Suckered!

I took Kaylee to the football game this evening. We played Park Hill and played great. We left early in the 4th Qtr. and didn't see who won. But we were winning 7-0 when we made our departure.

I was told that the Quarterback - Jake Johnson #19 - named one of the game balls after my daughter. How awesome is that? Some guy named Jake, Jake Johnson, a senior, a Quarterback, a popular guy, dedicating the winning ball to my daughter. Kaylee Marie Quijas. I'm sure it was just, Kaylee, but Jake Johnson you're my hero.

But back to the ball game. I took Kaylee, and Tammie went to Christians baseball games. He played in a tournament in Blue Springs, MO.. He pitched the whole game and and had a spectacular evening with the bat. I never played baseball but wrestled and played football. My son finds it hard to think I played anything and lets me know this. Its the age and the fact that he knows me only as Daddy. Its all good.

Kaylee has no immune system. Since it wasn't in an enclosed area, we let her go. She so enjoys the interaction and attention. I don't blame her. I would want to do the same if I was her. But there are precautions one takes. The mask being top priority. But she didn't wear one and when I asked she said it was in her purse. Well her purse was next to her. I said put it on and she looks at me like only a daughter could and says "Daddy I don't want to wear it, please?" Well me being dad and sympathetic to her just wanting to forget about the cancer for a few hours says O.K..

Well it is unacceptable and stupid for me to take emotions over logic. But I did. Suckered! I won't let it happen again. No immune, no mask, no way! I'll admit I'm weak when it comes to Kaylee. There's something about those eyes and that voice that gets me.

So lets recap the last 3 months - an event held in your honor, a digital billboard, and a game ball. Oh, I almost forgot, Leukemia!

Jerry's Bait Shop Event

Gin Blossoms and Pepper Steak?

Memories are golden, history is priceless. It doesn't really matter the amount of time spent with someone but what you take from that time.

I am coming up on my 20 year high school reunion and I have thought a lot about my memories. I remember so much from my younger years and count back the years. Everyone has moved in different directions and taken certain paths.

I think of the 20 years. I might not know most of the people there, I might not know the people I thought I knew 20-23 years ago. But it doesn't matter because those memories have aged and are priceless. I talked with a friend I hadn't seen in years and we talked of certain times, events, and circumstances and it was golden. Those times were care free and growing years. Most of us are caught up in careers, children and relationships. The things that matter. But its those memories from simple times that seem sooo far back that mean so much. It was the few years that shaped us.

I hope that we are able to attend and if everything goes the way it has recently, we should. I have received so many emails commenting on my blog. These messages have come from friends, classmates, and strangers. The message usually starts the same - you probably don't remember me - hell, it doesn't matter if I don't remember the color of your eyes or if you didn't know my sister's names. If you remember me from 10th grade English or 9th grade Biology that means we have history. If I remember you or if you remember me, that's priceless.

I want Kaylee to be 38 and get that email. Do you remember me?

No Apologies...

I thought some of you might want to see a video of our family in a Lee's Summit West High School interview. I'm alittle occupied these days to worry about petty issues but I'd still like to ask "Please excuse the extra chins and gray hair."

This blog has put me in touch with so many people. Its gained some attention since the time I started and it's a little strange. I think I've talked to or communicated with several people from the past, I've had mothers at the grocery store tell me that they read my blog, and all this started from my fear for Kaylee's health. I read back when this started and it was my fear that Kaylee Quijas wasn't known. My Super-Star didn't come up on Google. I started posting her name. I'm not sure what that meant or what good it would do but I wanted people to know my kid.

I do business with people all day and none o f them know my daughter. Who cares? Well when something like this happens I start thinking about my relationships. Do these people I'm around throughout the day know I have the most polite, courteous, beautiful, talented, gifted, giving, thoughtful, friendly, charismatic, charming, child in town? No they don't because that's my private side. My decision that day was to let as many people know about my darling as possible. I'm going to share my story with the world. I going to yell it loud and proud that this person is my life. I'd much rather take condolences from people that know Kaylee, even if not personally, but through me. I didn't want apologies from someone that didn't or doesn't know my kid, no way! If my putting it out there makes someone say "well, he sure is broadcasting his life" well you have it right. I did, I am, and I will tell my story because everyone should have the privilege to know Kaylee Marie Quijas!

Digging With A Spoon...

2:56 am - I lay here trying to sleep but can't. I keep thinking about so many things. Kaylee, my family, my business. I've struggled for so long to get my life in harmony and it seems there's always an obstacle. I can't explain it, if you know me or have known me then you know I've always been on a up hill battle.


As a kid it was poverty. As a young adult it was different battles. Now it's this disease and the scare and worry. I can't win. When I do the right things and try to live right, I'm hit with hurdles. I just regret the unhealthy child card. It hits you hard. Emotionally and mentally it is exhausting. The smoke alarm detector chirping due to a low battery isn't helping either.

I told Tammie this morning that I'm so tired. The physical kind of tired. The hospital wears me out. Its like digging a ditch with a spoon. No kidding. But then the night comes and when I should get rested, I can't sleep. Torture. This whole ordeal is tiring.

I'm also bugged that my right hand man at work dissappears. I can't micro-manage at this point but he is no where to be found. I really can't worry about him at these times but he's jacking with my money. I really don't care but I do because you'd think someone so close to me and my business dealings would be understanding and rise to the occasion of running things. For me and my family. But I guess you find out who is there and who isn't when these things strike.

I'm still sick from all of this, and wish I was stronger. I'm not sure what I'm suppose to do. It looks clear when I step back, but when I get in there to do something it gets to be the same old same old. Work takes care of everything. But I can't focus, maybe it will change soon.

I've seen some dark days and have survived. But this moment in life is one for the books for certain. I would do anything to have my old problems. So my advice to you is - if it doesn't have to do with health then your fine. If you go through tough times, its part of the journey. If you think its the end of the world because you lose a job, or find it financially tough because of this or that its not that bad. I've seen it all. But I keep with me the words of a mother in the cancer unit "No matter how bad you have it, there's someone with a story worst than you"

UNPREDICTABLE

Me and Kaylee checked into the hospital last night. Her fever rose to 102 and we made the trip to the Children's Mercy ER. They put us in a clean room, germ free, in the ER. I'm not so certain that it is a "clean room" but we're segregated from the ER population. The people there are always nice and move Kaylee quickly.

