American Idol

I cry every time I watch AI! I'm not sure why but I have my suspicions! I think it's because I keep thinking that these kids are children of someone. Sounds strange but when I hear someone with a great voice I feel a sense of - Pride. Crazy but I think how proud I would be if it was my kid. I get emotional hearing a good voice, what can I say.

When I see someone cry I want to cry. When I see someone do good I want to cheer. I love to see people succeed. I sometimes don't get why everyone is not that way. Seriously, I want everyone to do good. To see someone try and change, to see someone become passionate, to see someone find their thing makes me feel good. So I guess that is why I am weak for a good voice. A good voice is usually a sign of practice and passion. I sing in the car and shower but would never attempt to do it in public. So if someone does break out in song it usually signifies that someone has practiced on their pitch and I applaud that! Usually.

Please read my story that came out today in the Lee's Summit Journal. One-80 by Michael Quijas http://www.lsjournal.com/100/story/23639.html

One-80

I need your help today. Please go to http://www.myfirst180.com/ and purchase my ebook for $12.00. This money is going to help with 10 Kids Insured, The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, and all the other charitable work that seems to find me. Please help me announce this exciting news to everyone you know. I feel comfortable saying "you never know when you might need a helping hand too."

One last Slim Jim...

Today we had to put our beautiful dog to sleep. He was so sick and in pain that we moved the procedure up a day. I stayed up last night until 4:00 am with him because he couldn't get comfortable. His body and spirit went on a major decline since this last weekend. It was tough to watch.

I had to be a CMH this morning at 10 am and we did our thing there. Kaylee had some tough chemo and a hurtful spinal tap. I left CMH somewhere around 3 pm so I could decide what my plan was going to be with Garth. Christian stayed home from school today so he could spend some time with his dog. It was really hard for Christian. But after watching the dog shake uncontrollably he too thought we should end his pain immediately.

It was around 5:30 when he went to sleep. I thought I was going to have to do it alone but Christian said he wanted to be there with Garth. So we waited for Kaylee & Tammie to get home. Kaylee wanted to see him off before we headed to the vet. She has so much going on with her health and her recovery that her view on health issues with the dog is a little less sympathetic then maybe Christian's. When Kaylee arrived home she had an Arby's Roast Beef sandwich for Garth. After he ate that, me and Bubba took Garth through the bank drive-thru to get some of the doggie biscuits they give out. We then proceeded to Quiktrip for one last Slim Jim for the big guy. It was all sad but comforting knowing that we gave him a great last meal.

We cried on the way there but pulled it together when we got in. The wait was somewhere around 30 min. before we were called in. The receptionist kindly informed me when we checked in that Laura Horseman, a great friend of Tammie and me since high school had paid for the procedure. Laura is an animal lover, animal advocate, and animal trainer that knew the condition of our dog and wanted the suffering to end. We have never had to do this before and Laura wanted to make it as easy for us as possible. We thank you Laura for thinking about our family and your generousity was greatly appreciated.

Christian was told he could wait outside but he told the Dr. he wanted to be there. Garth was always afraid of the vet and being left there so I regret that I took his collar off right before the procedure. He looked at me with confusion. I wish I wouldn't have done that. They sedated him and he was very calm. I held him and kissed him and told him how much I loved him. Christian looked the other way until the Dr. told him to come and say goodbye. Garth was very still but when Christian walked up he made eye contact with Christian and that was it. We said our goodbyes and left. Christian wanted me to hold him like he was a little kid again. He wanted the security of his father's hug! Well I gave it to him and he unknowingly returned the love to me by holding me too. I was sad and hurting as much as anyone. The most touching thing for me was that Christian traveled with me so I wouldn't have to do it alone. He is such a kind hearted person. Even though this appointment was the most painful thing he has ever had to do, he went to make sure I was OK! Garth was the best dog any family could ever have. Thank you Garth for watching over my family, I love you.

The Moans...

So it's my birthday today. I went for a walk with Garth this morning. It was my reflection time this morning and I enjoyed it. I must say that I have had a great life. Some things I would change but over all it has been a good life. There has been lessons to be learned, there has been joy, and there has been heartbreak. What have I learned?

Today I respect life and I don't take it for granted. I feel strong. I feel like there is purpose for me and purpose for all that has taken place. Everything has had a way of working out for me. I'm not completely out of the woods but I have my sights set on the target. We are going to get healthy and we are going to succeed at what ever we do!

