You The Man Cristofani...

Jimmy Cristofani is undoubtedly a great man. He cuts the grass at the food pantry for free, every week for the past 8 years, that guy. Mild manner all the way, but I dare you to yell today or tomorrow, “You The Man - Jimmy C!”

He’ll waste no time, heed my warning. “You got it all wrong, I ain't the MAN, that title belongs to the late, and the so, so, great Jackie C., he be that man, The Man!” Like a rubber band rearing back for another snap, he’ll tell you, “ I’m proud to say he was my friend, it’s true, I’m standing a little taller and I’ve acquired a holler, it’s just excitement you see, and such an honor, because The Man was my father. A teacher too many, some called a scholar, if you have just a minute I’ll tell you his story.”

You see, Jackie C. was once a proud student, educated in those there buildings, at SJU, St. John’s University, the place he held highest, all through his life, he held in high regard, that when he arrived, he was just a boy but as he would say, when that man left, he didn’t know it all but SJU taught him a lot, so when he was rounding third base, the last semester of class, the prize was at his fingers, given the chance he’d do it again. It made no difference, he was heading to home plate, just a few more hours of classes, he’d be at home plate, the first Cristofani to graduate. Happy and proud, Jack C. thought of others, mainly his mama and papa, they’d should be so proud, their little boy would have so many opportunities in life and work, destiny, so it seemed.

Where was I at, this story makes me cry, here it is. Educated at SJU like I said, Go Red Storm, once more, a great institution, that place he called home changed his life, in his presence, if word was spoken of his school, some say he grew taller in front of your eyes, he once was measured to see if the rumor true, the results weren’t posted, were not certain, if the NDA had yet been invented, what is certain is that Jackie C. wore his ring proudly, he found that his at SJU profoundly changed his life, for the better for certain no question about it. It wasn’t til later that he shared; it wasn’t in his stars, that certain degree. Such a regret, he later would admit, it wasn’t “why” he didn’t get it, he had peace with that, “how” was that not possible, just hours away, but that’s enough of that, he would always say.

His dad suddenly passed away, just before his runner tagged the bag at home. But before he went, he had but only a whisper, one breathe left, please make me a promise, my dear son, you'll look after your mother and teach your brother too, just as I did you, and without hesitation nor refrain, without any doubt, he gave his response, very loud, like a man who was ready to run a house, his house. I got this papa, without a doubt, I'll look out, I'll do the right thing, I'll never forsake. I say this to you, so you get rest, is this is not true? My name, John Louis Cristofani, I stake this claim, a name we both carry, from this day on, I will live life the best, and when tough decisions arrive, If I should be put to the test, no matter who's watching, no matter who's not, I know the difference from right and from the wrong, you were my teacher, who taught me so much, on top of it all, you loved us so much, my promise to you, I'll make you so proud, I will do the right things, you’ll never be let down. Papa, if you find yourself prideful, because I do right, I ask that you please stop. My name is Cristofani, just like you, our name and word, is all we have, be proud that I know, these two words and the value they hold, that’s where you should the proudest of all, because I listened to you, taught that poor decisions can be made, forgiven too, but when you lose the castle and the crown, the word and the name, life is but over, to never regain. Risk it all, I will never do, these two things so important to you. Our name and our world will never be tarnished not just today, but my whole life through.

And like he said, he did just that, he often thought of getting that degree just a few credits he could work them in, Jack C. weighed in his head, but by this time he was married to Miraim, his love of his life, over 30 years, and had 5 kids together they did, his school, a place he once called home would have to wait, St. John's will always be there he would say. He loved his family and his home, those kids a handful, and before he knew it, that job at Hackney & Son’s for 33 years, had turned him old. Those kids, John, Regina, Joseph and Jim where all in a row, a few years later that Tom arrived, more sprinkle to the eye, Jackie C. felt young and like a new man, as the years rolled by, being in the moment was his advice, being present to teach all he could, that degree made him take notice, nothing is promised and that includes tomorrow, it’s true, rounding third base, life is sometimes funny other times cruel, it’s can happen just like that, rounding third, and just like that, Jackie C. got sick. Soon after, the diagnosis was delivered, the ill was in his bones, I believe, they all prayed together, they were certain that dad, that strong man, could beat it, the whole town and community, all prayed for Jack, their Jack C. would get back to good. But as we all know, God has his plan, Jackie C., the man of all men, knew that too, he had to do the right thing, he fought for his family, but just for a minute, he was a man of honor, God had given his orders, so he slipped away, on 16th of December 2002. he was called home, heaven he went with his papa waiting right at the gate, looking at his son who hadn't aged a day, I never doubted you, my son. I'm so proud, how you lived like a man when just a boy, you tackled all the tough decisions, that life tossed at you, with reason and wisdom, and because of that we're giving you a title, a title so great and revealed with honor, it appears there's no contenders, but there is just one we need to consider, that boy of yours who goes by the name Jimmy C. but who’s to worry, our name held high with honor, it's my privilege, to say this to you, my name sake, my boy, and the one I adore, after this moment, from here on out, you're forever remembered, it’s all in God’s glory, regarded, and noted with a title in hand – a title that reads, “You before us, did the right thing and made all right choices, time and time again, you went from a boy, to a man, in just a minute, you that man - The Man - Jackie C.!

Help others, Love others, be Kind to others.

GOOD THINGS ARE JUST A MOVE AWAY!

Kindness is cool. Words of comfort is Kind. It's compassion when you comfort. Understanding when you show compassion. A friend when you understand. A voice of reason speaks well to a friend. Love can speak well to reason. Happiness breeds more love. Being confident will make you happy. Being proud leads to confidence. Good communication is something you should be proud of. Caring what you say is good communication. Generosity towards others shows you care. To foster a sense of community it's best to be generous. Taking action in a positive way makes for a better community. You can be part of the cure or part of the disease it's up to you to take action. Educating yourself gives you the power and ability to snuff out disease or help with cures. Good self-esteem is birthed by education. Being healthy gives you positive self-esteem. Life is the husband of health. Positive people live longer. There' no extra energy to burn if you want to be positive. Good people put out good energy. Everything above leads to good people, Good People aren't hard to find they just want to be around the same, Good People too. 

DO REAL GOOD THINGS, LOVE REAL GOOD, LIVE LIFE GOOD, BE A GOOD PERSON,  WHAT WE DO TODAY DIRECTLY AFFECTS OUR TOMORROW.

JUST DO.

MICHAEL QUIJAS 

   

  

ENTREPRENEURSHIP QUOTES

IN A NUTSHELL… HERE’S A COLLECTION OF QUOTES ON ENTREPRENEURSHIP FOR THOSE TIMES WHEN YOU NEED SOME INSPIRATION TO STAY ON POINT.

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work”
— Thomas Edison,
Inventor and Scientist






Entrepreneurship is living a few years of your life like most people won’t, so that you can spend the rest of your life like most people can’t.”
— Anonymous


The best reason to start an organization is to make meaning – to create a product or service to make the world a better place.”
— Guy Kawasaki,
Entrepreneur, Investor, Author


Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
— Mark Twain,
Author


Genius is 1% inspiration, and 99% perspiration.”
— Thomas Edison,
Inventor and Scientist


What would you attempt to do if you knew you would not fail?”
— Robert Schuller,
Televangelist and Pastor


You must fall in love with what you do, because being an entrepreneur is a lot of hard work, and overcoming a lot of adversity. From that love will come the dedication that will get you out of bed at 4 a.m. because of a great idea you just had and get you to work till 11 p.m. and not feel tired.”
— Ken Field,
Real Estate Magnate


Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.” — Theodore Roosevelt,
26th President of the United States


The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.”
— Albert Einstein,
Theoretical Physicist


Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.”
— Albert Schweitzer,
Theologian, Organist, Philosopher


A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
— Winston Churchill,
British Politician


Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.”
— Henry Ford,
American Industrialist


What the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.”
— Napoleon Hill,
Author