I can't explain the uncertainty of this thing. I was sooooo comfortable last night and its like enemy troops moving in. A battlefield! That's what it's like. War. I'm comfortable and ready to relax and that siren,sound, or bomb goes off. We have to move and move quickly. The fever is the battle of the night and Leukemia is our enemy!

We drive, just Kaylee and I, to the hospital. She is geared for the cold temps in the hospital. She has a beany cap, a hoodie on, sweats, and UG boots. She tops it off with a mask. She resembles the uni-bomber. But I watch her as she travels. She's in a pissy mood to start. But she observes out the window the entire time. I want to know what shes thinking.

They say I asked too many questions, and I do. But I want to know what shes thinking. That's some powerful stuff right now. What is a 15 yr. old thinking as she drives to the hospital at 9:55 pm? Sorrow, anger, sadness, relief? I want to know, I want to document it. I need the info for later. I asked and she says"Whats it matter?"

I get mad. I won't lie. I wonder if she realizes that I don't want to put shorts on and drive 30 minutes to the hospital. It's an inconvenience for me too. That sounds bad, but it is true. I wanted to finish the San Diego vs. New England game. But I have priorities, and if I want ask a question then I think I deserve an answer. We're all in this thing together. But if we're going to battle I want to know all about the enemy.

Her counts were good after doing blood work. The fever dropped and we were discharged early this morning. But I'm tired. I'm suppose to be all smiles and head to the office but I'm tired. Is it ok to sleep in if you were in the hospital until morning? Well I own the business and I say yes it is ok. So if you call and don't get an answer then you know why!

Random Arrival

Our event on August 27, 2006, was a success. The community showed up and some old friends as well. But the biggest surprise was Keith Padgett. I have not seen him since high school and he made the trip to Lee's Summit for my kid. He brought his wife and kids. It was a pleasant surprise.

The bands, the people, and the generousity was overwhelming. Everyone there made the night a memorable one. I thought I was going to be consumed with entertaining and talking. But the night flowed and we made it through. I didn't get to talk with everyone for as long as I'd like to have.

Keith's arrival was different. He drove across the city to attend something for my family. He made time to come. He doesn't know me besides high school. But he showed his support and I thank him. I can honestly say that we never talked on the phone. I never stayed the night or had dinner with him or his family in high school. I think I did stay the night once. But the parents were out of town.

Keith is a father and husband. I'm sure he is sympathetic to our situation. Like most parents would be and are. I thank you Mr. & Mrs. Padgett for your attendance!

Predictions

We won like I predicted. Kaylee had a great time and stayed with the cheerleaders on the track during the game. She sat the entire time and looked as if she really enjoyed the evening. I worried when the temps dropped. She was ready to leave at the beginning of the 4th Quarter. We came home and relaxed.

Kays temp keeps rising. 99. 100, 100.5, 101 and the next .5 puts us in the hospital. So I predict we will be in the hospital some time tonight. I'm so comfortable right now. I just got home from my brother-in-laws 30 year work reunion party. He is a KCK cop who has had thirty years active duty. Nicky Vega.

Back to the prediction. Sunday night is relaxation time. Relaxation for everyone. Even for a child fighting cancer. So please let my prediction go to hell , and let that temp drop. Please. But if I have to, I'll be the first one in the car ready to go. My reality. My hand. My child.

Sector

I am proud to announce that Kaylee has officially made it to the big screen. Not a feature film but a digital billboard. You've seen them popping up all over town. Those giant video screens that feature advertising. Well Kay is on the Lee's Summit billboard at 3rd St. and 50 Hwy..

The staff at Lamar Outdoor was kind enough to let us say thank you on their screen. I was looking for a unique way to say thank you and I think I found it. Bob, Leanne, and everyone was fantastic. What do you think? The camera shakes and the volume won't work, but you get the idea.



Thank you Lamar Outdoor for donating the spot on your digital screen. Once again we are amazed at the support from the private sector as well as the business sector.

Sector? My word tonight. Sector. Sector.Sectoooooooooor!

SIX FOR FOUR

Today is the big day. Football for a girl who has done nothing since June 21, 2007. Excitement.

But I want to share a story. Sometime around June 21-30 my baby girl needed platlets. I'd like to give you an exact definition of what it is but it has to do with blood. So it is 12 am and she needs it badly. So we waited, and waited. I asked where are these platlets? They said, the nurses, that the bag of platlets were in St.Louis. They would be dropped by Helicopter or State Police. Never was a big fan of cops but whatever. Always kind of scared me, radar,tickets, a hard time.

Sometime around 4 am they mysteriously arrive. In a big town hospital the nurse wouldn't have much info but being in Columbia they are more hands on.

I asked how did they arrive? He said that a Highway Patrol drove 2 hours-4 hours round trip with lights on to get them there. I cried. This man or woman, who just like us, started his shift and unknowingly got a bag of life for Kaylee Marie Quijas. He drove hours for someone he didn't know, not his daughter,neice,nephew, or cousin but my kid. I have so much respect for these people who do things most of us would never think or should have to think of. Thank you!

Back to the football game. All week Kaylee has been so excited. But let me tell you the preperation it takes. Today just to go Kaylee has to go to Mercy Hospital and sit there for 6 hours for blood and platlets just to go. Her day will be occupied for hours just so she can enjoy one night, maybe 4 hours. I admire her and Tammie, and I admire those Titan football players because we're going to get a win for Kaylee tonight. But next time you see a blood bank, please donate because it might be your kid sitting for 6 hours for 4 hours of fun.

Arrested

Do I have your attention? Well I haven't been arrested and more importantly neither has Kaylee. But we do feel handcuffed when we're doing chemo. Kaylee did chemo, strong stuff, yesterday. We got home and she started having allergic reactions. Scary.

My girl is running low on blood & platlets and she will go to the hospital, for hours, for these important components. The reason my child needs them is she because she is going to her football game tomorrow. She is soooo excited. But we have to do these time consuming things so its possible for her to enjoy 3 hours of pleasure.

