Writing A Book Is A Tedious Process

Writing is a passion but trying to get published is hard work. Such hard work in fact that it makes you question whether to continue that pursuit or just consider it a hobby. You put your touch, your flavor, all over the pages with the power of your pen but to embark on the task of getting others on board to see your story published is crazy hard work. I have so much respect for those that work on their writing to take it to market. The sweat and tears are so personal that only someone that has taken on the task could only know.

They say that writing is a tough hobby to take on. It isn't for everyone but therapeutic if one does it and tackles more than a sentence or paragraph. I've been doing it for twenty-two years now and find it to be my calling. Since so many people dream of writing a book but very few ever will, I think that others find it hard to look at someone's work. It only reminds them that it may have or is on their bucket list but a hard one to cross off your list if you don't start with a written word. Hence, it's hard to get other people to critique your writings when it reminds them of their failures. Don't get me wrong, it's not the case with everyone. Certain people seem to love and are inspired by those chasing their dreams. Then there's always that other bunch who smile but painfully. 

I recommend that you find someone in your circle or someone that you can hire to look at your work as it moves along. Some other than a sibling or parent because you may not get the answers that you need. An impartial or neutral party is your best. If you don't have the funds to hire someone then find an old English teacher, friend or possible referral from a colleague. Hit up an old girlfriend or boyfriend, someone. I ask people I respect to look at it and share it with those people in their circle who may have the skill set to help me reach my dream. 

Writing takes patience. Getting it polished up takes skill. Getting it published takes a miracle. But if you love writing like I do it can take your brain to new heights and your love for words to new places. I tell everyone to write. It has saved my life before and I'm sure it'll save my life again. Do yourself a favor if you ever feel like stepping off a ledge on top of a big building. Grab a pencil and put your emotions to the side for just a night and write. Write so hard and passionately, the entire night, and see how you feel in the morning. If you still are dead set on stepping off a ledge, don't do it, but hopefully a night with your thoughts and a pencil will convince yourself that there's a story in you that needs to be told. Your words are true and only from you, so get out a pen or pencil, start today and begin writing away.          

RIP - Aretha Franklin 03/25/1942 - 08/16/2018

My story about Aretha Franklin. In 1996 I had moved to San Diego and I was feeling lost. I had just picked up my roots, my family's roots, and left in a move that physically took place within one day of planning. Shortly after arriving I started writing. I had no computer at that time so I would write in journals all night while listening to music. I was addicted to the peacefulness of knowing my family was sleeping safe, I was rebuilding a new life for me and them, and I wasn't running around the streets like a mad man as I was in Kansas City.

One night I was listening to my music and Aretha Franklin's song, "You Make Me Feel" came on. A song I had hear 100 or 1000 times before. But for some reason these lyrics below hit me hard that night. They were the most beautiful set of words that I had ever heard grouped together. I started crying. I hadn't cried a tear in years because I had become hard and immune to my emotions because of the life I lived for so many years. Mean, ugly, and with complete disregard for anyone if they weren't what I considered "mine".

"When my soul was in the lost and found
You came along to claim it
I didn't just know what was wrong with me
Till your kiss helped me name it
Now I'm no longer doubtful, of what I'm living for
And if I make you happy, I don't need to do more"

I always wondered what triggered that break down. I went over that night, those words, my relationships, my marriage but the words weren't relating to anything I could think of. They were spiritual in meaning to me. Growing up in Catholic school for the majority of my younger years I was taught and believe that God loves me and all of us. I often say, "God loves me and he's so good to me," a statement that I've had to question more than a few times, but it's a true statement. I feel uncomfortable talking about religion but I believe in God, everything is at his will, and he is so good to us if you have your eyes, mind, and heart open you too will see.

I've had horrible heartbreak and loss beyond measure but I'm a strong person, emotionally and physically. This is because God has packed me with the power of strength. He allows me to stick up for myself with great effectiveness and for others who can't. He also loaned me a sweet heart that is filled with compassion, forgiveness, and deep love.

Aretha Franklin's words that night were words to a song that related to my relationship with God. No matter how many times I've lost my way, my emotions, or my soul he never lets it stray away. God always comes along and claims it, his child. Because no matter what I do, good or bad, his love is great and constant. It's the one thing I know, if I ever should find myself alone in a dark place or space, that I'm never alone, because he's always right next to me, giving me, the strength to face it.
Ms. Franklin, your words, your voice were a blessing to me, through them both, God spoke to me...
RIP 03/25/1942 - 08/16/2018
https://youtu.be/dEWuAcMWDLY 
         

So I woke up

I woke up super early this morning and headed to the park. I have a friend in tow and we're supposed to be exercising but I stayed back for a minute, and let her start alone. I had to digest some disturbing news, I just received, that a very good friend, over 40 years, is dying from a disease. A condition or illness, I'm left sickened, in a state of shock, I do believe.

I was looking at him after giving me the news. I thought of his mortality as I did mine. We're roughly the same age and if that doesn't smack you right in the kisser I'm not sure what will. For some time now I've been evaluating the things I see in me. Some good, some bad, but it makes no difference because when it all boils down, I'm a good, kind person. I love deep. It's my condition, there are worse I suppose, but I do love more than I ever have. I can honestly say I don't hate. I have flaws but who doesn't. I get worked up, don't always know what to do, sometimes over dumb decisions to be and sometimes it's about those decisions that got by me. I get paralyzed sometimes of what should be...but it doesn't always happen for me, what should be. And as far as I know it, I don't have a fatal disease so I can live with should be but isn't.

I've been by myself more less since December. I've had time to, a lot of time to, make choices of what I want or who I want to be. A little late in life to contemplate which direction I'm going but all the same, you need to slow down and evaluate your course, your trajectory, and the being. I know what I want and what I don't want around me. I know I don't want to fix anything or anyone, and if it's not my flavor, maybe a little too complicated, then I'm going to head the other way. If that person isn't their self, eventually they'll want to be, why waste my time or your time too, just go the other way I'll respect them more tomorrow.

I think it's very convenient, if things don't go your way, just to point fingers. No conscious no meter to read, we're all alone and free. Too much drama, I must agree, see it free and see where it goes. I've been hating myself lately, waiting patiently, to work out problems, But by doing that I seem to be overlooking me. I need a tune-up that's easy to see but not something you'd see if you're really not into me. I'm a big boy who has had his licks before, so don't worry about me, because life has a way of always rewarding me. Unlike those and them, I can always see, that sometimes in life you have to be beat by things that don't always agree with me some of which my stomach doesn't agree.

Well that's enough rambling from me. I once loved so completely. But given enough time and the room to be free, that spark that flame has truly died down. Never again will I forget about me, because things always seem to turn into a game. Who is right and who is wrong, if you're truly in love that shouldn't be. I believe in love and one day someone will be lucky enough to come home to me. Today, though, it's just me, to work on myself, so I am better once more to love until death, as that saying goes. But since it's just me, I've had enough of that stuff, that puts you to shame, and I swear to you all that I'm through with games. I love me enough to say enough is enough. But unfortunately, I can I hate being alone but I no deep down that I have a good soul. But as that other saying goes, it must not have been enough, so much so because she fled in the night, like a thief in the night who took my heart and regardless of the pain, but good for her if she likes to play them games. I'm too old to hurt or be hurt, one day she'll know my love was the real thing!