On My Way...

Sometimes when you navigate through something as thick and dense as fog it gives you more clarity when things clear. This is becoming a gracious gift and a foe at the same time. I wanted health back but I'm not sure I wanted to see things differently when it all cleared. I say this because I am looking at my life in a different light.

I was content on accepting things that I thought were fact. Today I question my ability to accept. I want change and I want accountability. If you think that this is the hand you were dealt and life offers no better then why worry. But I say this is my wake up point and I need not take my circumstances as some random victim but as a person with an opportunity to change. I so want to change.

You might ask what is it that I would change, well it is my whole being I would concentrate on. My personal and spiritual here and now. I can't say that I have been one of strong moral standards. My spiritual existence has been almost non-existent. I have awoke from this thing called survival and want to live life. I want to enjoy the day and end my day with no remorse or doubt. I want to charter a course and stay the course. If bad things should arise while I'm on the course then so be it. I know where I'm going. My longitude and latitude are set and the speed is irrelevant. The coordinates are marked and my destination is ahead.

I can't imagine a pilot or captain not using a map to set sail. Is that crazy? Would you get on board if someone was guiding you to your destination without a map. I realize that as romantic as it sounds to have the wind move you, it is even more romantic to know what to pack for. My trips have been cold and chilly. Well I want to scrap the mittens and I want to break out the bikini. Well maybe not me, but you know what I mean.

I think it is bazaar to run a household and not know where I want to take this family. It is so easy to have children and make a family but it is harder to take a real look and ask yourself where and how do I get these people to the place they need to be. I write this and I ask you do you have a plan? I am a normal guy with normal problems. Sure I might be battling things you haven't or I might not even scratch the surface of the things you've seen but I ask you do you really have a plan set for your family? I have been like so many other families or generations that do the day to day with prayer that not too many obstacles occur. I figure if I can get these people fed, clothed, and educated it will all work out. Wrong. I need to forget about the choppy seas and wind and concentrate on the planning. I need to invest in deeper things of life. I want to teach about success, failure, and disappointment. I need to be the one that my children reference things to. I've spent so much time trying to get through to the next day that I've lost the fact that there's a lesson to be taught at every mile along the way!