We play Hickman Mills tomorrow, and we're ready for some football. So many people are excited to see Kay. Everyone is excited to see her. Everyone knows who she is. I know she had a big friend pool before but since it was brought to the attention of the school population, everyone knows who she is. Tough way to get popular.

Chicken Parmesan

I invite you to look at my baby girl on www.youtube.com , her link is on this blog but here it is, http://www.youtube.com/mquijas , and look how beautiful she is. On this video player double click the play icon, but it is not playing sound, atleast not for me. It does on youtube.com. The video is only 30 sec. and it is hard to understand, but look how she smiles and takes everything in stride. I look at it and think how she smiles when says that her friends are bringing dinner over, just for her.

The weird thing is I'd never look at something sad on the internet or I would never type in leukemia in the search bar of google or youtube. It is tough to view your kid in something other then a dance recital, or a homemade music video. We're in our own category for now anyways. I've watched a few tear jerkers on the utube. But it was so different 2-3 months ago. That was someone far & distant, it was some one else, it was someones sad and terrible story in some other universe. But fraternity's have a way of getting members. Just when you think not my family, BAM! They say God only gives those things to people who can handle it. Maybe we should of acted weaker. I'm done with this blog.

A Request for Help...

Dear Rachel Hack,

I write to you asking for help. On June 21,2007 my daughter Kaylee Quijas, a 15 yr. old sophomore at Lee's Summit West High, was diagnosed with Leukemia. I have spent more days then not in the Hospital attending to my sick child.



I own a company called In Ad TV that plays video advertising in Kansas City restaurants, the restrooms to be exact. These commercials play in 15-30 second formats w/ sound. I am offering any one who has produced material free ad space.



I am a one man show who needs to keep the product fresh and at this time I find it difficult to do considering my family crisis. If any of the members could help me during this time I'd appreciate it. www.inadtv.com



Best Regards,

Michael Quijas

816.651.9471


I sent this email out to the Advertising Director of the Advertising Club of Kansas City. She immediately responded and included my message in her September newsletter.
Once again the support from people, not Directors,Presidents, or Ceo's, but people (Mothers,Fathers,Brothers,Sisters,Wives, and Husbands)is amazing.

I have to have interesting content, and a fresh product. It has been a struggle but everyday something special happens and it reinforces my faith in the human race.
Thank you AD CLUB of KC!

Inflicted

I've been writing a book for the last 10 years and I've finally found my title. Inflicted. It is appropriate for the the way things have been going. For years it was called "Come On Down" and was named that for my appearance and flop on the Price Is Right. If you saw it, I'm sorry and if you didn't thank God. I can write when I have a title for a chapter,blog, or a book. But I just didn't feel Come On Down once this crisis started. So I put the book down and focused on blogs. The response to the blogs has been incredible as far as keeping people updated on Kay and putting me in contact with long lost friends. So its been good.


The problem, if any, is that to write about my feelings it sounds so depressing. Do we have major things going on? Of course. The disease is a life changing event for our family that will be tough for 2-2.5 years. But our outlook is great. My emotions that I discuss are personal and confident but I'm broadcasting them to everyone that can read. Where do you draw the line? I enjoy writing but maybe if I had an interest like butterfly watching it could be considered educational. But the things I want to write about are me and my perspective on our life. Is that bad? I've found it therapeutic and a release when I needed it most.

So until I buy binoculars and a net to catch butterflies you're stuck with my emotions and thoughts.

Ankle Weights

September 9,2007 - Kaylee is getting stronger. Mentally & Physically. Last night she had 2 friends stay the night. Wow. We were reluctant at first but Kay said it was something she needed. Needed?

I guess it is the social aspect of her life that I was so worried about. Silly. I guess I was combing through the whole situation and was trying to bring harmony to the whole situation. Her health being top priority, but I was worried that everyone was going to leave her behind. Well I had it in my head that that wasn't going to happen. So I tried talking about it time and time again with Kaylee. She wanted no part of the conversation. She was taking it one day at a time. I finally got it. Kaylee knows what she needs and she knows if she needs to talk I'll be there.

Needs. Needs are amazing. It could be a bottle if you're a baby, school clothes, an ear to talk to, or a roof over your head. As a person, man, husband, or father it is mind blowing the needs you have to meet. I'm talking about my life. I know there's different dynamics of every life. But I believe it is the way you deal with these needs.

A single mother, a widowed mate, or any other configuration of life's hands. We either step up to the responsibility or we run. I try to be a good provider. But what is a good provider? I've got my faults. But in general I think I'm a good person. I've been dealt my hand and I've been playing it. Could I do things better? Of course.

Is it a fancy car or a big house? Is it being at the office 70-80 hours a week and detached from the family so you can have the best of the materialistic things? Is that it? Is it living right and doing the right things that bring the most rewards? Is the guy who drives a Hyundai and is close to his kids of more value then the guy driving the Benz, working 80 hrs. a week, with little interaction with his kids? Who's the judge? Maybe its the guy that has the whole package that I'm trying to be.

I can tell you we struggle at times. I am a guy that has never had a "real job". I never finished college. But I have my own talents. Sales & vision. I have these visions and go with it. But I have to sell my vision to others. I have to sell my dreams to my team of people who can implement my vision. TVs above urinals? TVs in mirrors? TVs in clothing? Come on lets be honest, it takes a talented salesman to make other people do what hasn't been done before.

But it is these years of struggle that I intend to make my children's future more secure than my parents and their parents. We've all made it this far but I so want to make something special for my family.

I actually caught myself thinking how bad I feel for my children. They got me out of the parent pool. I thought this the other night as I dropped my son off at this enormous home in an exclusive neighborhood. Big car in the drive way. Manicured lawn. Theatre room. Plasmas everywhere. It was merely the materialistic side that these thoughts came from.

But reality smacked me as I drove off in my Hyundai and went shopping for ankle weights for my child that has cancer. Ankle weights is the need of the moment and my reality!

September 14, 2007

I am happy to announce that Kaylee is doing great! Here immune system is up and her protocol is going as planned finally. She had blood work done today and they say she is taking the chemo very well. We have to go back again tomorrow for some blood, but she is doing great. We have a long road ahead of us but the Doctors are feeling good that there shouldn't be any surprises we should expect. Thats scary!

