I was sad all day today. I couldn't shake-it. It started the moment I woke up. I had an anxiety feel all day, I cried several times, and hurt sooooo badly for my kid. I can't explain the emotions. If you as ask me how Kaylee is, I'll tell you "Doing just fine." But she isn't. She is sick and looks unlike she did just a few months ago. No words can explain this thing. This ugly thing.
My child lives in her room 23.75 hours a day. She has lost so much weight that her fifteen year old legs resemble those when she was 7-8 years old. Again, this is our reality and we have to deal with it. You become immune to the situation and deal with it because you have no choice. It is what it is. But some days it breaks your heart. I don't want her to go through this. I wish it wasn't her. I'm trying to be polite, but I wish it was someone else. That sounds soooooooo bad but it is my thoughts today. I went through the stage where I said I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but today I wish it was anyone but her. Please forgive me.
I feel blessed that we are done with those first days. Scary shit. I'm glad we are in a routine stage, but are we really? I'm not sure. This is 3 1/2 months old,and still new. I'm glad we are at home. I love my kid.
Kaylee gets admitted on Wednesday for 2 days. She is going through a tough dose of chemo. I'm scared any time they admit for chemo. That means they're aware that this is serious poison. She has to be monitored. Our week will be spent in the hospital come Wed. morning and we'll get out Friday or Saturday. I hope Tammie can go to the Reunion on Saturday. We hope Kay feels fine on Saturday. We'll see.
I guess I wanted to explain how difficult it is seeing your child sick. Why, I'm not sure or maybe someone reading tonight will realize that it's not so bad at their house. I'm not saying we're not going to get upset when someone leaves their underwear on the floor or wet towel on the bed, but it really isn't enough to get real worked up about. So if you go to bed mad tonight because of homework issue's or dirty dishes just remember that things could be worse and there could bigger problems on your plate.
My child lives in her room 23.75 hours a day. She has lost so much weight that her fifteen year old legs resemble those when she was 7-8 years old. Again, this is our reality and we have to deal with it. You become immune to the situation and deal with it because you have no choice. It is what it is. But some days it breaks your heart. I don't want her to go through this. I wish it wasn't her. I'm trying to be polite, but I wish it was someone else. That sounds soooooooo bad but it is my thoughts today. I went through the stage where I said I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but today I wish it was anyone but her. Please forgive me.
I feel blessed that we are done with those first days. Scary shit. I'm glad we are in a routine stage, but are we really? I'm not sure. This is 3 1/2 months old,and still new. I'm glad we are at home. I love my kid.
Kaylee gets admitted on Wednesday for 2 days. She is going through a tough dose of chemo. I'm scared any time they admit for chemo. That means they're aware that this is serious poison. She has to be monitored. Our week will be spent in the hospital come Wed. morning and we'll get out Friday or Saturday. I hope Tammie can go to the Reunion on Saturday. We hope Kay feels fine on Saturday. We'll see.
I guess I wanted to explain how difficult it is seeing your child sick. Why, I'm not sure or maybe someone reading tonight will realize that it's not so bad at their house. I'm not saying we're not going to get upset when someone leaves their underwear on the floor or wet towel on the bed, but it really isn't enough to get real worked up about. So if you go to bed mad tonight because of homework issue's or dirty dishes just remember that things could be worse and there could bigger problems on your plate.
It dawned on me today that this is like a constant flu. The only bad thing is it never leaves. Weak. Sick. Pain. Weak. Sick. Pain. So unlike the flu or headache that leaves in a week or two, we start each day the same as before. It is a slow process. But I guess you have to be positive and realize we are one day closer to our health, but that is hard to see sometimes.
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