I'm going to wear you out. I have time on my hands as I sit here at the hospital and I'm going to write and pass my time. So if you're bored and have time I'll make you feel better about your life.
Kaylee is having major discomfort from an IV in her arm. It is burning and it hurts. I'm useless here. I'm not equipped to comfort. I've said it and I realize it. I wish I brought a blanket of relief as I walked into the room but I don't. I can talk a problem out like no other but fevers and pain is not my game. I'm sorry.
Kaylee has about 4 1/2 - 5 hours left of chemo. We can take the IV out when we finish our medication. Her little arm hurts and I can't do anything. Not so fun when you're a parent. I am the type that likes to get in your face and talk about the problems. Usually it's a good thing but these days it's not worth a dime. Kaylee's problems are real and they hurt. No amount of talking is helping. I think my talent will come into play some day but not today.
Kaylee is sleeping and I'm writing. I am bored. I wish I could stroll with Kaylee around the hospital but she is sick. She is sick much quicker then usual. Tammie said she got sick about an hour into her chemo. We usually go for a day before we get sick. It wasn't so this time. Sick, sick, sick.
I'll tell you something most people don't know about me. I have a niece that grew up with me as my sister. She is eight years younger then me. Her name is Angela Sellers. She is my sister and I love her as my sister. Angela has a disease called Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease. This disease attacks the muscular development and falls under the category of Muscular Dystrophy. Ang was diagnosed as a child. I remember the day we received the news. It would be a life long battle, as it would eat away the muscles in my Angela's arms and legs.
Angela has been fighting this her whole life. She has worn leg braces since she started walking and it slowly took over her hands. This was painful for me as a child. I wanted her to fit in like me and Kelly. She was handed adversity right out of the gate. I couldn't help her and it hurt me. But I was blessed as it taught me about disabilities, fight, and perseverance.
This fight Kaylee is fighting is hard and brings back painful memories that I tucked away as a kid. I always wanted Angela to fit in, and she did. It took time but she found her friends and has a wonderful life. She graduated college at Long Beach State and then received her Masters. Angela has a wonderful boyfriend named Mike Ortiz. They live in Los Angeles and have a beautiful life. Angela works in a field/profession that lets her utilize her degree. She is happy and a productive member of society.
Kaylee will be healthy and back to her routine in no time. It is difficult to explain the emotions I feel from my childhood. I just want Kaylee to fit in. If she doesn't want to fit in, I want it to be her decision. I don't want disease and sickness to dictate her schedule, friends, or future. I just want to fit in. Those non-conformists might say how dare him, but I want to be able to decide our look, our events, and our schedule. So much planning and preparation has to go into our days. I'm so over it. I've had enough pain in my life that I sometimes say "Not again!"
Well I'll let you go. Have fun for me and Kaylee.
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