Home Alone...

Kaylee was admitted into the hospital tonight. Kay has been sick the last two days and the doctors want to observe her for the next few days because her immune and blood levels have dropped significantly.

It has been almost a year since we've had to spend the night at CMH. I had almost forgot Kaylee had cancer. She does chemo and the visits are once a month now. I feel bad she has to endure admissions and needles. It would be so traumatic for anyone but it makes you feel terrible when it's your kid. I think she's in a great place considering she does have cancer.

I took Kaylee to the emergency room tonight because her fever reached 103 degrees. It was amazing how quickly the staff checked Kaylee into the ER. They expedited Kaylee so smoothly and fast I felt very good about the quick response. The ER is not where you want your kid if they're missing an immune system. We get a clean room or a sanitized environment but being there is risky. We didn't have to wait at all.

I stayed up last night until 6:00 am this morning because Kaylee was sick. She only woke up once at 5:30 am and said she was wasn't feeling any better. I got Tammie up and her fever was at 102 but it dropped at 6:30 and the doctors on call said lets wait and see where she goes with the fevers before we take her into CMH. So it wasn't until tonight at 7:30 when I went in and Kaylee felt hot. Her temp was at 103 and that's when we got the go ahead to take her in.

It sounds like I'm all over the sickness but it's Tammie. We do shifts. I'll stay up at night so Tammie can get some sleep. It is her who ends up playing Florence Nightingale when the work needs to be done. It was me that took Kaylee to the ER because if she got checked in, like she did, that's when Tammie's work begins. She stays with Kaylee in the hospital and I relieve her in the morning. It is uncomfortable staying in the hospital. I will get Christian off to school and then I'll make my way to CMH. Tammie will be here when Christian gets off the bus and will get him ready for his big dance tomorrow. This sickness can throw a monkey wrench in anything you have planned. Christian has been excited about this dance and got new clothes for the occasion and a haircut. Christian and Tammie have been getting him ready for his night. Unfortunately Kaylee's sickness will take part of his excitement away. We will be focused on her even though we are going to get him off to his big night. Kaylee's cancer takes precedent over everything.


So tonight I lay here with my girls gone. Hopefully this little bug will pass and we can disappear into the crowd like we have this past year. This cancer sucks and makes you realize that having cancer comes with certain realities. You have to be careful, more so then other people. I'm certain Kaylee knows this is only a speed bump. Sickness is crazy at this time of the year and her being at school means she is exposed to the potential threats of sickness crawling in the halls and that cougher we all hear and see who doesn't cover their mouth. Well that's all I have for tonight.

Grandma: Part 3 The Conclusion

Kerry's grandma finally received a green light from the U.S. to enter the country. We have been told that all the paper work is done and waiting for her at the U.S. Consulate in Honduras. We are grateful. It took some time but it appears that it worked out, we just need to get her here quickly. Kerry isn't doing so well.

Kerry has been on a ventilator and her situation hasn't improved. The doctors told Claudia that she needs to get better soon or problems could occur. So I ask everyone to say a prayer for this young girl. I went to see her today and she is sick. He poor little body is so swollen. I hardly recognized her. A drastic change from last week. I wish I would have taken a picture with here months ago when she was feeling healthy. I'll just wait until she gets healthy again I guess. My connection with the family is solid and I feel they appreciate me and the effort I've put into helping them get their grandmother/mother here.

It must have been in March or April when Claudia told me she needed help. That was when I decided I would try to help Claudia bring her mother here from Honduras. It sounded easy but the reality is there's so many laws, rules, and regulations that getting anything done is a toss up. Although I tapped resources and worked hard for the family, it was Christina Jasso who did the paper work and followed up. It would have never happened if it wasn't for Jasso.

Today I went by First Watch and grabbed Claudia a cheese omelet, sausage, and a biscuit. When I arrived at CMH the waiting room was packed. Kerry's family and friends were gathered there. Christina Jasso was taking one person at a time back to Kerry's room. She was giving Claudia a break. Her kindness is so inspiring. I think she has to be tired too. This fight has consumed her and she's become attached to Kerry and the family.

The best advice I could give anyone who might face a tough battle with sickness is find the good in the situation. This journey with Kerry has opened my eyes to the random kindness of strangers. The outpouring of support from people who have never met her is unbelievable. The experience has renewed my faith in my fellow man/woman. I was blessed with the opportunity to see good things happen in the midst of an ugly thing called cancer.

