Colds, carrots, and Orajel

In life, nothing ever goes as planned. Sometimes we have to make adjustments to our plan to deal with matters that come up unexpectedly. There is no hidden meaning in that, it's a fact. Certain events or scenerios call for you to take certain actions.

An unexpected cold or cough, you make a trip to the doctor. For a sore tooth, a quick stop for some Orajel or an appointment to the dreaded dentist. Or it may be a simple stop at the grocery store for a bag of carrots to go with that slowly cooking pot roast. These events, although minor, put us on a detour from our regular course.

Unfortunately, today we have obligations to be at a funeral home so we can lay to rest a family member. There's a time we have to be there, last minute details to go over, and a schedule to follow. A place we have to be. Unexpectedly.

I say "family member" but that title doesn't cut it. He was a son, a brother, a husband - a father. He was my brother-in-law Steve Kreighbaum. Titles that are so important to us, the people he left behind.

I have had my fair share of loss this year. Eleven months ago my son, Landen, was taken away from us in a hit and run accident. I have had time to think about it hourly for those eleven months. 7,964 hours of thinking to be exact.

What I have come up with is that we all play a part in so many lives. Our family's, our friend's, our co-worker's, our neighbor's, our pet's, down to the guy selling you coffee every morning. So many connections on a daily basis.

It breaks my heart when I think how, sometimes, we can easily forget how important we are. Each one of us plays a part in this life. We have people who love us, who would fist fight for us, who would actually die for us if needed and we don't always see it. We are the spoke in so many lives.

I can't ease the pain of my loved ones at this moment. It's an unexpected detour that we have to take right now and it is what is. But I want everyone to know that sometimes we get stuck in a fog and we can't always see things in front of us. If that fog should creep up on you, I want you to remember that you're not alone. Nothing goes as planned for any of us. For some of us, we count hours and painfully take another breathe, struggling to find good in what we've been dealt. But at the end of the day take stock of your life, count your blessings and always remember that the fog will always lift. But most importantly, recognize and understand that a  wheel can't roll if it doesn't have a spoke!

The Drive-Thru Window

Kaylee went to the doctor yesterday for her follow up regarding her recent shoulder replacement. The doctor said it looks good and is amazed at her tolerance for pain. This tolerance is attributed to the pain she had been living with for such a long time regarding her bone deterioration. The shoulder looks good and she is recovering just fine.

It is so surreal to see such a young person, especially your child, having so many medical issues. Kaylee's life has been altered because of all this. While her friends are working,going to school, and living as you'd expect, her world is centered around medical appointments, procedures, and physical limitations. Not a life I had envisioned for her. But the key word here is - "LIFE".

When all the traumatic events unfolded, way back when, with the doctor saying "sorry it's cancer" I literally fell to my knees and begged God to leave her here. At any cost. I didn't want him to take her from us. At one point I pleaded that he could take anything from her - legs, hands, torso, anything - just let here be with us. It's amazing what you will do when you think you're about to loose something, especially a child. 

I have so many friendships that were established from our long stays at Children's Mercy Hospital. Unfortunately, some of those friendships are with parents whose children didn't make it. So heartbreaking. Especially when you know them, the kids, and the fight they went through. It's so close to home and relevant to your life that you almost keep your distance. I mean you feel their pain and you cry because your heart hurts so bad but at the end of the day you know you are in the same pool when medical professionals are talking to you about percentages, mortality rates, and statics. Scary shit!   

I think back to day the doctors told us about the cancer. Me and Tammie, not being an Oncologist or anything close to it, were forced to make decisions regarding treatment. I think they gave us a twenty minute talk about options. Option one) accept a treatment that has worked well since 1972. Or Option 2) take part in a study that has even better results then the 25 yr. old procedure but roll the dice on the side-effects and unknowns.

