Ankle Weights

September 9,2007 - Kaylee is getting stronger. Mentally & Physically. Last night she had 2 friends stay the night. Wow. We were reluctant at first but Kay said it was something she needed. Needed?

I guess it is the social aspect of her life that I was so worried about. Silly. I guess I was combing through the whole situation and was trying to bring harmony to the whole situation. Her health being top priority, but I was worried that everyone was going to leave her behind. Well I had it in my head that that wasn't going to happen. So I tried talking about it time and time again with Kaylee. She wanted no part of the conversation. She was taking it one day at a time. I finally got it. Kaylee knows what she needs and she knows if she needs to talk I'll be there.

Needs. Needs are amazing. It could be a bottle if you're a baby, school clothes, an ear to talk to, or a roof over your head. As a person, man, husband, or father it is mind blowing the needs you have to meet. I'm talking about my life. I know there's different dynamics of every life. But I believe it is the way you deal with these needs.

A single mother, a widowed mate, or any other configuration of life's hands. We either step up to the responsibility or we run. I try to be a good provider. But what is a good provider? I've got my faults. But in general I think I'm a good person. I've been dealt my hand and I've been playing it. Could I do things better? Of course.

Is it a fancy car or a big house? Is it being at the office 70-80 hours a week and detached from the family so you can have the best of the materialistic things? Is that it? Is it living right and doing the right things that bring the most rewards? Is the guy who drives a Hyundai and is close to his kids of more value then the guy driving the Benz, working 80 hrs. a week, with little interaction with his kids? Who's the judge? Maybe its the guy that has the whole package that I'm trying to be.

I can tell you we struggle at times. I am a guy that has never had a "real job". I never finished college. But I have my own talents. Sales & vision. I have these visions and go with it. But I have to sell my vision to others. I have to sell my dreams to my team of people who can implement my vision. TVs above urinals? TVs in mirrors? TVs in clothing? Come on lets be honest, it takes a talented salesman to make other people do what hasn't been done before.

But it is these years of struggle that I intend to make my children's future more secure than my parents and their parents. We've all made it this far but I so want to make something special for my family.

I actually caught myself thinking how bad I feel for my children. They got me out of the parent pool. I thought this the other night as I dropped my son off at this enormous home in an exclusive neighborhood. Big car in the drive way. Manicured lawn. Theatre room. Plasmas everywhere. It was merely the materialistic side that these thoughts came from.

But reality smacked me as I drove off in my Hyundai and went shopping for ankle weights for my child that has cancer. Ankle weights is the need of the moment and my reality!