I'm done writing about Kerry and her family. It's time for them to move forward privately. My objective was to get a Visa for the grandmother and it looks like we may have succeeded. Since I'm done with my part I am going to concentrate on my family now. For those of you who wonder why I've been writing so much about the family, it was because they needed their story told so others would intervene and help at this desperate time. It worked. I hope that Kerry wins her battle and I encourage everyone to say a prayer for this beautiful child.

Not alone anymore...

I want to tell everyone that Kerry Magana is getting assisted in the Visa campaign from Ted Kennedy and his office. It seems that Mr. Kennedy is part of an oversight committee that monitors immigration issues and this is one of the things, Kerry's situation, that they can help cut through the bureaucratic red tape and intervene. Thank you Mr. Kennedy.

The things that have happened since all this started have been incredible. The outpouring of support has been overwhelming. The person responsible is Christina Jasso from the Guadalupe Center in KC. She took this case on as any other but has moved from a social worker to become part of the Magana family. I joke with her almost daily that if ever become sick or in need of an advocate that she's my girl.

Christina stays at the hospital when she needs to. She delivers food and support daily. I'm sure her family has considered posting her picture on milk containers because she is always helping this family in moments of crisis. Recently there has been many moments.

I believe that it's a blessing when one gets to see acts of kindness first hand. This has truly been a blessing to me. We go through life so often consumed with our own world and seldom take up the cause of our fellow human beings. This is unfortunate because there are so many of our neighbors who need help, not just a handout. I have had my share of downs and I have been lucky to have the right people or person come to my rescue.

So this weekend, this month, or this year I ask you to keep an eye open for someone who needs your help. It might be someone fighting cancer, someone laid off from a job who needs some networking, or a neighbor that needs a ride to work to feed his or her family. For me it was a family battling sickness alone that put me in the mode. Alone. No one should have to do it alone. I have enough resources for the both of us.

This situation has been a growing experience for me. It has led me to new people, new door steps, and a new way of thinking. I encourage everyone to step out of that comfort zone, that routine and experience the incredible feeling you get when you make a difference. I can't say what will happen with this case, but I do know that this mother of a very sick child is not alone anymore. That might be her blessing, knowing she's not alone anymore!

Is there a doctor in the house...

I want to share something that happened to me this afternoon. Kaylee was at her scheduled appointment at CMH for her painful spinal tap and testing. I was at an appointment at the Power & Light when I received a phone call from the hospital. Tammie asked me to come to the clinic because the doctors wanted to talk to me. Tam's whispering somewhat scared me. I asked her what the whispering was about and she said that there was a family that was newly diagnosed and the doctors wanted me to come to the hospital and talk with them. The father was having a difficult time dealing with the news and they wanted me to talk with him. Me!



I cut everything short that I had planned and made my way to the hospital. I was approached by the staff and they asked if I would travel to the floor, the admission floor, and talk with the dad. I agreed. I can not explain the common thread or fraternity that you have when you go through this. It is beyond words. The feelings or emotions are text book. You encounter things that are so out of the norm. You feel alone. You want comfort then you get sick of the phone calls. You get messages of support that you want then you don't. You question statistics and then you ignore them. You ask why God did this to you and not your neighbor. You reason in your head that you could sacrifice your Mother, your wife, or any of your relatives if only God would spare your child. The fog is so thick that life as you know it will never be the same.



I walked to the floor and the father was walking out. He had head phones and running clothes on. The doctor introduced us and left. We talked outside in the lobby. He told me he was tired. I explained that I was not there to promote religion, or minimize. I told him that he will take whatever I say as words and no matter what I say he will say to himself that "this guy doesn't realize the love I have for my kid" I agree, I love my child more than you! It is similar to a break up. You will always have people tell you to stick in there because they did it and experienced it. Well the fact is I told my self that no one knows my pain because Kaylee is one of a kind. I love and feel more than anyone!

The truth is that all these feelings are going to be there in the beginning. Darkness is everywhere and one day turns into the next. I literally thought it was Wednesday when it was Friday. I sometimes felt relief because there was no where I had to be but next to my child. I got sick at times because I knew there was another member of my family, Christian, being thrown out of his routine. It is so overwhelming.

I told him that my blog was my savior and my friend. It really was. I had to find something to occupy me. It was this trust worthy blog! It was funny I said it because it was something that he said he was doing as well. I look back and thank how lucky I was to find my coping mechanism, and how fast I did it. Today I can go back through and read about days I felt like dying and can smile for the fact that I documented my story.