The door shuts. Hmm? "What do you think Tammie?" She replies, "I have know idea." All the while I'm thinking, I have trouble effectively ordering food from a drive-thru window and I am suppose to make a decision on cancer treatments for the most important thing in my life. Finally I said "lets ask the doctor what he would do if it was his kid OR we can flip a coin." We asked the doctor. Being put in the position to make a decision like that is very difficult. But we made it and the treatment worked. Unfortunately Kaylee got stuck with some ugly and debilitating side-effects but she's here and that's what matters most.

If these bone issues are what we have to deal with, then so be it, I'm fine with that as a parent. I'm just glad he didn't take her. I will be glad when we can get this behind us and move on. It seems like it never ends as far as having commitments and obligations to issues that surrounded the leukemia. Appointments, surgeries, and up & downs. But I will tell you this, no matter what comes our way, I will fight and do whatever it takes for my daughter or anyone else that may need help. Speaking from experience, with Kaylee and Landen, being inside a room, trying to make a life or death decision for your child, is the worst and most difficult thing I think a person could ever face. If you've been there then you know what I mean. It's something I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

I'm just glad Kaylee's here. She is such a beautiful person. I've never heard her complain or take pity for herself. She takes everything in stride and stays strong around us even when I know she's feeling low. She's had a few limitations the last few years because of the illness but she lives life on her terms. She isn't a little girl any more and with all she's had to deal with she probably had to grow up a little faster than other children. My daughter and her life is a blessing.

American Idol

I cry every time I watch AI! I'm not sure why but I have my suspicions! I think it's because I keep thinking that these kids are children of someone. Sounds strange but when I hear someone with a great voice I feel a sense of - Pride. Crazy but I think how proud I would be if it was my kid. I get emotional hearing a good voice, what can I say.

When I see someone cry I want to cry. When I see someone do good I want to cheer. I love to see people succeed. I sometimes don't get why everyone is not that way. Seriously, I want everyone to do good. To see someone try and change, to see someone become passionate, to see someone find their thing makes me feel good. So I guess that is why I am weak for a good voice. A good voice is usually a sign of practice and passion. I sing in the car and shower but would never attempt to do it in public. So if someone does break out in song it usually signifies that someone has practiced on their pitch and I applaud that! Usually.

Please read my story that came out today in the Lee's Summit Journal. One-80 by Michael Quijas http://www.lsjournal.com/100/story/23639.html

One-80

I need your help today. Please go to http://www.myfirst180.com/ and purchase my ebook for $12.00. This money is going to help with 10 Kids Insured, The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, and all the other charitable work that seems to find me. Please help me announce this exciting news to everyone you know. I feel comfortable saying "you never know when you might need a helping hand too."

Home Alone...

Kaylee was admitted into the hospital tonight. Kay has been sick the last two days and the doctors want to observe her for the next few days because her immune and blood levels have dropped significantly.

It has been almost a year since we've had to spend the night at CMH. I had almost forgot Kaylee had cancer. She does chemo and the visits are once a month now. I feel bad she has to endure admissions and needles. It would be so traumatic for anyone but it makes you feel terrible when it's your kid. I think she's in a great place considering she does have cancer.

I took Kaylee to the emergency room tonight because her fever reached 103 degrees. It was amazing how quickly the staff checked Kaylee into the ER. They expedited Kaylee so smoothly and fast I felt very good about the quick response. The ER is not where you want your kid if they're missing an immune system. We get a clean room or a sanitized environment but being there is risky. We didn't have to wait at all.

I stayed up last night until 6:00 am this morning because Kaylee was sick. She only woke up once at 5:30 am and said she was wasn't feeling any better. I got Tammie up and her fever was at 102 but it dropped at 6:30 and the doctors on call said lets wait and see where she goes with the fevers before we take her into CMH. So it wasn't until tonight at 7:30 when I went in and Kaylee felt hot. Her temp was at 103 and that's when we got the go ahead to take her in.