The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.”
— Vince Lombardi,
NFL Coach


Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny.”
— Chinese Proverb


If I had eight hours to chop down a tree I would spend six hours sharpening my axe.”
— Abraham Lincoln,
16th President of the United States


Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.”
— Yoda,
Jedi Master


Always treat your employees exactly as you want them to treat your best customers.”
— Stephen R. Covey,
Author


Choose a job that you like, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”
— Confucius ,
Thinker and Philosopher


An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory”
— Ralph Waldo Emerson,
Writer and Poet


Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.”
— Jim Rohn,
Entrepreneur, Author, Speaker


Business opportunities are like buses, there’s always another one coming.”
— Richard Branson,
British Industrialist


Action is the foundational key to all success.”
— Pablo Picasso,
Spanish Painter


Every worthwhile accomplishment, big or little, has its stages of drudgery and triumph: a beginning, a struggle and a victory.”
— Mahatma Gandhi,
Political and Spiritual Leader


Once you say you’re going to settle for second, that’s what happens to you in life.”
— John F. Kennedy,
35th President of the United States


Some people dream of great accomplishments, while others stay awake and do them.”
— Anonymous


Experience taught me a few things. One is to listen to your gut, no matter how good something sounds on paper. The second is that you’re generally better off sticking with what you know. And the third is that sometimes your best investments are the ones you don’t make.”
— Donald Trump,
Real Estate and Entertainment Mogul


The entrepreneur in us sees opportunities everywhere we look, but many people see only problems everywhere they look. The entrepreneur in us is more concerned with discriminating between opportunities than he or she is with failing to see the opportunities.”
— Michael Gerber,
Author and Entrepreneur


An entrepreneur tends to bite off a little more than he can chew hoping he’ll quickly learn how to chew it.”
— Roy Ash,
California State Senator


The most valuable thing you can make is a mistake – you can’t learn anything from being perfect.”
— Adam Osborne,
American Author


A man must be big enough to admit his mistakes, smart enough to profit from them, and strong enough to correct them.”
— John C. Maxwell,
Author and Speaker


Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.”
— Albert Einstein,
Theoretical Physicist


As long as you’re going to be thinking anyway, think big.”
— Donald Trump,
Real Estate and Entertainment Mogul


Don’t make friends who are comfortable to be with. Make friends who will force you to lever yourself up.”
— Thomas J. Watson,
President of IBM


Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”
— Winston Churchill,
British Politician


In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.”
— Bill Cosby,
Comedian, Actor, Author


A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way.”
— John C. Maxwell,
Author and Speaker


You were born to win, but to be a winner, you must plan to win, prepare to win, and expect to win.”
— Zig Ziglar,
Author and Speaker


Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.”
— Jim Rohn,
Entrepreneur, Author, Speaker


A goal is a dream with a deadline.”
— Napoleon Hill,
Author


Vision without action is daydreaming and action without vision is a nightmare.”
— Chinese Proverb


The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing.”
— Walt Disney,
Director, Writer, Producer, Animator, Entrepreneur


Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning.”
— Bill Gates,
American Business Magnate and Philanthropist


I’ve always worked very, very hard, and the harder I worked, the luckier I got.”
— Alan Bond,
Australian Businessman


Success is how high you bounce after you hit bottom.”
— General George Patton,
US War Commander


I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.”
— Michael Jordan,
Professional Basketball Player


Money won’t make you happy… but everybody wants to find out for themselves.”
— Zig Ziglar,
Author and Speaker


I studied the lives of great men and famous women, and I found that the men and women who got to the top were those who did the jobs they had in hand, with everything they had of energy and enthusiasm and hard work.”
— Harry Truman,
33rd President of the United States


If you think you are beaten, you are. If you think you dare not, you don’t! If you want to win, but think you can’t, It’s almost a cinch you won’t. If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost; For out in the world, we find success begins with a fellow’s will; it’s all in the state of the mind. Life’s battles don’t always go to the stronger and faster man, but sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.”
— Walter D. Wintle,
American Poet

Pinky Promise

THE SUCCESS, TOGETHER CONTRACT

The Cheese In Your Life!

There was an experiment some years back regarding choices. It was a study that focused on choices and if a species lower than the human race could adjust and change their routine based off their choice, their action, and the outcome. The species that was chosen was a rat and to motivate him they used cheese. They rigged three tunnels into mazes and baited just one with a piece of cheese. So if the rat went into a tunnel he'd have to work the entire tunnel to come out of it empty handed. So the rat traveled all three tunnels and found the tunnel which held the cheese. Ultimately and amazingly, the rat bypassed the two tunnels that help no treasure, cheese, and went straight for the tunnel that had a his cheese. The test proved that a rat won't waste any of his time if the path he's on holds no reward, he adjusts to get the cheese.

But unfortunately there are many human beings, who in spite of being highly evolved creatures, do not seem to have the simple judgement that the rat showed in this experiment. These human beings spend an entire lifetime moving up and down the same tunnel looking for something that does not exist and yet refuse to change track. In fact, they also have their family members, friends and acquaintances concede that the track they're on is the right one, despite being fully aware of the fact that there is no “cheese” at the end of the tunnel. No reward - money, happiness, fulfillment, love.

What they do not realize is that carrying out this pointless exercise for the rest of their lives will do them no good, and in fact be counterproductive, because they will end up feeling unsatisfied and unfulfilled. This behavior is especially true with families that come from low-income families and those with beginnings in the inner-city.

If you are empathizing with this situation and don’t want to be like a rat who goes up and the same tunnel where there is no cheese, you can take action right now!

Everything in life is about making a choice. It is as easy as choosing what you want to wear. You would not want to wear those out of fashion clothes that are lying in your wardrobe now would you? So why choose to be in a job, relationship, or a life situation that is sucking the energy out of you? Yet generation after generation will continue to live the way that they were brought up.

Change Is In Your Hand

It’s time you took matters into your own hand, if you really want things to change. Why wait and blame the situation, if you find yourself stuck?

All the present situations that you find yourself in now, are a result of the choices that you have made in the past. And if you choose to stay put and do nothing to change the situation, things are going to be like that forever. You can keep telling yourself that there are logical and reasonable explanations about why you are in the situation that you are in now, but it is worthwhile to remember that you alone are responsible for it.

It is indeed like moving up and down the same tunnel without any payoffs. Don’t unnecessarily delay your life by procrastinating. If you do that, it will be like saying you want to drive only when all the signals in the city are green.

There is no denying that taking the first step is indeed a difficult thing to do, but unless you do take the first step nothing is ever going to change. But once you do take that step, you're heading in the right direction. Even if you get scared along the way, turning a new page and corner in life takes time, hard work, and patience. But don't run from it, embrace it.

If you have taken a step, the step, possibly in an arena unfamiliar or you've entered into a new relationship with someone that is different from what you're used to, have patience. Change doesn't come immediately - but it will come.

As impossible as that may be, so is the fact that life is going to be without any problems. Change may seem to be difficult and uncomfortable in the beginning, but eventually you will find yourself liberated, if you truly choose to do what your heart desires - work hard, love deep, live life, and go get your cheese!

REWIND - We’ve decided that we're not satisfied with just the crumbs, we want the whole block of cheese. But before we do anything life changing, take irreversible steps forward, let’s make sure by agreeing to the terms of - The Success, Together Contract.   I believe and live by this agreement without the contract but if you weren't sure about your lover/partner I'd suggest signing a contract like this one. If I love you and with you, I'm for you and I'm true. But others aren't the same, a lot of fair weather folk out there, who can't endure or who always have a towel in hand. Fair weather fan, partner, lover...look it up.

THE SUCCESS, TOGETHER CONTRACT

1. Do we both we agree that we’ve had enough dissatisfaction in this life, up to this point, to inspire, drive, and propel one another towards better things, more importantly, to success?

