weekend and the disease has taken its toll. You could offer me a million in cash, plane tickets, and an exotic car for just a little break. Just a week. It wouldn't help. Nothing but a clean bill of health would make me feel good. It's very hard to explain or how mentally tough it is. Kaylees health or nothing. I am so tired for Kay and the family.

I'm not feeling the writing thing tonight. Please excuse me. Talk with you tomorrow. Goodnight.

The Unknown...

Kaylee checked into Children's Mercy Hospital this afternoon. We arrived at 12:17 PM, seventeen minutes late. My fault. I was running late so everyone ran late. My apologies Mercy Hospital.

Kaylee is doing a chemo that is monitored. I am not sure about the details, but she can go home once it leaves her system. They flush it out with fluids and folic acid? I came up short on the medical degree but I do recall that's what they said. Don't hold me to it and don't try to administer chemo with my directions.

The nurse told us its hard to say when we'll get out, each kid is different. We pray it will be Friday or Saturday. I'm going to bet Kay gets out Friday, she is a fighter. I hope Tammie will be able to attend the functions this weekend. She is looking forward to seeing everyone. But she said she's going to pass if Kay feels sick, at all. We will see.

The dog is fine but has a 5" incision on his back. He looked at me this morning with confusion as I walked out of the vet office. I wonder what he thought. I know what I thought but more importantly -what I felt. I felt sickness. Sick to my stomach as I drove off and left another member of my family. I love my dog, and I love my family. I'm sick of doctor visits, admissions, and the vet. I'm tired. I'm tired of the unknowns. I can't explain my unknowns or I'm not sure if I'd want to, but they're there.

I can't concentrate or get consumed with what ifs or unknowns. But they are closer and more of a reality then ever before. When I went out last night Tammie told me to be careful. Be careful. I never really knew what she meant when she said that. Now I do. Tragedy can strike anyone at anytime. I'm worried about suffering. I worry how my son would feel if Garth becomes ill, how Tammie would react if I was injured, or how Kaylee would react if her moms healing hands weren't working.

My personal unknowns are:

1. If I could walk into this house if I ever lost one of my loved ones.

2. If I'd be able to drive a car again if I didn't have that smiley face sitting shotgun.

3. If I could listen to music again without hearing my favorite voices in the background

I'm terrified of my unknowns...

Fragile...

I realized something last night. Our existance

It's Almost A Country Song...

Its late, 3:17 AM. I went and had a couple of beers tonight with my good friend Justin Murray. We did the math tonight and realized we've been friends for 31 years. A long and priceless relationship.

I got home and the house is very clean. There are bags of grocery's everywhere. Well, not every where but on the counter tops. Bags are packed, magazines, ipods, and computers are ready to go. We are checking into the hospital tomorrow. Kay went shopping to stock her room with snacks, soups, and goodies while she is away from home. We are packed as if the bus were departing to Vail, CO bright and early. Its not Vail but Children's Mercy Hospital.

When I came home today and noticed the clean house I thanked Tammie. She looked at me and said "this house better not be dirty when I come home!" Again, its Tammie's strong attitude that gets us through. There will be no unexpected problems, our stay will be uneventful, and routine. That's how Tammie views it. So I will follow her lead and take her stance. Uneventful & a routine admission. All I have to worry about is keeping the house clean. Simple.

I have to be at the vet at 7:00 AM. Garth, our dog, has a tumor on his back and is scheduled for surgery. He is ten and very big. We pray that his tumor isn't cancerous. I can't keep up with this cancer. My daughter, my dog, and it's almost a country song!

Hands Down...

Welcome back friends & family. I am going to have a good day. I am leaving for the office and will think only positive thoughts today. No wishing illness on anyone today, no emotional break downs, and only happy thoughts. We are checking back in the hospital tomorrow, so I might have to do something special for the family tonight.

I was looking at Tammie's hands last night and noticed her nails haven't been done in months. After further review, I noticed her hands were dry. I asked why they were so dry and she said it was from the germicide hand stuff. She has her sanitizer at all times. Everything she touches, she sanitizes. Her involvement and care of Kaylee means she has to be very careful of germs and infection. She advised me that lotion wasn't working and clean hands were more important then dry hands. Interesting. Her nails aren't important because she is working. Working on getting Kaylee better. So I have to say that her set of hands are the most important tool I have these days. Those hands might be dry, but they're healing and comforting. Just a few months ago, Tammie was worried about nails, fills, and polish. Now we're just worried about temps, fevers, and sanitizer. Hands down, Tammie is my hero today!