I was honored that the doctors, picked me out of the hundreds that attend the clinic to make this vulnerable man feel better. Hell, maybe I didn't do anything or say anything that was worth listening to. But it did something for me and I guess that's all that matters,

Sun block, long underwear, and one more week...

Kaylee did not make it today. Her ANC count (immune system) was too low to get what she needed to advance to her maintenance phase. We have to wait until next week. We will get there, it is out of our control. It is what it is!

Kaylee says her hopes weren't dashed or her spirit wasn't damaged. Kaylee says next week will come soon enough. She is so awesome. I wanted to make sure she wasn't disappointed. I think I might be, but it seems that Kay is feeling good at the moment and she is taking it each day for what it is. We feel good and that's what matters.

We have been checking into the hospital for 9 months. We stay and we leave at times. It has been a tough several months but it is going to get better. They said that we will not have to be back for one month once we get cleared for the maintenance phase. I can't wait. But it is scary as well. I feel as long as we are getting treated weekly that we are doing great. It can't last forever and we need to start getting back to normal. I think this summer will be very good to Kay. She says she wants to lay out in the sun. I told her that sounds great as long as she has on sun block and long underwear! Peace... :)

Driving for the Family...

The hardest thing about watching your child fight sickness, especially something called cancer, is witnessing your child lose their innocence. I can’t explain the whole situation because I don’t completely understand it my self. This little blessing you create is your angel. If you have no children it might be hard to understand, but if you’re lucky enough to have the experience of raising children then you know what I mean.

My child wanted to cuddle and snuggle nine months ago. Sickness hit then things changed. There are so many other things going on besides being daddy’s little girl now. That is the worst for me. I want to love but it’s an inconvenience for her at times. Sickness rules the house and everything else is secondary.

Kaylee left for the emergency room around 9:30 tonight for blood. She is running low and needs it badly so we decided to take her tonight instead of waiting until tomorrow. We are so close to the final phase, we want to be safe and we want Kaylee to feel as healthy as possible. I stayed home with Christian.

I went in to check on the little guy and he was sleeping. This is unusual for him. We normally have to tell him to go to sleep. He was sleeping when I went in around 10:30. I suspect he wanted to end the day because of Kaylee and the fact his big sister had to pack up and go to the hospital so late. As I went to turn the TV off I looked at the top of his head. The only thing exposed beneath the covers. I felt for him. He is part of a family that has to make concessions for the sickness. I love him for taking it and never complaining.

I took Christian to baseball tonight. I let the dog go as well. As I watched him I could not help but think how incredibly talented he is. He is so good at baseball. So good that he gets noticed by everyone that passes by any field he is on. His talent is not being inflated by a proud father but being relayed from a spectator who happens to be his proud father.

Being good at something doesn’t guarantee you’ll be noticed. Christian is noticed and I hope he continues to get the notoriety from his hard work & talent. I think being good at something is important. I was okay at wrestling. But sports never fully engaged me. They still don’t. I had a ticket for tomorrow's basketball tournament but I decided I have more important things to get done.

I like what I do for a living. Today I was finishing up where my construction guy fell short and I felt something. I was watching people working in the Power & Light District this morning and I couldn’t help but feel the feeling of working for someone else. I don’t have much experience working for others but I do have certain memories. My memories usually involve a pit in my stomach. I hated being somewhere because someone told me to be there. Weird but true. I never really found that place with anyone else’s business. I would arrive do what was expected but I never truly fit in. That’s okay. I respect everyone that can earn a living whether it be for their selves or for the other guy.

I had to leave at 6:00am this morning to get to the jobsite. As I was driving I felt a great feeling. It wasn’t because I was going to my awesome job, but for all the people driving to theirs. I couldn’t help but think that the majority of those driving were doing so to feed their families. They were up early to make things happen for those loved ones probably still at home sleeping. Maybe it was me that I was watching in those other cars!

Break the Darkness...

Kay is feeling much better these days. She is starting to get back to that comfortable state. I think we do the long chemo treatment on Wednesday. She gets chemo then the flush. I hope we have little side effects. At this point its so hard to judge how Kays body will react. We need to take our medicine on a routine basis but it would be nice to get a break for more than a week. Treatment is our priority.