A. Do we have enough determination, drive and persistence to make our own success in life?

B. Are we able to handle the hard work, the patience, and can we endure the humility that comes from doing something others are unwilling to do?

C. Are we willing to put the time, energy, and effort behind everything we do to achieve success, our success?

D. Is our bond as such, that either of us could grab the other, when the towel is in the other’s hand, ready to concede defeat, to tell that person we can do this, we got this, and as long as one of us, you or I, has a breathe then we both have that breathe, because we’re one?

2. Knowing in advance, that we put service before self, can we agree to forget the notion that business and personal are separate and accept that everything we do, from here on out, is always going to be personal?

A. Can we handle the fact that we won’t execute everything flawlessly, that success is not inevitable, assured or guaranteed?

B. Are we willing to make a pact together that we’ll only use forward thinking to achieve our success goals?

C. A pact that we equally commit to that we hold under contract that we’ll equally, put in the time, pay any and all dues, and keep our eyes on the prize?

3. It’s also under contract that we promise to hold, protect, and defend one another against any entity, power, or person that attempts to divide and conquer one or both parties, those parties being you and I?

4. And lastly, we agree that if we ever feel the urge to run, hide, or seek shelter elsewhere that we’ll never abandon the other, where one goes the other shall follow, we take the extra mile together, where ever?



By saying “I do” we’ll be pronounced partners and officially titled “History Makers, Game Changers” From this moment forward, we’ll make history together, and it doesn’t have to change the entire world, just ours and that of our family’s. Together, by virtue of being alive and being here at the exact same time in this vast universe, we have the power and ability to make a difference in this world. Let’s get busy and let’s make history, and we’ll make it a great one, together!

Some Cheese Please Vol. 1

Preparation for tomorrow is hard work today. – Bruce Lee

I found some very crude renderings of a series of short essays, Self-Help/How To short books – that I did 6 nearly 7 years ago; I called them “Some Cheese Please” Vol. 1- Vol. 13. They were inspired by my daughter Kaylee needing some cheese for her Quesadilla. I was so grief stricken, deathly ill, over certain situations that I couldn't put cheese in the refrigerator (I did the grocery shopping for nearly 25+ years) because I was sick in my head and my heart had a hole in it. I wasn’t able to hop in the car and fetch the cheese.

I feel that nothing we do is in vain. Time spent hurting usually spins off into growth. Unfamiliar territory normally leads to knowledge of new things, and bad stuff almost always turns into wisdom. The time I spent writing, wasting or passing the time, may turn out to be time well spent. I say that because I’ve been researching how certain authors make a living off Kindle eBooks on Amazon. It looks like those little essays I wrote are in high demand, the 20-40 pg. Kindle eBooks. I started looking into the Amazon and the online eBook industry. I know it takes individuals years to write just one book which most never make it into anyone else's hands beside family and friends.


Along with the Some Cheese Please How-to collections I opened up a short story I wrote about my Aunt Connie. I recently posted it on my social sites. I actually didn’t feel I had the right without asking. That was crazy, my memories of my Aunt are beautiful and I decided to share them. That writing, and one that I did on my Uncle had thousands of views but no comments or feedback. It was weird.


I finally figured it out. The people, the pages I posted to took the posting off their page after a matter of hours. Not all but two main pages. I guess I should have asked permission but it’s OK. I know when people are hurt it can evoke emotions that they or anyone else isn't used to. I completely understand and they know I didn't have but good intentions. I also hope my family will understand that I couldn’t make it to my Uncle’s funeral out of personal reasons. I can’t see other people hurting it saddens me and I get emotional. I wish that I fully understood and could explain but - I can’t. I’ve waved off funerals for the time being. I love them in my heart and I’m there in thought but actually attending - I can’t. To everyone out there, if you pass I'm not going but know I'm there in spirit.


I have been trying to see things with reason. I've been trying apologize to everyone that I owe one to and who I feel deserves one and forgive when I can. I’ve been a mad person lately and that's not me. I’ve changed from younger years. Back then I could forgive rather quickly because I’d get you really quickly. There was something about getting my hands on someone and the closure process. But today I’m too old and I'm learning to stay away from trouble even if closure is a long process. Any sort of relationship that has red flags I take as a potential toxic bomb, and there’s been enough of toxicity in my life the last several years. I'll let those others have at it because I'm fine and quite alright by me, with me, and for me.


I have so many things that are completed now. I am getting ready to do a couple projects, both of which are good for the community. One is non-profit the other is for-profit but both have components that are good for the community. One of the programs is being called, "The Mile Wide Smile Initiative" the other "ACFP". That isn't saying too much and I apologize but I'm hesitant so not to put any juju on them before they launch. I hope all is well and that you’re loving the one your with and there’s plenty of happiness in your life. Until I see you next time, take care and much loves to you!

Exceptional Love, Aunt Connie

“A strong woman is clothed in strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.” - Unknown


Consuelo “Connie” Gutierrez DeLaGarza
September 5, 1943 – June 21, 2004


June 20, 2004 - I was in Irvine CA. at the Fleetwood Mac concert, Say You Will Tour. Stevie Nicks was in the middle of playing "Landslide" when the phone rang. It was my cousin Phillip DeLaGarza on the other end of phone and he simply said, "She just passed." My wife seeing the tears run down my face, grabbed my arm and said, "She's alright now, she's home."

My cousin was referring to his mother Consuelo “Connie” Guttierrez DeLaGarza, she was my Aunt, my Godmother, and my friend. Aunt Connie was an incredibly good woman, a kind loving woman. It’s such an easy thing to say when you’re talking about someone who has passed away. Especially, when the words are coming from her nephew, it’s the expected thing to say. But this assessment isn’t because I’m being cordial by no means, it’s because it’s true. I say, “an incredibly good woman” because she lived her life with honesty, integrity, and purpose. It was if she never tired from giving us all so much, all the time. Let's just say she was the anchor of our family.

When I was a child she loved on me with her words and actions. There wasn't a weekend I wasn't with Aunt Connie, Uncle Butch and my cousins. I was always there, every weekend because my Mother worked double shifts at Los Corrals for years. I can’t remember a time I wasn’t with them. My cousin Phillip and I were raised like brothers. I can recall Aunt Connie getting me ready, every Sunday night, for my Mother. She’d give me a bath, clip my nails, and Q tip my dirty ears. Every Sunday, while she did the routine her process, she’d tell me how much my Mother loved me, how much everyone loved me, and how, how much she loved me. This went on every weekend from birth until I was about eight or nine years old. Every Sunday, without exception, the same routine, then she’d let me watch The Sunday Night Disney Special.

Words can't describe the love I hold inside of her, for her, and because of her. As I got older, there were so many lessons that I realized that she taught me. One that shaped me was that my beautiful Aunt never once said a bad word about anyone. More importantly, she never said anything bad about my Mother. My Mother was connected to my Dad's side of the family through him and us. Aunt Connie was married to my Uncle Butch, my dad's brother. It would have been so easy to pull out digs about my Mother, because that's usually the human nature or chemistry of most people and families. But not my Aunt Connie, she made it a point to tell me, reassure me, that my Mother was a great hard working woman. Aunt Connie would always say, “Your Mother is a great woman, she loves you, and works hard for you.” Those were words from a healthy person who always seem to do what was right, they were words from an angel, my angel - my Godmother, my Aunt.

Dear Aunt Connie,

I look forward to the day I see you again. I know this goes without saying but please take care of my baby, Landen, and let him know how much I miss him. And if you could, in your words, like you used to do for me, tell him…”your Father loves you and misses you, everyone loves and misses you, and I love, love, love you so very much!”

PS – If I never told you, thank you so much for always loving me!


Michael A. Quijas

                                                                                   

Dear St. John's University,
I am writing today in hopes that someone will take a minute to read this letter regarding a former student of St. John's University, John L. Cristofani, or as he was known to his family and friends, “Jack”. I never knew Jack because he passed away nearly 16 years ago before I became friends with his son Jim. This great man and his legacy continues to teach those of us who seek to be better people, live right, and who want to please God through our words, our actions, and our faith.



