Chapter 3: Hope

I hope that my child's health returns quickly. I hope that my children grow up and are healthy individuals that find happiness. I hope that my business can grow nationally. I hope Tammie is satisfied with her life. I hope we age gracefully and enjoy the times to come.

Chapter 2: Small Investments

I asked a friend today if he thought I was doing a good job with my kids. I respect this friend and he knows me well. Honesty seems to come easy when he talks with me. For better or for worse. I asked because it seems sometimes that I get consumed with the day to day operations of the family and forget to step back and watch. Are my children healthy? Do they respect life? Are they happy?

I know that I'm here, with this family, that was created out of love for a reason. I drive through my old neighborhood and think how lucky I am to have made it out. There are many people I grew up with that never made it out of that neighborhood. I'm not condemning them but a majority of those that stayed ended up in prison, dead, or repeating the cycle of dysfunction that they were subject to. That wasn't for me.

I was lucky. As a child I always had family or people around that invested in me. My Aunt Connie DeLaGarza was one of the first. Besides being my Aunt she was also my Godmother. This woman taught me so much in my early years. When my mom worked double shifts on the weekend my Aunt took care of me. She wouldn't allow gossiping or bad mouthing in her home. If my mom came after work on Sunday to get me, Aunt Connie would make sure that I was showered, packed, and ready for bed. This was done because she knew that my mom would be tired after working all weekend. I remember watching the Sunday Night Disney Special waiting for my mother to arrive. Aunt Connie would have Q-Tips in my ears cleaning them out. I often prayed that my mom would arrive sooner then later because Aunt Connie didn't have the softest touch. But her touch had love.

I drifted away from my Aunt as I grew older. But that investment came again. It was from the next door neighbors. Tony Carr was six years older. His mother was Mary Stanhope and his father was Stan Stanhope. Stan was Tony's step dad but you'd never know. He raised Tony from a child. We happened to move in the neighborhood and our neighbors were the best. Tony was like a big brother. Mary & Stan were good examples on all levels. All this right next door. I say that because we had a variety of people in that Kansas City, KS neighborhood that we could have been positioned with. Alcoholics, drug users, pushers, and criminals. We got Tony and his family.

Tony's family worked and they had a good life. They had a camper trailer in the back yard that we often slept in for fun. Tony had motorcycles that he raced. Suzuki RM-125's. I would go to the races on the weekend and watch Tony. To describe one incident or occasion to define their investment would be impossible, it was a constant and I thank them for the positive environment they created around me and for me.

The last memorable investment or influence was Dr. Frank Jones & Beverly Jones. They were the parents of my best friend Nick Jones. Their address was 5600 High Drive in Mission Hills, KS. I became friends with Nick in 1976. Our introduction was made at St. Agnes Catholic School in Roeland Park, KS. We became best friends instantly and have remained best friends ever since.

Nick's family exposed me to a different way of life. They had materialistic things and it made me want. They lived a rich lifestyle because Frank was a Doctor but more importantly he was a money making machine. He had property, restaurants, businesses, and respect. He was the man. I got to vacation with them at their house at the Lake of the Ozarks and Siesta Keys Florida. I also traveled other places with the family. Those experiences helped create something in me that wanted. I wanted to be successful like Doc!

So I encourage you to invest. Invest in a nephew, neighbor, or someone that could use that influence or attention. It is easy to do just what's expected but sometimes when you reach out a little further it can be just enough to steer someone in the right direction.

Chapter 1: The Definition of a Man

What defines a person? Is it your past? Is it your family? Is it your faith? I am confused to be honest. I try to stimulate myself with direction. It's doing things differently from most others. I've always been that way. As a child I used to pick these tulip things out of the ground and try to sell them off as onions. When I was older I use to make bracelets and necklaces out of beads, trying to make a buck or two with my designs. There was always something I could make a dollar off of. Today it's InAd TV.

I must confess that I am a dreamer. I have this thing inside me that wants to carve out this little existence for me and my family. I want to succeed on my own terms. It's my dreams that I work for every day. But at what cost? How simple would it be to get on someone else's payroll? Put the hustle away and get up every morning and have my day planned. Work for a wage. It sounds simple but it's not me.