I say scary because I've realized these procedures, treatments, and pills are a big guessing game. Everyone is different and you can't really predict anything. But what we do have going for us is - Every thing as far as medicine that she'll encounter has been introduced and applied to her. There is no rabbit pill up the Doctors sleeve. She has successsfully taken all meds that will be required to complete her treatment. Its not to say the cancer couldn't reappear, but we feel good that the liver is almost back to normal and we have the cancer in a headlock.

It is our optimistic opinion that our girl is going to be in remission from here on out! It is a 2 year battle but we're ready to keep fighting. Kaylee will more then likely be able to go to the first home football game at LS West on September 14th. Her counts are looking like they are holding which means she can be around people again. Go Titans!

Our House Is A Very Very Fine House....

We live in Lee's Summit, MO. Our home is a modest, California-Split with a 3 car garage. We have 4 bedrooms, a finished walkout basement and an unfinished sub-basement. We moved from California in August 2004.

Our family (my sis,her husband Chris Sharp, Trey-4,Bailey-12, and Emily 14) live just about a mile away. We are very close to them. The transition from Cali to KC was smooth. We had a support system as soon as we arrived.

The best thing or decision we ever made was moving back home to be close to our family. I think it was Gods work. If we would of stayed there in LA, I'm not sure how we would of done it. Everyone is so distant there. Especially when its not your family or your hometown. We made the move at a wonderful time. The kids are doing great with their friends and sports.

I feel like our house is our sanctuary. We are bunkered down and home more then ever before.

All of our hectic lives have slowed down and home is where we are the majority of time. It takes an event like this to make you slow down and appreciate your yard, your dog, and your home. Maybe its just me, but I always have done my reflection after the fact. I get caught up, always have, and didn't take time to smell the roses. Maybe this all has a purpose?

So here we are. I'm not sure if its roses I'm smelling, because this situation is a little stinky!

Can You See The Image?

Sept. 4, 2007 - This is my blog for Kaylee but it turned out being my blog. I vent, I open up, and I've told our story. The reason I decided to write was to kill time. But that isn't entirely true. When Kay got sick all I could think of was everything she hasn't done.

All I could envision was her not being on this thing called the World Wide Web. I thought shes going to make it on some obituary, some little article about this great person I call my daughter. She would make it on Google with a death. No way! So I started putting her name everywhere I could.

Some of you are going to read this and think that sick bast**rd! Well its true. This little girl that I've had dreams, aspirations, and hopes for - is sick and could ultimately die from this blood cancer. As a parent you wouldn't want to write, think, or say those words. I just did, and the reason is - because that has been our reality for the last 9 weeks!

When this all started I kept having this vision of my child at college on her first night. I vividly could see her in the closet, the time 11:00 pm and shes putting away her clothes. Shes already homesick, but on a new journey so she deals with it. There is this light bulb dangling in the closet without any cover on it, but Kaylee uses the light to put her hangers on the closet pole. This light fixture was the kind, that had the string to turn it on & off. The importance of this thought is irrelevant, but the emotion that I want Kay to feel is so there. The homesick, scared, lonely feelings.

Sure I've thought about Kaylee and the relationships she'll have. There will be sorrow, heartbreak, joy, love, sadness, and so many others I can't even begin to write. But they are going to be hers. As a parent we never think about those things because we take them for granted. I never imagined that Kay might not get to have those raw emotions. I just figured we would deal with the heartache and pain, love and laughter as it came. But then all this stuff started happening around us, it made me realize that I could lose my kid. I never imagined it.

Can I tell you something. A month before Kaylee got sick I erased all her cell phone messages that were saved in my phone. I thought long and hard before I did. I eventually erased them because I thought it was weird that I'd want to keep a message from my daughter, I figured if I saved them it would be bad luck. But theres more. There are these little lcd screens on the cell phones. Well Kaylee would get my phone and put messages. It is meant to personalize your phone with your name or whatever. Kaylee would type in "Kaylee is Alive"

I had my son switch it right before Kaylee got sick. It spooked me. Then we had a picture that I kept waking up to. It is a picture when she was in seventh grade. She is at a relatives house and they snap a picture -I'll post it, she doesn't like it because she thinks she has to much make-up on, but you can tell me if you can see the image in the background.

These things might not have any meaning but this picture goes with us to the hospital every time. I think it is the Virgin Mary, but you decide for yourself.

Kansas City, Kansas

I sometimes think Kaylees a very lucky young lady. Its not an easy thing to say, but we could be in a much worse situation. We could be in a village in Africa, off 1 HWY in Baja California, or in a housing project somewhere.

We've got our boxing gloves on, we're in Lee's Summit, MO, and we have the best support system around. My prayers go out to those who are suffering around the world. Right now we are concentrating on comfort. Kaylee is comfortable.

Would I turn this disease down in a minute? Yes. Would I wish this disease on anyone? No.

But I'm having issues. I feel terrible for our family. Do I want to be sensitive and caring ? Yes. But I wish it wasn't us dealing with all this shit.

So many people say, "So she's doing pretty good?" Well yeah, if you mean is she still breathing and getting up everyday. But she feels so sick so many days. Today she felt great. So we are blessed. Tomorrow when she arrives at Childrens Mercy Hospital and leaves after treatment and blood transfusions I'll let you know exactly how she feels. But today she feels great!

I've included a picture of my childhood home in KCKS. It was located off Southwest Blvd. in the Rosedale section of KCK. I thank God that Kaylee isn't sick in my old room on 39th Ave..

We had good years in that old house but if I was sick it wouldn't be the place I'd want to be, and if I hurt any feelings I'm sorry. My Mother did the best for us she could, although I made a few mistakes in that neighborhood, I think we've done o.k.. That area in KCK makes you tough, and street smart but right now its health & comfort I want to focus on.

As a place to get educated in Street Smarts there wasn't a better place. But to nurse a sick kid it wouldn't be my top pick. We did what we had to, but I thank God Kaylee is in a comfortable place with room to stretch out. They say "all interesting people have a past" and I won't deny that, but I'd much rather work on the interesting part in the suburbs.