This December will mark the 16th anniversary of Mr. Cristofani's passing. Today Jack is my mentor and the biggest voice I have in my ear when deciding on the best road or direction, not just for me, but for everyone that I share this space of life with. That must sound odd coming from a man who will be 50 yrs. old in April, but it’s true. Mr. Cristofani was a great man whose unwavering moral fiber and impenetrable armor of goodness has outlasted his body and has extended well past those who knew him. The things he taught his children and those around him have changed my life. Jack lived a life that was about doing the right thing all the time, with no exceptions. Even if and when nobody is watching.



I send each of you this message today to inform you of the great teacher of life who once roamed the hallways and sidewalks as a student at St. John’s. A young man that grew into a great man that embodied all that the university had taught him and a student that kept growing well after he departed The Red Storm campus. A student that turned into one of the greatest teachers in - how to live life right. A man that has touched my life and has inspired me to be the best person I can, by living right and treating others with fairness.


Mr. Cristofani attended the university in the early 1950s before his father passed away and turned over the huge responsibility and title of man of the house. Well before getting married to his wife Miriam, fathering 5 children (John, Joseph, Regina, James, Thomas), putting all 5 through college, and giving his all as a salesman to Hackney & Son’s for 33 years. Unfortunately, the untimely death of Mr. Cristofani’s father forced him to enter the work force, out of survival, to feed his mother and siblings. The right thing to do but a move that left Jack just 10 credits short of his degree at St, John’s University.


It would be great if St, John’s University could donate those last 10 hours to make him whole, recognize or appoint Mr. Cristofani with his graduating class, or start a “What Would Jack Do?” Student Reward Program in honor of him that would highlight, recognize, and award students who do the right thing on and off campus. I asked this of you, without anyone else knowing before hand, because the degree was at his finger tips, before he went and did the right thing, working to ensure his family survived. But just as important, I think St. John's could seize the moment by staking it's claim to a man, their former student, and the endless marketing opportunities Jack could deliver for St. John's University. Let’s just say it would be the perks of having such an inspiring former student who continues to teach long after his departure and death.


I would be willing to put together the funding, if necessary for those last few hours, gather a petition of supporters if need be, or reach out to worldwide media outlets to announce the graciousness of St. John's and achievements Jack Cristofani, teacher and student of life. I would do whatever it takes to show how serious I and others would be if St. John's could somehow grant this wish in the near future. Please consider this letter and contact me at your earliest convenience if you would need any additional material.


Kind regards,

Michael A. Quijas
"What Would Jack Do?"
John. L. Cristofani Student
913.286.9746

To Whom It May Concern - There's no egg knocker or callused fingers here...

I'm possibly at the worst place ever in my life. It's so hard to gauge things when you're distressed because one horrible situation is hard to compare to another - but this is probably my most challenging moment. I'm alone. I have been since the last week of December. I've had very little contact with anyone. I've been out of town a couple times but not for resolve but to act like I'm just enjoying myself with the company I'm keeping but it's not the case.

For several months I was the fool thinking I'd be getting back with my ex-girlfriend but I read that all wrong. She was actually done and I couldn't read the writing on the wall. It wasn't as if she was playing or fooling me - quit the opposite. Her message was loud and clear - it's over, but in my way I thought there's no way. I'll talk reason, confess my love, and we'll pick up where it was good and forget all the rest. No can do. That shit strategy was hit with resistance and I still couldn't take it for what it was.

I'm so lost. I have no one to turn to. I figured I'd pull through like I have always done but today I have a moral meter. At one point or most of my life I'd do WHATEVER it took to get results. Things have changed and I'm trying to live with integrity, dignity and with feelings. I don't want to hurt anyone else, ever again, so I can get up, come up, or rise up. I need help. For the record, it takes a lot to confess what I just confessed to. Self-pride, honor, and dignity go out the window when you speak words like that. But today I'm saying it because the first order of business is to let myself and others know that I recognize that I'm flawed, damaged, and in need of a tune-up.

I have a strong sense of pride and self worth but I'm not going to lie to anyone and act as if I got this all under control. I know that some will read this while cracking their hard boiled egg with a little knocker and cup, while drinking their OJ, sipping their Columbia blended coffee, beans they had flown in, while checking their stocks and bonds this morning and yell, "Darlingggg, Mr. Quijas is confessing to the social media world that he is fucked up!" Will yes it's true, I am. I had every reason or resource not to be here, but I am. I had every reason or circumstance happen to me, to be here. But don't count me out. I'm a fighter and have things going on but they're not happening as quickly as I'd like or hope but that's OK.

Let's put it this way, if I was a carpenter or builder, a ship builder, who always talked of creating the largest luxury ocean vessel ever and had one drink after another in both hands. Never a hammer, socket set or welder in my hands then after a year, maybe two, or ten you'd say, "You're full of shit you aren't building, you're just drinking." I haven't drank in a year or close to it. I'm no Aristotle Socrates Onassis, ship magnet, but I am doing. I did write two books, started Project 100 People, and created a program or service that pairs up dentists and oral surgeons with individuals in the community that need their teeth fixed to restore their confidence, courage and smile. All those things are a very slow process and they're starting to get to where they need to be but in the mean time I'm hurting.

I don't need to explain, but I am. I just do a lot of things that others don't do. One of the lines I hear, "There's no such thing as quick, easy money." I know that. What most people don't know is that I've been working on things, or work on things that take several years to get to market or unveiled. So if it doesn't look as if I'm doing what you do, I'm probably not. If there isn't any callused fingers or palms, they're not on my fingers but on my brain, that's where all the work takes place.

The Man...Jeff Mckinnel...

On Thursday as I was preparing to go to my childhood friend's son's Celebration of Life Service I received a call from a dear friend just as he found another lifelong friend who'd passed away. He physically had just found him and called me. I only say this because that morning, Thursday Sept. 13th. before the call, I was down, real down and was questioning certain things about life, my life. Then the call.

It was almost, or was, a sign to me. Jeff Mckinnell was my friend of over 40 years. I was with him almost nightly in 2007, 2008, 2009 when he was running a spot by my home in Lee's Summit. Jeff was a beautiful soul. I can hear him now,"Captain Q! How are you? Cappy, El Capitan! Mikey..." That voice was so caring and compassionate, I loved him. Jeff was about 5 years older than me and I met him through Tony Carr and Kenny Schriemann so our memories weren't that of me as just a little kid but friends of his friends, which made me a friend not just a little kid from the neighborhood.

My biggest memory comes through that of my daughter. When she was diagnosed with leukemia, a blood disease, that demolishes your immune system. We were isolated to the house because, there was no immune system. So we couldn't trust that any restaurant would be up to par on their cleanliness or trust that they'd do the right thing. When Jeff, Brian Donigan (owner of Beauchamps), and Joe Beauchamp heard about our situation they said nonsense. They would open up a dining room exclusively for my girl. No others just us. They made my chld, my precious little girl, the VIP of the place.

Jeff who along with Brian are fabulous cooks. Brian with that tomato sauce and meatballs, and almost everything and Jeff an all round expert in many dishes created ANYTHING she wanted. Joe being the man with the Chef title oversaw the operation and came out with what he thought she'd like as well, and Joe has a big presence so the three of them made my child feel so special and forget she was sick for a minute. They would handle all the dishes and whatever she ordered then they'd throw in several unexpected dishes to her surprise. They loved on us with their food. These actions took my child's pain away for a few hours and they made her feel special when she wasn't feeling so special, like all little girls should.

To say I'll miss him is an understatement but to never hear that, " Ole Capitan...Whaz up!" weighs heavy on my heart, but I know that good man, Jeff Mckinnell, is serving up a signature dish high above. And smiling with that shit grin he always had. Jeff you're the poster child for that saying, "If you ever met him you'd never forget him" because he was that great of a person and he held a presence, a presence that if you were in it you knew you were OK, because he was beautiful like that, I love you brother man, until I see you next time and hear those famous, want to be a Good Fella, words "...ora di mangiare!"