It sounds like I'm all over the sickness but it's Tammie. We do shifts. I'll stay up at night so Tammie can get some sleep. It is her who ends up playing Florence Nightingale when the work needs to be done. It was me that took Kaylee to the ER because if she got checked in, like she did, that's when Tammie's work begins. She stays with Kaylee in the hospital and I relieve her in the morning. It is uncomfortable staying in the hospital. I will get Christian off to school and then I'll make my way to CMH. Tammie will be here when Christian gets off the bus and will get him ready for his big dance tomorrow. This sickness can throw a monkey wrench in anything you have planned. Christian has been excited about this dance and got new clothes for the occasion and a haircut. Christian and Tammie have been getting him ready for his night. Unfortunately Kaylee's sickness will take part of his excitement away. We will be focused on her even though we are going to get him off to his big night. Kaylee's cancer takes precedent over everything.


So tonight I lay here with my girls gone. Hopefully this little bug will pass and we can disappear into the crowd like we have this past year. This cancer sucks and makes you realize that having cancer comes with certain realities. You have to be careful, more so then other people. I'm certain Kaylee knows this is only a speed bump. Sickness is crazy at this time of the year and her being at school means she is exposed to the potential threats of sickness crawling in the halls and that cougher we all hear and see who doesn't cover their mouth. Well that's all I have for tonight.

Stability in the mood...

Kaylee can't sleep because she has pain going on with her arm. We think it is those steroids again but who knows. Yesterday morning was extremely difficult because Tammie was going to the store and asked if I would lay in bed with Kay so she wasn't alone. I went in and she had tears rolling down her face. It sucks not being able to do for someone you love. It also sucks having to be emotionally tough towards your kid. I hate that there's pain, I hate that my child is in her room crying when she should be at school having fun. This young girl is fighting things no one should, and dealing with emotional things way beyond her years. Watching as a father, but more importantly her father, is beyond words.

I can watch a program about kids in Africa and get emotional. I will easily shed a tear and get choked up. To have your own kid, one that is suffering look at you for relief is tough. I can only sit with her and rub her back or leg to give comfort. I feel so guilty that I can't grab her and get emotional but I can't because we have to be strong to get through this. Even though I can't fix this, I have to look strong for stability. Stability is an important thing during times like these!

Barry for a Break...

Me and Tammie attended the Barry Manilow show last night at the Sprint Center. It was good. We had awesome tickets and an awesome night. Barry put on a good show and he incorporated video clips from the past into the performance. It was all good.

The true enjoyment was watching Tammie enjoy her night. She apparently loves Barry and that is fine. It was worth the price of the ticket to look at Tammie's smile. She was so excited when he came out and called her best friends from childhood each time a certain song would start playing. I love seeing people escape for the night, or the day.

Everyone should have a Barry. Although my release might not include Barry, he worked for Tammie last night. It was so good to watch someone you care about enjoy themselves and forgot their problems for a few hours. Sometimes it's good to raise your arms and your voice - if it's done for the right reason!

The Moans...

So it's my birthday today. I went for a walk with Garth this morning. It was my reflection time this morning and I enjoyed it. I must say that I have had a great life. Some things I would change but over all it has been a good life. There has been lessons to be learned, there has been joy, and there has been heartbreak. What have I learned?

Today I respect life and I don't take it for granted. I feel strong. I feel like there is purpose for me and purpose for all that has taken place. Everything has had a way of working out for me. I'm not completely out of the woods but I have my sights set on the target. We are going to get healthy and we are going to succeed at what ever we do!

I think about the moans. The pain and the sound of pain has been traumatic. Last night I found out just how much. We had a baseball game and our batter was up to bat and the fastball hit him directly in the face. I did not see the pitch or the painful hit but I saw this child on the floor moaning after the fact. I thought it was Christian. My gut dropped. It wasn't Bubba but this little 12-yr. old was moaning from the pain. He was so hurt. I started crying. I can't tell you how I must of became immune to the sound of pain for survival in my baby girl. Last night it wasn't my child but it spilled out of me because of the fact it wasn't my kid. I have been so geared to deal with whatever to survive. I have tucked the pain away and last night seeing a child on the ground moaning has my heart hurting today. Our batter, Connor, is fine and there was no serious damage but I pray for a speedy recovery and I pray that no kid should ever have to feel pain ever again.