Tonight is the start of something new for me. I am going to document me. My day, my life, and my future. The Kaylee writings are going to have to stop for now. She needs her room and she needs to get back at being a teenager. Private and personal. She wants to move forward and I don't blame her. I'm not done working my way through this so I am going to continue. I'm going to share my story.

I ask what defines you for a reason. It was always set in my mind that I would define myself by the things I was going to do. Build great things and receive those cheers. There was no doubt that I would make the next light bulb, engine, or computer. Seriously. I believed that I could do anything. I still do but it has occurred to me that there are several things that have to align for greatness. Harmony at home, hard work, and luck just to name a few.

My definitions have changed. Accomplishments have fallen down the list. In all reality, for me to succeed financially at my own thing demands a certain amount of wow. I'm at the mercy if you want my widget. Without the demand of your product is like sailing without wind. You don't! Family is more important than ever and happiness is a must. Accomplishments have moved to the back seat. But being healthy at work or whatever you do is a must. I have to feed the family and if that was to stop then we would have all sorts of problems.

Harmony is a component of a happy man and to me that is what I would define a man by. Happiness. You have to be happy. It might sound crazy but to me a happy man is a satisfied man. To be satisfied is what I would define a man on. Satisfaction breeds health. To be truly satisfied in all aspects of your life would be a dream. So if I get to dream for a moment then my dream would be a life of complete satisfaction. Impossible maybe, potentially boring-probably, but it sounds simple and good to me tonight. Happiness!

Sun block, long underwear, and one more week...

Kaylee did not make it today. Her ANC count (immune system) was too low to get what she needed to advance to her maintenance phase. We have to wait until next week. We will get there, it is out of our control. It is what it is!

Kaylee says her hopes weren't dashed or her spirit wasn't damaged. Kaylee says next week will come soon enough. She is so awesome. I wanted to make sure she wasn't disappointed. I think I might be, but it seems that Kay is feeling good at the moment and she is taking it each day for what it is. We feel good and that's what matters.

We have been checking into the hospital for 9 months. We stay and we leave at times. It has been a tough several months but it is going to get better. They said that we will not have to be back for one month once we get cleared for the maintenance phase. I can't wait. But it is scary as well. I feel as long as we are getting treated weekly that we are doing great. It can't last forever and we need to start getting back to normal. I think this summer will be very good to Kay. She says she wants to lay out in the sun. I told her that sounds great as long as she has on sun block and long underwear! Peace... :)

Fingers crossed...

Kaylee checks into the hospital tomorrow for the news if we made the counts and maintence phase of treatments. Please say a prayer that she gets the clearence. If we do make it then we can get back to normal.

I will be quick and to the point. Please include a prayer to God, Jesus, Jehovah, or any other higher power for our daughter. We are so close to seeing light at the end of the tunnel that we can taste it. Kaylee acts like it is no big deal but it is. We are like kids on Christmas Eve. Keep your fingers crossed.

The story behind 10 Kids Insured...

I officially started my non-profit "10 Kids Insured" on January 16,2008 in the state of Missouri. I have a 501 (c) 3 application pending. I'm not sure about the wording on all that but the attorney does. I am providing health care insurance to children who are lacking coverage. I am providing children an opportunity at health. (I like that phrase, I think I'll use that somewhere in the literature.) I announced the idea on December 21, 2007 as a gift to families to mark the six month anniversary of Kaylee and her battle against cancer. For those that don't know about Kaylee, she is my beautiful fifteen year-old daughter who was diagnosed with leukemia (A.L.L.) on June 21, 2007.

I had the idea for sometime but I wasn't sure how I would raise the money for such an endeavor. I decided to use my business as a tool to generate money for the cause. I own a unique company in Kansas City called InAd TV. InAd TV is a digital signage company in Kansas City that specializes in restroom installations. We place TV's above urinals and in vanity mirrors. My network consists of 100 LCD screens covering the Metro area. My business is to install the system then have sales teams sell the advertising on the screens. We always have excess commercial time and I thought that I could turn that unsold air time into insurance premium money for the kids. Sounds good.

