The Cha cha, Supermodels, and Credit Scores

Do you know what sucks about getting old and being off the market for as long as I was? It's like you have to get pre-qualified before you can go out and have fun with someone. I just want to have fun, laugh, and do the Cha cha! Is that asking to much?

I've come to the conclusion and realization that I'm not the best looking guy in the room. I'm fine with that and to be honest with you if that's all that it's about for someone then I wouldn't want to hang with that person. I'd much rather roll laughing then having some pretty person who would be afraid to smile and laugh in fear of wrinkling.

I know a few girls out there who I would love to hang with just because they crack my stuff up! But putting yourself out there is so damn awkward. I must admit that I am pretty good at holding conversation and making others comfortable but sometimes its just damn weird because some women are looking at you for more than just a good time. I get it but I was with someone for such a long time that I really could careless about an application process at this point.

When I observe the whole damn dating process it makes me want to laugh. You have to spark up small chit chat to see if anything is there. Then you casually come to the talk about what someone is looking for in a man. And then finally, they determine if you make the cut. I guess I'm still stuck back on the day when I'd  end the day/night by saying I had a good time and would love to do it again. Or not!

I've met a few people recently who I'd love to go out with. They're not interested in my credit score, could careless what I do for a living, and they think I'm good looking. Now maybe they're settling on the looks part (I'm not good at taking compliments) but who cares. I can talk to anyone, I feel like you could take me anywhere and know I'll know how to behave, and I like to think that they'll end their night wanting more.

So to conclude this observation on the date scene, I just want to make clear what I'm looking for. I want a kind person, a funny person, and a good person. I want to be attractive to her but I'm not in need of the top Supermodel. But if you should happen to be a Supermodel who needs a good time too - call me!  

Oh I also like long walks in the rain, holding hands while watching The Notebook movie, and sharing bites of food at the dinner table while on a date! So just kidding... All I need is a great Cha cha partner!

 

Happiness...It's Your Choice

Happiness is a choice. If you want it, it's there. You can stay where you're at if you aren't happy and suck it up. You can mirror any terrible relationship you are familiar with. You know those. Maybe it's your parents, your best friend's parents, or the neighbors. Who ever it is, you can have that.

We can all stay in whatever because we have kids, cars, an address. We have a routine. I get it. But unhappiness can be such an ugly monster. It can actually make you feel ugly and take you. It can break you down much like a wrecking ball on a piece of property.

In my ugly unhappy life I was so concerned about everybody else but me. I thought everything would collapse if I should leave my routine. Little did I know that my foundation had already collapsed. I was there, unhappy, because I didn't know where to go.

While I was in the midst of my unhappy life I called a friend to catch up, a guy who is younger than me and who I've known for 30 plus years. He told me to come over because he had something to tell me. I was curious what he had to say so I hurried over. Thinking it was anything else but what I was about to hear.

When I got there it was an intervention. Not one with several people in the room, just me and him. He proceeded to tell me that he didn't recognize me anymore. He said it broke his heart that he couldn't remember the guy he once looked up to for so many years as a kid and teen. He told me to run. Run? He said, "grab one plate, a set of silverware, a lawn chair and run as far away as possible. Find your place somewhere else and find Michael Anthony Quijas." He said, "if you don't then there's a great possibility that you may end up lost forever." I looked at him with confusion.

I knew what he was saying. I knew it for a long time but I needed someone to tell me. I needed someone to say what I was feeling inside because hearing it from someone else's mouth resonated more than what my own mind was telling me. Run before it's too late.

Well I ran two months later and haven't looked back. The family didn't collapse and everyone is doing great. More importantly, I am the happiest I have ever been. I feel I got back whatever I had lost. I feel good about myself and I love me again. So again I tell you that you have a choice. You can be happy or unhappy it's all up to you. I chose happiness and I have to suggest it to anyone straddling the fence. I thank you Brian Donigan for telling me what I needed to hear! I am so thankful for friends who will tell you what you don't always want to hear!   

Just One More Day

Yesterday got me thinking about what I love, what I miss, and what I want to do. I was in such a terrible place for a long time that I had lost hope. I had given up entirely and didn't care if I was here, on earth, or not. I was so embarrassed to talk about my situation to anyone because I felt like a freak or loser that I couldn't work out my problems internally. The thought of me admitting to someone that I had come to the conclusion that the world would be a better place if I wasn't here was just too much for me to say. But I thought it.

I had worked it out in my head how, where, and when I would go. I tell you this because it consumed me for months but I was so ashamed that I had these thoughts that I didn't mention them. All I could do was pray every morning and night for God, Jesus, Moses, or anyone I had read about in the bible to get me through "just one more day".

You might ask why I'm bringing it up today. The answer is because something incredible happened yesterday and I want to share it because it might help just one person out there. This subject is so taboo that I believe that there might be other men and women out there filled with the same thoughts and I want to share what one more day can bring. I want to share my miracle.

I had always been a tough person. Now if you ever followed my writings during my daughter Kaylee's fight for her life you might dispute this toughness but my strength is a fact. As a kid I didn't always have what the other kids had but I made it up with personality & charm. If I didn't have or couldn't afford a MoPed I would make sure you'd want to walk to your destination because I could convince you that walking was cool. If I couldn't make the invite to a ski trip because of no money I would throw the biggest house party just so you would miss it. And if you gave me or mine any problems in my youth I'd send you to the dentist so they'd have to fix the teeth I knocked out. A fact!

So when everything went bad for me and my family and I couldn't muster up that fight, charm, or personality I just figured I would call it a day. But I prayed to the Lord for one more day. Yesterday I walked early in the morning. I have been exercising just about every day and walking for an hour or two gives me time to think. Yesterday I was excited for the walk because I was down about my son's birthday. His 23rd birthday was a day he never got because he was killed by a man who was drugged and drunk behind the wheel of a car. Although that's a different story I have to finish this one. So after my walk I had a 10:30 am appointment with a printer and with a good friend Arthur Vargas.

On my way to the meeting I looked in the car mirror to see what my hair was doing and to my surprise I liked what I saw in the mirror. I saw a face that I hadn't seen in some time. I saw a guy that I recognized. I saw a guy who is trying to better himself, a guy who is taking the time for himself to feel better about himself, I saw me. For the last few years, I would wash my face, brush my teeth, and do my hair but I never would make eye contact with the man in the mirror. I had lost all self-esteem and worth. But yesterday I thought how important my one more day meant to me and those who love and like ME.

So I guess what I'm saying is that you need to give yourself one more day. Don't devote so much time on things that aren't mentally good or unhealthy. Love yourself and recognize that we all get thoughts - good & bad - and have situations that arise - good & bad - that will pass. I'm walking proof that if you can make it one more day then you can make it one more week, one more month, & one more year!