Jordache Jeans and Milli Vanilli

TWO 20 YEAR OLDS...YOU GOT IT WRONG AGAIN.

Writing is a great distraction. I wrote a headline earlier after writing a big article, that I lost, and took it as a sign not to post the article. I rewrote one regarding Rachelle's baby boy Tyler. I wrote WHAT A HEADLINE TO HAVE ABOUT YOUR CHILD, it was meant to include what a BEAUTIFUL headline to have about your child. So true, a true statement for a headline, but today I write quickly and with purpose. So I see if there's a sign in what I write. In this case it was the word beautiful that draws me closer.

The actual headline has 2 meanings. First the way it sounds. Simple meaning simple translation. The second is how someone who lost a child Sunday might, might, read it. WHAT A HEADLINE TO HAVE ABOUT YOUR CHILD? WTF? I say that because 3 days later or even a year later it's so surreal you sometimes say out load - WTF? When it happened to us I had to call a priest, Preacher David Vasquez, and my old friend Sister Kathleen. I even reached out for Mr. Vance Stasevich, who was once Father Stasevich. Why? Because I've grown up believing in God and all his workings but - WTF? We just about lost my daughter, Landen's sister, to leukemia for three+ years and it was ugly, if we didn't have enough - WTF?

I'm sorry, if this sounds horrible but this is my little peddly site and I can say WTF, WHY take Tyler? There's so many others you could take. His mama feeds the homeless, his grandma Ruby put up with all of us, and his uncles are good men - who could have went a different direction early on - but didn't. They're good good good people. You could have left them alone.

Take a bad kid. Or take a bad kid with a bad mother or father. Hell, reach in the the third curtain and take the bad kid, bad mom, bad dad, and bad grandma, with bad uncles - not Tyler? WTF? Take the whole bad clan if need be, leave Tyler out. You got it wrong, again.

I can't understand it and neither will Rachelle, or you, if it happens to you - God forbid. The only thing I can say is, Thank you God for not making Tyler suffer for years or a prolonged unfair battle. Thank you. Sure you'd want quanity but not if the quality of life goes down. I'll have someone or another send me a thing because I say loudly - you got it wrong again God. God I'm sure you have your plans and your ways but - WTF?

I along with my child's mother had to make a choice on how long to keep Landen on life support. There wasn't much discussion, my kid loved life and the journeys it put him on. So there weren't many other alternative solutions, he was brain dead. I was alone with him begging for Jesus, God, Abraham, Noah, Moses, Mary, John the Baptist, or Joseph who got no big bible time and played second fiddle to Mary and John his brother - please snap my baby out of this. No. I gave my child his last rights, not knowing if I was doing it right, but did it all the same. His mother and family are Jehovah Witnesses but I did what I was taught what I thought was right.

I mean really, my kid was just 1 of 42 skateboarding deaths in USA in 2012. WTF? You had to take my boy when there were 350 million other selections? He was a good kid, it was like 350 million people lined up on a wall and you just happen to pick 42, one of them being my kid, come on. That's just WTF bad? I think more people get killed by Vampire's wearing Jordache Jeans while driving motorcycles drunk listening to Milli Vanilli - Girl You Know It's True. What are the odds on that? My luck or should I say - unluck.

Mr. Stasevich said it simply and said it best to me. "Michael I'm at peace that Mathew doesn't have to make any hard or small decisions ever again. - "Do I speed to get home? Am I going to cheat on my wife? Will I lie on my taxes this year?" Such a little compartment to put such a life changing subject in but he was so right. He did what was right for his head, advice I'll never forget. Thank you Coach Stasevich, you taught me when I was young and again as an adult.

Please, if you feel the need to send any God's gonna get you stuff - save it! (We'll explain Jordache Jeans and Milli Vanilli later kids).

Saddles, A Pint of Death and Taxes, & Unbecoming Behavior...

I’ve got a quick story for you. I'm out of town and see an old friend. An individual who I hadn’t seen since the last time I was in California. This individual simply substituted any customary salutation for one word, “Why?” Being the mild manner guy I am, I half grinned. “Why put your efforts into something so morbid?” He was referencing Project 100 People, I got upset, I won’t lie. I wouldn’t have skipped a beat had he not put morbid into the conversation. I love the English language, it’s beautiful to me. I like words and I like stories. They’re a maze, a gig saw puzzle for my brain. Finding them and stacking them in a way that soothes the ear and rolls up one’s imaginary tongue and straight to the brain is gratifying to me. Pleasing could be another description. 

I agree that death is scary and the thought is troubling. But I've been there and faced the scariest, the most troubling, darkest hours you could ever imagine. But the forces that be put that on me. I didn’t chose those circumstances. But since it was me, and as long as I'm still breathing, no one will ever forget my son or the twenty beautiful years he made this place a better space. And that goes for anyone else's child or loved one too. I've got a voice and it's loud enough for "mine" and yours too. So before I get asked to leave another place and get all hyper-focused on your face, pick your words carefully. Putting morbid in a conversation that’s going to lead into my son or the countless others who I’ve had to watch wrestle death, is going to offend me, I can’t help it. Using morbid with mine, isn’t so kind.

I simply asked, “How many kids do you have?” I knew the answer already.

“None, my man.” He noticed my ears getting red. “I wasn’t trying to be rude Mike.”

“I know. You decided not to have children because all the sun and fun that this place offers a man like you.” I said. “But if you have never really loved then you should watch and pick your words more carefully.” I replied in a condescending tone.

“I’ve loved.” This person shot back. “Who are you to say I’ve never loved?”

“I don’t doubt you’ve loved, Jack Off, but I said never - really, loved.” It was getting heated. “If you’d been listening, or picking out my RIGHT words you’d get it.” It was getting good now. “You’d have caught the really, loved part!”

“Wow!” He spurted out, with his anger starting to surface. But I was all over him before he could speak another word.

“If you’ve had no children, you’ve never really loved!” My voice was starting to raise. A statement I was going to defend to him or any one for that matter. Until you have a kid or kids you don’t know the true meaning of love, it’s just my opinion. But be on the bad end of it, when you’re have to take life support off one, you’d sell anyone except that child down the fucking river! Your mate – gone. Your extended family members – gone. That kind neighbor – gone. Your priest, preacher, or clergymen – fucking gone! The love for a child supersedes all.

Long story short, I was asked to leave Saddles Steakhouse at the MacArthur for unbecoming behavior, it was, I agree. But the artichokes and fried sausage at Hopmonks Tavern was much better than bad manners, bad company, and a bad pick of words. Like I said, I was fine with the flagrant foul that got me kicked out of the game because the way I see it, if you haven’t seen me in a long time start with a salutation as you might start with a light salad. Don’t jump straight to the Double Lamb Chops Chump (I’ve never had one for the record) because you just never know what one might consider a heavy topic.

Well that’s all I “gots” this morning, I hope your weekend is safe, sound, and silly. Submit a story. And love the one you’re with!

P100P Tribute Template

(Name) “(Nickname)” (Last Name) lived where (location) passed away on (date) in (City, State) at the age of (age).

(Name) was a (adjective) to (relationship to writer).



(Description) and (memory) of subject:



(His/her mantra, slogan) living example of - regarding life:.


(Short story/example) of subject’s impact:

Subject loved:


You could always expect:

The world was a better place because why?


In closing they meant what to you?

Include a picture or something that represents them.

No fiction please. If you want to write it anonymously, feel free

The Elephant, The Reasons, & The Father of the Year - Mr. Greg Morgan

I've started this tribute platform for my son, Landen Chase Swanson, who passed on January 13, 2012. I did it to keep his legacy alive and I did it thinking that others may want to use it also for the same reasons. It was ready three years ago but I just really utilized it. It was ready three years, three years and eight months, after his passing. In total it took me nearly seven years to actually get things rolling. I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm learning as I'm going but there's an elephant in the room, on this site, and I can no longer avoid it, addressing it.

