Goodbye...

I'm just about :32 minutes away from sending '07 off without regret. We look forward to 2008, and all the good health it can bring. I have to admit that this year was the worst year of my entire life. Sure I've been enlightened and blessed with emotions that were deep inside but I wish I could have never been introduced to cancer. Not through my daughter.

So if you were married, had a baby, or got promoted, then more power to you. My year was a year that dropped horrible news, consequences, and a change of life style that can be all but forgotten. I'm not sure If I lived much of this year after June 21, 2007. I really just coasted through with the anticipation of time passing, and it passed quickly. Thank you Mr. Time.

I look forward to living each day blessed from here on out. I will not take life for granted as I have. I'm going to do good things in the community and not assume others will do it. I will treat my family with kindness and appreciation. I will be a friend that friends want to have. I will say sorry when sorry is warranted. If I feel just about a cause I will not sit idle in the background as I always have. If I can make a difference then I will.

So many years come and go, but '07 will always be remembered. I can't say it will be remembered for the best of things but it will be remembered. They say risk brings greatness. I hope our risky situation will bring out the greatness not only for my family but people who are around us. I say coast or cruise when you find it necessary but remember any ground you've made will be lost if you stay in that gear. So clear your head and focus on whats in front of you and know that any thing besides your health is fixable.

I'm sitting at my dining room table writing one last paragraph before the year ends. As I do I can hear laughter and giggles from my baby girl's room. I was concerned how she would bring in her New Year, alone with mom and dad. That scenario was quickly eliminated as her friend Rachel Parsons knocked at the door. Kaylee has made it through 2007. We had some scary times but they are gone today, it's a new year and we have new plans. Tonight Kaylee and Rachel will bring in 2008 with laughter, friendship, and good company. I wish every one a Happy New Year.

On Our Way To A New Year...

I've been through the game of wait til next year. This next year will be different. I'm going to make this the best year ever. All those phrases sound familiar don't they? Well I can't tell you how relieved I'll be to get this year behind me. This was the worse year I've ever had. One to remember, thats for sure.

I tell myself each year that the next is going to get better, and somehow it is usuallly a toss up from the one before. I hope this year brings a healthy recovery for Kaylee, a new outlook on life for me, and a healthy financial position for the family and business. So we wait and see if it works out.

So Late...

At night as I lay down to sleep, all the things that are on my plate surface. A normal man might worry about pending bills, a troubled relationship, or bad tires on his car. I lay here and worry about similar things, but at 3:30 AM I am worried about health. If it was my health I probably would be fast a sleep. But these worries are for my family. Kay's physical health, Christian's & Tammie's mental health, and my overall well being.

I just went down stairs and Kaylee is in her room watching TV. I ask if she is feeling fine because she has been sick today. I worry if her sickness is normal or if she is coming down with something. Her immune system is gone and any simple virus could have devastating effects. I love this child so much, that any discomfort is troubling for me. She assures me that she is fine and I travel back to my bed. I have to take her word.

I wonder if Christian is sleeping alright. He had a tough week getting geared for Kay's hospitalization. Even though it is over it has lingering side effects. Tammie is sleeping, but I wonder about the toll this sickness has taken on her. This mother has been through hell. We have been through hell. Again, there are stories worse than ours, but this is our story and it feels like hell any way you slice or dice it.

My other concerns are business. I'm supposed to run a business and be active and I just don't feel it sometimes. I wish someone else could do my job but there isn't anyone. I have meetings all day and it is nearly 4:00 AM. We have to discuss the direction of our business in '08 and the logistics. I'd rather have someone else figure it out. That sounds bad but it's true. I feel like I got us here and now I can pass the baton to someone else that is more qualified. Well I'm the qualified professional and I have duties calling. If I was only changing oil in a mechanic bay at Walmart.

The other night I was at a function and I mentioned Kaylee and cancer, a lady rolled her eyes. I caught it out of the corner of my eye. I can't apologize for bringing it up. It is a part of our lives. It has an impact on all of our daily decisions. I could have said something to the lady, but I didn't have the energy. I had just done a 9-10 hour shift at CMH and I was worn out. But it bothered me. I thought that maybe she thinks I should move on. Well unless you go through something like this you couldn't understand the time, energy, and wear it has on you. It is my life right now.


Well it's my bed time and I just want you to know if I talk or write about cancer, it's only because my child has it. If she had an earache I'd be talking ears, a sore throat I'd be talking throats. Unfortunately its cancer and thats my concentration and my conversation. Good night.

Lois W. Kreighbaum 1917 - 2007

Today Tammie attended her Grandmothers funeral. I knew her fairly well since I've been with Tammie forever. Her Grandfather C.W. passed away in 2005. I remember her grandparents as a sharp dressed couple. I remember them holding Kaylee as a baby. This memory was deep set because I didn't have grandparents while Kaylee was a baby. I always thought that it was such a nice thing to see Kay with generations of family. I was extremely close to my grandpa but he passed in the early eighties. Roy Sellers was his name.

I just asked Tammie about Lois. I wanted to know if she was doing alright in the nursing home. We planned on visiting soon. I wanted Tammie to visit her Grandmother because she truly loved her and she was getting up there in age, 90. But timing is everything. We are limited to our road trips these days, especially with the cancer treatments. Unfortunately we weren't able to make that trip in time. I feel bad for Tammie because she always mentions her Grandparents when she talks of her childhood. I hate to see someone hurt, I really hate to see my love one's hurt.

My memories will be that of Kaylee sitting on the lap of C.W. and Lois, and I'll always have the memory of me bringing Rosedale BBQ to the get togethers. C.W. would always say "this is tasty stuff." Grandma always had that perfect red lipstick and those fancy clothes. I'm part of the family and I send my condolences to the kids, grandchildren, and the extended family. I guarantee Lois is enjoying her self with C.W. and God tonight. Sometimes life doesn't seem fair but taking a look at the memories, life, and legacy is relief and the thing that can make you say "that woman was my grandma, she lived a good life, and I wouldn't trade that in for anything." Rest in Peace.

Straight Ahead...

I went to Paddy O'Quigley's in Leawood last night to check out the new TV systems we put in the restrooms. My guy's re-installed and upgraded the TV's above the urinals. I originally only put one monitor above the two urinals. The TV looked good but it was dead smack between the urinals. The guy's using the restroom wouldn't look at the LCD if there's someone next to them. They stare straight ahead. I don't want to say that we did a field test, but it was noticeable. The TV was high and in the middle, the guys we noticed wouldn't look at the TV. Guys are funny, when we use the restroom and if there's someone standing to the left or right, we look straight ahead. We never look low or to the side. Straight ahead.



I've created a living based off of Kansas City restrooms. So if you wonder why I'm telling you about patterns and techniques of men using the restroom, it's my business the way you do your business. I need everyone to look at my TV's for at least :30 seconds. Just :30 of your time please. I sell advertising and views, impressions, and captive eye balls are important. The new sound systems and positioned TV's are perfect. Perfect enough that customers were talking about it as I walked in last night.



Have you ever been so submerged into a project, work, or your life and you didn't realize the scope, magnitude, or consequences of your actions? I am going through this right now. I keep installing my TV network around town (I landed The Power and Light District this last Friday) and I've forgotten why I'm doing this. I am so caught up in implementing that I forgot why I started InAd TV. The day to day has taken away from the day dream. The hard work is being done now. I'm not out digging ditches but running a network and installing that network is tiring at times. Last night I got to hear, see, and feel my accomplishments.

