Hello! It's been awhile since I've written a blog or even looked at the blog. My daughter Kaylee is doing great. She just completed her first semester and she is loving it. Although she has to see her Oncologists on a scheduled timetable the trips are far less as frequent as they use to be. When she goes it is to check her blood and immune system. I wish I could tell you more about it but I can't because I'm not the medical guru I should be.
Kaylee's body was damaged during the chemo and steroid cycles. The steroids and chemo affected/destroyed her cartilage, tendons, and ligaments in her shoulders and ankles. The hips might be damaged as well but the true pain is in her shoulders. We recently found a great doctor who is trying everything in the book to save Kay from having shoulder replacement surgery. The fact that she is so young is troubling because the surgery only lasts 10 - 20 years which means she'll have more than a few in her lifetime.
I looked at the blog today and thought to myself how things change. When I started this thing I was such a mess. Sadness dominated my day and the thought of loss, loss of my daughter, paralyzed me. Today is totally different. My thoughts and worries have drifted away from sickness and the roller coaster ride it brings, to other things. Some of you might have the perfect life and if you do I applaud you, but for me it seems that there's always something that I'm having to deal with that I don't want to. Nothing is comparable to the battle my kid had to fight with cancer but there are things that seem to inflict just the same.
When I lived in San Diego I would fall asleep looking out the window on my side of the bed. The view has absolutely beautiful. Our home sat in a canyon and you could see across the other side and it appeared as if there were a mountain ridge an arm reach away. If the moon was out it was as if you were looking at a postcard picture. I sometimes recognized the beauty but more times than not - I didn't. My mind was always racing with events that had transpired during the day, upcoming obligations, or whatever else I could find. I write about it today, because just like that window, there are beautiful things around me that I don't take the time to notice because I am too focused on other things in my life. And just like that window, it isn't until months or years later that I realize what I had in front of me.
I tell myself time and time again to slow down and enjoy the moment but for some reason I find it hard to do. I don't think I do it intentionally, it's just the way I'm programmed. I rush, rush, rush, for no apparent reason. Raising my children I truly appreciated all the moments not while they were happening but years later. I'm a three year guy. It takes me three years to recognize the beauty that I had in front of me. Why I'm writing this I have no idea, but I'm guessing that its because I've let too many things slide by and I'm not going to do it anymore.
Life is too short to be miserable. Negativity and ugliness in your life can be replaced with good positive things. Don't be a three year man or woman. Enjoy today and all that it brings. If something brings you down or if you find it is rotten, cut it off. Life goes too quickly and it's too easy to settle for things that aren't healthy. Take my advice and recognize the beauty that is in front of you while it is there. If you find beauty in a window while you lay down to sleep then enjoy the million dollar view and appreciate it because you never know when the scenery might change.
