Kaylee is doing better. We had lunch out for the first time in a while. She had her friend spend the night last night and I was thankful for that. Our daughter is about to start living again. She is going to start pulling back on the aggressive treatments. We are a week away from our maintenance phase. This means that the doctors are about to stop the bombing of Kay's body and we are going to get back to the old active Kaylee.
I'm so excited to have her able to go out and not worry about the immune system, the sickness from the high doses of chemo, and the weekly admissions. I have to admit that I'm scared to pull back from the treatments. It is common among parents I'm told to worry about things like that. Tammie tells me not to worry because Kay has responded so well to the treatments. She is a fighter and we'll be just fine.
Tonight I'm so bored. I have places to go but I don't feel like drinking. It's cold and boring. I feel like I'm stuck. Socially I'm not 100%! I should be out hustling my business but I'm not all the way back from the traumatizing experience we've endured the last 9 months. I find my self a little less confident at times. I get nervous about my business. I fear sickness and I fear catastrophe. I size myself up some times and can't figure out why I'm not conquering the world when it seems I've been to the edge and I have nothing to lose. I should excel because a simple no is the least of my worries.
I picture a movie and I visualize a father who can get anything done because he has too. He has nothing to lose. He has a child at home fighting sickness. This fictional character has confidence and can do anything it takes to make money. Sales, cold calls, partnerships. Anything. When you go through something like fighting illness with your child, it's like you couldn't face anything worse.
Well I do the best I can. I think I could do better but I have issues. I'm lucky to have a great support system. But when this happens you initially think that your old fears are all gone because you have been awakened. But on the other hand you get consumed that everything has to go perfect in your business because that is what keeps the family floating. So work becomes extremely important and filled with pressure because you want to make sure everyone is as comfortable as possible. Plus Tammie stopped working and that income seized. What's a person to do. Where is this fictional man I created in my head?
I'm so excited to have her able to go out and not worry about the immune system, the sickness from the high doses of chemo, and the weekly admissions. I have to admit that I'm scared to pull back from the treatments. It is common among parents I'm told to worry about things like that. Tammie tells me not to worry because Kay has responded so well to the treatments. She is a fighter and we'll be just fine.
Tonight I'm so bored. I have places to go but I don't feel like drinking. It's cold and boring. I feel like I'm stuck. Socially I'm not 100%! I should be out hustling my business but I'm not all the way back from the traumatizing experience we've endured the last 9 months. I find my self a little less confident at times. I get nervous about my business. I fear sickness and I fear catastrophe. I size myself up some times and can't figure out why I'm not conquering the world when it seems I've been to the edge and I have nothing to lose. I should excel because a simple no is the least of my worries.
I picture a movie and I visualize a father who can get anything done because he has too. He has nothing to lose. He has a child at home fighting sickness. This fictional character has confidence and can do anything it takes to make money. Sales, cold calls, partnerships. Anything. When you go through something like fighting illness with your child, it's like you couldn't face anything worse.
Well I do the best I can. I think I could do better but I have issues. I'm lucky to have a great support system. But when this happens you initially think that your old fears are all gone because you have been awakened. But on the other hand you get consumed that everything has to go perfect in your business because that is what keeps the family floating. So work becomes extremely important and filled with pressure because you want to make sure everyone is as comfortable as possible. Plus Tammie stopped working and that income seized. What's a person to do. Where is this fictional man I created in my head?
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