I believe that you should never forget where you came from, but I want my kids to have opportunities that I might not of had. We lived in a place where most parents had to think it over, then think it over again before they'd let little Billy come over for the weekend. The surprising thing is that they always let 'em come over. I think that says something about my Mother.

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H2O

The word on the street is if you're stranded, ship wrecked, or buried alive - you'll last longer with fluids then with a rump roast. I find comfort in food so that rule might not apply to me, but who knows.

Well, I bring up hydration because we've been in the hospital since 7 am this morning pumping Kaylee with fluids. The fluids are a critical part of the chemo she is taking tonight. She will be in the hospital for 24 hours so that she is flowing with IV Fluids so the chemo doesn't hurt her. I guess this stuff is pretty dangerous if you don't have enough fluids to flush this poison through your system.

We were supposed to be checked in yesterday but there wasn't any room for my child. Busy day, but they almost or should I say they suggested that we have Home Medic Services deliver IV Fluids to the house and we would administer the fluids and take care of everything at home. I declined.

There is a certain point in this thing that you want the experts doing their part, then there's the other side where you want to go on as normal as possible. But when it comes to administering fluids and monitoring certain levels please check us in.

Tammie is polite and would listen to our options but I'm not to certain when it comes down to my M.D. skills. High School was great but my Junior College credits came up short. So we waited until today for our chemo, and Kay should be released tomorrow. My little piece of advice, if you have a gas leak call the Gas Company, if you have Leukemia and need chemo - call a Doctor!

Room 8

We're back in the hospital. Room 8. A scheduled admission but delayed because of her 0% immune system. Her check in date was last Wed. August 22, 2007. Kaylee has to have a certain count as far as blood,ANC, and some of this & some of that. We didn't make it last week but we did today. The process is draining. I can't explain it. Emotionally waiting all day for your room, eating that food, and having to listen to kids of all ages run around the clinic before they take you to your room on the 4th floor, Henson Tower.

Kaylee is a warrior. She hardly ever complains. It could drive you nuts like it does me, but it doesn't for Tammie or Kaylee. They take their medicine and go. It makes you compare yourself to others when things like this happen.

I learn so much from Kaylee daily. She does what she has to, and doesn't complain. Her outlook never sways. Her knowledge and authority about the human spirit is second to none. When she looks at a child or teenager during her stays or visits at Children's Mercy she can tell what would make that person better. I'm not talking medically, but spiritually. She can read attitudes by looking at their face, their stance, and their demeanor. She is someone we could all learn from!

My Life, My Daughter

My favorite picture is this old pic of me, Tammie, and Ace our dog at the time. It was our first place together in Brookside. We had nothing but each other and a little girl on the way. Its framed and next to my side of the bed. We've taken better pictures but its the innocence captured that takes me back to a time that was special.

The main focus was this new child. But then you get into your routine, what was once new becomes the same as yesterday and you forget. I look at this picture and remember the fright,scare, and joy. Today it is back to those things. We're not sure what one day has in store to the next. But what we do know is that each day is a blessing and awkwardly enough it was something ugly like Leukemia to put things back into prospective.

Will all this make me and my family better, I'm not sure. But what we were given was an incident, a wake up call. Petty things don't really matter. What matters is that we try to do better, live better, and teach our children that there are more important things then fancy cars and big houses. What is really important is the way you live your life and the postive impact you have on others.

I Hope You Dance...

I think when your child hits their teenage years, especially 14-15, they take friends over family. I did. I thought those friendships would never end. Some did and some didn't. But the ones that have endured and made it are priceless. To put a price on something that ages and grows is impossible.

Kaylee has had to put her friendships on hold in a sense. She can't go and do as the others because she is sick. My priority is Kaylees health, but I'm also concerned/worried about her social well being. That important part of growth, friendships. I wonder some times how hard it must be to sit back and miss that party,movie, or pizza. How upside down she must feel.

One day she is traveling to Florida with her best friend and the next day she is fighting for her life. Priorities are first but my heart goes out to her. Sunday it was Kaylee & me at the mall. Probably not her top pick to be there with but one thing she'll always have is her family.

Kaylee is blessed with great friends. But as her Father it hurts to see her confined to a bedroom. Hopefully her strength builds and her trips out can be with someone she picks to be with. Although I think I'm a fun guy, I probably won't make the cut if it was between me and those friends of hers. But for now its me! Enjoy Kaylees video.

Courage

August 24, 2007 - My baby girl was featured in the Lee's Summit Journal today. She is such an inspiration. When the phone call came and the photographer showed up we were concerned that she wasn't ready to expose herself and her story to all of her friends and neighbors. But Kaylee said that she is comfortable with herself and wants to let others know that its not about the outside but whats inside that matters. Wow!

So this morning when I saw her little face on the cover of the newspaper I cried with happiness. Her picture, her courage speaks- it shouts volumes! I as a parent am so proud of this person, I'm so proud she's mine. She is going to give other young kids the courage, confidence, and hope that is so important when you're fighting such a big battle!

I proudly showed my article to everyone. I want everyone to know that this young girl is mine. Instead of hiding -like I would have at 15 yrs. old- she said here I am and I'm fighting. To think how we all just want to fit in, how we try to dress the same, talk the same, walk the same, and then you're smacked with an illness that makes you stand out, breaks your heart. Or does it?

Today I thought to my self that this little angel is blessed. She doesn't care what people think, and she knows that as easy as it happened to her it could happen to any of us. Courage!

http://www.lsjournal.com/articles/2007/08/24/news/01strength.txt

The Hardest Game Ever Pitched...

My son Christian Quijas is an awesome baseball pitcher. Sure most parents would claim the same but he is really good. He won the prestigious Blue Darter Award in 2005. An achievement bestowed on talented athletes in the Lee's Summit area.

His biggest test came on June 22,2007 at the State Baseball Tournament in Columbia, Mo.. This was just one day after finding out that his sister Kaylee had been diagnosed with Leukemia. This game was important and a win was needed. So the coaches decided to play Christian. He put his game face on, and approached the mound like he did every week. His pitches were high and wide. He had too much on his plate.

He did his best to concentrate and give his all but from the very first pitch you could tell he was somewhere else. I'm sure he was mentally sitting next to his sister in that hospital room. He never got it together. I'd like to write that he pitched his heart out like never before and got his win. But this day was just too tough. We lost by one run and it pretty much sealed our fate at the tournament.