Today was an OK day. I stayed up too late last night and getting up this morning was a challenge of sorts. If I see Kaylee's light on then I stay up later. I never want Kaylee to fight the night alone. Kaylee has been sleeping longer and getting up later. Such a change from a week or so ago. I feel better knowing that Kaylee has one of us up to keep her company if she needs it. Night time can be a lonely time. Night time is a little more fun when your Dad is Michael Quijas and he resides in a room just a few steps from your door. I will go for the late night food run. Coffee if you can handle it. Hell, I've been known to take a late night cruise just to break the darkness!

A Hand...

Me and Kaylee went to a late movie last night. We saw a movie called Walk Hard: The Dewy Cox Story. It was funny and entertaining. It could have been any movie really, just getting Kay out is an enjoyment. We have it figured out, Tuesday night is going to be slow as far as a attendance and that is the perfect setting for us. Our immune system is building up but it is low and slow. Our new treatments start this morning. Kay and Tammie are at the hospital as I write. I guess we had to go early so they could perform an EKG. Columbia & CMH both forgot to give her an EKG at the start of this. They are supposed to be monitoring her little heart. The liver concerns may have made them overlook this procedure. A heart scan. Who would of ever predicted?

I'd much rather be buying shoes for the bowling league or pom pom's for cheerleading. But this is our life for now and we'll go to the doctors office four hours before our scheduled appointment if we have to. I have to think that good has come from this. I mean, what would I be doing right now if I wasn't dealing with cancer in my child? Probably cruising through life without much thought of where I want to be and who is important. Not appreciating as much as one should.

I am going to embrace the fact that bad things can happen to great kids. Good things can happen to bad people. There's no rhyme or reason to life. It's recognizing the signs and course you're supposed to take. I'm going to make our experience a helpful one. It will help make me a better person and it will be the drive for me to help those who need a hand. Everyone needs a hand from time to time. May my experience be the extended hand to others.

We are Home...Thank You!

Kaylee was discharged at 12:15 PM this afternoon. I can't tell you how awesome those words were today when they said "you've been discharged." We prayed and prayed that God would let us have a Christmas at home. I could not have asked for a better present. Thank you.

I was trying to find a schedule that would work if we didn't get released. Christian suggested we get ready Christmas morning and unwrap at CMH. I thought how I would trade shifts with Tammie, or just waiting till Kay was released was another option. It doesn't matter and I don't have to worry about either of my children now. We will have a normal Holiday. Thank you.

Kaylee usually will sleep or try to sleep during procedures but this time she read, watched video's, and moved around. Her mental state was lets do this and lets go. This technique worked. She wanted to be home for all of us. So thinking about it, it was a perfect four days. We got our treatment out of the way and we were released before Christmas. We don't have anymore admissions and this poisonous treatment is history. To the next phase we go. Thank you.

If my child or family was in any of your prayers, I thank you. There are times in your life that you will find that prayer is the only thing you seek. I can manage money or material goods on my own but those prayers become a commodity that words can't describe. Keep them coming and know we are blessed each day we get closer to our health. Thank you.

One Down, How Many More To Go?...

Kaylee and Tammie have one night completed at CMH. I am getting Christian ready for school, and I have some time so I thought I might inform you on our progress. This disease is such an inconvenience. To lay your head down at the end of the night, knowing your family is else where takes its toll. The first night isn't alright but manageable. The following days and night are the hardest.

I wonder how Kaylee gets ready mentally. She walks into CMH and knows that each foot step gets her closer to the sickness. When I try to describe the sickness it is almost impossible. Each hour you can see the effects of the medicine taking its toll. Sleepy, then discomfort, the nausea. As a spectator, or Father it is draining. Our drive is recovery and the light that waits for us at the end of the tunnel. We are right there and we can see the light. Unfortunately it's a fight that I can't help with. I can only make my little one as comfortable as possible.

My tool is laughter. We play and kid the whole time. I should say we play and kid up to the point of Kaylee's involvement. Yesterday we were playing in the clinic, laughing our heads off. The staff probably thought we were crazy, but the laughter lightens our load. Towards the end it becomes a serious battle that makes us take measures accordingly. The caregiver and patient.

Tammie is a blessing. Where there might be spouses or partners that would welcome a break from the family or one that could find comfort resting their head alone, we don't. I want my family safe and secure, comfy and relaxed. So again we are both blessed to have such a relationship that let's us play our role, the roles that help define this family.