The problem with that is I will have to wait to get it all lined out and then reconsider, toss it around, and find reasons not to do it. I decided to do it differently. I would find the money for the kids. I just needed the kids. Low and behold I received a phone call. There is a group of girls in the city that want to play a sport but they can't because they don't have health insurance. I guess there's a rule requiring coverage. The insurance broker got wind of it and called me. I thought about it for a second and thought, "I can handle that!"

Providing insurance to kids that want to play sports is a perfect fit for us. My daughter, a cheerleader, has been sidelined and bedridden for nine months. She has not been able to participate in any activities this year. She has not stepped into one classroom. Hasn't had a chance to sit in her favorite chair at lunch. These fifteen girls can make it up for Kaylee. They can play for Kay. I am going to stay tight lipped about the organization I'm helping until it is finalized.

I told family and friends about my mission and the connection with Kaylee and everyone threw in money. I raised money this first round from people who want to help me help the kids. I'm amazed by the generosity of people. I get to launch my first kids in honor of Kaylee, Fifteen girls who want to play on a team. Maybe one of these kids will meet her best friend, Maybe it will keep a child busy and she won't get into trouble because she'll be at practice. Maybe one of these girls will find that she has so much talent and maybe just maybe this kid will get a scholarship because her talent is noticed.

The insurance issue is a touchy one for me. I want kids to be able to go to the doctor when they are sick. Waiting in the emergency room at Truman Medical Center in Kansas City, MO is torturous. It takes hours to get in and the treatment is brisk due to the volume of patients. I'm sure being able to see a doctor on your own appointment terms will be a luxury to any of these kids. The hospital is a life saver to many, but an all day event to say the least.

As much support as I've had, I've also had to deal with negativity and mixed emotions. I look at this as an opportunity to help kids live healthy lives, provide peace of mind to parents, and a way for me to give it back to the community. Some people have told me to wait and search for the right kids. What? If your child has no insurance and I can help, and all other options have been exhausted then you're my candidate. I'm convinced that if you don't chase your dream or implement your plan you'll wake up one day with regret. I don't want any regret in my life or my family's life.

A Jewel...

Kaylee was denied the maintenance phase for at least one more week because she didn't make counts. We had anticipated balloons and cake for the occasion but we'll have to hold out for just a little longer. We are going to throw a party for this little girl soon to celebrate. She missed her birthday and has missed out on the entire school year so we feel obligated to have a celebration for her life and this experience soon. Should it be contained to just our little family or should I make it huge and a production? Any suggestions? I might let her answer that question, huh? I want a big party to make up for her lost time, but Kaylee is so simple and sweet that a cake and ice cream would be just fine.

My good friend Charlie DeCoursey met with me and delivered autographed photos of the Sonic guys from the commercials. Might not sound like a huge thing to most but it was a treat to get that special treatment when it is hard to leave the house. I can't wait to give the other photo to Jillian. We enjoy the kindness extended to our family! I always try to spice up the day for Kay. So a personalized message from an unexpected person or people is flattering.

My daughter was smiling and looking so much better last night that I can't tell you how nice it is to see someone, especially your daughter, get back to their old self. Kaylee is such a beautiful person and has such a kind and caring soul. All parents would say the same I'm sure but I have a jewel here and I'm proud to say it!

The Next Move...

Do you believe that things will go right if you do the right things? I am trying to do right and I treat everyone fair. I am in need of funding for InAd TV and I pray that it will arrive sooner than later. We have so many establishments that I am in desperate need of a larger staff. I need operating capital and I feel the pressure of not having the money in place. When I compare that to other things it seems unimportant but it is what keeps a roof over our heads. Fighting something like sickness makes you realize how everything is connected. I have to be sharp and on my feet but I can't completely focus. I am lacking certain concentration. My business requires 100% of my attention but I don't have it.

