So Tired

June 30, 2007 5:12 p.m. - Kaylee has been in good spirits and her condition seems to be improving. The doctors have hinted that they will let us leave tomorrow. I don't think she is ready but they want to check test results. We are keeping our fingers crossed.



July 1, 2007 8:30 - Tammie called me and was crying. It scared me at first. But she advised me that the doctors all agreed that she should go home for the night and check into Childrens Mercy Hospital tomorrow. We think they want to meet & greet but there is always a possibility of them keeping her.

July 2, 2007 - Our first appt. was today and we met our new doctor(s). Dr.Woods is suppose to be very good at working with kids and canccer. My kiddo has lost 19lbs. in the last 3 days. She is taking a steroid that is suppose to make her gain wait. Something isn't working. We have to come back tomorrow for a liver check-up.

July 3, 2007 - Me,Tammie, & Kaylee arrived @ Childrens Mercy at 9:45 am and checked into the G.I. (Gut Doctor) department of the hospital. Her liver is very troubling. There is concern and I feel that they know more then they are letting us know. Kaylee lost another 2lbs. She has lost 21lbs. in days and it is scaring me badly. She looks sooooooooo skinny and sick. It bothers her most that her wait gain and yellow eyes are so evident. She told me tonight that she is embarrassed. I admire her so much because she says she has no worries. I know she is lying because there is no way a child could be so brave or is she? I am sick worried that I might lose my baby. It makes me even sicker that I am writing all this but I want to remember each day. Tomorrow is the fourth of July and we want to have more of them as a family. I want to have Kaylee and her husband & kids coming out to the house in 10-15 years from now. I am scared!

July 4, 2007 - 8:30 am, I have let Kaylee take over my laptop, and I went to her room to get it and asked her how she was. Every answer is the same, "I'm Tired". Please get strong and pull your self through this. I am watching my child run empty on fuel. This day is one of the most important days for my son and I'm just worn out out for Kaylee.

Kaylees Quijas

Almost 15….

What really matters? A question that can produce so many different answers. I’m not sure what my answer would've been a week ago. To be honest, I really wanted to own a Bentley Continental GTC in the next year or so if I hit the lottery. A custom chopper. A lake home. I thought those things mattered. I thought status was important. But a week later I can tell you its health. A healthy child. A healthy child that you kiss goodnight as you tuck them into bed.

My name is Michael Quijas and I am sitting next to my daughter as she fights for her life. Seven days ago my daughter was admitted to the University Hospital in Columbia, MO for symptoms of Leukemia. That was Thursday June 21, 2007. On Friday June 22, we were delivered the bad news that she did test positive for Leukemia and treatment had to start immediately.

The whole event was surreal and a week later it is still numbing. I am coping, crying, and questioning everything. Why? Why my little girl? What did she ever do in her short little life to deserve such a devastating diagnosis? The doctors & nurses tell me it’s a process that every parent goes through but I still have questions and anger.

My first day, technically before the official results were in, I had hospital staff tell me how sorry they were. The doctors, nurses, & even the receptionist expressed condolences. I was confused. Why the hell are these people giving me sympathy? I didn’t want it, they could keep it.

I have to do something theraputic while I sit here so I've decided to document my experience.

June 24, 2007 11:43 p.m. - I am sitting in a hospital room at University Hospital in Columbia, MO.. Room 6-E44 to be exact. The time is 11:43 p.m. and I am fighting a battle with my daughter. This battle is against leukemia. This battle started three days ago on June 21, 2007. The news or I should I say diagnosis came in around 8:15 p.m. and it was like a hammer hitting me in the head.

I was at the hospital for a shot, pill, or Tylenol. Not the news that my baby had Leukemia. We wanted to spend an hour at the most getting some quick fix and head back to our baseball tournament. But life has has a way of throwing a curve ball.

Kaylee Marie Quijas was born on July 12, 1992. I’d like to say she weighed 6.6 oz. but it would only be a guess. I do know she was born in the afternoon and it changed my life forever. I swear I have never loved a girl as much as I love my baby Kaylee. It was love at first sight.

It is eighteen days until her 15th birthday. This is the summer before her sophomore season in high school. Almost fifteen! The sad thing is that I can not do any thing to ease her pain.

We started chemotherapy yesterday and it has demolished my baby girl. She is so sick that I can not recall being in the presence of anyone as ill as this little angel. Her spirit is at its lowest and I’m scared. I’m scared that her low immune system could allow a simple virus to ravage her defenseless body. I’m terrified that her body, or her almighty father God, might decide to call it quits. The worst nightmare a parent could ever have.

June 26, 2007 12:05 a.m. - Today has been a better day for Kaylee. She is still sick and weak but was more alert then yesterday.

June 26, 2007 9:10 p.m. - Our day has been exhausting. Visitors are coming left and right and we are trying to entertain in a sense. The drive here is 2 hours long. So when some one travels that distance to see you, you feel obligated to meet & greet but we are worn out. The support from our family and friends has been incredible.

June 26, 2007 11:48 p.m. - I just arrived at the Ronald McDonald house. I feel grateful to be accepted into the house but would give anything to be at home with Kaylee. I keep having negative thoughts about Kaylee’s recovery. I’m optimistic about her improvements but concerned about her ability to fight off infection and virus’. I will keep my concerns to myself.

June 27, 2007 11:06 a.m. - My night went rather well considering I slept in the Ronald McDonald House alone. I was unfamiliar with the surroundings but felt blessed that I had a place to sleep. I am amazed at the “workings” of this whole illness thing. There are people to comfort you, people to feed you, cloth you, house you, assist you, and almost anything and everything a family might need to cope with this terrible disease called cancer. I am making a commitment to contribute to these organizations when I can do so.

June 28, 2007 11:37 a.m. – Today Kaylee is looking spectacular! Her color and skin looks so much better. She is still sleeping. Exhausted. Worn down. Beat up. But she was told that if she doesn’t start eating and drinking she will not be able to go home.
Her resilient spirit is second to none. I am so proud of her and her strength.

June 28, 2007 9:13 p.m. – Sometime today around 3:00 p.m. the doctors came in to tell us or advise us on a certain “situation”. It seems that Kaylees liver is having troubles. It is irritated and unhappy and should rest. But the treatment (chemotherapy) she needs today will in all probability upset the liver even more. But if they delay treatment for the cancer it will continue to grow and her life would be in grave danger. But if we did delay treatment it would give her liver additional time to heal. We all agreed that extinguishing the cancer is the top priority and we can only pray her liver will survive and rebound. We’ll just cross that bridge when it comes.


June 29, 2007 9:20 a.m. – I took Kaylee for a stroll in the wheelchair today.
She had herself an egg & sausage biscuit in the cafeteria. Chocolate milk washed the two bites down. Her eyes are bright yellow from the unhappy liver. She is so beautiful even when she looks sick. Her manners have never disappeared even though she can hardly talk. It is always "thank you."

I also took Kaylee outside for a minute. I needed the wind to hit her face. I wanted her to hear the birds chirping. It is those little things that we take for granted every day. I love my daughter more than I can say.