A Roast...

I thank everyone for attending Kaylee's Benefit on Friday. We are tired. Kay broke down tonight saying she doesn't want to go on with the treatment, the cure, or any procedures. I feel for her. I told her that I'm tired too.

I can't explain the feelings. I realized Saturday how out of place I was. I went to my reunion and I didn't fit in. I wasn't up to the elbow rubbing or the memories. My thoughts were of home and my reflections were of my past. If you knew me then you know I had lots of flaws. It doesn't matter because I grew up but it made me think of my child and her memory.

I have nerve to compare myself to Kaylee and her pain or her measurement of tiredness. Please excuse me if I make up words as I go along, but I am tired guys. Normally you would have things to look forward to but I feel empty. To see your child cry because she hurts it makes you sick. I once looked forward to the day because I would conquer this or that but I feel we are looking forward to a day that seems so far away.

I get dressed, I go to my office but I'm scared. I'm going to the office for some destination but I do no good. I'm the leader and the vision but can't muster up any of the vibrant characteristics that got me out of Rosedale,KS and where I am today. I can't think of anything but health, bills, and what ifs. I agreed with Kaylee when she said she was tired. I'm tired.

Everyone has their two-cents. I listen when they say "You have to be strong" and "its in God's hands" but it is difficult. To focus on anything but our sickness is hard. I'm bitter too. I'm never bitter. I've never looked at my situation, when I was a child, or as I grew older and said poor me. But I'm mad today.

I run TV's in restaurants and need content to put on those TV's. I made a plead to the advertising community for help with content. I wasn't going to charge anything I just wanted fresh content so I could be at ease with the service and product while I battled with my daughter. No one replied. Not any of the agencies or TV channels I've done work for. But I get an email from the ad club soliciting money for a roasting of some advertising guru. A joke. You can't throw me some free commercials so I can sit with my kiddo at a hospital. You guys suck.

I'm bitter. I will be so filthy rich and giving because of this, it will be my drive. If I owned a big ad agency I'd listen to a guy with a sick child. I would. I'm a guy with a little ad network and I'd listen today.What's your story? That's me. But maybe I'll get real big and successful and I'll solicit funds so we can roast some ad freak over dinner and fake conversation and fancy drinks. Hell with some little guy, we'll rent out an auditorium and laugh all night long about some guy who entered the ad world some thirty years ago and poke fun all night. If that's being successful then shoot me now. Hell, maybe that guy deserves a roasting and I'm mad today and will be happy tomorrow.

Forgive me Kaylee for letting this disease dictate my emotions, my thoughts, and my attitude towards others. It will be behind us soon and we'll laugh... I might even throw a roast for you.