I'm living a dream. I have a product that is easily recognized. I can ask almost any one under 40 yrs. of age if they've seen the TV's above the urinals or TV's in mirrors in restaurants and the answer is yes, 90% of the time. Those are mine and I'm proud of my creation. I have a TV channel and I can broadcast anything I want. I am fulfilling a dream. I am dictating and steering my future in the direction that I've chosen. I dream and I believe. But sometimes the path isn't always clear,the work, and the dream seems distant.

I want to thank everyone who believed in me and assisted me on my journey. I am starting to understand the importance of team work. If I was on my own I wouldn't be here, I'd be just another guy with a good idea. Although I spent much time in the beginning by myself, it wasn't until the team started coming together to that results started appearing. The word fortitude keeps popping up. Marching forward through the struggles, the fight, and the adversity has made me truly understand that without tough times and learning curves you never really grow. If everything was always smooth sailing then you would never know the sweetness of accomplishment. Everything would be predictable. I think unpredictability is a good element at times.



I guess I brought this issue up for a reason. Sometimes we do things in life that satisfy ourselves. Sometimes we do things for others, but in the end we have to find the things that can define who we are. It might be your family, your work, or your hobby's that brings definition to your life. I ask all of you to dig deep and ask yourself if you are doing that thing or those things that make you happy. If so, more power to you. If not try to make a change. Do something out of the ordinary and make a change. Write a book, join a club, volunteer. Do something that might open new doors. I have to say the feeling is very liberating and enriching.





Well I hope you have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Remember that we aren't guaranteed tomorrow, and those things that you put off may become regrets if not explored and put to rest. I am a dreamer and I am a doer. I take chances and gamble at times. I might get away with it but you might not, I might be able to afford to take a chance where you can't. There's no wrong or right answer, no right move or wrong move, it's all about forward motion. Live life and push forward.

This Man...

Merry Christmas everyone. I am writing quick and to the point because I'm at ease tonight and I haven't got much to say. This feeling creeps in every time we get home from a hospitalization. I am so comfortable and carefree that much thought into anything would sour my mood. I have no problems right now. I am thankful and I am in love. I'm so in love with my family. Everyone is home and in their designated rooms and I have my thoughts about this day, this evening.

How many times have you thought to yourself, "This day is perfect" or "This is the best present ever" or "I couldn't ask for anything more." We've all felt or said those words at some time or another. Today I confess that I never truly knew the meaning to any of those phrases until December 24, 2007. I've said it, I might have felt it in the past, but today was the pure and sincere feeling of those catch phrases. Today is one of the best days I've ever had.

I ate too much. I ate bad food and drank soda all day. I didn't climb a mountain and I didn't save a baby from a burning building. But I had a milestone of my own. I relaxed with my children all day long. I got to spend the day with Kaylee, on the couch, at the table, at home. I would have never imagined we would be out of the hospital. I was ready to spend Christmas in the CMH. I was ready to rub a back of a child getting sick. I was ready to turn the lights low and write to pass the time. I was ready to deliver the pep talk to both kids, I was ready to give the "wait til next year" talk. Everything I was ready for, got derailed. I'm fine with that.

I can not tell you how beautiful my day, night, and tomorrow will be. We are out and the truth is that I couldn't have asked for a better present. Listen again. I couldn't ask for a better day, no matter what was presented. We have our little ones doing whatever they do. Watching TV, playing video games, texting. Our sickness disappeared as we drove off from the hospital. I can't explain the turn of events, but something blessed us and we are grateful. This man has been around a few holiday's and special day's, but this day and this time is the best a father could ever ask for. I'm not sure what our future has in store, but today is my day and I'm going love it like there is no tomorrow.

John Rossi Ireland...

Do you have a mentor? Is there or has there ever been some one who took the time to groom you to do something in life? Maybe you had someone show you a way that you hadn't considered. Perhaps some one took you on as personal project or maybe it was for professional reasons. Whatever the case, it's that education that has helped you as a person.

I was blessed to have a strong person, a successful person take me in and show me how to run my life, my family, my business. This kind man was John Rossi Ireland. He is the owner of Rancho Leonero Hotel in Mexico. I started out as the limo driver and slowly worked my way up. John didn't have any sons so I became the son he never had.

John was gone, outside the U.S., three weeks a month. When he was in town I drove him or accompanied him to meetings. When he was gone I handled various things.

We are Home...Thank You!

Kaylee was discharged at 12:15 PM this afternoon. I can't tell you how awesome those words were today when they said "you've been discharged." We prayed and prayed that God would let us have a Christmas at home. I could not have asked for a better present. Thank you.

I was trying to find a schedule that would work if we didn't get released. Christian suggested we get ready Christmas morning and unwrap at CMH. I thought how I would trade shifts with Tammie, or just waiting till Kay was released was another option. It doesn't matter and I don't have to worry about either of my children now. We will have a normal Holiday. Thank you.

Kaylee usually will sleep or try to sleep during procedures but this time she read, watched video's, and moved around. Her mental state was lets do this and lets go. This technique worked. She wanted to be home for all of us. So thinking about it, it was a perfect four days. We got our treatment out of the way and we were released before Christmas. We don't have anymore admissions and this poisonous treatment is history. To the next phase we go. Thank you.

If my child or family was in any of your prayers, I thank you. There are times in your life that you will find that prayer is the only thing you seek. I can manage money or material goods on my own but those prayers become a commodity that words can't describe. Keep them coming and know we are blessed each day we get closer to our health. Thank you.

An Appropriate Sunday Prayer...

I just thought of something weird. Kaylee is included in the prayers of so many family members, friends, and strangers who want to see our daughter get better. How cool would that be if God let you listen in for a day or night. That would be powerful stuff. So it goes back to my weird thought, to hear a stranger say a few words to the big guy, for the love of your life, would be riveting, powerful, empowering, and sweet.

I love my child more then anything. You love your child or kids more then anything. The love is more then I can explain. You know, it would be like you trying to describe the love you have for yours. Although to convey that message would be next to impossible, I'd know exactly the love your talking about. I'm a parent. So to think that someone would take their time, to wish good things for my child makes me melt.


Riveting. I feel like I'm writing an English Novel. As adults we take jobs and spend our time divided between the home and our other life, work. The first being the most important but the second secures the home. I've often found that I would talk of my family and kids to my co-workers but they seldom ever had the chance to meet the core of my life. The family. At these times I wish everyone had the chance to spend a day with my family. If I'm going to ask and depend on prayers, I only wish I could show off the talent of my family. They're strong, dedicated, courageous, and all mine.


So if I could her some of those prayers as someone was laying down for the night or at any other moment of the day, I'd shut my eyes, take it in, and smile. I'd smile because that breath you used to say that prayer, those words you chose, are going to a well deserved child with a heart of gold. I might be biased or one-sided, but Kaylee Marie Quijas is an angel. My angel.

Ready, Set, Go...

We almost made it out of CMH tonight. Kaylee almost set a best methatrexate release time. Almost. Our counts dropped low, but were just high. We are shooting for tomorrow. Kaylee has been doing everything to get home for Christmas. She is eating even though she doesn't want to. She is drinking a lot of fluids. She is reading and keeping out of the sick mode. Absolutely incredible to watch. She loves her brother.

