We went Christmas shopping tonight. We just finished wrapping presents and it is late. I tell myself I want to be the first person in the office, but I stay up too late and it wears on me in the morning. I wake at 8:30 AM, considerably later then most but that's my time. I try to get to work by 10:00 AM. Why I'm writing instead of sleeping is questionable.
We check into the hospital on Wednesday. If her counts work out then we are hospitalized. We will be in for Christmas more then likely. If by chance we don't add up we will check in on the day after Christmas. It is that time that I start to get anxious, restless, and irritated. I hate the pre-treatment worries. I can feel the pain coming.
I was shopping and thinking how this Christmas is so special and different. Our focus is on the cancer but we appreciate the Holidays more then ever. If I told you that I hadn't thought about the facts of this disease or the fragile dynamics of our life I would be lying. I sometimes think, more then ever, that it is possible to lose a family member. It could happen to any of us. I never gave it thought before. I never ever gave it thought. I moaned about the expenditures of the season. Now I moan from the pain of this thought.
I guess I never questioned mortality before. I was shopping and thought of all our roommates on the fourth floor at CMH. Some of us will be shopping this year and others will be mourning next year. Scary stuff when it deals with the children. Think about it, we are in a position of losing a child. We have cancer. We have disease. We have statistics. We have hope.
I'm not supposed to write anything that is negative. I write about my feelings but it can never reference anything bad. I'm not thinking bad. I just have to tell you my perspective on things. We will be fine. But the reality is that we have something very bad and unpredictable. We will be fine but when I think of cancer, child, Quijas and the combination of any of those words is heavy. Love your family my friends.
If any one says " he shouldn't write any thing other then Rainbows and Butterflies" then I would say, "try to imagine spending Christmas in CMH. Try to imagine a doctor telling you that high potassium levels can stop a heart. Try to image holding your child as they get violently sick. Try to imagine the sleepless nights you would have worrying about the cancer reoccurring." We are fine and we are going to be fine. It's late and I'm starting to babble. Good night. We have a teammate down, but not out.
We check into the hospital on Wednesday. If her counts work out then we are hospitalized. We will be in for Christmas more then likely. If by chance we don't add up we will check in on the day after Christmas. It is that time that I start to get anxious, restless, and irritated. I hate the pre-treatment worries. I can feel the pain coming.
I was shopping and thinking how this Christmas is so special and different. Our focus is on the cancer but we appreciate the Holidays more then ever. If I told you that I hadn't thought about the facts of this disease or the fragile dynamics of our life I would be lying. I sometimes think, more then ever, that it is possible to lose a family member. It could happen to any of us. I never gave it thought before. I never ever gave it thought. I moaned about the expenditures of the season. Now I moan from the pain of this thought.
I guess I never questioned mortality before. I was shopping and thought of all our roommates on the fourth floor at CMH. Some of us will be shopping this year and others will be mourning next year. Scary stuff when it deals with the children. Think about it, we are in a position of losing a child. We have cancer. We have disease. We have statistics. We have hope.
I'm not supposed to write anything that is negative. I write about my feelings but it can never reference anything bad. I'm not thinking bad. I just have to tell you my perspective on things. We will be fine. But the reality is that we have something very bad and unpredictable. We will be fine but when I think of cancer, child, Quijas and the combination of any of those words is heavy. Love your family my friends.
If any one says " he shouldn't write any thing other then Rainbows and Butterflies" then I would say, "try to imagine spending Christmas in CMH. Try to imagine a doctor telling you that high potassium levels can stop a heart. Try to image holding your child as they get violently sick. Try to imagine the sleepless nights you would have worrying about the cancer reoccurring." We are fine and we are going to be fine. It's late and I'm starting to babble. Good night. We have a teammate down, but not out.
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