I take care of the day to day operations of the money, bills, and all the tangibles. Tammie works the family, the house, and the sickness. A full time job in my eyes. This relationship makes me feel blessed. Having a two income family cut in half hurts financially but whats financial compared to the security my daughter feels knowing her mother is by her side? I'll take my child's security over financial woes any day. I will do whatever it takes as the Day to Day Operations Manager. Again, I answer to the big boss, Tammie Lei Quijas.

So enjoy your day and I hope you can find the time to say a prayer for my child. We need all the love we can put together. I need this kid released by Sunday or Monday. If you should find yourself bogged down and depressed for whatever reason just remember that things could be worse. I'm serious. I would trade this sickness in for those season demands and obligations in
a second. What I thought were problems in past years was nothing. Money, bills, and deadlines are insignificant issues when you are tossed some cancer. Enjoy the day!

Let us out...

We received the news that we won't be going home. We have to stay until Kay can eat. We hope tomorrow but we agree that she needs to get her strength back before we leave. The snow cut my stay short at the hospital. I also had to get home for Christian because he has stayed home sick from school the last two days. I delivered some KFC to Tammie. We ate lunch together, Kaylee nibbled on some potatoes, then I left.

I struggled through the snow and ice to get home. We are holding down the fort while the girls are being held at the CMH lock down. I thank God that CMH is in Kansas City. I am 25 minutes away from front door and four floors away from Kay. The comfort of knowing we are so close, is priceless. We are on a wing of the hospital that is for bone marrow transplants. They are admitted for eight weeks. So our situation could be much worse.

Kaylee is holding up well. We had an incident this week that involved an area of the sickness that we've tried to overlook. Kaylee's cheerleader sisters are having a party this Saturday, she wasn't invited and it hurt. Kaylee says it doesn't hurt and I believe her. But we can't figure out why her coach, teammates, or one of the dozens of parents didn't mention it. I assume they think she is too sick or they just want Kaylee to focus on her recovery, but an invite would have been nice & huge. She is segregated from the friends she loves. Life is going on, as it should, but we have a kid who is living on the fourth floor of CMH and would like to be included. For future reference, we are all over this sickness, if we don't think Kay can go here or there we'll make that call, but please include my kid. We are concentrating on the health but Kay's social well being is important too. As a parent you want to let people know that an invitation or an occasional visit is OK. Kaylee is conscious and she's Kaylee. We just have a temporary roadblock and we'll be just fine. But as a parent you want your child to be included or atleast have an option to participate. This sickness is tough. The health, social, and spiritual aspect is very dynamic. We are learning as we go forward and I'm sure it's just as confusing for spectators. Just remember that it's Kay's health that has taken a detour, and not the fifteen year old spirit.

.08...

What's in a number? Well let me tell you. We get discharged when Kaylee's chemo levels in her body drop to .10, but since she hasn't been able to release her poison they, the doctors, want her levels to be .08. We've come close to our number but we are off by tenths. Tenths. This means we have to stay until it gets low, or lower.

We are fine with this decision because it protects my child but it is hell juggling between the house, the hospital, and everyday obligations. We're lucky to be able to relieve each other and work around this illness. Kaylee is doing her time and doing it well. I just want my kid home and I'm praying those numbers hit tonight. As much as I'd like to hit my Lotto numbers, I'd take our chemo numbers over them tonight, hands down.

The time is 11:50 Pm and we are patiently waiting for the test results to come back so we can see if the girls get to sleep in their own beds tonight or if we'll have to wait until tomorrow to test again. So if you have some mental powers or an angel, I have some Lotto tickets we can trade for a trip home tonight. An even up trade!

Hey You...

Well it hasn't happened yet. Our beautiful daughter is still admitted in CMH. It is 1:23 AM on Tuesday morning, December 4, 2007. Kaylee was so close to being released but stopped eating because of a hurt mouth. She almost cleared her counts but quite eating and drinking because of the painful mouth. So we are at the mercy of time and the counts that are taken every twelve hours. We test again at 10 AM tomorrow morning and then again at 10 PM tomorrow night. What a life.

Kaylee has been in her room all day and has had her mother with her the entire time. Again it says something about both girls. They sit together all day, and night. Tammie never complains and never wants to leave for more then a trip home to see Christian. A great person and even a better mom. Kaylee is impressive. She does what she needs to. She doesn't moan whether it's mouth sores or another delay in her departure. Both are strong and both are mine.