I say that for a reason. She wants his Christmas day to be perfect. Her sickness will have to fight Kaylee to keep her from home on Christmas. Kaylee doesn't say it but she doesn't want this disease to mess with her brother. Such a strong sister to have. The lessons this experience will teach us will be extraordinary. To go where most never have to go is a priceless experience. A nail biting experience but worth grasping and squeezing. A squeeze so tight that it rings the lesson and reason out on the table.

I wonder where we will go as a family with this new found experience. Does Kaylee commit her life to great things? Will I become a better person, man, father? Does Tammie explore her purpose? Will Christian help other siblings? Who knows and who cares right now. We will take it day by day, and not focus on our future. Today is our blessing and I intend to enjoy my here and now, but tomorrow isn't far from my mind.

The Finish Line...

This picture is of Zach and Jeff Davidson. Zach is four years old, and was diagnosed with leukemia in November of '06. He is in remission like Kaylee and he frequents the same places as Kay, CMH. His father Jeff participates in the Team in Training event sponsored by the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I know Zach's mother, Laura, from a job we both worked at in the 1990's, Dos Hombres in Brookside.

I think this picture speaks volumes, and it needs no caption. A father and son going across a finish line. Hard work, and determination gets you from point A to point B. The same characteristics that will get you through life's events. I am pleased to tell you that Zach is in the maintenance phase of his treatment and feeling great. The finish line, in this race to recovery, is in their sights.

I wish the Davidson family a Happy Holiday and a Happy New Year. Thank you Jeff for being an inspiration. It is people like you that give motivation to others like me. You are making a difference and helping a cause we both are connected to. They say you lead by example and you have certainly done that my friend!

Free Health Care Coverage For 10 Kids...

December 22, 2007 - 7:13 AM Today is the day that marks the official six month point of our diagnosis. So with that being said I want to officially tell you what I going to do to commemorate this milestone. I am going to establish a fund that will pay for a Health Insurance Policy for ten children who live in the Kansas City area. This twelve month policy will be funded through my company InAd TV. This program will see to it that these ten chosen children will have an opportunity for a routine check-up, maintenance, and any health care needed. This program will also deliver peace of mind to the parents and family of the 10 chosen recipients.

I announce this to you today because you read my blog and I could use your help. I have been exploring different insurance companies, I have been going over the game plan, and now I want to search for someone who could use the help. I ask you to give it thought if you know someone in a certain situation that could use a hand. The prime candidate would be a family member, neighbor, or co-worker who just doesn't qualify for state assistance, and can't afford insurance premiums. Pass the word on and let me know. I am very passionate and empathetic about this cause for my own reasons. Reasons which I'll share with you shortly.

My business was started with a few goals in mind. The first was to launch a product and service that wasn't being done by anyone else. Second, I wanted to start my own TV channel, a Ted Turner of sorts. Third and final, I wanted to create something that would generate capital so I could launch programs locally, regionally, and nationally that might benefit and better mankind. I've made the machine to accomplish all three. InAd TV.

I can be reached at michael@inadtv.com , all correspondence and conversation will be kept confidential. I give you my word that there isn't anything I haven't seen so don't be embarrassed if it is a family or yourself. Tell me your story, maybe I can help. The only thing that I ask, and I hope this doesn't offend anyone, is you pass me names of healthy children with no pre-existing conditions. The reason being if I want to budget ten kid's, those ten kids will have to fall into the projections we anticipate.

June 28, 2005 - April '07

I feel compelled to tell my story. This story deals with embarrassment, pride, and good fortune. I have left it out of my writings because there is a certain self pride each of us carry, and I felt if I let it out, and if you did the math, it would be revealed that this story took place only nine months ago. Not nine years but nine months. My story could possibly tarnish the view you might have of me. Who cares!

I went almost two years with out insurance. I was so embarrassed about this issue that I wouldn't tell anyone. I live in this nice neighborhood, with people that appear to have money and I couldn't afford health insurance. This was my big secret. I could not afford an extra $400 - $500 payment per month. I couldn't afford not having it and but I actually couldn't afford it. My pride kept me away from welfare programs and my disappointment got the best of me each and every time I requested a quote from health care providers. I was gambling on the welfare of my loved ones.

Two months after we had our policy in place Kaylee came down with Leukemia. I feel blessed that I had an insurance agent that called me once a month for fourteen months telling me that I needed coverage. His name is Steve Minot and he is with Deer Creek Financial. He pushed me in a way that wasn't overbearing or pestering. He was my conscience and he was my reminder. He was my friend in the business. Well, Steve is going to help me implement my program and we are going to make a difference even if it is only ten kids at a time.

I often wonder what our situation would be if I hadn't activated coverage. Maybe this situation happened so I could help others. Who knows the whys or the whats of this thing. I just know that Kaylee Marie Quijas is the inspiration and spark of great things to come!

Six Month Mark...

We are celebrating our six month anniversary today. Celebrating is a strong word but we are thankful that this time has flown by. We are sitting in CMH right now watching Harry Potter and doing some coloring books. The life of a cancer patient.



I am grateful to be in a routine. Our days are scheduled and we have obligations to this disease. We have a few hiccups every now and then but we deal with it with calm heads. We know our medicine now and we know the expected results of the meds. Kaylee and Tammie know when we feel low on blood or platelets. I say we, but it's Kay's body, blood, and battle. Our knowledge has increased since the beginning of this. I'm pleased.



When we are here, there are other places I wish we were. But wishing doesn't change the situation, so I have to say that I wouldn't be anywhere else but by my daughters side during these times. When I'm here I have no where else I have to be. I might schedule a meeting or I might have to be here or there but I really don't. I am so content being here. You could place me in a tropical setting, give me a fancy car with a convertible top, or some casino chips and it wouldn't be enough to take my mind off a beautiful little girl stationed on 4-H. My stomach aches at times, but if Kaylee has to be here then I'm going to be here. If I'm not here then I'm going to be home with Bubba, taking care of him, our home and our pets.

I have been writing this blog for hours. I started it at 4:00 PM and it is 10:42 PM. Today was a good day. Kaylee wanted KFC this evening so I called a Taxi for a ride. Tammie had the car because she went home to freshen up and to do some laundry. Since Kaylee wanted food, and KFC was her selection, I chartered a Taxi with money in hand and picked up some chicken, potato's, and mac n cheese. I love to her the word "food" out of her mouth when we've had chemo. She is doing so good. We haven't been as sick as the times before. Kaylee is doing everything to be home for Christmas. I love her.

When I jumped in the Taxi I felt so proud heading to KFC. It was like I was a hunter going out for the evenings provisions. I didn't care how I got there, I was getting there. To be able to provide is empowering. Is that my $3.00 word? Empowering. I feel like I have the ability to equip this child with the things she needs. At least the things that are in my control or grasp. I can guarantee Kaylee's security, to a certain point. The part's I can't control are left in God's hands. Tonight he has her cuddled and comfortable. He is making Kay's stay OK.

and in this Corner...

