So what...

So what do I do? I am engrossed with wanting to help spread the word about childhood cancer. I am on a crusade to help families struggling with this terrible disease. I feel obligated to do my part. If you've never been included in this fraternity I don't think you would understand. It consumes me. Am I sick?

I confess because I feel that I have a voice that can be heard. If I speak loud enough than others will hear. All this scares Kaylee because she wants to move forward, but I want to ease the pain of anyone who has heard those words - it's cancer. The pain, the fright, the confusion will make you light headed. To hear a group of doctors and nurses tell you professionally that your child might die is numbing. Ask anyone who has heard it and they will tell you the same.

Recently I've been confused. I want to run from the scene when I hear that death is near one of the kids I help but I'm here providing something their parents might need. Support. I too want to distance myself from the reality of this thing, cancer sometimes kills, but I feel inside that I have something in me that can do good for others. My schedule allows me to do more than most, my resources in the community are valuable, and the feeling I get when I give something is internally rewarding. But do I take time off because my association with the disease is too close to home.

I've always been amazed when I come across a person I grew up with who eventually found God. Me personally, I've never lost God so I wasn't really searching for him. But when you see people who say that they had a calling, well then I wonder is this my calling? It might be too late to go to medical school, but this stuff I do is the next best thing. I feel inside that I make a difference. I know I do. But since it scares my daughter is there a balance I should shoot for? I try not to talk about the sickness of kids by Kaylee or Tammie but it is sickness that I spend my time with. So what do you do?