2:17 AM

Its late and we're all up, except Christian, of course.

23.75 Hours

I was sad all day today. I couldn't shake-it. It started the moment I woke up. I had an anxiety feel all day, I cried several times, and hurt sooooo badly for my kid. I can't explain the emotions. If you as ask me how Kaylee is, I'll tell you "Doing just fine." But she isn't. She is sick and looks unlike she did just a few months ago. No words can explain this thing. This ugly thing.


My child lives in her room 23.75 hours a day. She has lost so much weight that her fifteen year old legs resemble those when she was 7-8 years old. Again, this is our reality and we have to deal with it. You become immune to the situation and deal with it because you have no choice. It is what it is. But some days it breaks your heart. I don't want her to go through this. I wish it wasn't her. I'm trying to be polite, but I wish it was someone else. That sounds soooooooo bad but it is my thoughts today. I went through the stage where I said I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but today I wish it was anyone but her. Please forgive me.


I feel blessed that we are done with those first days. Scary shit. I'm glad we are in a routine stage, but are we really? I'm not sure. This is 3 1/2 months old,and still new. I'm glad we are at home. I love my kid.

Kaylee gets admitted on Wednesday for 2 days. She is going through a tough dose of chemo. I'm scared any time they admit for chemo. That means they're aware that this is serious poison. She has to be monitored. Our week will be spent in the hospital come Wed. morning and we'll get out Friday or Saturday. I hope Tammie can go to the Reunion on Saturday. We hope Kay feels fine on Saturday. We'll see.

I guess I wanted to explain how difficult it is seeing your child sick. Why, I'm not sure or maybe someone reading tonight will realize that it's not so bad at their house. I'm not saying we're not going to get upset when someone leaves their underwear on the floor or wet towel on the bed, but it really isn't enough to get real worked up about. So if you go to bed mad tonight because of homework issue's or dirty dishes just remember that things could be worse and there could bigger problems on your plate.

It dawned on me today that this is like a constant flu. The only bad thing is it never leaves. Weak. Sick. Pain. Weak. Sick. Pain. So unlike the flu or headache that leaves in a week or two, we start each day the same as before. It is a slow process. But I guess you have to be positive and realize we are one day closer to our health, but that is hard to see sometimes.

Shampoo & Conditioner

That Donnie and Marie picture is killing me. I'm not going to pull the pic, but it is so corny. That Donnie and Marie are so squeaky clean it hurts. So please excuse my pic, I'm going to write a few blogs to move that blog down the list so I don't have to look at that sweet duo anymore.

I was showering this morning and noticed all the labels pulled off the bottles of shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and facial scrub. Thank you son. They've been that way for a week now, but I really noticed this morning. Hell, I'm not sure if I haven't been washing my hair with facial scrub and cleaning my face with conditioner.

I smiled, today, when I looked down and noticed all the labels pasted on the shower wall. I left them and assume Tammie did too because they were situated so nicely. A week ago I was angry over it, I had no idea what bottle was what. Today who cares.

Christian is so cute. I told him not to do that again because I'm not sure what I'm cleaning with, and he looked at me, straight in the eye, and said "what color bottle are you using?" He memorized the bottles, the colors, and the products. He forgot to share the info with me.

Christian shared a bathroom with Kaylee, but since her illness he moved into my bathroom. He is a typical guy. He leaves his underwear on the ground, his towel on the floor, and tooth paste on the counter. I guess I have a new found respect for Tammie because his sloppiness is killing me.

So I thought I'd share a story, move Donnie and Marie down the list of blogs, and explain why my hair might be greasy, and why my face has a conditioner glow to it.

The Sound Of Music...

I love to hear my children sing. I love it. They're no Donnie & Marie, but it's the sweetest sound I've ever heard. I drive with Kaylee and Christian and they sing. I'll put the visor down or adjust the review mirror to look at facial expressions. Kaylee doesn't fall for that crap, but Bubba doesn't catch it, most of the time. His little facials make me melt. He gets into it, Kaylees more of the sleeper singer. She nevers wants to stand out. Christian could care less.

I love to hear it, would love to record it. But I think they're too sharp and wouldn't fall for "Daddy needs a demo tape kids." Maybe I'll try. I swear if you could record and sell those tapes to parents you'd have a smash hit. Unfortunately it would only sell to the parents of that kid. If you heard my kids singing it surely wouldn't be the same as listening to yours, but my tape would sound soooo good to me.