Kaylee is snoozing away and I'm bored so I'm going to write. Bailee Woods came by to visit Kaylee this afternoon. She was with her little sister, Ashley. We had the best talk. I tell you, I love that girl. She is wise and interesting. She gives me an angle on all of this, my child won't. I'm dad to Kaylee, so Kaylee treats me as such. Bailee talks to me honestly. Kaylee and I have an open relationship but she keeps quite about certain things. I'm not sure if she doesn't want to get emotional or maybe she doesn't want me to get emotional.

I want to tell you how much I admire my daughter. She is battling this and hasn't complained once. Her strong demeanor is that of a warrior. I have never heard her say why me. She has not openly cried, not once, about her situation. She often expressed concern for other people during her darkest days. I am proud to say Kay is mine. There are certain times that I look at Kaylee and remember memories from long ago that mirror today's strength.

When Kaylee was a young child she would ride a roller coaster and get scared. To get by she would shake her little head with her eyes closed and mumble to her self. I would listen to this mumble from time to time and I could hear her whispers. She would say " I'm going to be fine. I'm going to be fine. I'm going to be fine." Today I look at her and wonder if she ever resorted back to that chant when things weren't good.

I think the toughest part of this is not being able to wipe this out myself. I always figured there would be a day I would have to let Kay fend and defend herself when I'm not there. But I never thought it would happen until she left my care. I wanted her to have simple fights while she was under my roof. Boyfriends, certain decisions, and common coming of age dilemma's. This fight is like being in the corner as she fights 12 rounds of a title bout fight. She is fighting with no training. I'm spectating from a far and can't get in the ring to help with the jab or the knock out punch.

Bailee told me that she can see the light at the end of the tunnel. She said she can see both her and Kaylee's light. She told me that she feels like she is coming to a point where she can see her self healthy. So positive. I asked if she ever wonders why her. She said she often wonders why, but she thinks this has happened to her for the sake of helping others. She says that she has always liked to talk and that tool will help her educate others of cancer. Wow! In all the crap that she has to endure, she is thinking how she will help others.

It is my privilege to sit here with two incredibly brave young girls. The knowledge one can learn from this is a gift. I could spend a life time doing this or that but this education is priceless. I am blessed to be here. I am blessed and honored to be here at this moment in time. I could say why us, but in all reality it is a first hand experience that will take me and my family to a different level.

One Down, How Many More To Go?...

Kaylee and Tammie have one night completed at CMH. I am getting Christian ready for school, and I have some time so I thought I might inform you on our progress. This disease is such an inconvenience. To lay your head down at the end of the night, knowing your family is else where takes its toll. The first night isn't alright but manageable. The following days and night are the hardest.

I wonder how Kaylee gets ready mentally. She walks into CMH and knows that each foot step gets her closer to the sickness. When I try to describe the sickness it is almost impossible. Each hour you can see the effects of the medicine taking its toll. Sleepy, then discomfort, the nausea. As a spectator, or Father it is draining. Our drive is recovery and the light that waits for us at the end of the tunnel. We are right there and we can see the light. Unfortunately it's a fight that I can't help with. I can only make my little one as comfortable as possible.

My tool is laughter. We play and kid the whole time. I should say we play and kid up to the point of Kaylee's involvement. Yesterday we were playing in the clinic, laughing our heads off. The staff probably thought we were crazy, but the laughter lightens our load. Towards the end it becomes a serious battle that makes us take measures accordingly. The caregiver and patient.

Tammie is a blessing. Where there might be spouses or partners that would welcome a break from the family or one that could find comfort resting their head alone, we don't. I want my family safe and secure, comfy and relaxed. So again we are both blessed to have such a relationship that let's us play our role, the roles that help define this family.


I take care of the day to day operations of the money, bills, and all the tangibles. Tammie works the family, the house, and the sickness. A full time job in my eyes. This relationship makes me feel blessed. Having a two income family cut in half hurts financially but whats financial compared to the security my daughter feels knowing her mother is by her side? I'll take my child's security over financial woes any day. I will do whatever it takes as the Day to Day Operations Manager. Again, I answer to the big boss, Tammie Lei Quijas.

So enjoy your day and I hope you can find the time to say a prayer for my child. We need all the love we can put together. I need this kid released by Sunday or Monday. If you should find yourself bogged down and depressed for whatever reason just remember that things could be worse. I'm serious. I would trade this sickness in for those season demands and obligations in
a second. What I thought were problems in past years was nothing. Money, bills, and deadlines are insignificant issues when you are tossed some cancer. Enjoy the day!

My Confession...

I

Count Us Out...

If any one was expecting us for the Holiday party or annual get together... Count us out. We are checking into the hospital today and we're getting our last methatrexate treatment. We had our fingers crossed that we wouldn't make the cut and we could come back next week. No can do. We need our medicine and we shall get it today.

If you were expecting a dill dip, some baked goods, or a special appearance - it's not happening. We are going to live on 4-H for the next week. We wanted to be home for the sake of the kids and for the sake of the important day. But we have obligations. I just picked up some lunch and Tammie is eating and then going home to talk to Christian. He is feeling low today. He wanted his sister home for the big day. This will be their first Christmas a part.

The nurse just came in to put an IV in Kay's arm. We have a port in her chest, that port is the access point for IV's. The port in Kay's chest is a single port so that means that she needs a traditional IV inserted in her arm when we do this methatrexate. Two IV's and one of them hurts extremely bad. This arm IV is what Kay hates the most. We just had it inserted and she almost started crying. Thirty seconds earlier we are laughing and then she is crying from fright and pain. I hate it. I hate it beyond words, and I hurt for her. It never seems to get easier, and I know it won't get easier. So I take the good with the bad. The good is we only have 60 more days or so before we go into maintenance phase. The bad is, we always have some nurse or doctor sticking my child with a needle.

The New Year...

Today we find out if we will be in for Christmas or if we check in next Wednesday. If our counts are good then we will stay if they come up short we have one more week to get flush. We are prepared, as much as one family could be, to spend Christmas in the unit. I would prefer to come back next week so Christain & Kay can have a normal Holiday.

We want to get this behind us so if it means sacrificing a day such as X-mas then so be it. I keep wondering how we will do it as normal for Christian. Today is bitter sweet. We have only one treatment of this methatrexate left, it will be behind us if it gets administered today and tomorrow. Kay's recovery is based on how quickly she can release the poison. Last treatment took 10 days. We go in saying that we are going to recover quickly but it is up to Kaylee Marie Quijas' little body.

On the other hand, if we do get admitted today it means that our Holiday will be most likely in the Cancer Unit. Inconvenient but neccesasry. What's one Christmas, right? Unfair if you ask me. No family should have to spend Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween, or the Fourth in the hospital. Unfortunately the disease doesn't recognize national observances. Well let me tell you something Mr. Disease. If we have to fight on Christmas, Arbor Day, or on Bring Your Kid To Work Day then we will. We just want to get better and feel better.

So whether your car breaks down while you're out of town or if the pocket book has you on the hook, just remember that things could be worse. You could have to drive your child to a place that uses needles & poison as their Christmas Cheer. The fourth floor has a dash of fear but we know it will make us better this next year.

Four More Days...

In four more days it will mark the six month point of this situation. I talk about going back in years and trying to remember certain Holiday's and certain times but this season will truly be remembered. Can you believe it will be six months. Wow.