We are still low on blood and we are feeling it. Please excuse me, Kaylee is low but we all feel it. Kaylee had 1/2 the hemogloben of what the normal person should. It is normal to have 12-14 count (not sure the name of the count) but Kay had 6. We are waiting til tomorrow to see what we should do. We got blood on Wednesday night but it didn't get Kaylee back to normal. We need more, I say that because she is dizzy, pale, and has headaches. Low on blood? Could you fully concentrate on work if you knew your child was lacking oxygen because she was extremely low on blood?

I mentioned doing right and funding in the same sentence. I feel guilty mentioning the two together. But if things go right at work it usually means things go better at home. I leave work at work but it has a way of following me because I started it from home. I feel blessed that I can dictate my schedule and I can be around as often as I want but it is a burden running a company when you have a sick family member. I have to make decisions daily that affect those around me and sometimes I'm not sure if I'm in the best state of mind to make those decisions. I need to be a leader but sometimes I wish I could be a follower. I think sometimes I would much rather focus on my family and let the other guys figure out the next move. It is great to dream.

Happy St. Patrick's Day! We are relaxing tonight. No big plans! I am watching TV and wondering how they can find so many goofy people to participate on these game shows. Well I guess I was one of them at one time.

Our Feature Presentation...

Kaylee is doing better. We had lunch out for the first time in a while. She had her friend spend the night last night and I was thankful for that. Our daughter is about to start living again. She is going to start pulling back on the aggressive treatments. We are a week away from our maintenance phase. This means that the doctors are about to stop the bombing of Kay's body and we are going to get back to the old active Kaylee.

I'm so excited to have her able to go out and not worry about the immune system, the sickness from the high doses of chemo, and the weekly admissions. I have to admit that I'm scared to pull back from the treatments. It is common among parents I'm told to worry about things like that. Tammie tells me not to worry because Kay has responded so well to the treatments. She is a fighter and we'll be just fine.

Tonight I'm so bored. I have places to go but I don't feel like drinking. It's cold and boring. I feel like I'm stuck. Socially I'm not 100%! I should be out hustling my business but I'm not all the way back from the traumatizing experience we've endured the last 9 months. I find my self a little less confident at times. I get nervous about my business. I fear sickness and I fear catastrophe. I size myself up some times and can't figure out why I'm not conquering the world when it seems I've been to the edge and I have nothing to lose. I should excel because a simple no is the least of my worries.

I picture a movie and I visualize a father who can get anything done because he has too. He has nothing to lose. He has a child at home fighting sickness. This fictional character has confidence and can do anything it takes to make money. Sales, cold calls, partnerships. Anything. When you go through something like fighting illness with your child, it's like you couldn't face anything worse.

Well I do the best I can. I think I could do better but I have issues. I'm lucky to have a great support system. But when this happens you initially think that your old fears are all gone because you have been awakened. But on the other hand you get consumed that everything has to go perfect in your business because that is what keeps the family floating. So work becomes extremely important and filled with pressure because you want to make sure everyone is as comfortable as possible. Plus Tammie stopped working and that income seized. What's a person to do. Where is this fictional man I created in my head?

The Combination...

We were so excited for this morning. It was our first baseball tourney for the season but it was called off due to the weather. I was ready to get the season going. Eighty degrees on Thursday and snow on Saturday. Who would have thought?

I never know what to expect. I've come to terms that so many things are out of my control. Snow? Cancer? Blood? It is what it is, you have to continue and plan for the unexpected. At least we have each other to count on for support. Having someone in your corner is powerful. I hate to think that there are people out there doing life alone. Family, friends, and community are so important.

I received a hair cut yesterday from a friend who has been cutting my hair for years. As a matter of fact he gave Christian his first hair cut. I've been friends with him for many years. He disappeared last September. Gone. Well it turns out that he was on parole for a Federal crime he committed years ago and had a relapse and ended back up in prison. Wow! I couldn't believe it. We talked about free time. He said free time to him usually equated to trouble. If he didn't keep busy he had a tendency to spend time with people that usually would drink and do drugs.

