True...

I love to write. Tonight I had planned to watch some DVD's from BlockBuster but got distracted when I started writing and couldn't stop. I find comfort when I express myself with words. I never scored a high grade in English as a kid, but feel I express myself somewhat good with a keyboard or pen. Who needs to score good grades in English when you start blogging? might do find it as a great escape as I get older. ather funny that I find such relief in putting words down. I love to read my entries. I cannot tell you how great it is to document your day. I go back and read about me and my family and it is awesome. I memorialize the moment. Maybe I'm no Edgar, Walt, or S.E. but I enjoy my journal.

So many of the cancer parents tell me they wish they would've documented their story. I'm sure most wouldn't broadcast them, but I did and I'm owning up to it. I made new friends from it, rekindled old friends from it, and shared the pain of a parent. Hopefully no one will ever have to feel it but if you do, you should know that I made it and you would too. Sickness sucks you down but it's what you do with it that matters. You can swim or sink. I have chosen to stick and move, jab and undercut this cancer. If it had an eye I'd poke it!

Well it is getting late here in the Quijas Household and I must go. But before I do I want to share a quick story. I have been stressed out lately. I go from battling this thing with Kaylee, not caring about the rest of the world to being completely absorbed with things outside my household. This morning I had to go to Granfalloon North to fix some issues that have been weighing InAd TV down. Some upgrades to the system and software. I love to go on service calls because I don't have to focus on anything but that. I get to work on the task at hand and everything else is minor. Well I get on the road and I start stressing. Is the owner mad about this? Did I do this right? Should I do this? Did I do this? Could I do.... It is absolutely ridiculous.

So I'm getting myself worked up as I take the 45 minute ride up north. I really shouldn't let anything bother me because my daughter is feeling great. She had 7 friends over last night and she's happy. So today should be a happy day. My mind is crazy. I'm happy for my kid but stressing out over things that aren't really that important. Back and forth. I get to Granfalloon and the owner walks in. Nancy the owner says "How's your daughter doing?" I started to cry. Yes - it seemed like I had started to turn over a new leaf and was leaving the crying thing behind me but old habits are hard to break.

I looked her in the eye and said "We are doing great!" We are. The night was so beautiful because Kay was being a kid with all her friends and it hit me that all my thoughts about this and that are insignificant. I explained to Nancy that it is such a roller coaster. Worrying about health then spinning on a dime and worrying about my business. Nancy looks at me and says "All this stuff, all this day time filler stuff, is insignificant!" She said, "this building, this job you're doing will be here in 2, 3, or 4 weeks from now. So why sweat it."

True. Why worry about things that aren't hurting me or my family. Sure I might need to address a few things but I'm not hurting anyone and no one is hurting us. Not sickness, not anyone or anything. So I should be grateful. But sometimes I feel guilty if I don't stress. I feel like I should have some sense of urgency today. My grief stage is over and I should "Cowboy Up" and get busy with this problem here or there. But the truth is, I'm not breaking any laws and I'm not hurting anyone. I'm just a guy trying to make an honest living.

So I need to accept that there's always going to be something that doesn't get done. There's always going to be something I could have done better. But as long as I get up every day and work to do better then I will never lose. True!