I think about the moans. The pain and the sound of pain has been traumatic. Last night I found out just how much. We had a baseball game and our batter was up to bat and the fastball hit him directly in the face. I did not see the pitch or the painful hit but I saw this child on the floor moaning after the fact. I thought it was Christian. My gut dropped. It wasn't Bubba but this little 12-yr. old was moaning from the pain. He was so hurt. I started crying. I can't tell you how I must of became immune to the sound of pain for survival in my baby girl. Last night it wasn't my child but it spilled out of me because of the fact it wasn't my kid. I have been so geared to deal with whatever to survive. I have tucked the pain away and last night seeing a child on the ground moaning has my heart hurting today. Our batter, Connor, is fine and there was no serious damage but I pray for a speedy recovery and I pray that no kid should ever have to feel pain ever again.

Sun block, long underwear, and one more week...

Kaylee did not make it today. Her ANC count (immune system) was too low to get what she needed to advance to her maintenance phase. We have to wait until next week. We will get there, it is out of our control. It is what it is!

Kaylee says her hopes weren't dashed or her spirit wasn't damaged. Kaylee says next week will come soon enough. She is so awesome. I wanted to make sure she wasn't disappointed. I think I might be, but it seems that Kay is feeling good at the moment and she is taking it each day for what it is. We feel good and that's what matters.

We have been checking into the hospital for 9 months. We stay and we leave at times. It has been a tough several months but it is going to get better. They said that we will not have to be back for one month once we get cleared for the maintenance phase. I can't wait. But it is scary as well. I feel as long as we are getting treated weekly that we are doing great. It can't last forever and we need to start getting back to normal. I think this summer will be very good to Kay. She says she wants to lay out in the sun. I told her that sounds great as long as she has on sun block and long underwear! Peace... :)

Bigger Things To Get Done...

Kaylee was in the hospital for almost 6 hours getting blood. I wake up sometimes and have to read my writings from the previous night because it is late sometimes and I have to make sure it is not all late night thoughts. They say you write differently depending on the time. They say you should reread the next day before you push send or publish.

I talked about the Big 12 Tourney and my tickets that were offered to me. I wrote I was going to decline the tickets because I had bigger things to get done. Well I strarted my day earlier to get things done that needed to get done. I made a decision that I should invest time with Christian today. There would be nothing bigger then that for me today. I was going to spend much needed time with just the two of us. So I headed my way to Christian's school and picked him up. I was at the Power & Light bright and early this morning so I left my car in the the Rock Star parking space that I secured early, got a ride to Lee's Summit, picked up the tickets, picked up Christian and headed down to the Sprint Center. (Oh, I had to run home and change my jeans because I wore those same jeans today that I wrote the Style blog about. The straight leg pants they said I should never wear again. They ripped in the butt! I guess it was time for those to go. One way or another!)

Our day was nice and I appreciate Christian. He is so innocent. He grabbs my hand when we walk across the street. We passed a sausage/hotdog vendor with a hot grill and Christian grabbed my hand even harder. He was scared of the flames. He had me and he had my hand. It was special. I like that he is still a child. He uses me/us as a security blanket. I never want to lose that. I want a good relationship with everyone especially my children. Good night!

Driving for the Family...

The hardest thing about watching your child fight sickness, especially something called cancer, is witnessing your child lose their innocence. I can’t explain the whole situation because I don’t completely understand it my self. This little blessing you create is your angel. If you have no children it might be hard to understand, but if you’re lucky enough to have the experience of raising children then you know what I mean.

My child wanted to cuddle and snuggle nine months ago. Sickness hit then things changed. There are so many other things going on besides being daddy’s little girl now. That is the worst for me. I want to love but it’s an inconvenience for her at times. Sickness rules the house and everything else is secondary.

Kaylee left for the emergency room around 9:30 tonight for blood. She is running low and needs it badly so we decided to take her tonight instead of waiting until tomorrow. We are so close to the final phase, we want to be safe and we want Kaylee to feel as healthy as possible. I stayed home with Christian.

I went in to check on the little guy and he was sleeping. This is unusual for him. We normally have to tell him to go to sleep. He was sleeping when I went in around 10:30. I suspect he wanted to end the day because of Kaylee and the fact his big sister had to pack up and go to the hospital so late. As I went to turn the TV off I looked at the top of his head. The only thing exposed beneath the covers. I felt for him. He is part of a family that has to make concessions for the sickness. I love him for taking it and never complaining.

