The Long Road, The Big Haul...

The road seems longer today. My destinations are further than I had expected and my mind feels like it's stretched out further than days before. In fact, I feel my mind may be getting tired. I'm  concerned bease a tired mind is a lazy mind. Maybe it's time to rest it.

What normally seems like just a minute seems to be minutes, plural. I can not focus on the problem(s) at hand and I feel it is time to just let everything go. Great, now it's not just mental fatigue but I'm physically tiring as well.

I am cutting all ties with everyone except those that actually do care about me and my welfare. It's do or die time for me. Since dying isn't an option I have to get to doing. I had come such a long way since December but I've fallen back. Regressed to a place that isn't healthy. I assume it's because I have taken too much in regarding certain aspects of my life and it's detrimental to my overall well being.

So the lesson to learn is don't take on more than your head can handle at any one moment. Be wise to yourself. If you want to be as healthy as you can, do not overload your head. Too much of anything isn't good. I guess it's self delegation of sorts, to sort it out effectively.

If you had a truck or cargo van there would be a weight capacity sticker on it. That sticker would warn that driver that an overloaded vehicle could and would be hazardous. Too bad we aren't assembled the same way. A mental inscription, warning the driver of the body, to not take on more mental loads than inscribed. Just my perspective on things. 

I Won, Because It Was Sweet And Special...

I feel so relieved. I was crumbling, falling apart from heartache and love but I don't have that feeling anymore. I want so many things now. I want a real life with happiness in it and if that's with me by myself then that'll be the happy for me.

I'm so grateful for everything I got to experience over the past 30 months. The friendship, the love, the partner and lover. It was truly a remarkable experience. One I never really had experienced before. It was like two kids getting to spend the night together while the parents are out of town. Awesome love!

Things end and people change but why can't people look at what was good and say it. I guess certain people think that there's winners and losers but not me, but if I did, I'd say that I won. It was sweet and special but it was over. The funny thing is that I just wanted to hold onto the good so to get back together but the bad of it was bad at the end. It was time to call it quits. She did and good for her. That move taught me another thing, be strong and make your move. If not you could end up a fool.

How Appropriate

At the book store and found this. Happy St. Patrick's Day...

Brains, Books, Boris and Broken Bones...

Today I caught myself laughing to myself several times. My brain has come back to me. It had left for awhile but we've been reunited. He was missing in action for months maybe years.

It resurfaced maybe a week ago but I had to make sure before I acknowledged him. The funny thing is I knew it'd  make its way home sooner or later. It was almost like my brain didn't like me for sometime and decided to come home after disappearing on me. Thank God!

Just in time too. I'm doing some marketing work for #88 Racing, inherited the Director position at KC Kids on Track, and found my investor for the Father's Day HD Helmet TV launch. In addition to all that, my partner found our graphic artist, Tony Million, and an subbed IT team for our Brand Marketing games. The timing couldn't have been better.

It sounds like a lot to plate, the multi-tasking of everything, but I have everyone in line for the perfect team to handle it all. I just have to play the best part, Project Manager, and delegate the right individuals to the project. And I secured a salary as well as a new contract for #88, additional funds.

I was starting a job that paid me just above minimum wage strictly, sort of, for the discipline and routine schedule. At least that's what I was proclaiming, but I couldn't do it. I talked to several people and 20% of those I talked with suggested that I take the job but 80% of the people I asked laughed hysterically when I told them I was working a warehouse job.

I was going to do it for the routine and more for the person I was in a previous relationship with but I quickly realized that I was stacking misery on top of misery. I was miserable with myself for a long time with her, regrettably, and to her. Plus it's over and I'm not sure what I thought I was going to accomplish with that off the chart confession I just made. On top of that, the day I take a job for someone else to make myself more relationship ready, shoot me in the head. Please, I'm serious.

Back to the brain. I'm 11 years into my writings on here at Blogspot, blog. I am proud of that and I've been doing it for such a long time because I'm slowly becoming a writer. I give my thoughts and perspectives on things and shit no one cares about, but I do. It's liberating and such a positive outlet for me. I no that no one reads my things except '1,000's around the world' per Google anylatics, and I thank you very much.

I am on the last part of constructing a new book called, "Mean Men's Secrets". I believe I have the most addicting book coming out soon. It's a confession of sorts of certain relationships that I've had going back 30 plus years.

It's about certain fine Italian men that I was close to during our teenage years in the 80's, and nearly forty years through the 90's, & 2000's. Recounting my cousin Sam Cavallero's relationship with some of the same people I dealt with. This excerpt was from an appeal filed with the Eighth Circuit Court gIves you a snap shot of what I nearly avoided-"cocaine distributed in this conspiracy was supplied by members of the distant and powerful Colombian Cali drug cartel..." Circuit Judge McMillian
Senior  Circuit Judge Bright Senior Circuot Judge Reavley

My direct encounters with the Cali Cartel in the early 1980's, the Chicago connection, The Sonora Cartel in the late 80's and then with the nephews of the big man at the Sonora operation, the Arellano-Felix brothers (AFO) in the 90's during my days in Nogales, Mexico/Arizon, encounters with Big D, David Barrone Corrona also known as Pop Eye in my limousines. A part time Logan Heights resident and full time 30th St. Gang leader, and the AFO's top hit man in Tijuana. My encounter with Boris the Butcher. The import/export business during my time in Cabo, my nights I spent at San Ysidro, how you can get your arms and legs broken from people who fly in especially for the purpose because you avoid their calls, my long standing Biker Club connections and finally my close connection with the billionare brothers known as The Kings of Online Payday Loans.

The story is pretty powerful stuff and shows how one interaction can lead to another, then another, and spiral in to madness. I'm also going to tell the about consequences and the price I had to pay by keeping mean mens secrets and the role it played in all my personal relationships for decades.

The book of street dealings with shady characters who are in my past is also an explanation thats long overdue to those that I care and cared for. My book "Mean Men's Secrets" is a must read.
In closing:

"Goodmorning!, and in case I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!

Jim Carey -The Truman Show