He would go out and drink at bars because him and his girlfriend were having trouble. He would find what he thought were friends at bars & nightclubs. These people would often offer him things that were illegal and he would do it. He didn't blame anyone but himself. He did say that having nothing to occupy him usually meant that trouble would follow. We talked about how scary it would be to live in an area ravaged by drugs and crime. We both agreed that it is easy to follow the lead of others sometimes. Most of the time if you don't watch it you can be trailing the wrong person or people. Sometimes you have to kick and scratch to make a change in your life. It doesn't make sense, to think that you would complicate life even more by introducing bad habits and dark avenue's into your life. Life is hard enough.

I encourage everyone to find passion. It is healthy to have passion and an outlet. An outlet to take your mind off things. I promote doing things that work your mind, body, or both. I find writing easy to do. I love to write. It can be done with paper and a pen. I can sit down and escape for a moment. It is more convenient then finding fossils in rocks. It is more accessible then tracking the Monarch Butterfly. Writing is my release. I find that I have a healthy past time and one that doesn't require much.

Have a good day! I am going to drive to the gym now and try to get into the habit of exercising so I feel better physically. The writing is mental and the weights are physical. Not a bad combo if I can keep it up.

Things You Might Not Know...

Click the play icon:

I will share 5 things you might not know about me:


1.) I was on The Price is Right



2.) I like Spam :)



3.) I feel bad for homeless and over weight people



4.) I would like to make a movie someday



5.) I won a Halloween costume contest dressed as a girl when I was little




Here's some other things you might not know:





I've had the same best friend since 1976.


I won $12,000 off three $1.00 coins in Las Vegas, thirty minutes after getting married.


I delivered pizza part-time for Domino's to make a Christmas for my family in San Diego.


I was embarrassed delivering pizza's to neighbors and friends.


I worked in Cabo San Lucas


I worked in Honolulu


I found 22 $100.00 bills in a napkin


I took a pee as Demi Moore did her hair in the mirror next to me in The Beverly Hills Hotel (there was a divider between us)

I found a dead man hanging in a tree when I was 12 y.o.

My favorite car is the Bentley Continental GTC

My dog's name when I was a kid was Pumpkin

I like giving gifts more then receiving gifts

Joe Theisman gave me an autograph instead of a tip (I tossed it out the window)

I love Jack in the Box tacos

San Diego is the most awesome city to live in besides home

I did not know how email worked just 4 years ago

If I could choose a profession it would be Movie Director

Bigger Things To Get Done...

Kaylee was in the hospital for almost 6 hours getting blood. I wake up sometimes and have to read my writings from the previous night because it is late sometimes and I have to make sure it is not all late night thoughts. They say you write differently depending on the time. They say you should reread the next day before you push send or publish.

I talked about the Big 12 Tourney and my tickets that were offered to me. I wrote I was going to decline the tickets because I had bigger things to get done. Well I strarted my day earlier to get things done that needed to get done. I made a decision that I should invest time with Christian today. There would be nothing bigger then that for me today. I was going to spend much needed time with just the two of us. So I headed my way to Christian's school and picked him up. I was at the Power & Light bright and early this morning so I left my car in the the Rock Star parking space that I secured early, got a ride to Lee's Summit, picked up the tickets, picked up Christian and headed down to the Sprint Center. (Oh, I had to run home and change my jeans because I wore those same jeans today that I wrote the Style blog about. The straight leg pants they said I should never wear again. They ripped in the butt! I guess it was time for those to go. One way or another!)

Our day was nice and I appreciate Christian. He is so innocent. He grabbs my hand when we walk across the street. We passed a sausage/hotdog vendor with a hot grill and Christian grabbed my hand even harder. He was scared of the flames. He had me and he had my hand. It was special. I like that he is still a child. He uses me/us as a security blanket. I never want to lose that. I want a good relationship with everyone especially my children. Good night!

Driving for the Family...

The hardest thing about watching your child fight sickness, especially something called cancer, is witnessing your child lose their innocence. I can’t explain the whole situation because I don’t completely understand it my self. This little blessing you create is your angel. If you have no children it might be hard to understand, but if you’re lucky enough to have the experience of raising children then you know what I mean.