I believe his coach pulled him after the 2nd inning. This was too much for any one especially an 11 year old little brother worried about his big sister.

www.randomthankyou.com

I'm going to start a project with Kaylee. We are going to start a website called http://www.randomthankyou.com/ . We are going to invite family,friends, and strangers to thank someone for doing something nice. We will encourage the thank you at the time of the good deed but our website will praise kind acts of all sorts.


The idea came to me as I watch a security guard every week at Children's Mercy Hospital help people. This guy goes way beyond his duties and always has a smile and a helping hand. I want to be like that guy. No kidding. This guy is always there with a kind word, an extended hand, and a professional demeanor. I've been down in spirit several times when I'm at the hospital but I get re-energized after watching this man in uniform.


I want Kaylees involvement because it is magical when you get excited about a new endeavor. From my past experience, it is so therapeutic to create a project that brings feedback and goodwill in the community. The anticipation to check your mail daily to find that one story that touches you is priceless. My goal is to get Kaylee occupied in something that will ease some of her pain and let her be the CEO of our new online Thank You business!

Thank You

Today has been 2 months since this Leukemia stuff started. It was June 21, 2007 when we got the news. I want to apologize and say thank you to everyone that has been helping us through these tough times. I take full responsibility for not sending out Thank You Cards. I have been so caught up with the hospital admissions and appointments that I couldn't find the time. I think it has been more than that but my family thanks you. I am in denial or sick in my own way. Please forgive me if it was a card that some were expecting sooner, I know everyone I've told my apology has said it really is insignificant to worry about that but I'm sorry.

My wife has been tending to Kaylee like a Super Hero Mom, it was me that took on the task of sending those thank you cards. Unfortunately they've been sitting there on my desk. If we have one of your pans from a kind dinner or a utensil I promise we'll give it back! I just want to say thank you again and please forgive me.

The Mantle

I had dinner with my son last night. We went to La Fuente Mexican Restaurant just a few blocks away. As we walk in I spot a flier with Kaylees picture on it. It is an information flier explaining the benefit at Jerry's Bait Shop.

The place is packed with a softball team, couples, families, and regular patrons. It was very busy. I watched as some people looked at Kaylees picture as they left, but most didn't. No big deal but very strange. Strange as a parent to think that I would ever have to post a picture of my little angel in a store front location. But fate or circumstances has a strange way of sneaking up on you.

When a local teenager was abducted on Saturday, June 2, 2007 I remember watching a local TV station interviewing her parents. They had in their hand a flier with their baby girl on it. Although I couldn't imagine their pain I was connected as a parent. I remember thinking how ugly life was for them at that moment. How that fear was evident as they sat with some reporter pleading with anyone for info. I took a moment that day to consider if that was to ever happen to us. It was the flier that made me think.

How surreal that must be to post a picture of your child in a public place. Instead of the mantle, you're asking some stranger to place your childs picture in his or her store. It made me hurt as if it were my child, nephew or niece. The flier was what shook me. How painful that must have been for her parents to sit with picture in hand, your most precious asset, and beg the public for any and all help in finding your child. Our situation is completely different but similiar when it comes to the heartbreak! Their Kelsey was missing. My Kaylees health is missing.

Two months later, family members are posting info in public places asking for support for Kaylee. The picture is what breaks my heart. These pictures are mine. In a normal day you might be lucky if I was to share those with you. They're my pictures, my child, my life.

Reference...

I've tried to think about my personal experience with sickness. I've never had one. My Aunt/Godmother passed away in 2004 but I was in LA and didn't spend much time with her. My mom had cancer in the 1960's before I was born.

Since this has started I've went back in time and have tried to think of someone. I had a girlfriend in high school who lost her mother to sickness. It was before I knew her, but I can't recall ever asking about her experience. It was probably because I was scared to. But I feel for everyone that has dealt with the sickness or the death of someone they love. I guess when you battle something it really puts you in a class of your own. Some people are strong, some crumble, but what do you learn?

I think that this has made me look at things and people differently. I truly respect people more. I don't want to get upset over petty issues because everything is just that-petty! I don't want to offend or get into a confrontation with anyone because I don't know their story. Do they have a sick child at home? A mother sick in bed? I believe this experience has made me a better man.

I see things differently now. You never know what someone is battling or what fight they've already battled.

Welcome Back...

August 17, 2007 - We had to check into Children's Mercy tonight. My daughter is sick with a fever. Not such a big deal if you have an immune system, but when you have a 0% immune its not good. We have one hour from the time we discover her fever @101.5 to check into the hospital. It is our first time to check-in with a fever. Our admissions have been for pain, not fever.

I hate the pain but I'm scared of the fever. There are so many factors with a fever. Virus, infection, or any of those other things that make you sick. All this is so new. I've never really considered immune systems.

I'm not the type to go share an ice cream cone with a stranger but I never had to monitor the company I was with. Today I want to know if anyone is sick, did anyone have something recently that might be transferable to my kid, did this person or that person wash their hands.

A simple ear infection, flu, or hang nail could be very dangerous. All we can do is pray and hope she gets better today. Hopefully they will let us go home in 48-72 hours if the fever goes down and the blood work turns out ok.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

August 16, 2007 - Sometime around seven o'clock tonight there was a knock at the door. I wasn't home, but Tammie said she opened the door and there were 8-10 people standing in front of the house. She said some of the people were wearing uniforms. It took her a minute and then she recognized the outfit. It was the employees and managers from our McDonalds down the street. She said they handed her a Happy Meal box that contained $150.00 in cash and change. They then handed her a flyer that had Kaylees picture and her story on it. The card was decorative and time consuming. It was an employee card that they had taken around and collected money with.

The most touching part was that some of these young kids were in their street clothes which indicated that they had donated their precious time when it could have been spent elsewhere. They all donated their time and battled 100 degree weather for a little girl most didn't even know. How special is that? I Thank you and Kaylee thanks you.

Spent...

I'm so tired, exhausted, battered, drained, fed up, sickened, sad, bored, pissy, and grateful. It has finally caught up to me. I'm so done with this sickness. But you can't pack up this thing called Leukemia and send it off. You have to fight and fight and fight.