I told you I erased all of the kids' messages some months ago. It breaks my heart. I would listen to those recordings, and smile ear to ear. I even enjoyed those that had anger. Where are you dad? Your Late! Those voices are my little voices. I love it!

So if you hear my children singing it might hurt your ears, just remember there's a guy across town (me) who's looking and waiting to record those kids. We might not make money, and they might not be a Donnie & Marie, but its music to my ears. A Little Bit Country and a Little Bit Rock 'n-Roll!

Home Coming...

It is Home Coming weekend for us. An exciting time for high school kids. Kaylee would normally go to the parade, game, and dance. But she didn't today, instead she hung out with me. Tammie took Christian and some friends to the game. Kaylee spent her time grocery shopping with me.


Kaylee didn't want to go to the festivities today. She said it wasn't her day today, and she wanted to stay home. Last year she rode on the float, in her cheerleader uniform, and threw out candy with a wave. A year later and she is laid out in bed, thinking about things. I feel for her.

It is your hopes that your child grows and blossoms in high school. We wanted Kaylee to make friendships, form relationships, and become her own. She has! It happened even quicker than we thought. She's well known, in tune with herself, and knows what's important. Unfortunately, it was expedited through an ugly disease called cancer.


I suspect that today was painful for my baby girl. All the hype was about the parade, the game, and the dance. To be excluded because of the situation is painful. But our priority is health. We can't let emotions get in the way. That is the part I hate. As a parent, I want to get emotional over it. I want to fix it. I want to take Kaylee to the game, drive her to the party, or let her ride with the girls to the dance. But I can't. She has to heal and get better.


High school years are supposed to be filled with making friends, making memories, and making her way. Instead we are focused on blood counts, platelets, and making appointments. It makes you realize that there are a range of different high school memories. A child that struggles making friends, a child making Home Coming Queen, or a child making plans to attend the parade, game, and dance next year.

So we're sitting this day out and setting our sights on next year. It's her choice. It's her memories. It's her reality. I just want to get this period in our lives over with, learn from it, and move on. I'm here for everything and anything. If it's a game, parade, dance or a simple visit to the grocery store. No matter what we're dealt I'm going to provide entertainment one way or another. Unfortunately, it just happened to be a simple visit to the grocery store tonight. But we'll set our sights on next year.

Provisions

I'm into my family. I appreciate everyone under our roof a little more these days. Don't get me wrong, I've always appreciated and loved, but it's just a little deeper these days. I think about things differently. I look at things differently.



So I am looking at my family tonight. Eating, homework, and laundry are just a few things going on. I feel so honored and privileged to provide the food, the house, and the detergent for the clothes. Silly? Maybe it's a faze or maybe I slowed down to realize that I am blessed. Blessed to have a family, blessed to be with my kids, blessed to watch them as they eat those Pop Tarts and popcorn.

I do the grocery shopping for our family. I always have and always will, I enjoy it. Tammie doesn't. So what we have is balance. She doesn't mind laundry and I don't mind the grocery store. Balance.


I know everyones favorites. Christian loves his spicy Cheez-its and Fuse drinks, Kaylee favors her Pop Tarts and egg rolls, and Tammie enjoys her dips and chips. I've never really had that one thing, I like it all. Not the most healthy selection, but who cares. I just love that they have their tastes. Their favorites. Their individuality.

So please excuse me if I tell you my story, our story, and its random. I just thought I'd share a snap shot of our night and a range of our likes. Just remember, if you see me shopping for creamy corn or a tenderloin, its because I can't farm or hunt. If you see me shopping for a Pop Tart, a Cheez-it, or some bean dip its because an order has been placed and I'm the lucky guy that gets to fill it. I'm blessed.

Our Blood Drive, Your Participation...

Please click on the picture for a large view. I am asking anyone and everyone reading this to please help me fill the reservation times for our blood drive. You can log in at http://www.esavealifenow.org/ sponsor code is: gailsharley

This event and cause is very important to my family and the Woods family. Our daughters depend on blood to stay healthy. It is an important part of their recovery. It's an important ingredient of their life.

So I ask for your help today, and hope you will donate blood on October 27, 2007. I can't stress to you how important blood is to us. Its important to all of us, but especially important to these young girls battling blood cancer. Our transfusions, our platelets, and our counts are daily talks.

I took my health for granted, my families health for granted. I dodged a couple of blood drives in my day because of needles and fear. I ask you to put those fears away and help my child. We need blood weekly and so do countless others. So if you have some to spare, please give us consideration on October 27, 2007.