I've received several messages from family and friends giving me praise for the concept of Project 100 People They tell me that I'm kind and caring for providing a stage for people to deal with grieving.  Such nice things but in all reality my inspiration was motivated by my own regret. I have so much regret, or should I say had, when it comes to my son, Landen. First I need to paint the picture, most everyone I keep in contact with through social media had no idea that I had a son in San Diego, until he passed. It's because, I assume, that I wrote hundreds of blogs, articles and interviews but never once did I mention my boy, my son, Landen. It wasn't because I was ashamed, embarrassed, or more importantly, that I didn't love him. I made the decision when he was younger not to disrupt his life. Or mess with the dynamic of his family setting in California. I figured that I'd connect fully with him as an adult. I had my reasons, but as life often goes, we're not promised tomorrow. So what I put off, a solid relationship with my child, became a ball, giant ball, of sorrowful regret, a price I have to pay.

Landen has a fantastic Dad, Greg Morgan, who met Landen's Mother when she was pregnant, big pregnant. I say that because that says a lot about him right there. Greg was such a man in 1991 that he took Bethany, and her precious package, as his. He was there with her in the last trimester of her pregnancy and he raised Landen. To be brutally honest, I was embarrassed that Landen got stuck with me as a father, after I met Greg. Being in the presence or in the likes of Greg, I think anyone might drive off and say to themselves, "That is a good man, that family is lucky." When I first met him, within sixty seconds, I thanked God. Thanked him that my son was blessed with that man as his meter, his example, because I looked at the life he was providing them, a life that anyone would want to have, give, or live. They had a man that takes care of his family very well. Above all, Greg works hard for them, loves them, and raised a child that's his but genetically mine. But who the hell do you tell that to, what I just wrote? As a man, there's certain times that you're privileged or graced, to see someone operate and navigate better than you. But more than that, there's times that you're blessed with the ability to see past your own bravado, man thing, and learn a thing or two. Greg made me want to be a better man.  

Besides not being able to express my sentiments with anyone, I was looking at my children with Tammie and thinking you poor son's of a gun. It was the most self-evaluating period ever. I met Bethany in San Diego in 1989. I and several other semi-retired drug dealers were laying low after an investigation, that I was the focus of or brought on, due to my relationship with a murderer. This in it's self was enough to feel bad for Landen, his sister and brother, Kaylee and Christian, and anyone that knew me. After 1989, I went back to Kansas City to pick up where I'd left off. Again carrying on with the same poison, but this time I had incorporated drug ripoffs to my resume. It's horrific to write that, just the shame alone is enough to go into hiding, but no need for that because I actually had to go into hiding for all the bent meter stuff I did. Staying alive is more of a motivating factor than shame, usually. 

You can see where this was a huge problem for me to even look in the direction of my babies. I was an outlaw and then there's this guy Greg, doing incredible things for his family, not to his family, like me. In all reality, I was running with my kids because there were a lot of people who wanted to shoot me. The only thing that I had going for me, if you can call it that, was the blessing or pass from a few guys in other places than Kansas City. In 1996 I headed back to California, family in tow, to add another gig to my resume. Driver for hire, for a group called the AFO or Tijuana Cartel. Right? Call me Dad?

Now, if Greg wasn't a great father, which he is, all he had to do was stand next to me and he'd get the Father of the Year sash, crown, and a year long, unlimited pass for one, to Boomers Miniature Golf Experience in Vista California. Even when I stopped doing things, I still messed up. We left San Diego and went to Los Angeles because I pissed off a guy in Mexico named, Ivan the Butcher or something with butcher attached. He got promoted to "National Distribution" (just made that job title up) for AFO, then subsequently found out what I had done with an ally of theirs in Sonora in the early 90's and demanded that I go to KC and open up some connections. But instead of - just say no, I go and take the Butcher's goods and thought I'd just by-pass the money exchange part - wrong. So the butcher wanted to butcher me up, but some friends intervened and told me it was time to go, leave San Diego. It was the last straw, for them and me. And now I ask you, why would I mess that up for Landen? He had a great life, hitting the progressive or lotto in terms of a dad...a man, a role model, a good person. 

After that episode with the men in Mexico, I decided to straighten up for good. I started the non-profit services, the advocacy group, and followed up on the entrepreneur trail. But little did I know I was about to fight the toughest chapter ever. The loss of so many things, in regards to my precious babies - life, health, and broken hearts. Then on top of all that, I got my extremities busted and bent up. Everything that I just spilled out has been eating at me for nearly 30+ years. It was just recently, that I've tried to get it out and let it go. I want no more secrets or regrets. it's debilitating. I want a great life and I think I deserve to hold my head high today and not be embarrassed, internally or publicly, I'm a good person, I've just made mistakes and I've had my share of poor choices, but no more from here on out.

I want to thank Bethany and her husband Greg for blessing Landen with a great life. He saw things, did things, he lived life. Greg Morgan you're an incredible man, you're family is incredibly lucky to have you as a father, a husband, and I was blessed to witness a great father, husband in action and putting his family above all else.     

Anthony Dale Carr

From 10-23-2014, Please excuse my language too.

I swore I wouldn't write another story or thought again, but here I am doing it again. I've come to the conclusion, for better or for worse, that I have things to say and if I don't write them down or get them out, I'll carry those thoughts or perspectives around with me like heavy luggage. Some might say that there are several other healthy ways to deal with life's curve balls, but for me, writing works. So here I go.

Today I received word that my best friend passed away yesterday. The man who called and told me didn't call for that reason, he just casually mentioned it. Well I must have freaked him out because when he dropped it in the conversation, -"Did you hear TC passed away?" I lost it.

I cried instantly, not out of sadness, which I was, but out of crazy madness. This guy on the line did the same thing regarding Randy in the early 1990's.
"Oh by the way, did you hear Randy died over the July 4th weekend?" As if Ball's Thriftway Grocery Store had hamburger on sale. "By the way, did you see those beef prices at Chaz Ball's Thrifty?"
The exact way he'd do it again some 21 years later with Tony.

This man who was on the other line had an issue for years regarding me and Tony, then me and Randy. Tony and Randy, both who lived on 39th Ave. took me under their wing when I was 7 or 8 yrs. old. It pissed more than a few others off. Both had things to offer and if you live in an environment where someone has something, you want a slice. Both Tony and Randy had something. Tony had the toys, motocross essentials and other similar things but more importantly he had a head on his shoulders. I mentioned the tangibles first because that's what you'd notice first. But if you spent any time with him you quickly realized he was smart. Lets say you were a criminal, if you were to have a head like that in your group, you'd go further but Tony wasn't that way. He was down the line, straight down the line and if you weren't, he had nothing to say to you. By all means he'd give you a salutation or two but that was it. Tony wasn't stuck up he just didn't tolerate nonsense. If your trajectory wasn't aligned with his, well he had nothing to do with you. I don't think it was snootiness it was just actual and factual, you were a waste of breath to him. His thoughts or logic was that if you're a "fuck up" and it wasn't his concern, then be a fuck up down the road. His chit chat was next to none because where we lived, too much chit chat can get you into trouble. Something he taught me at an early age. Which probably has more than a few scratching their heads, loading their guns, and adjusting and setting their scopes on me due to the fact that I want to be a writer and tell my stories. Seriously.