My child wanted to cuddle and snuggle nine months ago. Sickness hit then things changed. There are so many other things going on besides being daddy’s little girl now. That is the worst for me. I want to love but it’s an inconvenience for her at times. Sickness rules the house and everything else is secondary.

Kaylee left for the emergency room around 9:30 tonight for blood. She is running low and needs it badly so we decided to take her tonight instead of waiting until tomorrow. We are so close to the final phase, we want to be safe and we want Kaylee to feel as healthy as possible. I stayed home with Christian.

I went in to check on the little guy and he was sleeping. This is unusual for him. We normally have to tell him to go to sleep. He was sleeping when I went in around 10:30. I suspect he wanted to end the day because of Kaylee and the fact his big sister had to pack up and go to the hospital so late. As I went to turn the TV off I looked at the top of his head. The only thing exposed beneath the covers. I felt for him. He is part of a family that has to make concessions for the sickness. I love him for taking it and never complaining.

I took Christian to baseball tonight. I let the dog go as well. As I watched him I could not help but think how incredibly talented he is. He is so good at baseball. So good that he gets noticed by everyone that passes by any field he is on. His talent is not being inflated by a proud father but being relayed from a spectator who happens to be his proud father.

Being good at something doesn’t guarantee you’ll be noticed. Christian is noticed and I hope he continues to get the notoriety from his hard work & talent. I think being good at something is important. I was okay at wrestling. But sports never fully engaged me. They still don’t. I had a ticket for tomorrow's basketball tournament but I decided I have more important things to get done.

I like what I do for a living. Today I was finishing up where my construction guy fell short and I felt something. I was watching people working in the Power & Light District this morning and I couldn’t help but feel the feeling of working for someone else. I don’t have much experience working for others but I do have certain memories. My memories usually involve a pit in my stomach. I hated being somewhere because someone told me to be there. Weird but true. I never really found that place with anyone else’s business. I would arrive do what was expected but I never truly fit in. That’s okay. I respect everyone that can earn a living whether it be for their selves or for the other guy.

I had to leave at 6:00am this morning to get to the jobsite. As I was driving I felt a great feeling. It wasn’t because I was going to my awesome job, but for all the people driving to theirs. I couldn’t help but think that the majority of those driving were doing so to feed their families. They were up early to make things happen for those loved ones probably still at home sleeping. Maybe it was me that I was watching in those other cars!

Sonic...

Today was a great day. I came into contact with an old friend from grade school who films the Sonic commercials for Barkley Evergreen. His name is Charlie and we went to St. Agnes together. He was a few years older than me but I remember him well.

I was told by my wife that a little girl who frequents Children's Mercy with us, Jillian Sharp, likes Sonic Drive-In. Jillian is a child that is fighting health issues as well. We are in clinic and occasionally admitted in the hospital on the same days. Her parents both went to the same high school as Tammie and I.

It just happens that Charlie is flying out to Phoenix to shoot a commercial with the Sonic crew this week. Charlie offered to get us signed pictures of the actors! We are excited to be part of the Sonic family even for a day! I'm so amazed at the kindness of people.

It is so nice to witness generosity from others. Most people might not remember that they over heard someone saying they like Sonic, but since this sickness thing I try to remember every little detail about the kids and what they like. Maybe it's because I know their dislikes, hospital visits, needles, and the inconvenience of being in the hospital when they should be at school playing.

I hope that Kaylee and Jillian enjoy the honor of someone taking the time to do something special for them. I know that they have so much on their plates that has to do with serious stuff, maybe this will give them a break for a moment. Thank you Charlie D.

Doing Good...

Kaylee is doing good. She looks good but it looks like we will have to make a trip to CMH tomorrow/today to get blood. She is very pale and dizzy. We think she is running low so we are going in to get a much needed infusion. Who would have ever thought we would have to worry about our baby girl's blood? Life, our life.