I thank God and I thank time. They have both been working for us diligently. My thoughts are that we can fast forward all day long so we can get this behind us. So far it's been flying and it seems there's no stopping. After this next treatment we are done with the ugly dosage of chemo poison. On to our next treatment.

Christian had a Christmas program last night. He is in music and they had the annual music show. He is handsome and awesome. He had his tie and slacks on, and he sang loud & proud. We went as a family, my niece's joined us as well. It was a good time. I can't tell you how much I love my sister's kids. They are Emily Sharp 14, Bailey Sharp 12, and Trey 4. The girl's are making our lives so much easier since they are the same age as my children. They are such a consistent presence in our household. Trey brings laughter and innocence to our lives. The cousins love each other and we are blessed to have them a mile away. Family.

It is 10 AM and I need to handle the meat & potato's of the daily chores. Work. So if you read any more and I write any more we might end up at your house for the holiday's. No work, no money. No money, no peace. No Peace, no purpose. No purpose, no reason. No reason, no life. No life, no fun!

Twelve - 18 - O'Seven

We went Christmas shopping tonight. We just finished wrapping presents and it is late. I tell myself I want to be the first person in the office, but I stay up too late and it wears on me in the morning. I wake at 8:30 AM, considerably later then most but that's my time. I try to get to work by 10:00 AM. Why I'm writing instead of sleeping is questionable.

We check into the hospital on Wednesday. If her counts work out then we are hospitalized. We will be in for Christmas more then likely. If by chance we don't add up we will check in on the day after Christmas. It is that time that I start to get anxious, restless, and irritated. I hate the pre-treatment worries. I can feel the pain coming.

I was shopping and thinking how this Christmas is so special and different. Our focus is on the cancer but we appreciate the Holidays more then ever. If I told you that I hadn't thought about the facts of this disease or the fragile dynamics of our life I would be lying. I sometimes think, more then ever, that it is possible to lose a family member. It could happen to any of us. I never gave it thought before. I never ever gave it thought. I moaned about the expenditures of the season. Now I moan from the pain of this thought.

I guess I never questioned mortality before. I was shopping and thought of all our roommates on the fourth floor at CMH. Some of us will be shopping this year and others will be mourning next year. Scary stuff when it deals with the children. Think about it, we are in a position of losing a child. We have cancer. We have disease. We have statistics. We have hope.

I'm not supposed to write anything that is negative. I write about my feelings but it can never reference anything bad. I'm not thinking bad. I just have to tell you my perspective on things. We will be fine. But the reality is that we have something very bad and unpredictable. We will be fine but when I think of cancer, child, Quijas and the combination of any of those words is heavy. Love your family my friends.

If any one says " he shouldn't write any thing other then Rainbows and Butterflies" then I would say, "try to imagine spending Christmas in CMH. Try to imagine a doctor telling you that high potassium levels can stop a heart. Try to image holding your child as they get violently sick. Try to imagine the sleepless nights you would have worrying about the cancer reoccurring." We are fine and we are going to be fine. It's late and I'm starting to babble. Good night. We have a teammate down, but not out.

Be My Guest...

I'm finding that there is a common denominator between all of us who are fighting sickness, disease, and stress. This bond includes immediate family, extended family, and friends. We are hit with the reality that sickness has creeped up and invaded our family or someone in our circle. We went from the it won't happen clan to the how could this happen stand.





It's the immediate family that I start to see the changes in. I can only speak of us who have kids fighting. We talk about blessings and silver linings. We talk about the love and the appreciation. This event has opened our eyes to fact that we are a statistic. The day we were told, it put us in the category. The cancer category.



I'm not normal and I think most of you know it. I write and carry on about this certain situation we are dealing with. I think aloud. I write it out and I'm all over the place at times. How many people would do or say what I do. Well I'll tell you why I do these things, but let me share a story first. When I was at the benefit for Bailee the other night we got into a conversation about insurance. Someone was talking about a young man 22 yrs. old who was attending college when he got sick. He wasn't able to attend school any longer because of his illness so he wasn't covered under his parents insurance policy any longer. When he was cancelled he was no longer welcomed at the Children's Hospital. You might say, well he is too old to be there but he was there receiving treatment, the best treatment, until the TECHNICALITY conveniently worked into the battle. He was discharged and had to seek treatment else where. Devastation. Those parents are selling everything they own to get him to Houston for life saving treatments. A move to save their son.

I'm one that likes to think a head. If we were in need of a transplant and it was deemed experimental or if our insurance was to run out, I would find a way to pay for it. I WOULD WRITE A BOOK, I WOULD SELL A TV CHANNEL, I WOULD WRITE, PRODUCE, AND DIRECT A MOVIE, I WOULD FIND SOME TALENTED SINGERS AND RECORD A TOP TEN SONG, I WOULD INVENT A PRODUCT THAT EVERY HOUSEHOLD IN AMERICA WOULD NEED OR WANT. That's my mind set and that's why I do what I do.

This blog is back up. It was started so no one would forget Kaylee. I wasn't sure what direction we were heading. I made it a point to get Kaylee out there. As I wrote I realized that I'm putting together our story. Besides helping me vent, besides helping me with the evaluation of the day and our direction, it could possibly sell and help us! That works for me. If it works for me then it's OK, right? Well I like writing and I enjoy reading what I write after I write it. That's strong stuff. Not my writing but actually getting to read my writings from yesterday, last week, or six months ago. The blog.




Well I'm going to continue utilizing this outlet and I'm going to write what I want. If I'm a little soft and if you could do this better then I apologize. You can take our place and you can show us how to react, how to respond, and how to fight this with dignity. Be my guest. My blog and my plan B.

Company Along the Way...

Our dinner with Bailee was great. They had a full house and the dinner was fabulous. We had an Italian spread and we had great conversation. The guest speaker was an inspiration.

I am so proud of Bailee and her strength. She always has a smile and is always up for a conversation. I look at her and admire her candid talks. When the doctor told her and the family of her diagnosis, her dad said she looked at the doctor and said "what are my odds?" Incredibly brave and wise. I like her. No, I love her.

That sounds strange to write but I can't tell you how important she is to our family. Kaylee and her were diagnosed about the same time. Kaylee has her to talk to. We visit each others room's when we are in the hospital. The girls talk medicine and procedures. They are the one's doing this thing and what better to have someone walk with you who's going through the same thing.

We have a lot in common with her parents. Ed woods attended the same high school as me and Tammie. Shawnee Mission North. Jill, Bailee's mom, is incredible. She is taking care of business with Bailee and she's always by her side. This disease is an inconvenience for us all.

I had a chance to sit and eat dinner with Bailee's Grandma, Grandpa, and Aunt. We talked and it was nice. We are so connected that it sucks. We have little one's that we love fighting an ugly thing called cancer. Well, we will get through this and we will have life long friends. It is a path we didn't choose but we'll walk it. We just happened to find company along the way.

A Friend in the Woods...

My title to this blog is misleading. I have a friend in the Woods and it is Ed, Jill, Courtney, Ashley, and

Bailee Woods. They're our family battling leukemia in Lee's Summit with us. I write confusing sometimes and I apologize. Bailee Woods is 15 yrs. old and boxing this thing we call leukemia. We are in her corner and they're in our corner.

