15 Today...

July 12, 2007 - Today is KK's birthday and it is bittersweet. I am so happy that it is Kaylee's birthday but it hurts to see her struggle with the simple chore of entertaining. It's not like she is entertaining on a tight rope or juggling 5 balls, she is running empty just sitting at the table. She is so sweet! We tried to get her to tell us what she wanted for her b-day but all she could come up with was perfume. A nice selection, but I thought she would milk it for something high-tech, expensive, cutting edge, but you can see that materialistic things aren't important.

Every year when Kaylee's birthday would arrive or just prior to arrival she would have a meeting/discussion with me to discuss her big day. Since her birthday was during the summer she always planned big party's and spent plenty time planning. Our normal was the waterpark, but occasionally she would plan something unique. One year she pampered herself and six other girls with a ride in a limo to a manicure & hair-do day. We did picnics,beach, and Vegas.

This year is such a reality check. The birthday took a back seat to her illness this year. Not that her day is less important, but she really didn't have any input or concern on what took place today. I wished her Happy Birthday this morning around 8:30 am. She went to the last 1/2 hour of cheerleading practice. She was so excited to watch her cheerleading crew. Some of the girls came over after practice and brought a cake & presents. She was relaxed when I checked on her at 12:30 pm. I asked the reoccuring question "how you feeling?" Her face and answer are always the same "I'm fine" with a smile. I could tell she was extremely tired but wanting to act strong in front of the girls. Tammie said she almost sprinted into the gymnasium this morning because she was so excited.

Today was emotional for me. When I checked on her this afternoon she smiled and said she was doing great. When she responded you could tell she was digging deep to get her answer and conversation out. I have the habit making that tired sound effect when I get exhausted. WOO! I'm not sure how you spell my sound effect but that's my try. Kaylee smiles and grabs all her energy to talk when she's worn down. She won't give you the woooooo, she gives you a smile. I love her so much, Happy Birthday baby!

I can not explain the pain of looking at my child and seeing the drastic changes. I would give anything to have the last 3 weeks back so we could plan a big celebration like we have for the last 14 years. This battle is draining physically and emotionally. I apologize for being so selfish and all about me. It's Kaylee's Day and she had a good day!