Sun block, long underwear, and one more week...

Kaylee did not make it today. Her ANC count (immune system) was too low to get what she needed to advance to her maintenance phase. We have to wait until next week. We will get there, it is out of our control. It is what it is!

Kaylee says her hopes weren't dashed or her spirit wasn't damaged. Kaylee says next week will come soon enough. She is so awesome. I wanted to make sure she wasn't disappointed. I think I might be, but it seems that Kay is feeling good at the moment and she is taking it each day for what it is. We feel good and that's what matters.

We have been checking into the hospital for 9 months. We stay and we leave at times. It has been a tough several months but it is going to get better. They said that we will not have to be back for one month once we get cleared for the maintenance phase. I can't wait. But it is scary as well. I feel as long as we are getting treated weekly that we are doing great. It can't last forever and we need to start getting back to normal. I think this summer will be very good to Kay. She says she wants to lay out in the sun. I told her that sounds great as long as she has on sun block and long underwear! Peace... :)

Light at the End...

I met with Blue Cross this afternoon and we discussed my best options for insuring my first 10 kids. As I was sitting there listening to detailed coverage I couldn't help but think how many times I have heard that insurance medical lingo. I never had any interest in that verbiage and I still don't. It was always Chinese before and still is. The difference is those things they talk about are things that can happen. Max coverage, catastrophic circumstances, and deductibles. I realized how it used to be so boring and irrelevant. Today it hits home even if it's boring. It's relevant.

It reminds me when you're young and people older then you always talk about insurance coverage and how you can't drive this car because you're not covered under the insurance. This always sounded so stupid because I wasn't going to wreck or nothing was going to happen to ME. I now know what they were talking about. Those stories are real and those circumstances can happen. You just pray it doesn't happen to you.

To think anyone loves their kid as much as me is impossible. We all think that right? I sometimes think that if everyone knew how much I loved my kid then everyone would know the pain. Well I hope we all love our kids that way. I know we all feel love towards our kids equally but when you start taking inventory because you think you might lose that love it is hard on you.

I look at Kay and I have so much admiration for her. She hasn't been to school this year. We are in our second semester and she has only walked in the school doors once this year. Her purpose there was unrelated to studies. We have been spending much of our time with children and teenagers that are missing their hair. Her sweet little head is growing hair. Her legs are starting to get strong and they are gaining weight daily. Our immune system is at a strong level and we feel better. We can see light at the end of the tunnel.

From My Friend...

Philippians 4:13 --- I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

The road to success is not straight. There is a curve called Failure, a loop called Confusion, speed bumps called Friends, red lights called Enemies, caution lights called Family. You will have flats called Jobs. But, if you have a spare called Determination, an engine called Perseverance, insurance called Faith, a driver called Jesus, you will make it to a place called Success.

Do you ever see something and know it was a message designed just for you. It might be called signs, a light bulb, or a premonition. Whatever it is you need to recognize it. I'm so scared to move forward with 10 Kids Insured. I am moving forward, but to do something that everyone tells me I can't becomes wearing. I have my crew around me rallying and I have family and friends supporting this dream but everyone else say's "If it's never been done then it can't be done" I beg to differ.

When I started InAd TV I had several people say the same thing. Today I have endured nearly three years of business and it is growing. I think that it is appropriate that InAd TV will get to birth a new way of thinking about children who are in households that make $1.00 to much an hour at Walmart to qualify for adequate healthcare for their children. It probably does sound outrageous that a man is proposing he use public restrooms from across the city to fund healthcare for our own children, Kansas City Children. 10 Kids Insured!

Straight Ahead...

I went to Paddy O'Quigley's in Leawood last night to check out the new TV systems we put in the restrooms. My guy's re-installed and upgraded the TV's above the urinals. I originally only put one monitor above the two urinals. The TV looked good but it was dead smack between the urinals. The guy's using the restroom wouldn't look at the LCD if there's someone next to them. They stare straight ahead. I don't want to say that we did a field test, but it was noticeable. The TV was high and in the middle, the guys we noticed wouldn't look at the TV. Guys are funny, when we use the restroom and if there's someone standing to the left or right, we look straight ahead. We never look low or to the side. Straight ahead.