Tonight we are going to a dinner in honor of Bailee. It starts tonight at 7:00 PM and it is exciting to have somewhere to go as a family. The event makes going out extra, extra special. We have so much in common - where we live, the age of our girls, and our all to familiar surroundings on 4-H CMH. We are friends with the Woods and it goes way deeper then any extra curriculum you've ever been involved in. We are fighting this thing called cancer.

When you experience this element of life it is hard to describe. Words sometimes can't paint the picture. Only someone else going through it knows. Take my word. So we have our common bond and I'm sure it is a bond you'd like to keep your distance from. But to have that partner who can relate is priceless. So what else can I say?

I'll give you an update on how the dinner went and how our night was. Maybe a photo or two. I hope I can show you our friends and a snapshot of our two beautiful girls. I hope your night goes well and you drive safe if you drive at all.

Silver Lining...

Get a Job...

June 28,2005 - April 01,2007

Making Friends and Loving Enemies...

Splitting Hairs & Pulling Teeth

Before I had a child, before I knew anything about cancer and sickness, I use to vision sickness in my own mind. That vision was always of a pale child, losing their hair. My eyes could make me feel the pain and horror by associating the sickness with the hair loss. Well imagine my thoughts when I was told Kaylee was going to lose her hair. Reality with the news. Reality of the hell that laid ahead for her and for our family.

For a short time I thought Kaylee might not lose her hair. She never stops amazing me, so I thought it might let her slip by. Well, strands of hair starting falling. A few here, several there. A few fingers full. Then a hand full. We were losing hair and it was happening quickly. It was Kay's decision whether or not to cut or keep our hopes alive. We waited.

It was a sad day but obligations took over. We had to make sure Kaylee was comfortable, our obligation. So when the hair would fall we were more concerned with disposing of the hairs then saying "poor Kaylee." Hundreds of hairs and they land on you, in your food, in your mouth, and all over your bed. We were all over it. So the distraction of the hair watered down the sadness of the actual losing of the hair. The mind will find a way to cope, and pass the time.

We did one hair cut, and that last a short while before we headed to Misty's Mirror for a complete shave, a new wig. Misty's Mirror is located at St. Luke's on the Plaza. They help cancer patients with an important thing. Their appearance. They have wigs and other accessories for patients of cancer and discuss that transition with you. They talked about the process with Kaylee and they shared their personal stories and it made it a blessed day. I kid you not that I figured I would break down watching Kaylee go bald but I didn't. The owner shaved Kaylee's head and I didn't lose one tear drop. We were getting things done and moving forward.

Today we have our color back and our hair is growing like a weed. I got to thinking about hair loss today after I wrote a letter to a member of Oprah's staff who is doing something/story about Locks of Love. I wrote and told her about Kaylee and about the courage she had when she appeared on the front page of the newspaper without hair. Subsequent to that she was on a Leukemia and Lymphoma Society mailer. Kaylee has had girls tell her that they admire and adore her self confidence and strength. We all do. I believe Kaylee has inspired other teenage cancer patients to feel the same way about theirselves.

If you would send an email to Ms. Okeefe with Kaylee's name and a link to my blog, I'd appreciate it. I want Kaylee to have the spot light. I think she deserves to be in Chicago on the set of Oprah. She should have 15 minutes or 15 days of fame, but I'm having a hard time getting someone to notice my child. It has been like pulling teeth. I'm obviously biased, and have vested interest in this teenager from Missouri, but please help me do something special for Kaylee Marie Quijas. Our teenager has been battling some tuff stuff and has been home or hospitalized for 6 months. I want her to get an invitation to a show, a place, or a function. The email address is sokeefe@harpo.com and Kaylee's blog site is http://kayleequijas.blogspot.com/ . Someone be creative for me and get them to notice Kaylee and her story, her Locks of Love wig photos from the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, her front page newspaper photo, or my big melon if that gets it done. I wish all a good day...

Please consider...

If anyone of you own a business or work for a business that needs advertisement please consider this: I will advertise your company in 22 restaurants for $400 a month. We will play your commercial (existing or a video produced by InAd TV) 80,000 times over the course of thirty days. My contracts are a 3 month minimum. I normally charge $300 per location but I am having a blog fire sale that will last only a short time. My locations are located at http://inadinc.com/welcome/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=39&Itemid=59 please forgive me because I have locations marked as coming soon that are up and I also have locations up that are not on the list. I will update that ASAP. Also included but not guaranteed is a top listing on google. It seems if I put a name in my blog or tags they come up on the first or second page.

My sales manager is Ken Campbell and his direct line is 913.593.9606 or call Anthony Marchese at 816.686.6333. The office line is 1.877.4-inadtv (446.2388). I could use the business and I would love to give you and your business the exposure it deserves.

and I would like to thank the Academy...

Our ribbon cutting turned out great yesterday. I was worried no one would show but we had at least 100 come through. It was nerve racking for me because I wasn't ready. We hadn't installed our TV's and we have office's vacant and my office is not decorated very good. All that didn't matter, and it went off without a hitch.

I had to give a speech and I did OK. I was worried about that but it is starting to come naturally now. I feel that I'm heading in a positive direction and my hard work is paying off. I was proud to have my family there. Kaylee has no immune system at this time so she hung in my office. The Chamber was nice enough to do a separate ribbon cutting strictly for my family so Kaylee could participate. We were segregated from the others and it was so nice to see my family smiling and with pride.

The event yesterday made me realize that this good fortune couldn't have happened without a team effort. My family, my support system, and me. That support system has been the vendors, the guys that have helped me and disappeared, the people leading up to where I am.

To have a team from start to finish would be next to impossible for a start-up. I have weathered many storms and I have starved. I couldn't have made it this far without those hands in the beginning, middle, and now. I hope you have a great day.

Peace....

Run Forrest...

Thank you Wendy Padgett for this quote. I had to make a decision tonight on a business deal and this quote was waiting for me in my inbox. I've struggled to make my business survive. I invented a box that lets me install expensive TV's in unsupervised locations like the restrooms. I install TV's in mirrors and I play my own TV channel in successful restaurants and high traffic locations. I've sacrificed and my family has sacrificed. My children and Tammie have let me follow my dream. I put my dream on them and they've had faith in me. There's been times that I've questioned my decisions and had to hide it because if I didn't it would be like that scene in Forrest Gump when he stops running across the country. Everyone would say "Where you going?" Well I'm not stopping. I will fight through lean times, sickness, and confusion. I am doing something no one else has done in Kansas City. Not my Dad, my Grandfather, or my neighbor. I've done something no one else has. How many times do you get to say that?

There is something that I won't tolerate any more. I will not spend one more minute in a room with guys who try to belittle me in hopes of gaining an edge. This happens often these days. I have people who want to get involved with me because I have a goldmine at my door and they figure if they discount me and my business they might sneak in the door with me. They act like they are my buddy but laugh at me because they wear fancy suites and expensive jewelry. I'm in jeans and have a $40.00 Timex. The sad thing is, they usually accomplish their goal. But not anymore. I'm a father, husband, son, brother, uncle, cousin, and friend. I'm going to take pride in my accomplishments and I'm going to have dignity in all my actions. I refuse to fall for the games people play.