Florida Sunshine...

I thought I deleted this picture. I was so happy when Kaylee found it on Facebook.com. It is her reading her story and posing as if she is in deep thought, wearing a wig, with her bald head proudly featured on the front page of the paper. She is so awesome.

I love her and held her tonight. It was so nice to have her want my hugs and little kisses. Lately she has been in pain, sick, and disinterested and I don't blamed her. That is the painful part for me. I'm a love & kisses kind of guy. Being distant and second to the cancer is hurtful. Kaylee is surviving and getting better and that's all that matters.

We ate McDonald's tonight. When we brought our meal home, we hollered out that we were ready to eat. Kay said she wanted to eat in her room. We said no. It was going to be our time to sit down together as a family.She didn't fuss, she sat and ate. We talked and she told me she read my blog last night. I asked what she thought and she said it was ok. I asked if she liked any certain one. She said they're all ok. Hmmm.

I asked if she liked the"West Virginia" blog. I had a good time writing that one. Again she acted as if my writing didn't attract her attention. I said the blog with the trailer. She said, "Oh I read that one, I especially liked the one you wrote where you acted like I was on a game show." She was coming clean. I said," did you read anything you didn't like?" She no.

She said everything looked good and she preceded to tell me about my other blogs. When we started our conversation she acted like she barely read the stories. Now she was telling me about several different blogs she liked and disliked. She didn't like the Three-Forty One. She said I was being critical of myself. I made fun of my self and she didn't care for that. I said I agreed. I was pointing out all my flaws, and she thinks I'm just fine. West Virginia blog was good to her because she said "I know your humor." How nice is that. She said other people might not get my jokes but she did. How sweet is that? My kid knows me.

I asked her if she was uncomfortable or thought I shared too much. She said no. I told her I referenced her menstrual cycle with the word "girly issues." But now I think back and remember I deleted all references of menstrual out of the blogs so she wouldn't get embarrassed. But Kaylee said it was fine to mention because it was the symptom that revealed the cancer. Let me explain.

When my daughter was sick, she was on her period. No big deal, but she couldn't stop bleeding. This was the thing that put up the red flag to doctors. She was anemic. Blood disease. But we didn't know the period and cancer had anything to do with each other. It was the period that got everyones attention. We left the period out when we went to Urgent Care on June 19, 2007. It was none of their business but they should have asked. They didn't. I made it a point to tell the doctor in Columbia about the heavy bleeding. It was something that was out of wack and someone was going to hear about it.

I started writing this blog and felt like I should tell people about the signs we caught after the diagnosis. The period being number one. The Florida Tan. The bug bites. This period thing was huge. Tammie said she was bleeding heavy because Tammie bleeds heavy at times and it runs in the family...????? Wrong! She was bleeding to death. She had lost pints of blood. The tan, I thought she had a Florida golden tan. Wrong! She was Jaundice. The bug bites, were chigger bites. Wrong! It was a condition called petechiae, low platelets and something else. These three things were signs and we didn't catch it. I told Tammie we can't beat ourselves up over this, we 're just lucky we got her to the doctor on time.

So my conclusion is, Kaylee is awesome, again. She wants to educate, she wants everyone to know if you don't feel right let someone know. A simple sign is what can save you or someone you love. A mother I was talking with in the cancer department of the hospital said she was soooo upset that she didn't jump into action when she was told her daughter looked pale. She said several people commented on this and she kept telling everyone she got the pale color from her Fathers side of the family. I could totally relate. I thought kaylees glowing yellow tan was from the Florida sunshine! Wrong!

So if something changes or that tan turns jaundice, go to the doctor!

We Had A Special Birthday...

Today was Christians 12th birthday. We had cousins, aunts, and a grandma here. It felt so good to have a day that concentrated on Christian. Poor little guy has been so overlooked. Tammie and I have been real careful to include him in everything. But it is hard. When Tammie had to pull double shifts at the hospital it was hard on him. She was gone for days. Those are the down times for him because he worries about Kaylee and misses mom. My routine is not as structured as Tams.

We ate pizza and everyone pitched in for a new video game console. He was so happy. It was a good day for me as well. I was so happy today that it was his day. Kids wait a year for this big event. They count down the months and they inform you of the approaching date as if it were the most important day ever, and it is.