I've created a living based off of Kansas City restrooms. So if you wonder why I'm telling you about patterns and techniques of men using the restroom, it's my business the way you do your business. I need everyone to look at my TV's for at least :30 seconds. Just :30 of your time please. I sell advertising and views, impressions, and captive eye balls are important. The new sound systems and positioned TV's are perfect. Perfect enough that customers were talking about it as I walked in last night.



Have you ever been so submerged into a project, work, or your life and you didn't realize the scope, magnitude, or consequences of your actions? I am going through this right now. I keep installing my TV network around town (I landed The Power and Light District this last Friday) and I've forgotten why I'm doing this. I am so caught up in implementing that I forgot why I started InAd TV. The day to day has taken away from the day dream. The hard work is being done now. I'm not out digging ditches but running a network and installing that network is tiring at times. Last night I got to hear, see, and feel my accomplishments.

I'm living a dream. I have a product that is easily recognized. I can ask almost any one under 40 yrs. of age if they've seen the TV's above the urinals or TV's in mirrors in restaurants and the answer is yes, 90% of the time. Those are mine and I'm proud of my creation. I have a TV channel and I can broadcast anything I want. I am fulfilling a dream. I am dictating and steering my future in the direction that I've chosen. I dream and I believe. But sometimes the path isn't always clear,the work, and the dream seems distant.

I want to thank everyone who believed in me and assisted me on my journey. I am starting to understand the importance of team work. If I was on my own I wouldn't be here, I'd be just another guy with a good idea. Although I spent much time in the beginning by myself, it wasn't until the team started coming together to that results started appearing. The word fortitude keeps popping up. Marching forward through the struggles, the fight, and the adversity has made me truly understand that without tough times and learning curves you never really grow. If everything was always smooth sailing then you would never know the sweetness of accomplishment. Everything would be predictable. I think unpredictability is a good element at times.



I guess I brought this issue up for a reason. Sometimes we do things in life that satisfy ourselves. Sometimes we do things for others, but in the end we have to find the things that can define who we are. It might be your family, your work, or your hobby's that brings definition to your life. I ask all of you to dig deep and ask yourself if you are doing that thing or those things that make you happy. If so, more power to you. If not try to make a change. Do something out of the ordinary and make a change. Write a book, join a club, volunteer. Do something that might open new doors. I have to say the feeling is very liberating and enriching.





Well I hope you have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Remember that we aren't guaranteed tomorrow, and those things that you put off may become regrets if not explored and put to rest. I am a dreamer and I am a doer. I take chances and gamble at times. I might get away with it but you might not, I might be able to afford to take a chance where you can't. There's no wrong or right answer, no right move or wrong move, it's all about forward motion. Live life and push forward.

We are Home...Thank You!

Kaylee was discharged at 12:15 PM this afternoon. I can't tell you how awesome those words were today when they said "you've been discharged." We prayed and prayed that God would let us have a Christmas at home. I could not have asked for a better present. Thank you.

I was trying to find a schedule that would work if we didn't get released. Christian suggested we get ready Christmas morning and unwrap at CMH. I thought how I would trade shifts with Tammie, or just waiting till Kay was released was another option. It doesn't matter and I don't have to worry about either of my children now. We will have a normal Holiday. Thank you.

Kaylee usually will sleep or try to sleep during procedures but this time she read, watched video's, and moved around. Her mental state was lets do this and lets go. This technique worked. She wanted to be home for all of us. So thinking about it, it was a perfect four days. We got our treatment out of the way and we were released before Christmas. We don't have anymore admissions and this poisonous treatment is history. To the next phase we go. Thank you.

If my child or family was in any of your prayers, I thank you. There are times in your life that you will find that prayer is the only thing you seek. I can manage money or material goods on my own but those prayers become a commodity that words can't describe. Keep them coming and know we are blessed each day we get closer to our health. Thank you.

