I had to take both kids to school this morning at 7 o'clock. Kaylee's car is acting up and Bubba missed the bus. I decided last night that I would wake extra early and go to McDonald's for them this morning. A good hot breakfast, especially from McDonald's is a treat every once in awhile.
My son is such a good kid. He smarts off like most teenagers and makes poor decisions at times but he is good. I proudly say that because his heart is so good. His innocence amazes me. Most parents might read that and think I'm naive but I'm not. He is an innocent little man. He'll still hold onto me when he gets scared, as he should. He will cry and wants to be held when he doesn't feel good. He is so different than I was at his age. He is progressing just the way I want him to. He only worries about being a kid.
I've confessed to crying most of the entire last year. But when I was Christian's age I had to be tough. Or at least pretended to be tough. I was at public schools in the inner-city in eighth grade. I thought I knew it all. I'm sure I had the same qualities as Christian but I didn't show them as much. I had to fight, literally fight when I was his age. So I had this whole tough 13 yr-old thing down. Unfortunately, it went on well into my 20's. When I left to go to California in 1996 I hadn't cried in years. I was hardened. I didn't care. I thought life was about getting what was mine and I was content in that thinking. Then the move humbled me. I realized that I wasn't cool and I was just a guy who acted like he had it all together. But it's your family and the people you surround yourself with that make who you are. So if Christian has a good heart and is innocent then we've done good.
Kaylee is a brave one. She goes and endures so much that I'm amazed by her ability to never complain. She get grumpy and her moods alter with the different drugs but she has become a survivor. I think it has hurt at times that her innocence was lost. She had to deal with this or that and most dealt with her mortality. Scary thing to have to confront. At any age! The Kerry Magana thing scared here. She thought she wanted to go to the funeral of her friend and decided she couldn't. Kaylee will never tell you why but Kaylee is afraid of dying too. So hard to write but she's intelligent enough to know that this sickness is wicked and can blow in different directions. I applaud her for being there in mind but not in presence. It was too close to home.
I live in a house where my actions or deeds hardly raise an eyebrow. I sometimes think they think I'm Superman. Maybe they expect great things out of me so they are hardly surprised by anything. I guess that's good to think it's not out of the ordinary for your dad to give to others when he can. I'm sure there are others that wouldn't donate, participate, or obligate to nothing. I choose to help if I can, because God has been good to me for years.
Before I go I have to tell a quick story. Tammie is not much for words. She isn't a sappy girl, clingy, or needy. Tammie never seems to be amazed with me. Again that sounds like she deprives me but she doesn't. She knows when to say "Hey good job" but for her she shows it in different ways. On the day that I gave the speech at the LLS event I saw something out of her that I never have. First I think she was worried that I might lose track, stumble, or collapse. But when I didn't and I kept going on and didn't miss a beat (for the most part) I looked at her and she had the biggest look of pride on her. She kept nodding her head as to say keep going baby. I can't explain how nice it was to have this person who has lived with me through good and sickly bad times feel a sense of honor. I felt like she felt honored. God knows she would have to be dragged on a stage, but to hear me do it I think she felt like it was part of her giving that thing to all those guests. Who knows but that's what I think and I can't think no more!
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