I took Christian to baseball tonight. I let the dog go as well. As I watched him I could not help but think how incredibly talented he is. He is so good at baseball. So good that he gets noticed by everyone that passes by any field he is on. His talent is not being inflated by a proud father but being relayed from a spectator who happens to be his proud father.

Being good at something doesn’t guarantee you’ll be noticed. Christian is noticed and I hope he continues to get the notoriety from his hard work & talent. I think being good at something is important. I was okay at wrestling. But sports never fully engaged me. They still don’t. I had a ticket for tomorrow's basketball tournament but I decided I have more important things to get done.

I like what I do for a living. Today I was finishing up where my construction guy fell short and I felt something. I was watching people working in the Power & Light District this morning and I couldn’t help but feel the feeling of working for someone else. I don’t have much experience working for others but I do have certain memories. My memories usually involve a pit in my stomach. I hated being somewhere because someone told me to be there. Weird but true. I never really found that place with anyone else’s business. I would arrive do what was expected but I never truly fit in. That’s okay. I respect everyone that can earn a living whether it be for their selves or for the other guy.

I had to leave at 6:00am this morning to get to the jobsite. As I was driving I felt a great feeling. It wasn’t because I was going to my awesome job, but for all the people driving to theirs. I couldn’t help but think that the majority of those driving were doing so to feed their families. They were up early to make things happen for those loved ones probably still at home sleeping. Maybe it was me that I was watching in those other cars!

Light at the End...

I met with Blue Cross this afternoon and we discussed my best options for insuring my first 10 kids. As I was sitting there listening to detailed coverage I couldn't help but think how many times I have heard that insurance medical lingo. I never had any interest in that verbiage and I still don't. It was always Chinese before and still is. The difference is those things they talk about are things that can happen. Max coverage, catastrophic circumstances, and deductibles. I realized how it used to be so boring and irrelevant. Today it hits home even if it's boring. It's relevant.

It reminds me when you're young and people older then you always talk about insurance coverage and how you can't drive this car because you're not covered under the insurance. This always sounded so stupid because I wasn't going to wreck or nothing was going to happen to ME. I now know what they were talking about. Those stories are real and those circumstances can happen. You just pray it doesn't happen to you.

To think anyone loves their kid as much as me is impossible. We all think that right? I sometimes think that if everyone knew how much I loved my kid then everyone would know the pain. Well I hope we all love our kids that way. I know we all feel love towards our kids equally but when you start taking inventory because you think you might lose that love it is hard on you.

I look at Kay and I have so much admiration for her. She hasn't been to school this year. We are in our second semester and she has only walked in the school doors once this year. Her purpose there was unrelated to studies. We have been spending much of our time with children and teenagers that are missing their hair. Her sweet little head is growing hair. Her legs are starting to get strong and they are gaining weight daily. Our immune system is at a strong level and we feel better. We can see light at the end of the tunnel.

KC Star...

Hello. I wanted to check in and say hello. I have been busy getting back into the swing of things since the conclusion of our admissions. We started a new cycle of treatments with Kaylee. This round is steroids and shots. Although it is less time in the hospital, it is torture for Kaylee.

The steroids affect your mood, your eating, and your appearance. There has been a change in mood and eating but no physical difference. I hate that she fears the shots. I hate not being able to take the fear away. We are with her on every step of the journey, but she is on her own with the taking the pain part.

I was thinking how important this blog was in helping me during our dark days. At first I was concerned how I might have came across with all the whining and whimpering, but it was my release for six months. It was so helpful to me and my sanity that I will never apologize. It didn't take me long to find my therapeutic release and I am grateful. I look at the alternatives and I admit that someone could easily indulge into something a lot less healthier then a blog. The pain and scare are unbelievable when it deals with your child.

I registered my non-profit, 10 Kids Insured, with the state and now I am filling out my 501(c) 3 paper work with the IRS. The wait for approval can be long, so I am running my foundation through the Truman Heartland foundation. This wonderful operation will expedite my cause without a long wait. It is very exciting. I am setting up meetings with insurance companies that see the potential and want to get on board with this wonderful cause. Different health care foundations are contacting me as well expressing interest. It seems like this idea to help kids with health care might just work.