Free Health Care Coverage For 10 Kids...

December 22, 2007 - 7:13 AM Today is the day that marks the official six month point of our diagnosis. So with that being said I want to officially tell you what I going to do to commemorate this milestone. I am going to establish a fund that will pay for a Health Insurance Policy for ten children who live in the Kansas City area. This twelve month policy will be funded through my company InAd TV. This program will see to it that these ten chosen children will have an opportunity for a routine check-up, maintenance, and any health care needed. This program will also deliver peace of mind to the parents and family of the 10 chosen recipients.

I announce this to you today because you read my blog and I could use your help. I have been exploring different insurance companies, I have been going over the game plan, and now I want to search for someone who could use the help. I ask you to give it thought if you know someone in a certain situation that could use a hand. The prime candidate would be a family member, neighbor, or co-worker who just doesn't qualify for state assistance, and can't afford insurance premiums. Pass the word on and let me know. I am very passionate and empathetic about this cause for my own reasons. Reasons which I'll share with you shortly.

My business was started with a few goals in mind. The first was to launch a product and service that wasn't being done by anyone else. Second, I wanted to start my own TV channel, a Ted Turner of sorts. Third and final, I wanted to create something that would generate capital so I could launch programs locally, regionally, and nationally that might benefit and better mankind. I've made the machine to accomplish all three. InAd TV.

I can be reached at michael@inadtv.com , all correspondence and conversation will be kept confidential. I give you my word that there isn't anything I haven't seen so don't be embarrassed if it is a family or yourself. Tell me your story, maybe I can help. The only thing that I ask, and I hope this doesn't offend anyone, is you pass me names of healthy children with no pre-existing conditions. The reason being if I want to budget ten kid's, those ten kids will have to fall into the projections we anticipate.

June 28, 2005 - April '07

I feel compelled to tell my story. This story deals with embarrassment, pride, and good fortune. I have left it out of my writings because there is a certain self pride each of us carry, and I felt if I let it out, and if you did the math, it would be revealed that this story took place only nine months ago. Not nine years but nine months. My story could possibly tarnish the view you might have of me. Who cares!

I went almost two years with out insurance. I was so embarrassed about this issue that I wouldn't tell anyone. I live in this nice neighborhood, with people that appear to have money and I couldn't afford health insurance. This was my big secret. I could not afford an extra $400 - $500 payment per month. I couldn't afford not having it and but I actually couldn't afford it. My pride kept me away from welfare programs and my disappointment got the best of me each and every time I requested a quote from health care providers. I was gambling on the welfare of my loved ones.

Two months after we had our policy in place Kaylee came down with Leukemia. I feel blessed that I had an insurance agent that called me once a month for fourteen months telling me that I needed coverage. His name is Steve Minot and he is with Deer Creek Financial. He pushed me in a way that wasn't overbearing or pestering. He was my conscience and he was my reminder. He was my friend in the business. Well, Steve is going to help me implement my program and we are going to make a difference even if it is only ten kids at a time.

I often wonder what our situation would be if I hadn't activated coverage. Maybe this situation happened so I could help others. Who knows the whys or the whats of this thing. I just know that Kaylee Marie Quijas is the inspiration and spark of great things to come!

One Down, How Many More To Go?...

Kaylee and Tammie have one night completed at CMH. I am getting Christian ready for school, and I have some time so I thought I might inform you on our progress. This disease is such an inconvenience. To lay your head down at the end of the night, knowing your family is else where takes its toll. The first night isn't alright but manageable. The following days and night are the hardest.

I wonder how Kaylee gets ready mentally. She walks into CMH and knows that each foot step gets her closer to the sickness. When I try to describe the sickness it is almost impossible. Each hour you can see the effects of the medicine taking its toll. Sleepy, then discomfort, the nausea. As a spectator, or Father it is draining. Our drive is recovery and the light that waits for us at the end of the tunnel. We are right there and we can see the light. Unfortunately it's a fight that I can't help with. I can only make my little one as comfortable as possible.

