A whisper

I want to share a story from my bro-in-law's funeral. The service was incredible. I'm not sure if that's the right word or appropriate, but that's the only word I can use to describe the service.

I arrived after most of the other family members. So many emotions went through my head on the drive there. I was sick to my stomache. But after watching all the people shuffle in and all the stories people shared I felt much different leaving than I did when I arrived. I felt like Steve was laid to rest and at peace.

His life was celebrated and the stories people shared were in line with who he was. Most stories started out with Steve having a beer, a cig, some foul words, and an incident that was worth sharing. Almost every encounter you had with him turned out to be a story you wanted to share with someone.

For me I was always impressed with his carefree attitude. He didn't care what anyone thought of him - what he did or what he said. Something I'm not able to do. I always worry about what people might say or think if I speak my mind openly or if I do something out of the norm. Not Steve, he did what he wanted to. It was a quality I admired about him.

When the service was over I was in line to say my final good-bye. I was in line behind someone, this someone was a member of his wife's family. I may have been too close because I heard her last words.

She whispered to Steve, "I will make sure your kids are taken care of, don't you worry."

I had mixed emotions. I was upset that he wouldn't be here to do that himself. My thoughts were with the kids and how he wouldn't be here any longer to offer a touch, a word, or sense of security that only a father can. I was saddened by the fact that he was no longer here. But then I thought, he's in a place now where he'll be able to do great things for the kids and will always be with them. Something he may not have been able to do while he was here.

That whisper I heard was sincere and real. This family member, who I won't mention out of respect for her privacy, is an individual who does what she says. She's an individual who makes me feel safe & secure when I'm in the same room with her. Her demanor is tough but it has a sprinkle of love to it. I knew she meant it when I heard her say, "I will make sure your kids are taken care of, don't you worry."

I have written about Steve daily for the last six days because his passing has hurt me. He was my family and my friend. So many memories and so many years together in the same family. It feels so empty losing a brother. I wish I could have one more beer, one more cig, or one more foul word together. Rest in peace my brother.

Colds, carrots, and Orajel

In life, nothing ever goes as planned. Sometimes we have to make adjustments to our plan to deal with matters that come up unexpectedly. There is no hidden meaning in that, it's a fact. Certain events or scenerios call for you to take certain actions.

An unexpected cold or cough, you make a trip to the doctor. For a sore tooth, a quick stop for some Orajel or an appointment to the dreaded dentist. Or it may be a simple stop at the grocery store for a bag of carrots to go with that slowly cooking pot roast. These events, although minor, put us on a detour from our regular course.

Unfortunately, today we have obligations to be at a funeral home so we can lay to rest a family member. There's a time we have to be there, last minute details to go over, and a schedule to follow. A place we have to be. Unexpectedly.

I say "family member" but that title doesn't cut it. He was a son, a brother, a husband - a father. He was my brother-in-law Steve Kreighbaum. Titles that are so important to us, the people he left behind.

I have had my fair share of loss this year. Eleven months ago my son, Landen, was taken away from us in a hit and run accident. I have had time to think about it hourly for those eleven months. 7,964 hours of thinking to be exact.

What I have come up with is that we all play a part in so many lives. Our family's, our friend's, our co-worker's, our neighbor's, our pet's, down to the guy selling you coffee every morning. So many connections on a daily basis.

It breaks my heart when I think how, sometimes, we can easily forget how important we are. Each one of us plays a part in this life. We have people who love us, who would fist fight for us, who would actually die for us if needed and we don't always see it. We are the spoke in so many lives.

I can't ease the pain of my loved ones at this moment. It's an unexpected detour that we have to take right now and it is what is. But I want everyone to know that sometimes we get stuck in a fog and we can't always see things in front of us. If that fog should creep up on you, I want you to remember that you're not alone. Nothing goes as planned for any of us. For some of us, we count hours and painfully take another breathe, struggling to find good in what we've been dealt. But at the end of the day take stock of your life, count your blessings and always remember that the fog will always lift. But most importantly, recognize and understand that a  wheel can't roll if it doesn't have a spoke!

Steven Dale Kreighbaum Jr.

My brother-in-law, Steve, passed away this morning at the age of 45. He was a father, husband, son, brother, and friend. We had grown up together since I was 15 yrs. old. and we've been in the same family for over 23 years.

I was alerted to the devasting news, while I was getting ready for work, through the painful screams coming from his sister, my wife, Tammie. I instantly knew that something tragic had happened because of that scream. A scream you never forget.

Steve had been battling depression for some time. He had different health ailments and the fight took its toll. He gave up. In the wake of his departure we are left asking questions and wondering what we could have done differently.

I must admit that the thought of leaving this place has crossed my mind. The dark days I've had to deal with and the setbacks after setbacks have warped my thinking once or twice. But today I see what hurt and devastation does to loved ones when you're suddenly gone.

I ask everyone to get help if you feel sick. Talk to someone if you find yourself in a hole and can't get out. The swallon eyes and broken hearts I see today is such a sad sight. Put your pride away and put the ones who love you first. This sad day will pass and people will move on. But make sure that you move with them and don't make a permenant solution to a temporary problem.
- Your bro-in-law and your friend