2:56 am - I lay here trying to sleep but can't. I keep thinking about so many things. Kaylee, my family, my business. I've struggled for so long to get my life in harmony and it seems there's always an obstacle. I can't explain it, if you know me or have known me then you know I've always been on a up hill battle.
As a kid it was poverty. As a young adult it was different battles. Now it's this disease and the scare and worry. I can't win. When I do the right things and try to live right, I'm hit with hurdles. I just regret the unhealthy child card. It hits you hard. Emotionally and mentally it is exhausting. The smoke alarm detector chirping due to a low battery isn't helping either.
I told Tammie this morning that I'm so tired. The physical kind of tired. The hospital wears me out. Its like digging a ditch with a spoon. No kidding. But then the night comes and when I should get rested, I can't sleep. Torture. This whole ordeal is tiring.
I'm also bugged that my right hand man at work dissappears. I can't micro-manage at this point but he is no where to be found. I really can't worry about him at these times but he's jacking with my money. I really don't care but I do because you'd think someone so close to me and my business dealings would be understanding and rise to the occasion of running things. For me and my family. But I guess you find out who is there and who isn't when these things strike.
I'm still sick from all of this, and wish I was stronger. I'm not sure what I'm suppose to do. It looks clear when I step back, but when I get in there to do something it gets to be the same old same old. Work takes care of everything. But I can't focus, maybe it will change soon.
I've seen some dark days and have survived. But this moment in life is one for the books for certain. I would do anything to have my old problems. So my advice to you is - if it doesn't have to do with health then your fine. If you go through tough times, its part of the journey. If you think its the end of the world because you lose a job, or find it financially tough because of this or that its not that bad. I've seen it all. But I keep with me the words of a mother in the cancer unit "No matter how bad you have it, there's someone with a story worst than you"
As a kid it was poverty. As a young adult it was different battles. Now it's this disease and the scare and worry. I can't win. When I do the right things and try to live right, I'm hit with hurdles. I just regret the unhealthy child card. It hits you hard. Emotionally and mentally it is exhausting. The smoke alarm detector chirping due to a low battery isn't helping either.
I told Tammie this morning that I'm so tired. The physical kind of tired. The hospital wears me out. Its like digging a ditch with a spoon. No kidding. But then the night comes and when I should get rested, I can't sleep. Torture. This whole ordeal is tiring.
I'm also bugged that my right hand man at work dissappears. I can't micro-manage at this point but he is no where to be found. I really can't worry about him at these times but he's jacking with my money. I really don't care but I do because you'd think someone so close to me and my business dealings would be understanding and rise to the occasion of running things. For me and my family. But I guess you find out who is there and who isn't when these things strike.
I'm still sick from all of this, and wish I was stronger. I'm not sure what I'm suppose to do. It looks clear when I step back, but when I get in there to do something it gets to be the same old same old. Work takes care of everything. But I can't focus, maybe it will change soon.
I've seen some dark days and have survived. But this moment in life is one for the books for certain. I would do anything to have my old problems. So my advice to you is - if it doesn't have to do with health then your fine. If you go through tough times, its part of the journey. If you think its the end of the world because you lose a job, or find it financially tough because of this or that its not that bad. I've seen it all. But I keep with me the words of a mother in the cancer unit "No matter how bad you have it, there's someone with a story worst than you"
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