November 1, 2007 - 9:10 PM I just arrived home from the hospital. We checked in yesterday and will be in until Sunday or Monday. Kaylee has slept all day and had little to talk about when she was up. This dose of chemo is the ugly one and I just hope we can get it out of her quickly.
I had the Halloween duty last night. I took Christian and Nathan to Kylie's house and they worked the RainTree neighborhood. It just wasn't the same. This year is going to be remembered for different reasons, obviously. But we have to act as normal as possible for all of our sakes. Especially for Christian.
I've slowed on the writing lately. It has been very therapeutic and healthy. I figured out why I slowed down. I have a new operating system on the computer and it is unfamiliar. My emails- the same. I started working out of Outlook for the first time, and it is unfamiliar. So I hardly open the emails. Crazy.
It is hard for me to grasp change and it's hard for me to do what was normal. I've switched routines at night. I used to watch King of Queens @ 10:30 & 11:00 PM. Since the sickness I can't watch. I have trouble sleeping and can't find comfort in anything. Same song and dance. Nothing feels good. Kaylee being gone is the immediate but the sickness in general makes me sick.
I had to wake her every hour or two so she can use the restroom. Using the restroom flushes the chemo out of her little system. When I wake her she is completely confused. It breaks my heart. She reminds me of my baby of years ago. Tonight has been the first time that I've looked at Kaylee as a baby. I've lost that baby love for Kaylee some time ago. Don't get me wrong, she's my little girl, but we have a fun relationship. I don't view her as some little girl but as a young lady. It just happens to be my young lady.
Tonight she reached for me as she once did as a child. I love her with every ounce of life I have. I'm not sure if that makes sense or not but it's true. I hope we kick this disease soon and we stay in remission because I'd hate to do this over. Our lives are some what normal when we're home, but when we admit into the hospital it is out of whack. Dinner, sleeping, and waking is unusual.
Sorry if my blog brings you down, but it's just a small snapshot of the night. We are grateful for our family, friends, and community. We are blessed that we didn't have to drive five hours for care and we are blessed for Kays healthy liver. I hope my family who sleeps in room 6 has a pleasant night and sweet dreams. I love you.
I had the Halloween duty last night. I took Christian and Nathan to Kylie's house and they worked the RainTree neighborhood. It just wasn't the same. This year is going to be remembered for different reasons, obviously. But we have to act as normal as possible for all of our sakes. Especially for Christian.
I've slowed on the writing lately. It has been very therapeutic and healthy. I figured out why I slowed down. I have a new operating system on the computer and it is unfamiliar. My emails- the same. I started working out of Outlook for the first time, and it is unfamiliar. So I hardly open the emails. Crazy.
It is hard for me to grasp change and it's hard for me to do what was normal. I've switched routines at night. I used to watch King of Queens @ 10:30 & 11:00 PM. Since the sickness I can't watch. I have trouble sleeping and can't find comfort in anything. Same song and dance. Nothing feels good. Kaylee being gone is the immediate but the sickness in general makes me sick.
I had to wake her every hour or two so she can use the restroom. Using the restroom flushes the chemo out of her little system. When I wake her she is completely confused. It breaks my heart. She reminds me of my baby of years ago. Tonight has been the first time that I've looked at Kaylee as a baby. I've lost that baby love for Kaylee some time ago. Don't get me wrong, she's my little girl, but we have a fun relationship. I don't view her as some little girl but as a young lady. It just happens to be my young lady.
Tonight she reached for me as she once did as a child. I love her with every ounce of life I have. I'm not sure if that makes sense or not but it's true. I hope we kick this disease soon and we stay in remission because I'd hate to do this over. Our lives are some what normal when we're home, but when we admit into the hospital it is out of whack. Dinner, sleeping, and waking is unusual.
Sorry if my blog brings you down, but it's just a small snapshot of the night. We are grateful for our family, friends, and community. We are blessed that we didn't have to drive five hours for care and we are blessed for Kays healthy liver. I hope my family who sleeps in room 6 has a pleasant night and sweet dreams. I love you.
No comments:
Post a Comment