Then you had Randy Patti. As I got older and my trajectory got off, I was always around Randy because Randy didn't discriminate. He was like the slogan from Lady Liberty, "Give me your tired, your poor..." Randy was Randy. He loved everyone and if your sights and his didn't see eye to eye that was fine by him. If that off sighted-ness became a problem for him he didn't care, he'd just pluck your eye out, smiling and carrying on. To the tune that you'd be left alone with a white pole,cane, dipped in red and a dark set of glasses so quickly that all you'd remember, while Googling, using the Braille system for the visually impaired, if it was TIMBUK 2 or 3 that actually sung, My Future's So Bright. I say that because Randy was quick with responses, and so slick and cool, and calculating, that he would have been singing or humming while permanently stealing your eye sight. Word for word, tune by tune, that was Randy Patti - "My future is so bright I gotta wear shades..."

Tony Dale Carr, was my best friend. Some people, who've known me for years, might scratch their heads when I say "my best friend'. They will base that statement or the scratch on the fact that most of my current friendships, less than 25 years, had never met this great man. As a matter of fact, it had been at least a year since I talked with him and longer since I saw him last. But it didn't matter. He was my best friend and always will be. Let me explain.

Sometimes in life, if you're lucky, you'll meet a person who will change your life forever. This change can be good or bad, but life changing all the same. The time frame can be a brief moment, a short segment, or an extended period that covers a life time. My story is all good, a physical time frame that spread over a dozen years, and lessons that have lasted a life time. If you have a moment I'd like to share it.

In 1977 I moved into a neighborhood in Kansas City, KS called Rosedale. I was only 7 or 8 yrs. old but well aware that this place was notorious for the mean men that it produced. Our street was 39th Ave. and it was well known throughout the city for what you could and couldn't do on that strip of concrete. I was young but well warned of the dangers of this place from concerned city historians, soon to be ex-neighbors, who spoke of the place as if it was the closest thing to hell.

To my amazement it wasn't that bad when we arrived. The neighborhood was worn down but nothing I hadn't seen before. But what was different, was the people who occupied the homes on the block. They had a certain pride in their stride. It was as if they were part of something. Something that you couldn't actually see but something you could feel. It didn't consist of materialistic goods, top notch luxuries, or precious metals or gems but a sense of pride.

So I accepted that there were no luxuries in Rosedale. Just people trying to survive day by day. It was what it was. But to my surprise I found a gift, a precious gem, a treasure in the kid who lived directly next door to me. That treasure came with a name and it was Anthony Dale Carr. Tony Carr, as most people knew him, was six years older than me. At first he didn't have much to do with me because I was 8 and he was 14, not a lot in common at that age, but that quickly changed. We became brothers. He took me under his wing and became the older brother I never had. Tony included me in everything he did. Racing motorcycles, the swim team, the everyday motions of life that extinguished the boredom that a place like Rosedale could easily drape you in.

At first it was just a friendship that passed the time. But after the years went by it became obvious that Tony was teaching me things that would equip me with life skills to overcome the environment we lived in, the problems I might face, and the man he expected me to become. His friendship, sent from God or not, was meant to instill the great qualities that all men should have. He became my teacher besides my friend.

From the age of 8 to 20 years old he was the man in my life. Coming from a single mother household, who worked two full-time jobs, Tony, along with his mother Mary and stepdad Stan, became the set of eyes who watched over me in a neighborhood that could easily swallow the best of saints. I was taught who to watch out for, who to trust, and who to run to incase of help. They became my second family. So the treasure I referred to was much more than a one and done, it was a priceless commodity that paid dividends for many years.

Tony tried to teach me how to cut grass, work on engines, drive, dress, groom, talk, carry myself, politeness, manners, but most importantly he instilled a set of values in me. A moral meter so to speak. Now I have to admit when I got older I deviated away from much that he taught me because I made that decision to do certain things that I wasn't suppose to. I shamed myself but more importantly I felt I had shamed Tony.

Tony had taught and gave me all he could. At a certain point you become responsible for your own actions. You can't blame anyone else or put it off on something other than yourself. Today I feel like I lost out on his kids, his wife, his mother and father because I carried around guilt for the certain shortcuts that I pursued as a young man. Although I went years without talking to my best friend he never stopped loving me. It was obvious every time I resurfaced in his life. We picked up right where we left off and he never judged me for the dark roads that I had chosen years earlier.

I'm signing off by telling the world a few things that Tony did for me. Things that he would have never mentioned but I feel I must. When I was real young he gave me a pair of Niemen Marcus pants that made me feel rich in a poor kid's world, he gave me his Rosedale letterman jacket (any kid's keepsake) so I could put my football and wrestling letters on because we couldn't afford one for me. He taught me how to drive a stick shift automobile and motorcycle. He paid for one or more of my proms and dances. He gave me my first Cash Bond for $100. He took me on a 3 week paid vacation around the country so I could see the plains, mountains, and oceans for the first time. At 18 years old, an hour before I was set to move to Los Angeles with my family, he pulled up to my delight to advise me that I didn't have to go because he was letting me move in with him and his soon to be wife Mary Rose. He taught me how to play tennis, drive a boat, and give weird facial expressions when someone does something stupid.

Finally I have to admit to something only him and I know. The day he was getting married I cried like a baby to him. I told him how proud I was of him and how thankful I was that he gave me the opportunity to see how a great man lived life daily. I only scratched the surface when I listed the things TC did for me. But I guess if I have to sum it up, Anthony Dale Carr loved me and invested in me so I could become a great man. When I grew older and would verbalize my appreciation for all that he had done for me he would always say, "when you become a great man, doing great things, there'll be time to pay me back - with interest". That time is never guaranteed nor has it ever been. I will miss my best friend. Although I have fallen more than once and have struggled like so many others, I have to credit Tony for giving me the tools as a kid and young man to get back on my feet and be the best person I could and can be. I will miss you my brother, I love you.

(I apologize for the quotation marks. I've never really used them, but I've been told that I need to if I'm going to write a book, so I apologize in advance. Here's a confession/secret, I've never used them because they remind me of jail house letters from several of my buddies.
- Mike this guy says, "Give me that jello or your getting the shank..." and in front of everyone, I dropped that jello to the floor, but before hitting the floor, I caught it like a hacky sack player, or Mr. Chuck Norris, and kicked it in his eyes which splattered on his face shooting debris into 5 other gang members eyes and I beat him and the whole prison up just by using jello, I did this while shouting, "I'm Rick James..bitches!" )         

Writing A Book Is A Tedious Process

Writing is a passion but trying to get published is hard work. Such hard work in fact that it makes you question whether to continue that pursuit or just consider it a hobby. You put your touch, your flavor, all over the pages with the power of your pen but to embark on the task of getting others on board to see your story published is crazy hard work. I have so much respect for those that work on their writing to take it to market. The sweat and tears are so personal that only someone that has taken on the task could only know.

They say that writing is a tough hobby to take on. It isn't for everyone but therapeutic if one does it and tackles more than a sentence or paragraph. I've been doing it for twenty-two years now and find it to be my calling. Since so many people dream of writing a book but very few ever will, I think that others find it hard to look at someone's work. It only reminds them that it may have or is on their bucket list but a hard one to cross off your list if you don't start with a written word. Hence, it's hard to get other people to critique your writings when it reminds them of their failures. Don't get me wrong, it's not the case with everyone. Certain people seem to love and are inspired by those chasing their dreams. Then there's always that other bunch who smile but painfully. 

I recommend that you find someone in your circle or someone that you can hire to look at your work as it moves along. Some other than a sibling or parent because you may not get the answers that you need. An impartial or neutral party is your best. If you don't have the funds to hire someone then find an old English teacher, friend or possible referral from a colleague. Hit up an old girlfriend or boyfriend, someone. I ask people I respect to look at it and share it with those people in their circle who may have the skill set to help me reach my dream. 

Writing takes patience. Getting it polished up takes skill. Getting it published takes a miracle. But if you love writing like I do it can take your brain to new heights and your love for words to new places. I tell everyone to write. It has saved my life before and I'm sure it'll save my life again. Do yourself a favor if you ever feel like stepping off a ledge on top of a big building. Grab a pencil and put your emotions to the side for just a night and write. Write so hard and passionately, the entire night, and see how you feel in the morning. If you still are dead set on stepping off a ledge, don't do it, but hopefully a night with your thoughts and a pencil will convince yourself that there's a story in you that needs to be told. Your words are true and only from you, so get out a pen or pencil, start today and begin writing away.          