InAd TV is doing great as well. I am installing McFadden's and Stroud's this week. We received the green light from the Power & Light district last Thursday. I am supposed to be Downtown in four hours. Ouch! The Stroud's install is one that gets me out of the Bar and Nightclub circuit and lands me into a family style atmosphere. Hooray! I like my bars and nightclubs but it will be nice to unveil my product & service in such a renowned place as Stroud's.

There will a story on me next Tuesday in the Business section of the KC Star. It is a section called Emerging Business, and they do a Q & A with entrepreneurs and my number was called. I am privileged and honored. It took long enough. But timing is everything, right? I hope I sound OK in the article. Take a look at the article and keep me in mind if you ever do an ad campaign. I hope to talk soon, thank you for every thing.

Lois W. Kreighbaum 1917 - 2007

Today Tammie attended her Grandmothers funeral. I knew her fairly well since I've been with Tammie forever. Her Grandfather C.W. passed away in 2005. I remember her grandparents as a sharp dressed couple. I remember them holding Kaylee as a baby. This memory was deep set because I didn't have grandparents while Kaylee was a baby. I always thought that it was such a nice thing to see Kay with generations of family. I was extremely close to my grandpa but he passed in the early eighties. Roy Sellers was his name.

I just asked Tammie about Lois. I wanted to know if she was doing alright in the nursing home. We planned on visiting soon. I wanted Tammie to visit her Grandmother because she truly loved her and she was getting up there in age, 90. But timing is everything. We are limited to our road trips these days, especially with the cancer treatments. Unfortunately we weren't able to make that trip in time. I feel bad for Tammie because she always mentions her Grandparents when she talks of her childhood. I hate to see someone hurt, I really hate to see my love one's hurt.

My memories will be that of Kaylee sitting on the lap of C.W. and Lois, and I'll always have the memory of me bringing Rosedale BBQ to the get togethers. C.W. would always say "this is tasty stuff." Grandma always had that perfect red lipstick and those fancy clothes. I'm part of the family and I send my condolences to the kids, grandchildren, and the extended family. I guarantee Lois is enjoying her self with C.W. and God tonight. Sometimes life doesn't seem fair but taking a look at the memories, life, and legacy is relief and the thing that can make you say "that woman was my grandma, she lived a good life, and I wouldn't trade that in for anything." Rest in Peace.

We are Home...Thank You!

Kaylee was discharged at 12:15 PM this afternoon. I can't tell you how awesome those words were today when they said "you've been discharged." We prayed and prayed that God would let us have a Christmas at home. I could not have asked for a better present. Thank you.

I was trying to find a schedule that would work if we didn't get released. Christian suggested we get ready Christmas morning and unwrap at CMH. I thought how I would trade shifts with Tammie, or just waiting till Kay was released was another option. It doesn't matter and I don't have to worry about either of my children now. We will have a normal Holiday. Thank you.

Kaylee usually will sleep or try to sleep during procedures but this time she read, watched video's, and moved around. Her mental state was lets do this and lets go. This technique worked. She wanted to be home for all of us. So thinking about it, it was a perfect four days. We got our treatment out of the way and we were released before Christmas. We don't have anymore admissions and this poisonous treatment is history. To the next phase we go. Thank you.

If my child or family was in any of your prayers, I thank you. There are times in your life that you will find that prayer is the only thing you seek. I can manage money or material goods on my own but those prayers become a commodity that words can't describe. Keep them coming and know we are blessed each day we get closer to our health. Thank you.

Free Health Care Coverage For 10 Kids...

December 22, 2007 - 7:13 AM Today is the day that marks the official six month point of our diagnosis. So with that being said I want to officially tell you what I going to do to commemorate this milestone. I am going to establish a fund that will pay for a Health Insurance Policy for ten children who live in the Kansas City area. This twelve month policy will be funded through my company InAd TV. This program will see to it that these ten chosen children will have an opportunity for a routine check-up, maintenance, and any health care needed. This program will also deliver peace of mind to the parents and family of the 10 chosen recipients.

I announce this to you today because you read my blog and I could use your help. I have been exploring different insurance companies, I have been going over the game plan, and now I want to search for someone who could use the help. I ask you to give it thought if you know someone in a certain situation that could use a hand. The prime candidate would be a family member, neighbor, or co-worker who just doesn't qualify for state assistance, and can't afford insurance premiums. Pass the word on and let me know. I am very passionate and empathetic about this cause for my own reasons. Reasons which I'll share with you shortly.