I wanted to fill you in on our progress. I wanted to share a snapshot of the Quijas day. I wish I could tell you more but I only spent an hour or two on the fourth floor tonight. I had meetings and appointments all day. I didn't make it to the shift change as normal. I had to work, it makes me wonder what we would do if we didn't have the flexibility. I feel for those who might have to leave their child. I can't leave her alone and neither can Tammie. We are not going to have any regrets about our fight and this time in life.

Please say a prayer for our family.

Up with the Sun, Gone with the Wind...

Does anyone know the artist of the song of which I named the title of this blog? Early morning trivia! Well if you get it right I'm going to arrange 7 days & 6 nights at the cozy, all inclusive resort at 2401 Gillham Rd., Kansas City, MO 64108. Your stay might demand you wear a mask depending on the floor your given. Washing your hands is strongly recommended. Can you name the location?

Ha! If I could only get a book deal. I would write, write, write. I'm discovering that I'm not half bad when it comes to writing. I know my grammar and spelling is less than desirable but you can't be perfect. Maybe that's my Wyandotte County Flair. My signature move. Putting words such as "were & we're" in sentences misspelled. One of my other big one is "use & used", keep watching you'll see it. Some slang and sorrow, I gotcha covered.

Well today might be a record. The 5 more minute man raised the bar. (Christian when I try to wake him) This time he hit high, "just 30 more minutes dad", I love it. Not 5, 10, or 12.5, but 30! He got his 30 and if we miss the bus, who cares. I've parked the car in the garage - just in case.

Kaylee finished the chemo last night so we wait to see how long it takes to flush from her system. The IV wasn't taken out due to the meds she's taking to fight her illness. They needed to keep it in to counter certain medication. Not my strong point again. Tammie and Kaylee are quit good with their medical knowledge. I'm impressed with the medical terms, procedures, and milligrams that both my girls know.

I hope Kaylee can release the chemo quickly and our counts allow us to leave. We want to nurse our child at home. The hospital was so full that we had to take a room in the transplant room. We try not to be superstitious but we want out of the transplant side of the cancer unit. It is an erie place. The nurses wear protective gear when they enter most rooms. The doors remain closed and deep illness fills the halls. I assume not to cross that bridge until we have, if we ever have to. So say a prayer for a child named Kaylee Marie Quijas, and hopefully the big man upstairs will give the green light to go home!

Titans...

The Lee's Summit West boys won their football game today. They upset the Parkway Central boys by a score of 35-0. This pounding produced the State Championship Trophy. Great job guys! This season was mixed with emotions. On one hand it was hard not having Kaylee out there with her team mates. But on the other hand it was so special and therapeutic when we could attend the games. It was a retreat from our home.

We watched the game in my bedroom as our team dominated the field. It was very comfy. It was good family time. It was care-free. We laid around all day. Then sometime around 6:00 PM me and Kaylee went to the Sprint Store. My phone had finally arrived and we got it programed. This took an hour, and then we headed to the local Price Chopper. We spent some great quality time at the store. Kaylee knew some of the clerks at Price Chopper. Kaylee is so sweet to watch when she knows someone. Kaylee knows a lot of people in Lee's Summit.

Well, I'm done writing and I hope everyone has a great night. Way to go Titans!

Pony Tails...

I was looking at a picture of my daughter and her friends. They look so cute. Their sweats, their poses, and their pony tails. If you would have taken the picture a year a go and told me that my child or any of the children would be bald from sickness a year later I would have crumbled.

I guess it goes back to the saying "how do you do it?" Well it isn't planned and it isn't our personal strength but more perseverance. This word is bigger then normal for me but it is - steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.

I watch Kaylee do her thing through all of this and I must say that it is her who shows great strength. Kaylee never complains. She has never said "why me?" The pain is never a topic of conversation for her. The inconvenience is packed away and never spoke of. The sadness doesn't consume her. The discomfort hardly shows. I'm proud to say that she is mine.

If I can make her journey to recovery as comfortable as possible then I've done my job. If I can put Tammie at ease without her having to worry about insignificant issues such as money, then I've done my part. If I can reassure Christian that recovery is well at hand, then I can say I'm DAD. We are new at this and we take it one day at a time, but each day is a day closer to our goal. A goal of pony tails, peacefulness, and health.

Redundant Days...

I want to tell everyone about a gift I received this week. It wasn't wrapped and it wasn't bought. It was a gift that took its time to get here. When it did arrive, it was so special that words couldn't describe it. My gift is the most beautiful gift and it took some time but didn't cost a dime.