I try to do good everyday. My plate is full but I make it a point to do good for anyone I can. Is that weird? I mean I have a list of children from clinic or our CMH 4-H that I try to make good things happen for. Kaylee is my priority but I want all those children to have something special. They deserve it. I think if you're a child and you fight childhood sickness you should get compensated. If you battle and lose part of your childhood you should be rewarded. A crazy idea but my idea!

I try to post as many Public Service Announcements for as many causes as I can. I usually pay for the production out of my pocket. What's next? Alex's Lemonade Stand! I'll fill you in on it as I get more info, but it is a great cause that generates money for all sorts of research that helps children like mine. www.alexslemonade.org/KClemonade.php

Well it is late and I'm tired. I hope you do good at whatever it is you do. If you can make a difference in someones life then try to. Remember if you get pale and dizzy you might need to see a doctor so you can feel good!

Style...

I was thinking about style. I'm not sure if I have much if any. I'm not saying that to be harsh on myself but I lost my need to be the best dressed and the one with the fastest car. I say I wouldn't mind having those qualities or material possessions but they are not priorities. They were at one time but not today.

It was so important to have the best looking this or that but I lost it. Where did it go? I used to have fancy labels on my clothes and it was common to have a Mercedes or Cadillac. Today I have 2 suites and one Hyundai. Oh I have a Jeep that is over 10 years-old as well. Why am I telling you this? I have to go to an Ad Agency where an old classmate works. I just found out about it recently and I must be honest, I was wondering how I look 20 yrs. later. I know I've gained weight, turned gray, and struggle each day. Am I supposed to be slimmer, colored, and wealthy?

This is irrelevant with what I have going on. Some might read this and say it doesn't matter, those things are unimportant. I agree but we all want to feel good. I've made a decision to sacrifice today for tomorrow. What does that mean? I am doing without today so I can have a better tomorrow. I invest everything in InAd TV. I pass on the fancy clothes because I can buy a TV and computer to further my business. I can't afford a nice car, one that would stroke my ego as I arrive to the meetings because I can't afford any extra financial debt.

The other day I wore a pair of straight leg jeans. Someone told me I should never wear those things ever again. They weren't stone washed, but they were straight legged! I gave a buddy a ride home a few days ago and he said that I should be driving an SUV instead of my compact Hyundai. I wore a baseball cap with my oxford the other day because my hair is too long and I haven't gotten a hair cut. I just don't care, but I do.

So I am scheduled to go visit an old classmate at a successful Ad Agency. What do I have going for me? I own a company that has a presence in every part of KC. Ninety percent of all people in KC who are under the age of 30 knows or have seen InAd TV. I work or know most everyone at every major media outlet in KC. I'm viewed as a business owner instead of someone that works at the ABC Co. I've started something unique and different. I often have people want me to tell them my story. Do people usually want other people's story? Is that the norm or is my story worth asking for?

I often tell myself that I'm an authority of digital signage. I have one of the biggest digital networks in KC and I specialize in a certain field, so I am important. I might not be curing a disease but I am on the fore front of whats to come in my chosen profession. I think that I have ideas and capabilities to add to the growth of this movement. I feel like an inventor. I'm often called an entrepreneur. So that's my story and I'm sticking to it even if I don't have style!

Tammy Cochran...

There was a murdered woman found in Olathe, KS on 3-05-08. Her name was Tammy Cochran and she was a friend. I hadn't seen her in years but we went to school together. I would see her occasionally from year to year but that was the extent. I was called yesterday and told the tragic news.



The picture they ran of her at first made me feel good for her family. Tonight I saw Fox 4 News running her mugshots from the last few years. It broke my heart. If getting murdered and set a fire wasn't enough for any family, now they have to deal with the stories being aired. I can see the police doing their investigating and looking at all angles but for the news to write and report of her troubles is troubling.




I didn't know her son, I never had dinner with her or her family but I wish she could have had a little dignity to her name and legacy after a sudden and senseless death. I've had friends call and say she was sick with this or that but she is gone and who cares. I'm the first to say if you play with fire you'll get burned but she's gone. Let her have peace. Let her family have peace.