I realized this as we headed to the hospital and got within an exit of it. I got pyhsically sick to my stomache. I'm going to have to see a doctor soon or I won't be any good to anyone. How unfair that I should have the gull to say I'm not feeling good. I'm so sorry. I'm spent...

Kindness

August 14, 2007 - On August 27, 2007 family and friends are having a benefit to help with the rising expenses associated with the cancer. The benefit will be held at Jerry's Bait Shop in Lee's Summit, MO. from 6pm-close. There are several bands that have donated their time and talent. The community and our friends have been donating goods and services for the auction and raffle. So many people have offered so many things that it makes you slow down and really appreciate everyone and everything.

I've had time to think about everything and take in all the kindness that everyone is showing at these difficult times. The food from the neighbors and community, the offers from random strangers, and the support of our family. It really makes you stop and thank God for everything.

I would do anything not to be the one accepting these gifts, but here we are and it is so nice to know people care. Kaylee is trying to get out of bed and move around because she desperately wants to get better and you can see it in her actions. She will get stronger each day and start to gain her 30 lbs. back. But more importantly we will be able to relate to the population that will go through this on a different day.

Cupcakes

August 13, 2007 - 10:15 pm Kaylee is feeling better and looking better too. She is starting to gain weight and moving around the house. Tonight she made cupcakes and frosted them as well. We left her alone for the first time. It was only for 30 minutes but I feel like we gave her some freedom and space.

I feel like our recovery is on track. She has a low immune system but is taking it well. Today I felt like Kaylee feels good mentally and feels healthy in her head but she physically feels weak. This has to be hard on a young person. To know you're not well but feel well. I'm sure she wants to get on with life and leave this moment behind.

I'm ready to move forward. This speed bump has made our family closer. We have been together as a family more than we have in years. I think when it comes down to it we only have each other. I think everyone has good intentions but my family is just that, my family. I have to take care of my team because nobody else will.

Routine

The word routine has never applied to me. My schedule is different everyday. Sometimes the words disorganized and unorganized could be used to describe my routine. Some say my life would be less chaotic if I had a traditional job. I believe it's true freedom when you make your own schedule and carve out your own path in life. Don't get me wrong, there has been times I wish I worked for the other guy. But it is not my gig!

In San Diego, I could visit the kid's at school as often as I wanted. In LA, I did the same. The last year has been exciting because my company http://www.inadtv.com/ has started to move in a positive direction. But more importantly, it's been rewarding. To see something develop into a product from an idea is an incredible thing everyone should experience.



I started this biz out of the garage and it has developed its own legs. My family has sacrificed and stood by me when everyone else disappeared. I've questioned my decisions, my life, and my legacy. I want to be a good person. I want to be a good provider. I want to set a good example and show my children that if you have a dream you can take chances and capture your dreams.


What would I leave behind for my kids. Would they be inspired to do something out of the ordinary? Would they take chances in life or play it safe? It really doesn't matter what direction they take. I just want them to live life and enjoy the journey.

I need to get back to my routine.

Pain

July 22, 2007 - You gave us the name. Leukemia. We didn't want it but we took it. The sickness. We accepted it. The exhaustion we dealt with it. We'll work around the inconvenience.

But the Pain? Come on! What in the world could justify the pain? Give us any thing and we'll take it like a punch in the face. But the pain. It kills. I'd take anything but could you please leave out the pain. The bones aching, the fingers and toes curled from the hurt.

The helplessness of not being able to comfort your baby is horrindous. To have your little one grabb your hand for comfort, only to realize that you can't fix it tears you apart. When they release that hand is when you know that they know that this fight is truly internal.

I have never been around someone that is battling such pain & sickness. The fight is enough to make you pray, plead, and shout. I think this eventually will become a gift. A gift that test ones courage, toughness, and spirit. A test that will make my baby girl smell things differently. Taste in a new way. Live life in a new perspective. I only wish we could leave the pain out.

The Sound of Laughter

July 19,2007- Hello. I am writing tonight at 10:27 pm and there is laughter in the house. My nephew Trey is playing with my son and Nathan in the downstairs. Christian baby sat for a couple hours for my sis Kelly. It sounds so good to hear laughter and playing. This house has been the house of sorrows of sort. We have been taking care of Kaylee and it seems that has been a full time gig.

I have to be more censored as this situation progresses. I really get some theraputic release by writing, but making it privite is what I might have to do. I don't want to invade KK's privacy by writing to much about her ordeal. I love my little girl. She is still losing weight but her body is fighting.

Worried About Everyone Else

July 16,2007 - Me and Kaylee are laying in her bed. I left early this morning and just got home. Today has been tiring as usual but KK is worried about everyone else but herself. She is worried about Christian and concerned that he doesn't know what to say when he's alone with her. She often comments about her best friend Alyssa, and how upset shes going to be with this treatment or this diagnosis. She is concerned about everyone except herself. I love her because she cares for everyone.


I am trying to get into my normal routine but find it hard to do anything. I don't want to be far from home. The guys I work with are understanding but I can't explain how it has effected me. My days or my life isn't the same. It will be close to normal in the future but right now it is still chaotic.

It Happens Sometimes...

July 13, 2007 - Friday the 13th - We spent the day at Childrens Mercy Hospital getting 5 minutes of chemotherapy. It took 4 hours of time but who cares. We received the treatment now we have to wait to see what effects it will have. Kaylee has only been getting 50% of treatment and she has been getting sick. We expect a sick weekend, but hope for the best. Kaylee lost another 3-4 lbs. since Monday. She has lost 30lbs. in 2 weeks and is so weak that we have to assist in the little things that weren't so tiring a week ago. Stairs,getting in and out of the car, and walking.

July 14, 2007 - 12:57 am - The chemo made her very sick this time. It is hard for me to go into her little room and watch her in pain. She says she is tired. I know I've written that before but it is different each time she says it. I so believe she is tired.

I've randomly started crying a couple times to people I normally wouldn't. Its even happened to strangers. I broke down today, they were "accessing KK's port", a terminology I wouldn't care to really know, but it made me so sad to watch them take more blood. It hurt when her eyes tightened as the pain hit from the nurse putting a needle in her. I want to take the pain away! I think I finally have gotten passed the numb stage and reality sometimes hits. Music sometimes triggers feelings that are sad or joyous. Maybe it's good to let out alittle emotion every now and again!

