Moments ago I went into Kaylee's room because I could see her light on under the door. I was letting the dog out and it caught my eye. It is after midnight and she should be a sleep. I went in and there she is sleeping on the end of her bed. The lights were on and the TV was blaring. I turned everything off and looked at her as I left the room.
Kaylee had chemotherapy today and I'm sure it has made her sick. This is her life right now. This is what she is dealing with tonight at 12:16 am on August 21, 2008. All my problems went out the door when I walked out. I have nothing to worry about. This is a fact but hard to accept because I'm only human. I still worry and get consumed even after looking at this beautiful child fight to get comfortable in her bed. I mean I worry about her but my hyper-focus on the sickness is gone. It has transferred over to me and my personal problems. All my thoughts are consumed with this business that has out grown me.
I fired everyone at InAd TV. Everyone. I am by myself running this company. The burden, yes burden has me thinking. Is all this worth it. You try to make a living doing something you dream up but it becomes work. This last few years have been all about passion. Now it's about sales, software, and sleepless nights. I worry tonight because I have software in 30 restaurants that is malfunctioning. At least 10 of the 30 have called within the last 12 hours. The other 20 will start calling tomorrow. I hate to go to sleep because the morning will be here too soon. I'm supposed to meet a billboard company at noon, give a speech an hour before that, and be at my office by 1:30 to test drive my new website for my new company called 10freeappetizers.com . I have a screen out in Fuel and a TV out in Mickey's Irish Pub that needs tending to. I am supporting the Crossroads Music Fest and need to have videos up and running by tomorrow. The list goes on and on. What do I do?
I have investors who want to question my decisions and my direction. I can never ask for anything because I can do it all my self but I'm starting to question my limits. When does a person say too much? Does everyone carry the same load? Maybe I'm venting and you too have a kid who has cancer, maybe you too do business with a company like the Cordish Group who just spent $1,000,000,000 on a development in downtown KC and don't understand software issues, and maybe you too spent all morning with Steve Dunn from JE Dunn Construction trying to land some skyscraper digital business. Maybe you carry the load better then I do. Maybe I complain and you don't. Maybe, just maybe, we all carry a load.
I know that my daughter is tossing and turning from a shit load of chemo she had to take today. So my days aren't that bad if you compare them to others. I have direction and I have purpose but sometimes the load feels like it's getting heavier and heavier. I'm only human and facing trying times but it will all work out. I should feel fortunate that my tossing and turning tonight is from stress and not poisonous medicine pumped through a port implanted in my chest. I guess I should be grateful.
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