Who?

I've come to the conclusion that being loyal and true is only important to me. Nobody cares about that except for me. I keep thinking that I'm important to maybe a few but I'm not. Again this will pass because I'm learning from it. It's amazing how much you can learn at times of trouble. It's so easy to get caught up in the moment but I truly try to find the lesson or lessons in every dilemma.

My lesson that I'm learning these days is that if you keep returning to the whipping post you're going to get whipped - again and again and...it is never going to change. I'm done being whipped. I can't keep getting hurt because people think I deserve it because somehow I made all the mistakes in our life. Well it takes two and not one person. I can't and won't be held responsible for everything. But try articulating that to someone who isn't having it nor do I have the conviction in my voice to hold my position. Oh well I guess. I tried and failed. Time to pick myself up and stray away from the whip, the whipper, getting whipped, and that damn whipping post.

I feel so much better. Never will I allow someone to attack me in the morning ever again. I love my mornings and I love each day but I recently realized that I was intentionally letting myself be abused every day or at least when the days she decided to call. No more, I'm more important than that and I won't let someone decide which day I'm important or not. How about this, I'm not even good enough to get her phone number. Tell me that she doesn't have the smell of some man's musk all over her? Oh, she won't share her location, another clear indication. And no calls or any communication during the weekend. How about this - Fuck you punk! I'll show your ass, I'm invited out every weekend and decline because of you, a fool I am. No more. Two can play....no, excuse me, there won't be games here, your so gone and old news to me, when your name is mentioned, I'm gong to say, "who in the world is this on the line?" - When asked about you honey, I'll have to deny you, I could have been a good resource for you, but today I'll watch from a far, just to see how far you'll fall.