We all have problems of some sort. We all know someone who has been affected by bad decisions. Drug addiction, crime, and dysfunction is around everyone. You might live a righteous life but that doesn't mean you don't have a cousin battling demons. Your neighbor could be fighting to save his child from addiction. That co-worker could be living through hell even though he or she smiles as they drink that coffee. Who are we to pass judgement.

I agree that we all look at someone and say they should get their shit together. But I've learned that I'm not going to try to be that moral monitor because I do not know what people are going through or what path they've walked. It is so easy for people to say that you get what you deserve. I disagree. I think that all of us come to a cross road at some point in our life. Most of us won't go a certain path but I know a lot of good people who did go the wrong way but came back. It was direction that most look back at and say why? But they had the opportunity to come back. This poor person was a mother, daughter, and sister. She may have fought her way back, but we'll never know.

I can't restore any thing for any one, I'm trying to restore health at the moment. I wanted to write something good about a person that I knew a long time ago who I knew as a good person. So Tami Cochran rest in peace and I'm sorry you didn't have the opportunity to fight back. You're at home now and I'll tell people good things about you!

Her story can be viewed by clicking on this link, http://blogs.kansascity.com/crime_scene/2008/03/olathe-pd-inves.html

Mix 93.3

If you would like to listen to our radio interview on Mix 93.3 please click on this link. http://www.box.net/shared/clrxlsp44g

Listen up...

Tomorrow is a big day for Kaylee and me. We are on Mix 93.3 at 8:30 ish am for the radiothon. We also invited Bailee Woods and we are excited. I hope you get the opportunity to listen and call and make a donation. If you do, throw in Kaylee and Bailee's name. Nice little plug for our girls.

I am blessed to get my baby girl a little exposure when I can. The radio will be fun because she loves the Mix and it is her favorite. I am blessed that I get to spend time with Kay & Bai tomorrow and if I do nothing else tomorrow then I would be alright.

Listen up and make a donation!

On My Way...

Sometimes when you navigate through something as thick and dense as fog it gives you more clarity when things clear. This is becoming a gracious gift and a foe at the same time. I wanted health back but I'm not sure I wanted to see things differently when it all cleared. I say this because I am looking at my life in a different light.

I was content on accepting things that I thought were fact. Today I question my ability to accept. I want change and I want accountability. If you think that this is the hand you were dealt and life offers no better then why worry. But I say this is my wake up point and I need not take my circumstances as some random victim but as a person with an opportunity to change. I so want to change.

You might ask what is it that I would change, well it is my whole being I would concentrate on. My personal and spiritual here and now. I can't say that I have been one of strong moral standards. My spiritual existence has been almost non-existent. I have awoke from this thing called survival and want to live life. I want to enjoy the day and end my day with no remorse or doubt. I want to charter a course and stay the course. If bad things should arise while I'm on the course then so be it. I know where I'm going. My longitude and latitude are set and the speed is irrelevant. The coordinates are marked and my destination is ahead.

I can't imagine a pilot or captain not using a map to set sail. Is that crazy? Would you get on board if someone was guiding you to your destination without a map. I realize that as romantic as it sounds to have the wind move you, it is even more romantic to know what to pack for. My trips have been cold and chilly. Well I want to scrap the mittens and I want to break out the bikini. Well maybe not me, but you know what I mean.

I think it is bazaar to run a household and not know where I want to take this family. It is so easy to have children and make a family but it is harder to take a real look and ask yourself where and how do I get these people to the place they need to be. I write this and I ask you do you have a plan? I am a normal guy with normal problems. Sure I might be battling things you haven't or I might not even scratch the surface of the things you've seen but I ask you do you really have a plan set for your family? I have been like so many other families or generations that do the day to day with prayer that not too many obstacles occur. I figure if I can get these people fed, clothed, and educated it will all work out. Wrong. I need to forget about the choppy seas and wind and concentrate on the planning. I need to invest in deeper things of life. I want to teach about success, failure, and disappointment. I need to be the one that my children reference things to. I've spent so much time trying to get through to the next day that I've lost the fact that there's a lesson to be taught at every mile along the way!