I made a decision tonight that others might not understand. I can't get into details because of Non-Disclosures and other paper work but I'll sleep fine for the first time in weeks/months. I passed on a deal that others work a life time for. But there are no short cuts or leaps. I have to have faith in myself and faith in my gut. I know when things smell bad and I've always had the ability to see around the corner. As important as security is for me at these times, I have to take a stand, a position based off of street smarts and experience. I have skills that aren't learned in classrooms. I have a sense of uniqueness that makes me Michael Anthony Quijas. I am me, like it or leave it.

Another step forward

It is not very realistic to expect that you'll go from where you are now to where you want to be in one quick leap. The most reliable and lasting progress is made one step at a time.

Welcome each step as you take it and reach it. Even though you're not all the way there just yet, you're moving steadily forward. Value and appreciate the progress you've made, then continue moving on. The next step forward awaits you, and with it you'll move even closer.The reward you seek at the end of the path is given value by every step of the journey. Each moment spent is time well spent when you're moving steadily forward, even if you still have a way to go.Some steps may be tedious, or complicated, difficult, challenging or uncomfortable. Yet they are all moving you surely toward the place you want to be.

Ralph Marston

Godaddy...

This blog digs deep, I found this on the web. I wrote this when I was relaunching InAd Advertising. I originally started InAd Advertising in California and moved it here but was overwhelmed with Union Indoor and all their locations. I decided to launch the digital side of the indoor billboard industry in Kansas City. I wrote this to Godaddy founder in June of 2005. I share it because it shows what different dilemma's we have at different times. If I only had these problems.


It was fate that I read your bio. I needed to hear what I read so I read it out loud. I am launching a company with passion and not a lot of money. I just found out that I will no longer receive insurance in this launch process. That alone is enough for me to reconsider but I know that I can succeed. It was a fluke that I stumbled upon your web site. Last week I was on a high about my new endeavours but this week I took a dive mentally. I'll be coming to you guys for any software or domain names. Michael Quijas- n-ad advertising#67 Michael Quijas on Jun 28 2005, 16:44

Reply:
Dear Michael,The mental part is always the toughest. The best way to handle the times when things get very bleak is to:1. Stay as focused as you can in the moment. Pick an important task that needs to get done (preferably the one you least want to do) and focus on doing it as well as you can. Then move on to the next one. I like to look at it like batting practice —- take each task or problem like a pitch being thrown at you. You'll either hit it or you won't. If you don't —- swing at it tomorrow.2. Look as little as you can into the future and going through scenarios that may or may not happen. Save this chore for when your spirits are soaring. I always think about something the Buddha said —- "The future is impenetrable!" That being the case, it makes sense to spend as little time worrying about it as possible.Appreciate your post,Bob

The Gift of Giving...

During the holidays you hear of stories of people giving. I also hear people talking about giving. This dialogue picks up more as the holidays approach. This year I'm more aware of the speech and more interested then years before. I've always been the type to take a minute to listen to the feel good stories. The beautiful thing is to hear about people doing good things. Deep inside it was always the thing that we could count our blessings because it was someone else and our family was doing just fine. Sure we would have the occasional crunch time with Christmas or we would have the loneliness because we were so far from our family, being in California. But we didn't have the problems of sickness or personal trauma. This year is different.

We will be in the hospital for Christmas this year. This is our reality this year. So many years we have planned our night out. We wait til the kids are deep asleep and we do different things. Some years we would leave certain things unwrapped to pretend Santa left them. Sometimes we would let the kids pick out one present and open it. Other years we would be at a relatives house and the kids would get to open presents that night. This year will be unpredictable.

There's a fine balance you have to walk. We have Christian and it has to be the same as usual but even that is impossible. The last 12 years he would wake Kaylee bright and early to open their presents. Kay is one that can sleep, even on Chrsitmas morning. As parents there was that feeling of "we made it happen again." I am so amazed at the memory factor. We create our children's memories. We send them off to their families with a road map of "how we did it as kids" , this is very special to me. I take pride in raising my family.

I usually count back on Thanksgiving and give thanks to the years. On Christmas it is producing memories that will be tucked and carried with my little ones for a life time. The baking, the dinner, the gifts, the love. I love it. I love my family, I love that they are with me, and I love that they are mine. The holidays are a time stamp for me. They come and go but they hold in my heart.

Back to the giving, it is so surreal to think that we fall into that category of heartbreak. I'll regret that word when I read this again but it is heartbreaking. Christian will have only one of us there this Christmas. Kaylee will be sick beyond words. This sickness is far beyond any words that I can write. My Tammie will be a soldier as she always is, unfairly. Tammie has had a thing about the holidays since we've had kids. She loves them. Stressful on me at times to produce, but pure joy for her. These holiday times have be amplified since the passing of her father in 1999. She loves her family more and appreciates more. This holiday will take her from that appreciative mother and daughter to her soldier mode. Heartbreaking for me.

I have to clarify a thing or two. If my child fell and broke her arm on December 23, it would be heartbreaking to me. If my son was in the military and was shipped to Iraq, heartbreaking. If you were my neighbor and your kid was diagnosed with cancer, it would break my heart. I say this because we are living a life that has us in rooms weekly with people who have stories worse then us. My reality before was that anything, anything that hurt my family and caused discomfort or pain was hurtful to me. Now that we are fighting legitimate sickness and part of this fraternity of parents who have children battling, it's almost unacceptable to complain. I don't like that. Every word that I speak about sickness and her hurt is silently countered with "at least your child has the good kind of cancer, or you don't know what it's like to .... " I'm sympathetic to all, but to be honest, if my child had a hurtful earache it would have been tough on me 6 months ago. Throw in blood cancer and an admission on Christmas and I'll tell you that it hurts badly. Regardless what anyone else has to fight, Kaylee Marie Quijas is my baby and I hurt for her!

The Happy Mullet...

I'm writing a story tonight about a mullet. I've seen mullets before and I've joked about the mullet. My kids swear I had a mullet of my own in the eighties, but I'm not sure we called it a mullet back then. Although I see the similarities. The story I share tonight deals with the infamous hairdo and the man I saw sporting the cut.

I was pulling into QuickTrip the other day and I saw a shiny new truck heading my way. I was positioning for a gas pump so I ended up next to the truck. I look over and see the biggest mullet I've seen in years. The hair is cropped short in front with the flowing length in back. He had a hat on, a military cap. I was feeling a little emotional on this day and it made me take notice. I admired this guy.

The hair looked as if he brushed it out several times. It was immaculate. I visioned this guy combing it out in front of the TV for hours. Each stroke I could hear him say, "Now this mullet looks damn good." I know I sound goofy writing this story but it is real. I was amazed at his pride. As he drove off I caught the back view of his pride. I say pride, it was so long and the classic mullet, you couldn't help but be proud if you were the owner.

It wasn't the mullet that I admired but the guy wearing it. He didn't or doesn't care that there are websites designated specifically for the hairdo. He was proudly wearing it and took very good care of it. Again, I recalled as a kid my mother brushing out my sisters hair while we watched TV. This brush with the mullet made me think of individual style and personal taste.

I so appreciate those that walk to their own beat. Life is too short to worry about what others think. I believe that those people who worry or make decisions based on others don't realize that you end up by yourself at the end of the day. So at the end of the day, it's you looking into the mirror and it's you taking care of whatever hairdo you've chosen. Most people are quick to point or criticize but if you look deeper, like I do, you recognize the person and the beautiful individuality that make each of us different. It might be a mullet or it might be sickness that opens your eyes. Whatever the case, remember that its a gift to have an open mind and it's even a bigger talent to look past the mullet and see the person wearing the mullet.