My business was started with a few goals in mind. The first was to launch a product and service that wasn't being done by anyone else. Second, I wanted to start my own TV channel, a Ted Turner of sorts. Third and final, I wanted to create something that would generate capital so I could launch programs locally, regionally, and nationally that might benefit and better mankind. I've made the machine to accomplish all three. InAd TV.

I can be reached at michael@inadtv.com , all correspondence and conversation will be kept confidential. I give you my word that there isn't anything I haven't seen so don't be embarrassed if it is a family or yourself. Tell me your story, maybe I can help. The only thing that I ask, and I hope this doesn't offend anyone, is you pass me names of healthy children with no pre-existing conditions. The reason being if I want to budget ten kid's, those ten kids will have to fall into the projections we anticipate.

June 28, 2005 - April '07

I feel compelled to tell my story. This story deals with embarrassment, pride, and good fortune. I have left it out of my writings because there is a certain self pride each of us carry, and I felt if I let it out, and if you did the math, it would be revealed that this story took place only nine months ago. Not nine years but nine months. My story could possibly tarnish the view you might have of me. Who cares!

I went almost two years with out insurance. I was so embarrassed about this issue that I wouldn't tell anyone. I live in this nice neighborhood, with people that appear to have money and I couldn't afford health insurance. This was my big secret. I could not afford an extra $400 - $500 payment per month. I couldn't afford not having it and but I actually couldn't afford it. My pride kept me away from welfare programs and my disappointment got the best of me each and every time I requested a quote from health care providers. I was gambling on the welfare of my loved ones.

Two months after we had our policy in place Kaylee came down with Leukemia. I feel blessed that I had an insurance agent that called me once a month for fourteen months telling me that I needed coverage. His name is Steve Minot and he is with Deer Creek Financial. He pushed me in a way that wasn't overbearing or pestering. He was my conscience and he was my reminder. He was my friend in the business. Well, Steve is going to help me implement my program and we are going to make a difference even if it is only ten kids at a time.

I often wonder what our situation would be if I hadn't activated coverage. Maybe this situation happened so I could help others. Who knows the whys or the whats of this thing. I just know that Kaylee Marie Quijas is the inspiration and spark of great things to come!

One Down, How Many More To Go?...

Kaylee and Tammie have one night completed at CMH. I am getting Christian ready for school, and I have some time so I thought I might inform you on our progress. This disease is such an inconvenience. To lay your head down at the end of the night, knowing your family is else where takes its toll. The first night isn't alright but manageable. The following days and night are the hardest.

I wonder how Kaylee gets ready mentally. She walks into CMH and knows that each foot step gets her closer to the sickness. When I try to describe the sickness it is almost impossible. Each hour you can see the effects of the medicine taking its toll. Sleepy, then discomfort, the nausea. As a spectator, or Father it is draining. Our drive is recovery and the light that waits for us at the end of the tunnel. We are right there and we can see the light. Unfortunately it's a fight that I can't help with. I can only make my little one as comfortable as possible.

My tool is laughter. We play and kid the whole time. I should say we play and kid up to the point of Kaylee's involvement. Yesterday we were playing in the clinic, laughing our heads off. The staff probably thought we were crazy, but the laughter lightens our load. Towards the end it becomes a serious battle that makes us take measures accordingly. The caregiver and patient.

Tammie is a blessing. Where there might be spouses or partners that would welcome a break from the family or one that could find comfort resting their head alone, we don't. I want my family safe and secure, comfy and relaxed. So again we are both blessed to have such a relationship that let's us play our role, the roles that help define this family.


I take care of the day to day operations of the money, bills, and all the tangibles. Tammie works the family, the house, and the sickness. A full time job in my eyes. This relationship makes me feel blessed. Having a two income family cut in half hurts financially but whats financial compared to the security my daughter feels knowing her mother is by her side? I'll take my child's security over financial woes any day. I will do whatever it takes as the Day to Day Operations Manager. Again, I answer to the big boss, Tammie Lei Quijas.

So enjoy your day and I hope you can find the time to say a prayer for my child. We need all the love we can put together. I need this kid released by Sunday or Monday. If you should find yourself bogged down and depressed for whatever reason just remember that things could be worse. I'm serious. I would trade this sickness in for those season demands and obligations in
a second. What I thought were problems in past years was nothing. Money, bills, and deadlines are insignificant issues when you are tossed some cancer. Enjoy the day!

