Who?

I've come to the conclusion that being loyal and true is only important to me. Nobody cares about that except for me. I keep thinking that I'm important to maybe a few but I'm not. Again this will pass because I'm learning from it. It's amazing how much you can learn at times of trouble. It's so easy to get caught up in the moment but I truly try to find the lesson or lessons in every dilemma.

My lesson that I'm learning these days is that if you keep returning to the whipping post you're going to get whipped - again and again and...it is never going to change. I'm done being whipped. I can't keep getting hurt because people think I deserve it because somehow I made all the mistakes in our life. Well it takes two and not one person. I can't and won't be held responsible for everything. But try articulating that to someone who isn't having it nor do I have the conviction in my voice to hold my position. Oh well I guess. I tried and failed. Time to pick myself up and stray away from the whip, the whipper, getting whipped, and that damn whipping post.

I feel so much better. Never will I allow someone to attack me in the morning ever again. I love my mornings and I love each day but I recently realized that I was intentionally letting myself be abused every day or at least when the days she decided to call. No more, I'm more important than that and I won't let someone decide which day I'm important or not. How about this, I'm not even good enough to get her phone number. Tell me that she doesn't have the smell of some man's musk all over her? Oh, she won't share her location, another clear indication. And no calls or any communication during the weekend. How about this - Fuck you punk! I'll show your ass, I'm invited out every weekend and decline because of you, a fool I am. No more. Two can play....no, excuse me, there won't be games here, your so gone and old news to me, when your name is mentioned, I'm gong to say, "who in the world is this on the line?" - When asked about you honey, I'll have to deny you, I could have been a good resource for you, but today I'll watch from a far, just to see how far you'll fall.

When I'm True For YOU, It's All For YOU...

I guess you have to look at things the best way possible. I am so thankful that I don't have to depend on having to share a room or bed with someone that I don't love. I'm independent and have the ability to pick and choose where I place my head at the end of the day. If I had to lay with someone today, besides the one I love, I'd go mad, there's no ther words to convey. If someone tried to swoop a leg on me or touch me swear I'd vomit violently.

I can't imagine having to worry about getting caught on the phone or expressing myself truthfully and honestly about my hearts desire. Well if one really wanted to see my perspective or thoughts all they'd have to do is go online to this platform because I lay it all out on here. I am at the place to accept what is, and hope for what isn't right now. It might make sense or it might not, but it does to me.

I couldn't imagine having to settle for something that I know isn't right for me and my emotions. I am in love and for the moment I couldn't and wouldn't take anything that wasn't from my love. No kisses, no hands, no legs, or any other body parts touching me or passing off to be the one I truly love. It just wouldn't happen. My stuff is for just one and until I resolve that it won't happen because when I'm true for you its all for you.

It's funny to think that one would think that I'd be so stupid not to be able to put the pieces of any story together. Regardless if I was being told otherwise. The facts and the way things play out tell a story regardless if that story is being verbalized. I am pretty good at patching together fiction with nonfiction. I just pray for that person because I feel for anyone who might be having to do something just to have a warm place to sleep and stretch their legs. But then on the other hand I believe that if you think you only have one option in life that you're already losing because we all know unless you were 16 and pregnant or 17 and disabled that your choices may be limited but being a full grown and of adult age that there's always multiple ways to go than just one. Hopefully anyone in such a position knows that if you have a love who could figure out the resources and the escape route for you that you wouldn't stay away too long because love does have a way of dimming out over time and love lost is a wound that sometimes never heals.