RIP - Aretha Franklin 03/25/1942 - 08/16/2018

My story about Aretha Franklin. In 1996 I had moved to San Diego and I was feeling lost. I had just picked up my roots, my family's roots, and left in a move that physically took place within one day of planning. Shortly after arriving I started writing. I had no computer at that time so I would write in journals all night while listening to music. I was addicted to the peacefulness of knowing my family was sleeping safe, I was rebuilding a new life for me and them, and I wasn't running around the streets like a mad man as I was in Kansas City.

One night I was listening to my music and Aretha Franklin's song, "You Make Me Feel" came on. A song I had hear 100 or 1000 times before. But for some reason these lyrics below hit me hard that night. They were the most beautiful set of words that I had ever heard grouped together. I started crying. I hadn't cried a tear in years because I had become hard and immune to my emotions because of the life I lived for so many years. Mean, ugly, and with complete disregard for anyone if they weren't what I considered "mine".

"When my soul was in the lost and found
You came along to claim it
I didn't just know what was wrong with me
Till your kiss helped me name it
Now I'm no longer doubtful, of what I'm living for
And if I make you happy, I don't need to do more"

I always wondered what triggered that break down. I went over that night, those words, my relationships, my marriage but the words weren't relating to anything I could think of. They were spiritual in meaning to me. Growing up in Catholic school for the majority of my younger years I was taught and believe that God loves me and all of us. I often say, "God loves me and he's so good to me," a statement that I've had to question more than a few times, but it's a true statement. I feel uncomfortable talking about religion but I believe in God, everything is at his will, and he is so good to us if you have your eyes, mind, and heart open you too will see.

I've had horrible heartbreak and loss beyond measure but I'm a strong person, emotionally and physically. This is because God has packed me with the power of strength. He allows me to stick up for myself with great effectiveness and for others who can't. He also loaned me a sweet heart that is filled with compassion, forgiveness, and deep love.

Aretha Franklin's words that night were words to a song that related to my relationship with God. No matter how many times I've lost my way, my emotions, or my soul he never lets it stray away. God always comes along and claims it, his child. Because no matter what I do, good or bad, his love is great and constant. It's the one thing I know, if I ever should find myself alone in a dark place or space, that I'm never alone, because he's always right next to me, giving me, the strength to face it.
Ms. Franklin, your words, your voice were a blessing to me, through them both, God spoke to me...
RIP 03/25/1942 - 08/16/2018
https://youtu.be/dEWuAcMWDLY 
         

So I woke up

I woke up super early this morning and headed to the park. I have a friend in tow and we're supposed to be exercising but I stayed back for a minute, and let her start alone. I had to digest some disturbing news, I just received, that a very good friend, over 40 years, is dying from a disease. A condition or illness, I'm left sickened, in a state of shock, I do believe.

I was looking at him after giving me the news. I thought of his mortality as I did mine. We're roughly the same age and if that doesn't smack you right in the kisser I'm not sure what will. For some time now I've been evaluating the things I see in me. Some good, some bad, but it makes no difference because when it all boils down, I'm a good, kind person. I love deep. It's my condition, there are worse I suppose, but I do love more than I ever have. I can honestly say I don't hate. I have flaws but who doesn't. I get worked up, don't always know what to do, sometimes over dumb decisions to be and sometimes it's about those decisions that got by me. I get paralyzed sometimes of what should be...but it doesn't always happen for me, what should be. And as far as I know it, I don't have a fatal disease so I can live with should be but isn't.

I've been by myself more less since December. I've had time to, a lot of time to, make choices of what I want or who I want to be. A little late in life to contemplate which direction I'm going but all the same, you need to slow down and evaluate your course, your trajectory, and the being. I know what I want and what I don't want around me. I know I don't want to fix anything or anyone, and if it's not my flavor, maybe a little too complicated, then I'm going to head the other way. If that person isn't their self, eventually they'll want to be, why waste my time or your time too, just go the other way I'll respect them more tomorrow.

I think it's very convenient, if things don't go your way, just to point fingers. No conscious no meter to read, we're all alone and free. Too much drama, I must agree, see it free and see where it goes. I've been hating myself lately, waiting patiently, to work out problems, But by doing that I seem to be overlooking me. I need a tune-up that's easy to see but not something you'd see if you're really not into me. I'm a big boy who has had his licks before, so don't worry about me, because life has a way of always rewarding me. Unlike those and them, I can always see, that sometimes in life you have to be beat by things that don't always agree with me some of which my stomach doesn't agree.

Well that's enough rambling from me. I once loved so completely. But given enough time and the room to be free, that spark that flame has truly died down. Never again will I forget about me, because things always seem to turn into a game. Who is right and who is wrong, if you're truly in love that shouldn't be. I believe in love and one day someone will be lucky enough to come home to me. Today, though, it's just me, to work on myself, so I am better once more to love until death, as that saying goes. But since it's just me, I've had enough of that stuff, that puts you to shame, and I swear to you all that I'm through with games. I love me enough to say enough is enough. But unfortunately, I can I hate being alone but I no deep down that I have a good soul. But as that other saying goes, it must not have been enough, so much so because she fled in the night, like a thief in the night who took my heart and regardless of the pain, but good for her if she likes to play them games. I'm too old to hurt or be hurt, one day she'll know my love was the real thing!

Getting up...

Here I go again. Today is the day that I get to make decisions regarding my short term goals. I'm getting my timetable done today and I'm excited. I'm ready to get a new place in the city and looking forward to moving towards my long term goals. I've got my sights set on a few different job opportunities and getting back into the entrepreneur society here in Kansas City. It's been a while since I've been active in that community but I'm still welcomed to participate. I know this because I've been in contact with certain key individuals who've been spear heading the movement these days and they said I'm welcomed to participate in any capacity. They were glad that I'm getting geared up to join their endeavors. But I must say that I was relieved to hear that. I need a purpose and I may have found it.

It's interesting the feeling you get when you think about doing something that you're passionate about. I have been a guest speaker in events in the past but I'm not sure that I would want to do that at this moment. I'm thinking about going in the entrepreneur world as an inventor or student of the program. I'm ready to make millions and I think my best chance at that is through my creations. I believe going back to the basics would be my best route. I am good at certain aspects of being an entrepreneur but not so good at others. I really would like to have someone who could help me make up for my shortcomings. Who better than an organization of like minded individuals who want, like I do, to put KC on the map as a creative hub.

I'm so ready to get past this yucky period in my life. I have and am sick in my head. I had certain beliefs regarding love and commitment that weren't realistic. I thought if 2 people loved each other that you get together and create a life. It's false my friends. One person may feel it, but just as quickly as they savor it, they may not feel it like you in a short amount of time. I guess what I'm saying is that its all just in a matter of time, you may be loved or someone can fall out of love. Your partners belief system is theirs and not yours. No matter how hard you try to change things or control a situation, you can't. Everyone has their own way, that's what makes us unique as individuals. We all want or don't want, simply said. 

Funny thing is that if you truly have a belief system in your head on what transpires with certain events then when you become aware that it isn't so, it sets you back, way back. But I'm humbled and accepting of the situation. God knows that I wouldn't want to be with anyone that doesn't want to be with me. More importantly, I wouldn't want someone I love to be unhappy that they're with me. Although it's tough to think that, I think everyone should have dignity for themselves. I lost mine for a second but I am a little stronger and standing a little taller. I was so weak legged that I don't think I'd like me either because of who I became. To my defense, I was truly in love and needed advice only my partner could provide. But I fouled up and ended waiting too long for that approval on so many things that I lost. But that about to change immediately. I'm going to win because I always do and I'll be back on top. I just fell for a second.

Have a great May Day and love the one you're with.