Four More Days...

In four more days it will mark the six month point of this situation. I talk about going back in years and trying to remember certain Holiday's and certain times but this season will truly be remembered. Can you believe it will be six months. Wow.

I thank God and I thank time. They have both been working for us diligently. My thoughts are that we can fast forward all day long so we can get this behind us. So far it's been flying and it seems there's no stopping. After this next treatment we are done with the ugly dosage of chemo poison. On to our next treatment.

Christian had a Christmas program last night. He is in music and they had the annual music show. He is handsome and awesome. He had his tie and slacks on, and he sang loud & proud. We went as a family, my niece's joined us as well. It was a good time. I can't tell you how much I love my sister's kids. They are Emily Sharp 14, Bailey Sharp 12, and Trey 4. The girl's are making our lives so much easier since they are the same age as my children. They are such a consistent presence in our household. Trey brings laughter and innocence to our lives. The cousins love each other and we are blessed to have them a mile away. Family.

It is 10 AM and I need to handle the meat & potato's of the daily chores. Work. So if you read any more and I write any more we might end up at your house for the holiday's. No work, no money. No money, no peace. No Peace, no purpose. No purpose, no reason. No reason, no life. No life, no fun!

Leukemia and Lymphoma Society Photo Shoot...

Perception...

During the day you come across people you know and those you don't. I'm not judgemental but I look at how people carry them selves. If those people are with kids or a husband I observe more then I did before. I love to see healthy relationships. I appreciate family.

Some people might present themselves in public like they have no worries or like they're on top of the world. Others wear their emotions on their sleeve and you can tell that somethings not right. A mixture of personalities and a range of demeanor's. Everyone has a story. I'm nobody when it comes to an authority on human behavior but I'm an expert on reality.

I know that that person driving a $50 K car could be in a relationship that is filled with lies and cheating. The beautiful couple at the little league baseball game could on the verge of collapsing financially. That trophy wife could be having five affairs. On the flip side, you have a guy pulling weeds waiting for the clock to hit 5:00 PM so he can drive his 1978 Buick home to his happy family. A family that doesn't hinge on big money or fancy cars, but love. Happiness is what you make of it.

I know several families that from all appearances have everything. A life you think you might want. But it's not what it always seems. Unhappiness is an ugly emotion. Money can pacify you to a certain point but we all long for love, a healthy relationship, and a best friend. My mother and step dad have a friendship that has been the topic of conversation for 25 years. They are friends, family, and mates. They love each other and I admire their happiness. My mom told me once that she and Dave make it a point to listen to each other and all they have to say about their day, the week, or the future. She said that they are best friends and if he has something to share then it's her job as a best friend and lover to listen. I've been there before with Tammie and tuned her out. I want to watch my TV program or I just didn't have time. I wasn't participating. How many times have you done that? Well I'm here to say that it's a lot easier to have a bad relationship then working at a good one.

I want to love and appreciate. I look at our Christmas Tree and think how many holidays I've had with my team, my family. I grasp that investment and I want more. I want to be a great dad, a great mate, and a best friend. The grass isn't greener, it is hard work to have good relationships. My battle these days has all my focus. That focus includes harmony in my household. When we are here there isn't bickering or fighting. It is comfort and family that takes the day.

I mention this topic today because most of us take things for granted, we did. Petty issues and insignificant matters could spark hostility or resentment. Money would be an issue and personality sometimes clashed. I can truly say that those things are silly. If you are ever hit with sickness and sorrow, I guarantee you will think about all those precious moments in time that was wasted on matters of insignificant importance.

So my advice for you is to love the day, love your family, and love your partner. Be aware that trauma can strike at any time and your team, your family is all you have. Everyone might love you or your kids but at the end of the day everyone disappears and goes their separate ways. They go home. It is you, your family, and the love in the home that really matters. Love the one you're with... (can you name the artist or group?)

Let us out...

We received the news that we won't be going home. We have to stay until Kay can eat. We hope tomorrow but we agree that she needs to get her strength back before we leave. The snow cut my stay short at the hospital. I also had to get home for Christian because he has stayed home sick from school the last two days. I delivered some KFC to Tammie. We ate lunch together, Kaylee nibbled on some potatoes, then I left.