I sometimes wondered what it would be like to take care of Tammie or her taking care of me if one of us fell ill. It was always in the the far future. I never considered taking care of one of the kids. I know there are people who have dealt with this before me and unfortunately there'll be others. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

15 Today...

July 12, 2007 - Today is KK's birthday and it is bittersweet. I am so happy that it is Kaylee's birthday but it hurts to see her struggle with the simple chore of entertaining. It's not like she is entertaining on a tight rope or juggling 5 balls, she is running empty just sitting at the table. She is so sweet! We tried to get her to tell us what she wanted for her b-day but all she could come up with was perfume. A nice selection, but I thought she would milk it for something high-tech, expensive, cutting edge, but you can see that materialistic things aren't important.

Every year when Kaylee's birthday would arrive or just prior to arrival she would have a meeting/discussion with me to discuss her big day. Since her birthday was during the summer she always planned big party's and spent plenty time planning. Our normal was the waterpark, but occasionally she would plan something unique. One year she pampered herself and six other girls with a ride in a limo to a manicure & hair-do day. We did picnics,beach, and Vegas.

This year is such a reality check. The birthday took a back seat to her illness this year. Not that her day is less important, but she really didn't have any input or concern on what took place today. I wished her Happy Birthday this morning around 8:30 am. She went to the last 1/2 hour of cheerleading practice. She was so excited to watch her cheerleading crew. Some of the girls came over after practice and brought a cake & presents. She was relaxed when I checked on her at 12:30 pm. I asked the reoccuring question "how you feeling?" Her face and answer are always the same "I'm fine" with a smile. I could tell she was extremely tired but wanting to act strong in front of the girls. Tammie said she almost sprinted into the gymnasium this morning because she was so excited.

Today was emotional for me. When I checked on her this afternoon she smiled and said she was doing great. When she responded you could tell she was digging deep to get her answer and conversation out. I have the habit making that tired sound effect when I get exhausted. WOO! I'm not sure how you spell my sound effect but that's my try. Kaylee smiles and grabs all her energy to talk when she's worn down. She won't give you the woooooo, she gives you a smile. I love her so much, Happy Birthday baby!

I can not explain the pain of looking at my child and seeing the drastic changes. I would give anything to have the last 3 weeks back so we could plan a big celebration like we have for the last 14 years. This battle is draining physically and emotionally. I apologize for being so selfish and all about me. It's Kaylee's Day and she had a good day!

The Toughest 24...

July 9,2007 - We got our results back today from our tests friday and they all show leukemia remission and no liver cancer. I had to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. I was on pins and needles for the last 24 hours. I was numb 17 days ago while we waited for the type of leukemia. We were diagnosed with A.L.L. and could of had a much more concerning type that wasn't as treatable. But like I said we were numb, and the wait was as surreal as the whole incident.

This wait was one that had reality to it. A quick sentence of "its not good" was always a possiblity. I have Tammie who is so positive that it boggles my mind. But I feel as the head of the family that I have to gear myself for anything.

Our prayers were answered for atleast a day. We can only take it one day at a time, but I am so grateful that we got the news we wanted.

We Need Answers...

July 6, 2007- We are checking into the hospital today at 12:00 pm. She got the results from the scan and it looks her liver texture is changing so we will have the biopsy and hopefully have results on Monday. She is getting a bone marrow, and chemo this weekeend. They want to do observation on here so there's no bleeding and here levels don't drop. We also are going to have her hair cut this evening.

Kaylee's hair turned out beautiful. She was in good spirits but broke down at the end of the night. She says she is tired. Tired of treatments,exhausted, and tired of looking so sick. I explained that we have a long road ahead. I truly think something really good is going to come from this. Its hard to convince someone that their pain may be a gain for someone else. But we have to stay positive!

A Long Day...

July 4, 2007 - Our day and night was relaxing. I was so proud of Christian. Christian is my 11 yr. old boy. He could of easily went somewhere else today but decided to stay home with his family. He was invited to several places but he wanted to be with us. He had so many fireworks because our family owns several firework stands in Kansas City. They were very generous to him.

Unfortunetly Kaylee got a nose bleed and we had to pack up and go to the E.R. @ Childrens Mercy Hospital. The 4th of July would have to wait. We arrived at 10:30 pm and were released at 3:00 am. Our next appt. was set for 9:00 am the same morning, but we had to reschedule because we were out til 4:00 am and KK (Kaylee) would not drink the dye that was necessary for the CT scan scheduled at 9:30 am. We decided along with nurses just to arrive at 12:30 pm and take it from there.

Christian had to pack up and go with grandma and Uncle Steve. He wasn't moaning or hollering as he usually would. He is worried about his sister. We all are.

We arrived at the hospital on time at 12:30, and they took Kaylee to radiology. We waited around for directions. They informed us that Kaylee would have to drink 30% oz. of dye and Kool Aid. I knew and so did Tammie that this would take hours if it took place at all. The staff decided to run a hose down her nose to her stomach. It worked but not before Kaylee got sick.

Tammie left at 4:15 to p/u Christian so he could make it to his 6:00 pm baseball game. I stayed with KK. Tam & Christian arrived right before the game was to start. Christian was to pitch but arrived too late so he didn't. We are all effected by this cancer.

My sister Kelly picked us up @ 6:00 pm and we went to Los Corrals for dinner. Kaylee had her usual all pork burrito with rice. She looked weak and was very tired. We got home at 8:00 ish. Our day was long but Friday is going to be tough.

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I'm sad this morning. I woke up and found myself sleeping by myself. Tammie slept with Kaylee last night. I feel so helpless. I can't do anything to ease any of our pain. Tammie is so scared and upset. Kaylee is tired and exhausted. Christian is almost alone because he hasn't been able to talk about it. I'm trying to fight everyday just to be strong. I so badly want to fix everything but can't. I want to make the people I love know that everything is going to be fine. But I'm scared.


I just want my daughter to get strong. She's almost 15, and I just want her to get healthy. Please say a prayer for my daughter.