Like a thirsty man in the desert, searching for water, I am searching for relief through writing. This morning I feel better. It could be because it's my son's birthday and all the reason to celebrate. I don't feel so hopeless today for some reason. For the last several months I couldn't see past the fog. I know there's a lot of people around me who've thought to themselves "enough already"and I agree. But sometimes it takes time to get back on your feet when you've been knocked down.My brain is starting to work again. I have to tell you, my head just couldn't think right for months or maybe years. I couldn't figure out what I was suppose to do. All these things kept happening to me and my family and I couldn't sort or find reason for them. I guess there's somethings in life that you have to take and not analyze. No rhyme or reason to them, just fate. But whatever the case you have to play the hand you've been dealt.
It's amazing what can happen to someone when they're scared. Your confidence leaves, you second guess everything, and you look for reassurance in all that you do. I have learned that I need to do what I do and do it with confidence. Don't look for approval from others and or guidance because if it doesn't come you will collapse and falter or not make a move at all. You start to fear failure.
I am an entrepreneur. I create things. I design and create commerce out of ideas. If that goes then I go. Most people don't think like an entrepreneur. They may have ideas but they don't put them into action because they are too dependent on working for someone else or they can't afford to follow an idea into fruition because it isn't the norm. I may have crazy ideas or business plans but it's those crazy ideas that can produce a living and it's those ideas that recruits others who are looking to make a living for their families. This time around, I am going to concentrate on making money on one thing at a time. In years past, I would have several things going at once which resulted in me becoming "a jack of all trades and a master of none".
I do feel like my creative juices are coming back. Years ago I wrote in a blog "as long as I have confidence in myself and the path I'm traveling then I'm going to be fine. If I should lose that, then others should start to worry". The entry was regarding my family who couldn't see the vision for InAd TV. TVs in restrooms? Over urinals and in mirrors? Playing commercials? Making money off paying customers by way of a CPU that runs 24/7? That can be remotely accessed via a WiFi connection? Huh? Well it was crazy but it made us a living.
I wish people could see my vision for my new mannequins. But again I won't wait for approval like I've been doing. If I do it will never come. I will push forward and make my own road. I will pursue my dreams and find a way to feed my family and dig us out of this hole. I feel like a glimmer of hope and confidence is starting to resurface. I need to get back what I have lost. Although there are things that will be gone forever I need to take care of the things that I can salvage and move on from here. I need to be the Captain. And Like a Captain, I need to steer my vessel with confidence. No one wants to get on a plane, train, or automobile if the driver isn't capable, confident, or competent. All aboard!