I struggled through the snow and ice to get home. We are holding down the fort while the girls are being held at the CMH lock down. I thank God that CMH is in Kansas City. I am 25 minutes away from front door and four floors away from Kay. The comfort of knowing we are so close, is priceless. We are on a wing of the hospital that is for bone marrow transplants. They are admitted for eight weeks. So our situation could be much worse.

Kaylee is holding up well. We had an incident this week that involved an area of the sickness that we've tried to overlook. Kaylee's cheerleader sisters are having a party this Saturday, she wasn't invited and it hurt. Kaylee says it doesn't hurt and I believe her. But we can't figure out why her coach, teammates, or one of the dozens of parents didn't mention it. I assume they think she is too sick or they just want Kaylee to focus on her recovery, but an invite would have been nice & huge. She is segregated from the friends she loves. Life is going on, as it should, but we have a kid who is living on the fourth floor of CMH and would like to be included. For future reference, we are all over this sickness, if we don't think Kay can go here or there we'll make that call, but please include my kid. We are concentrating on the health but Kay's social well being is important too. As a parent you want to let people know that an invitation or an occasional visit is OK. Kaylee is conscious and she's Kaylee. We just have a temporary roadblock and we'll be just fine. But as a parent you want your child to be included or atleast have an option to participate. This sickness is tough. The health, social, and spiritual aspect is very dynamic. We are learning as we go forward and I'm sure it's just as confusing for spectators. Just remember that it's Kay's health that has taken a detour, and not the fifteen year old spirit.

.08...

What's in a number? Well let me tell you. We get discharged when Kaylee's chemo levels in her body drop to .10, but since she hasn't been able to release her poison they, the doctors, want her levels to be .08. We've come close to our number but we are off by tenths. Tenths. This means we have to stay until it gets low, or lower.

We are fine with this decision because it protects my child but it is hell juggling between the house, the hospital, and everyday obligations. We're lucky to be able to relieve each other and work around this illness. Kaylee is doing her time and doing it well. I just want my kid home and I'm praying those numbers hit tonight. As much as I'd like to hit my Lotto numbers, I'd take our chemo numbers over them tonight, hands down.

The time is 11:50 Pm and we are patiently waiting for the test results to come back so we can see if the girls get to sleep in their own beds tonight or if we'll have to wait until tomorrow to test again. So if you have some mental powers or an angel, I have some Lotto tickets we can trade for a trip home tonight. An even up trade!

1985...

Thank you Cari Derks Turner for this picture! It is me and my best friend Nick, sorry for the beer mom. I was sixteen years of age, the same age as Kaylee. I can't say I condone underage drinking but I sure wish Kaylee was at the lake drinking something besides the Gatorade the nurse just spiked with meds.

Time flys. Where is that kid? I had no obligations, no commitments, and no dependents. Today I'm deep into my family. It's been years since I've been to the lake. My hair is gray and I grew an extra chin or two. Times were good.

Today is good as well. I love my children and I love my life. I would change a thing or two if I could but I can't so I have to enjoy the journey. Thanks again Cari Derks Turner!

Hey You...

Well it hasn't happened yet. Our beautiful daughter is still admitted in CMH. It is 1:23 AM on Tuesday morning, December 4, 2007. Kaylee was so close to being released but stopped eating because of a hurt mouth. She almost cleared her counts but quite eating and drinking because of the painful mouth. So we are at the mercy of time and the counts that are taken every twelve hours. We test again at 10 AM tomorrow morning and then again at 10 PM tomorrow night. What a life.

Kaylee has been in her room all day and has had her mother with her the entire time. Again it says something about both girls. They sit together all day, and night. Tammie never complains and never wants to leave for more then a trip home to see Christian. A great person and even a better mom. Kaylee is impressive. She does what she needs to. She doesn't moan whether it's mouth sores or another delay in her departure. Both are strong and both are mine.

I wanted to fill you in on our progress. I wanted to share a snapshot of the Quijas day. I wish I could tell you more but I only spent an hour or two on the fourth floor tonight. I had meetings and appointments all day. I didn't make it to the shift change as normal. I had to work, it makes me wonder what we would do if we didn't have the flexibility. I feel for those who might have to leave their child. I can't leave her alone and neither can Tammie. We are not going to have any regrets about our fight and this time in life.

Please say a prayer for our family.