My tool is laughter. We play and kid the whole time. I should say we play and kid up to the point of Kaylee's involvement. Yesterday we were playing in the clinic, laughing our heads off. The staff probably thought we were crazy, but the laughter lightens our load. Towards the end it becomes a serious battle that makes us take measures accordingly. The caregiver and patient.

Tammie is a blessing. Where there might be spouses or partners that would welcome a break from the family or one that could find comfort resting their head alone, we don't. I want my family safe and secure, comfy and relaxed. So again we are both blessed to have such a relationship that let's us play our role, the roles that help define this family.


I take care of the day to day operations of the money, bills, and all the tangibles. Tammie works the family, the house, and the sickness. A full time job in my eyes. This relationship makes me feel blessed. Having a two income family cut in half hurts financially but whats financial compared to the security my daughter feels knowing her mother is by her side? I'll take my child's security over financial woes any day. I will do whatever it takes as the Day to Day Operations Manager. Again, I answer to the big boss, Tammie Lei Quijas.

So enjoy your day and I hope you can find the time to say a prayer for my child. We need all the love we can put together. I need this kid released by Sunday or Monday. If you should find yourself bogged down and depressed for whatever reason just remember that things could be worse. I'm serious. I would trade this sickness in for those season demands and obligations in
a second. What I thought were problems in past years was nothing. Money, bills, and deadlines are insignificant issues when you are tossed some cancer. Enjoy the day!

Four More Days...

In four more days it will mark the six month point of this situation. I talk about going back in years and trying to remember certain Holiday's and certain times but this season will truly be remembered. Can you believe it will be six months. Wow.

I thank God and I thank time. They have both been working for us diligently. My thoughts are that we can fast forward all day long so we can get this behind us. So far it's been flying and it seems there's no stopping. After this next treatment we are done with the ugly dosage of chemo poison. On to our next treatment.

Christian had a Christmas program last night. He is in music and they had the annual music show. He is handsome and awesome. He had his tie and slacks on, and he sang loud & proud. We went as a family, my niece's joined us as well. It was a good time. I can't tell you how much I love my sister's kids. They are Emily Sharp 14, Bailey Sharp 12, and Trey 4. The girl's are making our lives so much easier since they are the same age as my children. They are such a consistent presence in our household. Trey brings laughter and innocence to our lives. The cousins love each other and we are blessed to have them a mile away. Family.

It is 10 AM and I need to handle the meat & potato's of the daily chores. Work. So if you read any more and I write any more we might end up at your house for the holiday's. No work, no money. No money, no peace. No Peace, no purpose. No purpose, no reason. No reason, no life. No life, no fun!

Leukemia and Lymphoma Society Photo Shoot...

Perception...

During the day you come across people you know and those you don't. I'm not judgemental but I look at how people carry them selves. If those people are with kids or a husband I observe more then I did before. I love to see healthy relationships. I appreciate family.

Some people might present themselves in public like they have no worries or like they're on top of the world. Others wear their emotions on their sleeve and you can tell that somethings not right. A mixture of personalities and a range of demeanor's. Everyone has a story. I'm nobody when it comes to an authority on human behavior but I'm an expert on reality.

I know that that person driving a $50 K car could be in a relationship that is filled with lies and cheating. The beautiful couple at the little league baseball game could on the verge of collapsing financially. That trophy wife could be having five affairs. On the flip side, you have a guy pulling weeds waiting for the clock to hit 5:00 PM so he can drive his 1978 Buick home to his happy family. A family that doesn't hinge on big money or fancy cars, but love. Happiness is what you make of it.

I know several families that from all appearances have everything. A life you think you might want. But it's not what it always seems. Unhappiness is an ugly emotion. Money can pacify you to a certain point but we all long for love, a healthy relationship, and a best friend. My mother and step dad have a friendship that has been the topic of conversation for 25 years. They are friends, family, and mates. They love each other and I admire their happiness. My mom told me once that she and Dave make it a point to listen to each other and all they have to say about their day, the week, or the future. She said that they are best friends and if he has something to share then it's her job as a best friend and lover to listen. I've been there before with Tammie and tuned her out. I want to watch my TV program or I just didn't have time. I wasn't participating. How many times have you done that? Well I'm here to say that it's a lot easier to have a bad relationship then working at a good one.