I met with The KC Blood Bank and mapped out the blood drive quickly approaching. Gail's Harley Davidson sent Dee Austin, special events coordinator, to plan the special event. People are so nice, to provide a blood bank location is a very kind and dear thing. I sound a little soft but it means so much to me. To have a child dependent on blood and transfusions, platelets and strength, it tackles you. You feel ignorant that you overlooked its importance when you were healthy. Needing blood sounds so bazaar, but we do every week. It gauges our baby girl's strength, her mood, and progress.

But enough about Kaylee, its all about Christian.

Greenwood Dispatch Article 9-26-07

A TRUE GIFT OF LOVE

http://www.greenwooddispatch.com/humanInterest.html
On June 21, 2007 Kaylee Marie Quijas, 15 years old, was diagnosed with Leukemia (Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia). The news was delivered at University Hospital in Columbia, Mo. while the family was attending the State Baseball Tournament for the Lee's Summit Baseball Association. Kaylee's brother, Christian 11 years old, plays for the Red Sox an 11 & under AA baseball team.
Kaylee attends LS West High School and will be a sophomore this year. She is active in cheerleading and loves her school, cousins, and friends. Unfortunately Kaylee will be home schooled for most of the first semester because of her low immune system.

By: Erin Means Smiles, determination, love, and strength are a few of the words people use to describe Kaylee Marie Quijas. Kaylee, a 15 year old sophomore at Lee Summit West, was recently diagnosed with leukemia. Like many Americans, Kaylee is living strong to defeat the illness. The families’ gratitude and courage can be best expressed in the following segment with the Quijas family answered by Michael Quijas, Kaylee’s dad. Kaylee, as you will find, is a young lady who reminds everyone that, even at the lowest points in life, kindness, love and gratitude can always be given to those around us. The Dispatch would like to offer Kaylee our support and encouragement in her recovery.
Cancer is difficult, not only for the individual who has it, but the family as well. How are all of you (family) coping? Have you had a lot of support from friends, neighbors…?

The adjustment takes some getting use to, that’s for sure. But we feel that we are starting to get into a routine. We know when she’s going to get sick from the chemo; we know when she starts to recover. We know our window of opportunity as far as the week goes if Kaylee is going to feel good enough to do this or that. The support is something else. When you’re on the receiving side of the giving, it is overwhelming. People come from everywhere to help. The neighbors, your friends, and strangers. Our McDonalds @ 150 & 291 showed up with gifts for Kaylee. It is that help that gets you through. Sometimes you feel that you’re the only one who has traveled this road. Then, out of the blue, someone shares their story and you realize you’re not the only family that has endured heartbreak. A lady at Children’s Mercy said that no matter how bad you think you have it, someone else is suffering a little more, or has a story worse than you. She was right. I’ve met parents on our floor at Mercy with stories that make you feel grateful for what you have.

The family recently held a fundraiser at the Jerry’s Bait Shop. Can you tell us how it went and a little about the number of people, the auction and if Kaylee was able to attend?

Kaylee had a benefit at Jerry’s on Aug. 27, 2007. We think the number was somewhere around 200-250 guests. Her auction was a success because of the generosity from the business community, the Royals, Chiefs, and Albert Pujols. The list is long, and I don’t want to forget anyone, but those are just a few of the donors. Kaylee did attend for about 2 hours. We were concerned about her immune system so she spent most of her time outside after making an appearance inside. We thank everyone for their prayers and generosity. I’d also ike to thank so many parents that showed up to the benefit and shared their story with me. Stories of survival, togetherness, and the fight. When something like this happens it is like a fraternity. You immediately connect when you’ve had to fight for a child, a loved one, or with death. I want to stay away from the death part but I had parents show up who had lost a child and those who fought and won. But the emotions are so connecting that I left there feeling a certain bond. This road has been traveled before and unfortunately it will be traveled again.

Is there anything people can do to help Kaylee through this difficult time? Kaylee is starting a website called http://www.randomthankyou.com/ , she wants people to thank people for nice things that happen throughout the day, week, or whenever. She feels grateful for the compassion the community has shown. Things like this seldom ever happen, or if they do, we don’t slow down to recognize it. The giving, kindness, and random acts of kindness often go unnoticed or without merit. We are going to make a project out of it. It will be her way of giving thanks, not just for herself, but for others who have received kind words, an open door, or a helping hand. We are looking for someone to help create this site for her so she can become the CEO of the Thank You Business. (I especially want to give her something to focus on besides this sickness.)

Donations: Union Bank c/o Kaylee Quijas, 3700 SW Cheddington Dr., Lee’s Summit, MO 64082 - Or any of the locations in KC.