Appreciated Presence...

I feel needed. I feel wanted. I feel appreciated. I feel important. I feel loved. I feel bad. I feel obligated. I feel dedicated. I feel devoted. I feel scared. I feel humbled. I feel anger. I feel exhausted. I feel loyalty. I feel crazy. I feel loneliness. I feel strong. I feel weak. I feel tired. I feel fat. I feel fear. I feel happiness. I feel sorrow. I feel shocked. I feel emptiness. I feel sick. I feel short-changed. I feel blessed. I feel upset. I feel sorry. I feel ugly. I feel mad. I feel love.

I feel so many emotions for my child who is downstairs crying as I write. I want this to end. No parent should have to watch their child suffer. Giving us a name such as cancer should be enough but this discomfort and uncontrollable pain takes its toll. We hope for a shift in our day soon.



I was driving this afternoon and found myself thinking how important I am to this family. I've had many years to think this but I really never thought about it until now. Each member of my family is important to me but I never really considered my role. Sure I've given thought about my financial contribution and even thought about my role as a father and the example I need to set as a father. The scary fact is, I carry us day to day. Tammie runs our household but I bring the money in. I make sure we have the necessities.



What if something happened to me? Who would carry Kaylee to the restroom? How would she make it to the table to eat? Who would put the food on the table? I know there would be solutions but I get worried. As a young man I questioned if anyone would really miss me if I was gone, today I know how appreciated my presence is. So looking back I may have been confused what my value or worth was as a kid, but today I know how important I am and how much I'm appreciated. Life has a funny way of showing you things. Once where there was uncertainty is now clarity but at what price?