If There's a Next Time, I'll Do Better

So I just turned 46. Plenty of time to do things in my life. A lot of time to accomplish what I want and what I dream. But there are a few things that are done and gone that I'll never get to do again.

 

 

Today would have been my 20th wedding anniversary. I was with my ex-wife, Tammie, on and off for nearly 30 years. Just kids when we started out. A confused and lost man when it ended.

 

 

I wasn't the best husband. It would be very easy to blame it on things such as youth, lack of knowledge, or childhood issues - but I can't. I was just a disrespectful, self-centered individual. Ugly characteristics I carried through much of my relationship. A relationship I'll never get to make right because its gone. We're friends today and all I can ask or hope for is that I'm a better friend to her than I was a mate. 

 

 

Realistically or probably, I'll get or could get married again. The next attempt I will be a better love. The next time I will be more respectable. I'll be like a gifted carpenter or cook who has one more time or chance to get it right. I will measure twice and cut once. Concentrate more on the written recipe then just eyeing or winging it.

 

 

I would have been a better father too. Because any man who treats his wife bad also treats his kids bad. It's my belief that any discomfort you bring into the home falls on everyone in that home. If you're oblivious or ignorant to your actions, then maybe you can go with the insanity defense, but I was neither. Just a man who should buttoned up his lip, who should have picked his battles more carefully, and who should've worn a giant wrist watch, with a loud alarm, to know when it was time to go home. 

 

 

I hope my kids and Tammie realize that I love them and did the best I could with what I had. Unfortunately I was a novice who just didn't get it right. Running a family, and loving your family, is the most important job anyone will ever have. Make it count and make it right. Just my thoughts.  

Steven Dale Kreighbaum Jr.

My brother-in-law, Steve, passed away this morning at the age of 45. He was a father, husband, son, brother, and friend. We had grown up together since I was 15 yrs. old. and we've been in the same family for over 23 years.

I was alerted to the devasting news, while I was getting ready for work, through the painful screams coming from his sister, my wife, Tammie. I instantly knew that something tragic had happened because of that scream. A scream you never forget.

Steve had been battling depression for some time. He had different health ailments and the fight took its toll. He gave up. In the wake of his departure we are left asking questions and wondering what we could have done differently.

I must admit that the thought of leaving this place has crossed my mind. The dark days I've had to deal with and the setbacks after setbacks have warped my thinking once or twice. But today I see what hurt and devastation does to loved ones when you're suddenly gone.

I ask everyone to get help if you feel sick. Talk to someone if you find yourself in a hole and can't get out. The swallon eyes and broken hearts I see today is such a sad sight. Put your pride away and put the ones who love you first. This sad day will pass and people will move on. But make sure that you move with them and don't make a permenant solution to a temporary problem.
- Your bro-in-law and your friend