I want to love and appreciate. I look at our Christmas Tree and think how many holidays I've had with my team, my family. I grasp that investment and I want more. I want to be a great dad, a great mate, and a best friend. The grass isn't greener, it is hard work to have good relationships. My battle these days has all my focus. That focus includes harmony in my household. When we are here there isn't bickering or fighting. It is comfort and family that takes the day.

I mention this topic today because most of us take things for granted, we did. Petty issues and insignificant matters could spark hostility or resentment. Money would be an issue and personality sometimes clashed. I can truly say that those things are silly. If you are ever hit with sickness and sorrow, I guarantee you will think about all those precious moments in time that was wasted on matters of insignificant importance.

So my advice for you is to love the day, love your family, and love your partner. Be aware that trauma can strike at any time and your team, your family is all you have. Everyone might love you or your kids but at the end of the day everyone disappears and goes their separate ways. They go home. It is you, your family, and the love in the home that really matters. Love the one you're with... (can you name the artist or group?)

Let us out...

We received the news that we won't be going home. We have to stay until Kay can eat. We hope tomorrow but we agree that she needs to get her strength back before we leave. The snow cut my stay short at the hospital. I also had to get home for Christian because he has stayed home sick from school the last two days. I delivered some KFC to Tammie. We ate lunch together, Kaylee nibbled on some potatoes, then I left.

I struggled through the snow and ice to get home. We are holding down the fort while the girls are being held at the CMH lock down. I thank God that CMH is in Kansas City. I am 25 minutes away from front door and four floors away from Kay. The comfort of knowing we are so close, is priceless. We are on a wing of the hospital that is for bone marrow transplants. They are admitted for eight weeks. So our situation could be much worse.

Kaylee is holding up well. We had an incident this week that involved an area of the sickness that we've tried to overlook. Kaylee's cheerleader sisters are having a party this Saturday, she wasn't invited and it hurt. Kaylee says it doesn't hurt and I believe her. But we can't figure out why her coach, teammates, or one of the dozens of parents didn't mention it. I assume they think she is too sick or they just want Kaylee to focus on her recovery, but an invite would have been nice & huge. She is segregated from the friends she loves. Life is going on, as it should, but we have a kid who is living on the fourth floor of CMH and would like to be included. For future reference, we are all over this sickness, if we don't think Kay can go here or there we'll make that call, but please include my kid. We are concentrating on the health but Kay's social well being is important too. As a parent you want to let people know that an invitation or an occasional visit is OK. Kaylee is conscious and she's Kaylee. We just have a temporary roadblock and we'll be just fine. But as a parent you want your child to be included or atleast have an option to participate. This sickness is tough. The health, social, and spiritual aspect is very dynamic. We are learning as we go forward and I'm sure it's just as confusing for spectators. Just remember that it's Kay's health that has taken a detour, and not the fifteen year old spirit.

.08...

What's in a number? Well let me tell you. We get discharged when Kaylee's chemo levels in her body drop to .10, but since she hasn't been able to release her poison they, the doctors, want her levels to be .08. We've come close to our number but we are off by tenths. Tenths. This means we have to stay until it gets low, or lower.

We are fine with this decision because it protects my child but it is hell juggling between the house, the hospital, and everyday obligations. We're lucky to be able to relieve each other and work around this illness. Kaylee is doing her time and doing it well. I just want my kid home and I'm praying those numbers hit tonight. As much as I'd like to hit my Lotto numbers, I'd take our chemo numbers over them tonight, hands down.

The time is 11:50 Pm and we are patiently waiting for the test results to come back so we can see if the girls get to sleep in their own beds tonight or if we'll have to wait until tomorrow to test again. So if you have some mental powers or an angel, I have some Lotto tickets we can trade for a trip home tonight. An even up trade!