Shaking Hands...

It is Sunday afternoon and cloudy. It is also cold and slick outside. I don't know if it's the long hospital stay combined with the bad weather, but I'm bored. Kaylee is resting and feeling better. Her chemo sickness is wearing off. I am grateful.

We haven't done anything, like the majority of Kansas City, because of icy streets. The weather has been really bad but cleared on Friday so we could go home. I went to the gym this morning and I'm heading for coffee at Starbucks with a friend in an hour. I'm not the fancy coffee guy but I need some advice from this friend.

I am negotiating a contract and it is out of my element. I've tried to assemble a team of individuals that are good at different roles. When I negotiate I find that people like to try to make me feel inferior. This doesn't effect me, because I'm the founder of this company and most people I deal with are working for someone else. Not that there's anything wrong for working for someone else, but when you're negotiating with me and mine, I take that into consideration. I prefer to stay away from the negotiations and delegate that part of the business to others. I thought I had people around me that could handle this side of the business but they're coming up short. I am focused on my daughter and assumed that if I started the dialogue someone on the team could wrap it up. This particular contract will greatly benefit my company and my family. I have to take over the talks.

I don't wear fancy suites or keep time with an expensive wristwatch because I'm in the trenches with my business. I install, transport materials, sell advertising, and climb around ceilings. I work my business twenty four hours a day. I'd like to say that I don't have to work, and I pick out a new suite weekly but that isn't the case. I wear several hats, unfortunately negotiating contracts is one. I might not be the most talented debater or negotiator, but I give it my best. It goes back to the saying "If you don't swing the bat, you can't get a hit" I'm not sure if that's the saying, but you get the drift.

I start TV channels. I put them in the restrooms were you can play sound. I can do my thing in restaurants, nightclubs, theatres, arenas, stadiums, hospitals, office parks, and entertainment zones. I create, develop, and maintain the network. I'm one of the only companies in the U.S. doing this. I have an open market. I can team up with cable or billboard companies in every city who have the advertisers and revenue to make this a gold mine. I'm having trouble finding the right team to solidify the deals so I can launch in my next markets. What to do?

Well now that we are out of CMH, I can focus and work on this business. I am having a ribbon cutting at our newly built office this Thursday at 4:00 PM. I am so not ready for it, but I'll slap the smile on and shake hands. Wish me luck!

Leukemia and Lymphoma Society Photo Shoot...

(CLICK PIC FOR BIGGER IMAGE)

Now its the cat...

We are home, finally! It took some time to get here but we are grateful and I thank you God. I prayed and prayed and it happened. We are so tired and worn out. It is very likely that we will lounge all weekend. Kay is ready to lay in her bed and re-charge those batteries.

When we got home our cat, Angel, was sick. I noticed the last two days that the cat wasn't moving much. She wouldn't eat her food or treats. I thought she was either sad that the girls were gone or she read my blog. Ha! Well it turns out that our new cat more then likely bit Angel. I spent an hour at the Vet office. She had a 105.4 temp. The odds of you catching a disease or coming down with something sad & sorrowful is a great possibility at our house.

Kaylee made the trip to the Vet with me. We then went to Best Buy and picked up Kaylee her new phone. While we were going in Kaylee begged me to let her take her mask off. I foolishly did. I'm so sick with myself. We spent nearly 10 full days in the hospital and I did something stupid like that. Her little voice begging made me give in. She has a fever now.

I have Tammie going nuts because we could likely end up back at the hospital. I'm sorry. We checked out of the hospital around 2:00 PM, and it was delightful. We are thankful for the staff, doctors, and hospital for giving Kaylee such good care. I am thankful that we live so close to the best hospital in town. I sometimes forget how lucky we are. As nice as everyone is, I do not want to see any of those people for at least two weeks. Break that fever Kaylee!

Perception...

During the day you come across people you know and those you don't. I'm not judgemental but I look at how people carry them selves. If those people are with kids or a husband I observe more then I did before. I love to see healthy relationships. I appreciate family.

Some people might present themselves in public like they have no worries or like they're on top of the world. Others wear their emotions on their sleeve and you can tell that somethings not right. A mixture of personalities and a range of demeanor's. Everyone has a story. I'm nobody when it comes to an authority on human behavior but I'm an expert on reality.

I know that that person driving a $50 K car could be in a relationship that is filled with lies and cheating. The beautiful couple at the little league baseball game could on the verge of collapsing financially. That trophy wife could be having five affairs. On the flip side, you have a guy pulling weeds waiting for the clock to hit 5:00 PM so he can drive his 1978 Buick home to his happy family. A family that doesn't hinge on big money or fancy cars, but love. Happiness is what you make of it.

I know several families that from all appearances have everything. A life you think you might want. But it's not what it always seems. Unhappiness is an ugly emotion. Money can pacify you to a certain point but we all long for love, a healthy relationship, and a best friend. My mother and step dad have a friendship that has been the topic of conversation for 25 years. They are friends, family, and mates. They love each other and I admire their happiness. My mom told me once that she and Dave make it a point to listen to each other and all they have to say about their day, the week, or the future. She said that they are best friends and if he has something to share then it's her job as a best friend and lover to listen. I've been there before with Tammie and tuned her out. I want to watch my TV program or I just didn't have time. I wasn't participating. How many times have you done that? Well I'm here to say that it's a lot easier to have a bad relationship then working at a good one.

I want to love and appreciate. I look at our Christmas Tree and think how many holidays I've had with my team, my family. I grasp that investment and I want more. I want to be a great dad, a great mate, and a best friend. The grass isn't greener, it is hard work to have good relationships. My battle these days has all my focus. That focus includes harmony in my household. When we are here there isn't bickering or fighting. It is comfort and family that takes the day.

I mention this topic today because most of us take things for granted, we did. Petty issues and insignificant matters could spark hostility or resentment. Money would be an issue and personality sometimes clashed. I can truly say that those things are silly. If you are ever hit with sickness and sorrow, I guarantee you will think about all those precious moments in time that was wasted on matters of insignificant importance.

So my advice for you is to love the day, love your family, and love your partner. Be aware that trauma can strike at any time and your team, your family is all you have. Everyone might love you or your kids but at the end of the day everyone disappears and goes their separate ways. They go home. It is you, your family, and the love in the home that really matters. Love the one you're with... (can you name the artist or group?)

I've had three people tell me in the last day that they enjoy my blog but it is so sad. I'm sorry. I watched Kaylees video from school and the reporter asks something like "Your blogs are sad, when will they switch or change?" Well as long as I report the facts of the situation I don't see them changing anytime soon. I wouldn't write if it was all good. I have to many people around me in the day to tell my good stories to. I write and confess my emotions and concerns that I wouldn't share as conversation. I vent and confess my concerns through my writings.

I have so many heartbreaking things that rock my world that I can't share out of respect for Kaylee. So you might read 60-70% of what I can share but the other 40% is personal battles that deal with Kaylee's social life and her violent sickness. It also has to do with Kays pride and dignity. I wouldn't or couldn't tell you the illness side that is our reality. To hold someones hair so they can vomit, or to watch the spasms Kay has after puking thr dry hevves