This gift was relief. Relief we weren't sick anymore. Relief that I could sleep good because my baby girl was sleeping good. Relief that there wasn't any needles or injections. No sickness. No pain. Relief that Kaylee was back for a moment. Her laughter and smile were back and it was a relief.

Tomorrow we start our treatments again. We get fluids the first Day and chemo follows shortly after. There a two big bags of methotrexate. I think that's how you spell it but I could be wrong. One thing I know for sure is that we get sick on the third day. It is hard to think that we will be sick again after these fine days. It is what it is.

I don't want to bore you but I want you to enjoy your life. Take the time to enjoy your life. Step back and enjoy the workings of your day. The family or co-workers. The home or the office. Your car or your neighbors. One of your kids likes cheeseburgers and the other doesn't. One is scared of roller coasters and the other of scary movies. One can't stop running and you're not sure if you've ever seen the other run at all. One sings and the other doesn't.

It might be my life or it might be yours. Just make certain that you appreciate your life and all that comes with it. But make certain that your routine doesn't handicap you. Don't get blind because one day seems like the one before. If its one observation a day that's OK. Just take the time to be grateful and take an inventory of you life on a regular basis. These days and this time might be redundant but remember we're not guaranteed anything. So these memories could be the best even though they seem like all the rest.

Children's Mercy On Line 1...

We received a phone call asking if Kaylee wouldn't mind checking into the hospital on Wednesday instead of Tuesday. Yeah! This means that Kaylee can go to a Pep Rally if the school has one on Tuesday. School is released on Tuesday for the Holiday and we assume that there will be a rally for the boys on Tuesday. We can go. That is so big for Kaylee.

I want Kaylee to be available for some of the celebration or festivities. To think that she would be in the hospital is bad enough on Thanksgiving, but for her big Championship was hurtful. At least now we can take part in the events leading up to Friday. One event is better than none.

She is still sleeping, 2:40 PM, so I'll have to wait to discuss our options.

Things have a way of working out. Last year we were geared for a Championship, but we got beat. Webb City put an end to our season. This year was going to be the one and it is. Unfortunately we didn't see the cancer coming. We take it as comes, if it's good or if it's bad we don't care, we'll work with it or we'll work through it. Peace!

On Our Way To State...

The Lee's Summit West Titans are heading to the State Football Championship. The game is in St.Louis this next Friday. We will be in the hospital fighting sickness but we wish our boy's good luck. This was exciting news for Kaylee but I wondered if it hurt. She smiled from ear to ear when she found out the Titans were in the big game. I smiled but hurt inside. This child lived for the games and the cheerleading in her life. The girls called when they were at the game and Kaylee could hear everyone screaming with happiness.

Kaylee takes pride in being a cheerleader for the school. She was a spotter but we're told that the doctors don't want her spotting when she does go back. There's to much risk with the potential bruising and the possible harm of having 100 plus lb. girls zipping through the air. We could careless. We just want her back and any role on the field is fine. Spectator, cheerleader, or referee.

Kaylee said she wished she could sabotage her hospital stay so she could go to State but we are certain her counts will add up this Tuesday and she'll be admitted. But who knows. I wish Kaylee could give the boys a pep talk because I'm sure she could speak volumes about courage, strength, and fight. Hell, I'd give the speech for her. It's sad that she won't be there. But health first and celebrating second. I hope the cheerleaders and football team can find away to include Kaylee even if she's not there. Go Titans!

Thanks Again...

I want to tell everyone thank you. I write and people read. It is so healthy for me to do, and even more then that, I get a support system through it. I get feedback and responses and it helps me. It has reconnected me with great friends that I'd lost touch with and it has been very theraputic for me.

Today one of my classmates from high school sent me a email telling me that their beautiful daughter was diagnosed with a cancer just a month ago. The tumor that was discovered meant that the doctors at CMH had to remove a kidney and gland. Such a tragic thing. She told me that the blog hit home. I can't offer much more but then my story but it makes one feel good that they're not alone. I can't say that for them, but it helps me to know that we have a similiar fight together. Who knows when we might need to talk to someone who is doing the same routine and going through the same emotions.

My advice to anyone going through this is to have an escape or release. Reading or writing. Drawing or painting. Something or another. Mine happens to be writing and I thank you for taking your time to read it.

Randy and Staci my prayers are with you. I will put Jillian in my prayers right next to Kaylee and we'll get through this. Stay strong.